So i sort of included this at the end of another post but i feel like it's now a separate and more significant issue...

Background: gf and i have been dating for approx 3 months. We haven't had "that talk" but by all implications we're exclusive.

She went on a work trip with a bunch of other girls plus one guy (has gf). They have to share rooms. Initially another girl was sharing the room with the guy but her bf got jealous and asked her to switch.

So the other day she emails me and asks me if it's ok for her to share the room with him. Someone has to, no choice, yadda yadda. So at first I was pretty cool and just said OK. But since then I've gotten a bit anxious as to whether this was the best reaction? I emailed her again asking why she had to switch, and she mentioned that she has to since they're all girls and they can't get any more rooms, and so someone has to do it.

She'll be back in a few days. Anyone have any insight into this? How should I have reacted? What should i say/do once she gets back? It appears that being cool would've been the best reaction but at the same time it just feels so wrong to be OK with it...

Also should I need to have a chat about being exclusive or is that some totally AFC move?

That sucks bro! I think considering the amount of time you guys have been dating you did well. Kind of a no win situation for you. You just gotta trust her now. I'd not ask her to be exclusive while she's away. If she comes back and all is well then go ahead and have that talk.

If you'd been going out a year then you could put your foot down a bit more!

If i was asked I'd of said "is their a single girl on the trip? Those two could share and get some action if their lucky!!"

If all the girls where in long term relationships (longer than yours) then I could see why your girl was chosen. If theirs a single girl then I'd be saying to put those two together to hook them up. That way your saying no but having a fun reason for doing so.

Especially in the first few months of dating you have to ready to lose your girl every single day and be OK with it. You don't have a rock solid position yet and I think you did alright with this one.

Once she gets back, do not interrogate her! Just ask how the trip was and if everything was alright.

Now you have no right to freak out about this shared room thing, because you said that you'd be OK with it. So stick with it and be OK with this.

DO NOT bring up the question of exclusivity, that's needy and AFC. I would wait for her to bring this up for another month at least.

DO set up similar situations as hers, surround yourself with girls.
DO get other girls like you.
DO get other girls like your facebook pics and statuses.

This would make her wonder and accalarate the whole thing.

If everything fails, and she doesn't come up with the excusivity / BF GF talk, here is something that you could do, and it's set up. Works best in a party situation.
When you guys are at a party, get one of your friends (that she knows as well) to come up to your 2 and ask something like:
"Hey, so tell me... are you guys are a couple?"

Or you could have a "random girl" that she doesn't know walk up to her when she's alone and ask her:
"Hey, I'm kinda interested in that guy you are with, but I don't wanna cause any trouble, are you guys a couple?" (this one is more complex and risky)

But don't let her sense that it was all set up!

Hope I could help.

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I work a for a major company and have to travel for business sometimes.

Your girlfriend is Lying to you. The company can't force her to share a room with the opposite sex. They have to provide equal accommodations. That's the same as having a male and female restrooms.

If there's 3 girls and 1 male. 2 girls will share the 3rd girl gets her own room and the 1-man gets his own room.

The guy should have been given his own room.

Your girl volunteered to stay with the guy its as simple as that.

If her employer was forcing her to room with a male she can file a complaint to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and sue they the hell out of her employer. But i find it highly unlikely her employer forced her to do anything she chose to stay with the guy herself.

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we cannot know if the girl is lying or not.

what if it's not the US but a country with different regualtions, what if it's a volunteer charity work and not a paid trip?

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Thanks for the responses.

I have no intention of bringing up the topic of what's happened on this trip to her when she gets back. But I think she will try and talk to me about it. How do you think I should respond? Of course, I already said I'd be OK so I probably need to stick to that, but should I completely be OK with it, ignore it and move on, or should I question her a bit? If I make her feel a tad guilty?

Also on the question of exclusivity, we haven't had the chat, and I don't plan on having the chat (again unless she brings it up), but by all means even though we've been dating for 3 months we're exclusive. At least in her eyes. She is very jealous if I hang around other girls, talk about them, etc. and implies strongly (basically says) that we're exclusive. So there's pretty much no question on this and I do feel that she does have the lower hand on this because I'm always chilled out about it whereas she is much more reactive.

About whether she's lying, it's not a US company and it's not a normal sort of business trip. She's going to a remote area in another country where there aren't any hotels. Also I knew from the start that they were short on accom, except only that they were planning for another girl to share with the guy, but her bf subsequently put the foot down.

What's done is done, but I'd be keen on hearing what you think I should do if she brings up the topic when she gets back?

In some ways I feel like the best response is just to ignore it (alpha) but in another way I feel like I should be sort of like "it was ok this time, but don't ever pull that sort of last minute thing again". That kinda feels alpha too.

Don't mention it, be cool with it. Being protective over a girl will never change her decision to cheat on you or not. Women are hypergamous, they are attracted to a high value male and only attracted to him, they cannot be infatuated by multiple men concurrently. If you screened her properly and she's good gf material, you have nothing to worry about.

This being said, you're right, it is important to draw lines, but very sharp ones. You cannot CHANGE the fundamental makeup of a girl. So if a girl is extremely promiscuous or wants to get really close with other guys, you draw a line, if she crosses it, you dump her. You never try and regulate her behavior in an effort to change her or to stigmatize choices you wouldn't be ok with.

What kadak said goes hand in hand with this. By communicating to her that OTHER GIRLS LIKE YOU, and that you WOULD BE willing to lose her, you show her that she cannot cross boundaries with impunity. A bit of anxiety and tension is required in every relationship. She must think "I shouldn't do this because my boyfriend might get pissed if I do." The potential of losing you must always be innocuously present.

If she was actually planning on cheating on you or if this was a blatantly open act of disrespect, she wouldn't have asked you in an approval seeking manner. She would've either told you, or done it and told you after and then pulled the "you're crazy for trying to control me" card on you.

Keep in mind that being over-protective is a slippery slope. You think you can remain Alpha and still pull the line a bit closer, but this habit continues. Eventually your insecurities eat away at your conscience and turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. You need to let your principles guide you, not your fear of losing her.

As for bringing up the issue of exclusivity, never, ever, ever. Even if you're the one who OFFICIALLY BRINGS IT UP ("be my girlfriend?") she must be the one to introduce the idea into your relationship. You must always come from a frame that dictates YOU are the challenge, not her. It's never YOU seeking approval from her or exclusivity with her. It's HER seeking it with you, and you screening her out to see if she's worth it. Never make it easy for a girl. They won't admit this, but they want to WORK for your love, NOT have it handed it to them in a platter and then the decision of reciprocating beset upon their capricious natures.

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If you dont trust her then why are you exclusive with her?

Also, if she had any intentions of doing anything she wouldn't have called and told you about it. I think your safe.

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Hakuna, you are a champion. You've made it clear as day.

Assume she's lying, I've seen this same situation happen many times, and if she's sharing a room with someone else then they are most likely fucking. Just stop talking to her and move on. She already knows that you have had time to think about the situation because you asked her a second time why she had to switch rooms. She will get the hint. And remember, WOMEN LIE!!!!

LOL.

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