Day 8

So I've been reading a lot of Cornishman's Journal and I have been taking notes.

I like how he micro-plans everything. For example today speak to two people, tomorrow speak to three people, day after speak to three people + compliment.

Today, I'm starting small:

Goal
Speak to two people.

First set was an old man at the bus-stop. I made a remark about how shit the weather was and had a little chat.

Second was another old man and I asked where the cash machine was?

Improvements
Keep EC, move to another thread... It can be anything.


Job done. Also I bought my new phone today, but the key pad isn't working so will have to go in tonight to fix it.

Need to sort out my motorbike, get ready for another meeting tomorrow, and another new job lead on Friday. Yeah suddenly all the work is coming my way. Need to prepare for that.

Tonight I will right down my objectives for tomorrow's mission.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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Day 9

Today I wanted to address a few issues... I booked my motorbike test... Sorted out some web work.

Then I went into town. My objectives was just to speak with three people that's all.

Funny thing is even this I was beginning to make excuses why I shouldn't talk to that person or that person.

First I went into the store to sort out my phone. It wasn't ready. No big deal, will collect it later this week.

First set was a woman cleaning in the shopping centre. I asked her what time it was.

Second set was a stall assistant. I asked him what time the place closed. Third person was another shopping center worker. I asked him what time the place closed.

Inbetween, I saw a girl working on the counter for customer service but made an excuse not to talk to her because she was on the phone. STUPID.

Improvements
Try to open three people again, this time add another question... So two questions in total. Opening hired guns are OK but try to open at least one girl.

Also I have a few bad OCD tendencies which I want to address. It's crazy but sometimes I check myself as I'm walking in the shop windows to see if I'm walking gay!? Pretty stupid. Also I sometimes talk to myself which is why bad. And sometimes when I get change from stuff I buy I get sad when it lands on tails because tails is bad omen and heads is good.

I'm mentioning the above because I realise how crazy it must sound, but somehow I have trained myself into believing this stupid shit

Tomorrow, need to sort out some more work for another job and for my present job need to work all day...

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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Day 10

So I've secured ANOTHER freelance job with a big money payout. Well, the most I've got so far. Jesus, I don't even know if I can deliver on time. It's going to be touch and go. Maybe, I'm taking on TOO much at the moment.

Objectives
Today's objectives is to talk to three people, and ask two questions... One has to be a chick.

1st Set
Spoke to girl at McDonalds. Ordered my burger than asked her what time the place closed. She laughed and said it doesn't close except for Christmas

2nd Set
Asked a guy as I was walking by what the time was, then what place the shopping centre closed. [Two questions]

3rd Set
Walked into a clothes store. Spoke to a hired gun. She was hb5 at best. Asked her where the addidas hoodies were and what place the shop closed.

4th Set
Walked into a toy store and inquired about model helicopters. Spoke for at least 5 mins with the guy.

Reflections and improvements
Today was an OK day, as I was walking through town I only observed myself in the shop mirrors four times. Which is better than normal. I found only looking straight ahead helps.

Talking to guys is pretty easy. With the last guy I managed to open thread after thread and continue the conversation for at least 5-10minutes on just model helicopters alone. It makes me think it shouldn't be all that difficult for me to have a long conversation with a girl. It just takes practice.

Also, as I finished each set I felt a little more confident. Held myself better and tonality was much louder/deeper. I could even imagine myself just walking up to a girl and telling her she was cute even if she was with a group of her friends.

Maybe at some point this will become a reality. I noticed with Cornishman's journal he noted a turning point when he started opening with a compliments, 'I justed wanted to come over and say hello because I thought you were cute and I wanted to meet you.'

At the moment it's still early doors. But hopefully, this is the goal.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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Nice job with the perfume girl. In hindsight, there are sometimes 'better ways' to do it but going for it is always better than not going for it. Why don't you have more 'going for it' reports? It's just a phone number; a wag of your phone and a few words. You know you can do it because you've done it. . . just do it more.

By the way, my 'go get a phone' message was a suggestion for you to go back to THAT phone girl and ASK HER OUT. Follow through. . .

Really, I was way off with that one?! I always know you go on about a calendar phone so just assumed you meant that...

In any case it will be useful to have and set reminders. As for THAT girl I've been into town a couple of times and I've passed that store but I've yet to see her. If I do... I'm just gonna go in and ask the question.
Absolutely, but I guess I like the idea of micro-steps... Gradually, building and building my confidence.

But maybe this is another limiting self belief. Maybe I'm trying to build up the perfect scenario to a perfect number close. After all, which ever way you look at it.... In order to get a number... you got to at some point ask her for her number.

And I've DONE it before now so....

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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And did anything bad happen when you asked for the perfume girl's number? No.

You can do it. NOTHING bad happens if a girl says no. She had a fella, fair enough. The next girl might also. The next one might not, and you end up with a hot date. Stick at it.

You know what you want and go for it. Reading this journal, you seem to have made big improvements - got a job, getting buff at the gym, riding motorbikes. Just stop over-thinking about everything and keep doing things you enjoy. No go out and ask for some more numbers.

@snowyt

Thanks man, you're absolutely right. Asking for a number isn't that much of a big deal especially if you're doing it all the time. I just need to condition myself to make this a natural course of action after meeting someone.

Day 11
So I completed my motorcycle test weather was absolutely crap, but that's done. I also completed some more work which is good although I need to be organised. There is still a lot of money to be made. I just need to be more organised.

objectives
-Speak to two people, and pay them a compliment

I just spoke to two guys at my gym. Which is an improvement since normally I just keep entirely to myself.

I commented on their shoes and said how nice they were and where I could get a pair like them.

Improvements
I made good eye contact and carried on the conversation naturally. Next time I want to open one girl and one guy and offer them a compliment on what they are wearing.

Also today, I built good rapport with the parents of a child I am teaching. I thought I was loosing them at some point but I have understood now how important it is for me to TALK WITH the parents of the children I am teaching.

I need to pay attention to what they are ask. COMMUNICATION was never a strong point of mine. I'm addressing this slowly.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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Day 12

Avoiding the big fucking zero

Today, I decided I'm taking on too much work. I can't give my full attention to the projects I am already committed to. So I decide to tell a client I recently acquired I won't be able to complete their work.

It's all part of being more mature and organised. I could have told them I would be able to do their work and this much is true, it's just with everything going on it would take a long time. I don't want to mess them around. This is part of being professional I just wasn't interested in the past.

With work at my current place I've decided on a new strategy. Sales are slow, as to be expected so a new plan is needed. This is my main focus and where all my primary focus lies. I intend to make this work.

Objectives
After work I wanted to go into town and pay two compliments to at least one woman. But today, I just had nothing... I was looking at one girl and I was thinking in my head about something to compliment her on. But I had nothing. She was in her work uniform but she had nothing to compliment on. It would have been completely fabricated...

I couldn't even open anyone today. It made me pissed off. And I noticed how quickly my mood can change and anger takes hold. Same thing when I was riding the bus home. Full of college students, all laughing and joking around.

I just sat there with an angry face. I'm thinking, 'fucking cunts... All sat there enjoying themselves.'

^^This attitude is bad. Meditation teaches us to observe oneself when moods like this take hold. Don't fight the feeling just detach and become the observer.

I tried to do this and it was strangely therapeutic. It made me think how stupid I was being.

Anyway, I wanted to know what's best to do to avoid the 'BIG ZERO.'

As in zero approaches?

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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Day 13

Objectives
-Speak to two people, at least one girl and give them a compliment

Today was an OK day, I felt a little better than yesterday when I seemingly couldn't open again. As I was going to work I felt good because someone called in to say I had made my first sale... Three actually, sold at a loss but hey it's a start.

As I was walking down the stairs from my office I saw a young lady sitting on a toilet in our showroom... (it was a showroom toilet she was trying) and I said what I was immediately thinking...


Me: [Big smile on my face] Hey if you need toilet paper just give me a shout.
Her: Haha, I'm just trying it out for our new house.

She was with her husband and they both found the funny side of my comment. As I walked into the kitchen she then asked what I would recommend. But I was out of eye shot and wanted to make a coffee so I didn't reply...

It just goes to show you always need to think on your feet. When I want to be, I can be spontaneous and pretty funny as well.

After I finished work, things are going much smoother now I've dropped some of my other projects, I decided to finish my goals today in town.

Again, it was really difficult... As I was walking around town I found it really difficult to pay a compliment. I kept making excuses.

First set
Spoke to a guy in a mobile phone shop. First off I went in with a pretend question. Inquiring about a phone contract which I was able to pull off with lots of questions. In between I looked down at his shoes and said I liked them.

He laughed and said it was part of the uniform, then I walked off. No big deal.

Then I walked around for a bit and I was getting a bit more nervous because I knew I have to speak to a girl. First girl was a hired gun. Blonde I'd say 8.5. I walked up to her and asked where the trainers were. She told me, and all I had to do was spit out the line, 'By the way I like your top.'

But I just drew a blank and walked off.

Second set
Finally, I was a girl with her back turned on a stall selling handbags.
As I walked by I stopped raised my voice and asked,'So how's things going today?' Have you sold much?'

She stopped to engage me. She seemed quite shy and answered my question. She wasn't all that good looking and from her voice I figured she was foreign.

Then I asked if selling bags was difficult. And she said something... All the time I was thinking need to compliment her... Then I started to stall for things to say... I start to blush... Before things go down south... I spit it out... 'By the way, I like your scarf.'

I turn and walk off as I feel my cheeks start to go red. I hear her reply, 'thanks.'

Phew... mission complete.

But then on the bus as I get off my stop I notice what would be my perfect ten crossing the road next to me.

In my head I daren't look at her. But I want to say something funny like,' Didn't they ever tell you at school not to cross behind a bus... Yeah I know I'm doing exactly the same. If we get knocked over by a car you can blame it on me ;

But the words just didn't come out. I guess I felt I'd completed my mission so I didn't bother. But really it's because I'm as nervous and fuck around girls like that.

My balls are on the line.

Anyway, onwards we plough. Might be going out tonight. It's been a while.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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Day 14

Going out
It's been age since we went out. Literally. I just wanted to open two sets that was all.

The first set I opened with the, 'Do you know where is good to go tonight...' And I got the rolling of the eyes. Is that a line and lots of IODs.

I hate saturdays TBH. It's full of high class women and amogs I simply can't complete with. I couldn't open the second set. Again the AA starts to set in and I make 101 excuses.

A set opened us but let's just say they were pretty ugly and way old, we're talking 40 maybe even older! She was asking me where do we want to go and if we wanted to get laid... then prompty telling us where was an easy place to get laid. This older lady had no class and short hair like a guy.

Maybe in a parallel universe I would have chased that!

Then we move to another bar, stake out our usual spot. I notice I get paranoid quite a bit. Still have issues thinking other people are talking about me or laughing at my expense. Maybe, there is a bit of truth in this... but I'm guessing most of it is just in my head.

One brunette hb6/ 7 walks by my wing, and apparently, the conversation is quite loaded.

She brushes by his knee. He's says oops sorry are you all right? She says, I'm all right but you're MORE than all right. Then she gives him the eyes like, do you wanna get out of here.

Funny stuff.

Then end of the night I feel depressed. Like I haven't done enough... And I feel slightly annoyed about some stuff at work that has transpired.

Improvements
Open more, worry less. For some strange reason when I'm out on my own doing day game I'm more motivated and the sets seems to go better than when I'm with my wing. No idea why this is...Hmmm

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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Day 15

My phone still hasn't arrived. Last week was not so great because I was sick so I didn't do much at all. Today, I wanted to get a few things in town. I wanted to get my phone but, it has STILL yet to be fixed. It doesn't sound very promising and doesn't speak much of the company. Creating the right impression counts. This is very important.

Objectives
Today, my goal is to speak with four people now and pay them a compliment. It's still a difficultly. Today I was talking to two old pensioners at the bus stop and I opened with a comment about the weather.

It seems strange but I just couldn't compliment them.

Then as I walked into the phone store I already had a compliment ready but I just couldn't say it.

Same with the girl at starbucks, I just wanted to compliment her on her glasses but no... didn't happen.

As I sat down with my coffee, I sat down in the corner where some other people were sitting and they seemed like they didn't want me to sit there.

But this time I managed to compliment the lady on her top. And this slight change of events turned their hostility from me wanting to sit there around.

Also last week, I finally managed to break into an online site I want to sell items on. This should be good if it takes off.

I also decided I wanted to start applying for other jobs as things are going really slow at my current job and I'm starting to doubt many things about it.

Also, as I finish typing this up, I want to finish off my three sets in town.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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God damn, I just can't compliment.

It doesn't matter if it is guys or girls, I make up some excuse in my head like it is weird.

I did however, manage to have good conversations with some strangers. I opened well, was calm but the compliment never came.

It is almost like whatever goal I set myself, I achieve the one just below it. So maybe I should set myself a goal of number closing in order to get the compliment done.

Oh dear. Okay need to replan this and go out tomorrow. The weather is too nice to miss out on.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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Reflections

I'm writing this at 3.00am in the morning. Partly because i cant sleep. but I've noticed I have a real bad problem sticking to goals. This extends to EVERY facet of my life.

I dont know if it is a lack of motivation or just falling back to bad habits or maybe I think or plan too far in advance.

Take for example, work. It is real easy for me to get distracted. I'm doing one thing then thinking of something far better but into the future. This totally distracts me from the thing Im doing and so I end up not doing it.

It's like im seeking some sort of perfection and this prevents me from focusing at the task at hand. It is common in almost everything I do and it is seriously fucking me up.

Like for instance, now i have an internet dongle I find myself aimlessly wandering the net without any focus. I need it for work but again, most of the time, if i'm honest is spent time wasting. And I totally cut out facebook and other social media distractions!

Eugh, well im going to a KB show tomorrow from my gym. But I hardly speak to anyone there so that should be interesting. Again, try to be social, have fun...

If i get a chance try and compliment just one girl....

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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Day 16

Objectives
-Be more social
-Try to compliment

Today, I booked a ticket to go to a fight with my local gym. I was driving so that meant giving a lift to two other people from my gym. Overall, I wanted to be more social.

I've already set a bad precedent, where I speak to NO-ONE at my gym... As a result, a lot of people must think I'm a weirdo. Today, I was driving so two other people were in my car. One was a girl, okayish looking, but I wouldn't rate her... She is slightly older and has a BF, other is a guy my build very much an AFC if I was being critical.

The point was to lead the conversations and be chatty. Which I was doing... Unfortunately, at my gym I don't talk to anyone -EVER. I know this is bad, but it got into a habit. Today was OK as I was very chatty and forgot about my previous interactions. I had good conversations with both parties and I was happy how I lead.

I can be social if I want. But I really should make it more of a HABIT, all the time -EVERYTIME. The problem is I am incredibly social at these occasions but completely the polar opposite at the gym. Obviously there is a disconnect and a raising of eyebrows, no doubt. Fuck I am socially awkward, but I'm trying to change it.

The night was great, I couldn't compliment anyone but I wasn't too bothered. I was just having fun, chilling out and enjoying the fights. I really love watching fights. I HATE football, but fights I love...

The guy I know who was boxing beat his opponent in the first round so that was a bit disappointing because I really wanted to see more. The best fight was the two thai boxers who were both girls, but were seriously putting on a great fight. Best fight of the night in my opinion.

I vibed well with all the other guys. TBH most of them are RAFCs anyway, but still being social is being social and for me that's a big step.

No compliments but, hey...

Tomorrow, I plan some more day game. Just one girl and one compliment. Let's start small again.

Also, I want to refocus on goal setting and achievements... I can't be doing with all this wishy washy crap and being distracted so much.

I'm thinking of just grabbing a train ticket and hitting another city, I also want to visit a park I love to chill out.

Oh and I have a question. I spar from time to time, and unfortunately because of my size I tend to get placed with girls as they are more my size and embarrassingly heavier than me.

Now there was this one girl, who is a really good fighter. Our gym tends to churn out top quality fighters, even the girls are in a class of their own. The problem was she is so good she was beating the shit out of me in front of the whole class.

And I didn't want to try and box her properly because, 'She's a girl lol' So I kinda got the shit kicked out of me and didn't really know what to do? I know that look doesn't boad well, but what should I do? Anyone has any ideas? Arrrrgh. LOL

Anyway.... Journal entry ended.... for tonight?

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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Day 17

I'm trying to micro manage more now. Get small tasks done. I think way too far in advance and this is preventing me from achieving

my goals with WORK.

I've found I daydream way tooo much, which immediately distracts me from what I'm trying to achieve. For example, I might want to

finish a template. But this has large scope and as a result I don't do it = BAD.

What I find that helps, well at least for me, is to split the task into smaller chunks.

Such as first 'just get home page working.' I find that with this mindset I can focus just on one individual thing. In turn, this

allows me to cut out any fantasies of a the PERFECT template and allows me to complete the job quicker and on time.

No surprise really, this is what Kasabi advocates when approaching pick-up. So the same applies for my work.

It's a small ephinany...

Today, I started to teach another girl... It happens to be the younger sister of another student I'm teaching. Apparently, I'm a

good teacher. Good to hear. Anyway, what I wanted to say, although this is a bit wrong as she's only 15... (oh dear)

But this girl reminded me of my oneitis so much. She looked just like her, small frame, really pretty a little bit shy. I was a

bit taken back as her older sister looks nothing like her. There are similarites but... Anyway, I know this is really pathetic but

I couldn't even look at her, I was a bit nervous. God damit, and she's just 15. I'm writing this down as I want to just put all my

thoughts down, the raw truth as it comes out of my head, even though it's very wrong to think that of a young girl.

Anyway, although my voice was wavering from time to time I tried to remain dominent. You can't teach students if you're not

dominant. Ahh, wtf life is so fucked up. The other student who is 16 has a goddamn crush on me as you can tell when you've been

gaming where the IOI's are. She even now wears mascara on her eyes now. And she never before.

God please, just give a girl who is about my freaking age who has a crush on me and I'm more dominant! I know it's just stupid

thinking, but it feels like all opportunites are just not touchable. LOL, OK I digress.

Anyway, after that I hit the gym and I'm starting to be more talkative and dominant. I join in the beginner sessions which is

better for me because everyone there is new, and I'm in a teacher type role so I can point out everyone else's weaknesses.

The instructor is a complete idiot. He negs everyone, but it's his class and everyone loves him. He calls everyone names, he

called me a midgit today, but I'm just too far ahead now to let that AMOG behaviour bother me. I just laugh along with, it doesn't

even bother me. Some other guy he was calling a batty boy in front of the class and he seemed to be submissive about it although

he looked pretty alpha. LOL, I guess our instructor just pushes to see how far he can neg someone. TBH it's quite pathetic, and

pretty much demonstrates he is a weak character although he is in a postive of leadership. It's not something I would ever aspire

to. My definition of a leader is someone who leads and sees the best in people and doesn't have to continuously neg someone of

clearly lesser social status just to appear like the big man. Fuck that!

Anyway, after that I went to do my local grocery shopping. I won't bore you with the logistics as it hardly counts. But I wanted

to get the compliment out of the way.

So today I was able to transistion well and the compliments came out naturally. Just male workers at the moment, so I complimented

them on items such as the watches they were wearing of tattoos. Seemed to go well. I found what works is a simple question like,

'What isle is the ________ kept on' and then to drop in the compliment in passing as if it is no big deal works a treat.

Tomorrow I want to compliment one GIRL. That's it!

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
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