Hi all,

I'm really losing control in the following situation:

Met an HB8, we dated several times. Did a lot of stuff: went to concerts, restaurants, bars. We had good sex without condom, cause we were both 100% clear from STD's.

Last night, after like the 5th date, she asked me to get a condom. When I asked her why, she told me she had unsafe sex with some dude the other week.

This is the moment when I behaved like a total AFC: instead of staying cool I told her I never expected this from her and didn't want to be treated as some toy boy. I expressed my feelings for her and said I was done with all those pointless one-night-stands and thought this might had a serious chance.

She said she thought I wasn't too serious with her. This might have been the result of my kinda 'I don't care about anything' way of flirting/speaking and the fact I only text her like once a 3 days. She also thinks I'm the biggest player.

Anyway, when I was more calm we were already laughing 'like old times', and not to much later we had sex, with a condom that was way too small so I didn't feel anything and got soft rather quickly. Next morning she gave me a successful hand job anyway.

Here's her situation:
- She has been in 2 relationships from her 14th till her 22th (she's 23 now).
- She has only slept with 4 guys. That includes me and the other dude.
- She doesn't want to be in a relationship again and just do whatever she wants to do.
- She doesn't believe in monogamy (weird, huh)
- She still wants to see me

Here's my thing:
- I'm realling digging this girl. She's cute, very smart, hot and has a huge sexual energy. I know there's plenty more fish in the sea, but this girl just does something with me.
- I hate the fact some prick is f*cking her too.
- I want to deal with this situation as a PUA, not an AFC.


Would there be any chance to make this girl my girlfriend? If not, what would be the best, most PUA-like step?

First of all, I'd like you to slap yourself as hard as you possibly can across the face. Done? Good. Now jab yourself in the left eye as hard as you can. Is it bleeding? Good.

You need your ass kicked for having unprotected sex. You have absolutely no proof that she is free of STDs - hell, you didn't even know she was the type to fuck multiple guys at once. And even with that said, do you really want to run the risk of having a kid with this woman? I think not. Pulling out is ineffective because pre-cum is still likely to impregnate her. Pre-cum is still cum. Never fuck without wrapping it up ever again. For some guys, they need to contract an STD or knock up a girl for him to learn his lesson. Don't be that guy.

Anyway, this type of situation shouldn't be handled with some kind of sneaky, indirect PUA method or anything like that. It's handled by being stern and confident. Tell her you are not the kind of guy to sleep with women who also have these "side projects", and you would prefer to be monogamous or have nothing at all. But, like you said, she doesn't believe in monogamy so this is probably not going to work out. Either let her sleep around or get rid of her.

Take a step back for a bit. What truly makes you feel attracted to her? What would happen if you never had sex with her ever again - would you still be "in love" with her for who she is and nothing more? Answer truthfully, then decide what to do. Oftentimes, if you look at the big picture you'll find that the woman in question is simply only attractive to you because she's a good lay.

I completely agree about the whole condom thing. You should definitely play safe. However, pre-cum will NOT impregnate women. If that were the case, I'd definitely be a father by now (2 year relationship with a Catholic girl). Several testimonies from other PUA's I've chatted with leads me to believe that I am not a special case. Just be sure to use the restroom after you finish / before you start round 2. Just say'n. If anybody would like to refute my claim based on real life experience (and you've had a paternity test), then please step right up.

Anyway, polyamory (or ethical non-monogamy) for the win. It's not weird.. it actually makes a lot of sense. I wrote a whole post about it here: drama-free-relationships-4-monogamy-vt126038.html

This sounds like a good situation. She likes you and she's being honest with you about what she wants/needs. It's still possible to pursue a non-monogamous long-term relationship with her and you get to sleep with other women if you want. Do some research on polyamory (I recommend this site: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/ ).

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html