Hi guys...

I feel like I have chosen the red pill, and I'm out of the matrix.. I see how human behavior works.

Now I have a girlfriend (about 2 month ago), HB8, amazing sex... but I cannot demonstrate anything until she does, I'm always thinking about VALUE and rewarding/punishing system.

She is a very open minded person, she is like me, waiting to demonstrate something until I do. She is waiting for me to feel crazy about her...

The problem here is, the one who falls in love first loses, something like that.. because the other person will loose attraction, will be perceived as lower value, or at least with the least power in the relationship, both of us know that, so we are constantly playing endless stupid games, generating jealousy etc.

In my previous relationships that was never a problem, because the girls were innocent/naive and they fall in love first, and then I loose some attraction for them.

With this girl, is like we're both players, so it's like a constant competitive stupid game..

any advice on this?

thanks!

It's okay to SHOW that you care for a girl, if she deserves it. Just don't get too emotionally invested in a girl if she doesn't treat you like a king. You also don't need to verbalize your feelings until she verbalizes hers (it's okay to make her work for it a little).

People, in general, do not value things that come too easily. If a girl has EARNED your love (by being awesome), then it's fine to show her that you love her (via your actions). It's just another way to reward good behavior.

-Wolf

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Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

If you get out there long term what you're invisioning maybe you can get around this short term squabbling.

You understand the problem pretty well, first one to fall in love loses, well, if you fell in love at the same time what would happen?

I'm kinda in the same situation... I understand totally where you are coming from... but I think it is important to SHOW, rather than say, your feelings (saying your feelings makes it 100% true, showing keeps her guessing slightly).

try not talking to her for however long you feel is appropriate (not too long, it might suggest things aren't serious, when you want them to be), but then after do something really nice for her (or the other way around). push and pull

By doing this it shows her what you can do for her (by being the amazing loving boyfriend), and that you really care for her. But if you are distant AS WELL, you won't seem needy or lose value.

It's like teasing her. you are showing her your awesomeness, but only a tiny bit, making her want more.

I don't know if I like this whole gaming idea. If the girl catches on then you guys both have a battle for control on your hands. She's trying to get you to jump through her hoops and you're trying to get her to jump through hers.

How have I always done it with the innocent types?


I just kind of had a plan for how our relationship would progress, before and after sex and I followed through with that and communicated what I was thinking.

I told the girl that she'd be stressed out in college and needed a guy she trusted to vent a little of that frustration. She doesn't want a horny college freshman for that, she wants a mature guy she's known for a while, so she's got to develop that relationship with me.

I told her about how I was going to touch her, how it felt for me and how I thought she'd feel.

I feel like that's how you win a frame war, her frame is fear that SPAM her body to someone is going to make her worse off. My frame is, we are going to have so much fun together!

If games continue for too long a period it means you don't find a structural connection (for whatever reasons: maybe she's just immature?)


It implies you should look for somebody else (assuming you want a stable LTR).

Don't waste any time.

Games should be there only BEFORE getting exclusive. If you 're a couple, things should be honest and with clear communication