Running out of patience with the ex boyfriend



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PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 12:16 am 
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I think if your not completely heartless there is this period of time which will linger.. the trick is to notice and understand when it is appropriate and inappropriate.. You'll find a lot of people are very quick to say "dump her" but the reality is.. this is real life.. people are weak and "put off" making decisions, hard decisions!

be supportive, she's with you.. cos she wants to be.
It's not a matter of being heartless. You're building the foundation of a new relationship and new trust. You shouldn't be rude to your ex if you run into them, or if they wish you a happy birthday or whatever. But you both parted ways and they should have the respect to give you space to start that foundation.

And if you're the person in the relationship and you need to talk to your ex while you're dating this new person, then, well...maybe you should rethink the whole thing.

it's not black and white son.. you cant say "for sure" that this is how it will be. It all varies. In my experience i've had some which I walk away from never to see again, some who I see from time to time, some who (went psycho), some who I am still friends with, some who I was friends with and now have drifted.

Reality is, do what is right.. right = what is going to yield you the outcome YOU want. - However this is looking at it from MY point of view.. and i'm a logical male.

If we take it from a females perspective (god bless there little hearts).. They usually struggle with the "chop" per se.. you forget that in their heads it is a sea of emotion one move to the next... they don't really know what they are doing.. as they are just "feeling" .. applying Logic to an emotional equation wont work.. You'll be constantly left disappointed and..... well...... at this issue which started the thread.

The OP would have "cut off" his GF unnecessarily.. It's better to shift your focus onto thing s that actually matter.. a little grace period for them to "get their head straight" is fine... assuming they're not overstepping reasonable boundaries set by the individual, as they will vary from person to person.

A lot of guys I see get swept away with the notion of "disrespect" - however there is always 2 sides to the coin. We have the logical reasonable side.. they have the emotional compassionate side. Neither are right or wrong, but what happens in the middle is never going to be straight forward.. it's better, (FOR YOU!) to be a little flexible.. without compromising yourself or your own self respect of course.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 1:16 am 
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If she goes to see her ex without at least asking if you want to go; disrespect.

If she takes calls from the ex frequently, in front of you or otherwise; disrespect.

No, it's not easy to emotionally break up with someone after you do so physically. But that's life. I'm not saying you can never talk to your ex again. If you or he/she want to talk every month or so, go for it, but you've got someone new. The past is past, doesn't matter which party imagines "what could've been".

Also, if that ex doesn't at least want to meet you to eliminate any confusion on your part about their intentions, they're after what's yours.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2012 10:16 pm 
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If she goes to see her ex without at least asking if you want to go; disrespect.

If she takes calls from the ex frequently, in front of you or otherwise; disrespect.

No, it's not easy to emotionally break up with someone after you do so physically. But that's life. I'm not saying you can never talk to your ex again. If you or he/she want to talk every month or so, go for it, but you've got someone new. The past is past, doesn't matter which party imagines "what could've been".

Also, if that ex doesn't at least want to meet you to eliminate any confusion on your part about their intentions, they're after what's yours.
I agree with all of this 100%..

I think we're on the same page..


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 2:08 am 
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I agree with all of this 100%..

I think we're on the same page..
Sweet :)

Yeah, these kinds of situations make me angry. My last gf and I were really into each other and she had to move away for work. Her ex would post on her facebook wall, he'd call, text.

I played it cool, until I didn't. When we broke up, guess who tried putting the moves on her?

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 11:09 pm 
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I agree with all of this 100%..

I think we're on the same page..
Sweet :)

Yeah, these kinds of situations make me angry. My last gf and I were really into each other and she had to move away for work. Her ex would post on her facebook wall, he'd call, text.

I played it cool, until I didn't. When we broke up, guess who tried putting the moves on her?
The decision lies with her.. I came to a realisation a long time ago that people need to make their own decisions and you cant control them. Sometimes that'll hurt.. thats the risk you take getting involved..

The best thing you can do is let it be what it is, retain your dignity and chalk it up to experience.. Meh, she'll regret it.. by then you'll be knee deep in fresh pussy. - gotta back yourself and not allow external bullshit to be the driving force to how you feel and move through your life.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2012 11:39 pm 
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Well, my definition of disrespect is a little different. It didn't bothered me that she took the calls, but that she spent 10 or more minutes arguing and arguing, thats when I drew the line and stepped away and she came after me.
The ex did wanted to see me, but he wanted to fight me >.< He had the idea that she cheated on him with me, and that in the end left him for me. Which wasn't the case.
Maikuljay made a point somewhere about that I'll be in fresh pussy, and to get the idea on my mind that "she'll regret it" ... I find this so hard in every relationship I'm in, somehow I can't get the idea of letting them go, and I know its not the end of the world. I've finished many relationships, and was sleeping with someone else within a week, but the emotional ties are not easy for me to break ... I get this hot feeling in my chest, or my head starts to think things. It's just not easy for me to break an emotional tie.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2012 4:01 am 
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I find this so hard in every relationship I'm in, somehow I can't get the idea of letting them go, and I know its not the end of the world. I've finished many relationships, and was sleeping with someone else within a week, but the emotional ties are not easy for me to break ... I get this hot feeling in my chest, or my head starts to think things. It's just not easy for me to break an emotional tie.
You're not alone! This is completely NORMAL. From my experience it can take months to fully get over someone. I've got a friend who took years to get over an ex. I myself recently broke up with a girl I'd been with for 2 years, and am now seeing someone else. Now and then, I have thoughts like this:

What if we were meant to be together?
What if no girl will ever love me as much as she loved me?
What if she's found someone else?

But these thoughts pass with time, ESPECIALLY if you're seeing someone new. It does help a great deal to go out and meet new girls when getting over an ex. Just remind yourself that you broke up for a REASON. The relationship DID NOT WORK. In retrospect, it's easy to look back on something and remember all the good things and none of the bad. It's easy to idealize an ex in your mind. Be realistic.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 10, 2012 2:45 am 
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You gotta let her sort it out....


But at the same time you gotta NOT put up with crap. If it bothers you, walk away.. If she really is interested in you, not him. She'll make the right choice.
I second this, I believe in the three strike system.

Strike 1 is obv the first time, when things cool down let her know your feelings and that your not comfortable with it
Strike 2 she does it again, warn her a bit
...

Strike 3, if she does it again, then it's time to say good bye!


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 10, 2012 10:31 pm 
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You gotta let her sort it out....


But at the same time you gotta NOT put up with crap. If it bothers you, walk away.. If she really is interested in you, not him. She'll make the right choice.
I second this, I believe in the three strike system.

Strike 1 is obv the first time, when things cool down let her know your feelings and that your not comfortable with it
Strike 2 she does it again, warn her a bit
...

Strike 3, if she does it again, then it's time to say good bye!
Yeah, although sometimes it's not easy to walk away if you're interested.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 11, 2012 1:44 am 
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If it was easy to walk away, you would've done it a long time ago.

It's an internal battle you fight. At first, you think, "Well I must be insecure, because I'm bent out of shape with her dealing with this guy." Then you wake up and realize she's insecure. You're giving her the utmost in validation, and it's not enough for her.

The only reason anyone keeps in tab with an ex (a recent one, at least) is so they have a relief pitcher in case their present deal falls apart. This girl is afraid if she doesn't keep in contact with this guy in some way, if you two break up, she won't be able to get back with him.

Anything she says about wanting to spare his feelings is bullshit. Because in the end she's hurting yours.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 11:14 pm 
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better yet, meet him face to face and tell him if his behavior doesn't stop you're going to fuck him up.
I like this advice. Whether she would or not is another matter.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 11:42 pm 
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better yet, meet him face to face and tell him if his behavior doesn't stop you're going to fuck him up.
I like this advice. Whether she would or not is another matter.
Don't threaten to beat him up if you can't do it. And if you can, why do you have to?

You have to beat the piss out of a guy to steer your relationship on the right path? If violence is what it takes, it says a lot about your girlfriend.

If your girlfriend is doing this to you, do it right back to her. Call up an old flame of yours (or a new one) and take her to lunch.

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