Hello all.

I'm a loner who bounces around from forum to forum, trying to attain better self awareness and problem solving skills, etc. Mostly, the forums have nothing to do with eachother, sometimes they are general self help style forums, other times they have been Christian lifestyle forums, and now its a PUA forum.

I have discussed many of my problems with other forums, but I have never broached the topic of my Incel and WBAFC status with anyone online, in a constructive manner at least.

I suppose, that at the least, what I may write may serve its purpose in informing others through the responses. But I warn you, this is going to be long and none too pretty.

First, some background information. I'm 23 and I haven't had a relationship or sex in 8 years. I live in a small town of under 200 people, although there are some larger towns with populations in the 10,000s around here. I live with my mom, I'm on disability, I do not work, go to school, or take part in any clubs, etc. I do not have any friends, male or female. My best friend is my cat, lol. Most of my time is spent playing video games, drinking coffee, and researching things.

I also have Asperger's syndrome, and I have never been comfortable with making friends, or talking to strangers, etc. Very rarely do I meet anyone new, and its been that way for almost my whole life. I seem to comprehend the PUA information, but seeing as I'm not completely committed to the philosphy at large, I do have reservations about following much of the doctrine.

Years ago, I tried the newbie mission, when I lived in a larger city, and I wasn't even able to say hi to one girl. I just can't get past approach anxiety. I actually get very uncomfortable around crowds of people, and if girls are involved I get more psychosomatic symptoms. The three biggest symptoms of discomfort I have around girls are erratic, and irregular breathing, muscle tension, and loss of balance.

I stopped looking after myself many years ago, and even though I have not used drugs or alcohol for 2 years now, I haven't changed my physical appearance. I'm overweight, lined with stretch marks, and I have very discoloured (yet oddly strong) teeth. I try to shower regularly, but sometimes I go for days without, 4-5 at the most. I have never worked out or gone to a gym. I'm basically an overweight wet noodle.

Internally, my confidence when it comes to relationship building is very low. That lack of confidence does not spread too much into other parts of my life, even though at the point of origin it is quite debilitating.

When I used to try and work my way into a relationship before, I would get terrible oneitis. Not stalker bad, but still creepy. I've never been on a date before, and I've never asked a woman out before, or for her number.

I find myself to be a bad conversationalist, I do not have a good sense of what people like to talk about, and my various opinions on the current order of things in the world and western society do not go over well with most people. I generally can't talk about things like music, and entertainment because even though I am quite open minded, I do remain adamant about that which I'm passionate about.

Its easier for me to talk about the finer points of SupCom than the news. Its easier for me to listen to music, than to listen to people.

Generally, I don't know what I am expecting from this site. I have a habit of joining a new site, discussing things, learning things, and then just disappearing. On the other hand, this site is quite direct in its subject matter, whereas other sites I have joined typically become watered down and stale.