________is suffering from Ataraxia........stop scratching your head and click on the link in the comments

link in comments -----> http://lmgtfy.com/?q=atraxia+definition

"In the whole wide world, human intellect is divided the best. Everybody is sure that he's got a little more than the others." -Géza Hofi, Hungarian comedian

Kudos to the beautiful waitress who asked if she could pay for my food. She knew I'd say no... but I'm becoming impressed by some women these days.

"Why does Facebook even give me the option of liking my own status? Damn straight I like my status! I'm hilarious! And sexy."

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Like Dance Music? Subscribe To My PodCast on iTunes. Please Rate and Comment http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/nigh ... d486084976

Status for around midnight

-"Books are the best sleeping pills"
-"How exciting a threesome! Time to give my pillows some head, my sheets some booty and my bed is about to get laid. Goodnight!"
-"Is off to bed now, Who's turn is it to tuck me in & read me a bed time story?"

Morning status

-"Coffee puts the GOOD in morning!"
-"Coffee makes me a nice person"
-"That first cup of coffee in the morning is HEAVENLY!"
-"Yeah, This is definitely going to be a two coffee pot morning'"

Weekend status.

-"Hello weekend. I plan on using you like a cheap whore....don't worry, I'll be gentle."
-"Is partaking in some liquid relaxation"
-"Today, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking wine & spray the entire house with Febreeze."
-"TEQUILLA: Deleting memories since 1762."
-"We should all believe in something, I believe it's time for a SHOT of TEQUILLA!"
-"Is looking for a female drinking buddy. Must be fun, attractive and laid-back. Being single is a plus, not a requiremet."

Random

-"Life is never boring with a dirty mind"
-"Touch the cookie and see what happens!"
-"There's nothing better than sitting on the couch in your underwear. I'm going to enjoy this until the departement store security guys show up."


Enjoy

"Here's a riddle for you...A Girls Facebook Picture Has 200 Likes and 100 Comments.
Whats Missing?

Her Clothes.."

32 likes. 90% females.

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Leeds Pick up Lair. PM for info.

Pure fucking gold.

Tried the "Brunettes do it better status".

Got 12 like, 6 comments. I stirred the pot this morning and replied in the comment section, "Brunettes do the dishes better is what I meant. Sorry for any miscommunication on that."

Which has in return started a debate of sexism. Not sure if I recommend that follow up line or not yet lol.

Good stuff on these though. Gonna steal some of these.

Since I've taken some off of here with excellent results, I feel I need to give back. Enjoy. (:

The smile is every woman’s sexiest curve. (: --27 likes

Whenever an ex likes something I post, I think.. Oh sure...Now you like my stuff. --35 likes

I wish the best for my ex-girlfriend. I really do. I hope she meets someone honest, friendly, and kind. Cause, you know, opposites attract --47 likes

I like seeing someone post a status about how broke they are and at the bottom of their post it says:

8 minutes ago via iPad2 --46 likes

Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.

I can't come up with a status so I think I'll strip off my clothes, run outside and give my neighbors something to talk about.

Success is 'high fiving' the blinking hand after you've crossed the street.

Some immature dude kept throwing popcorn at everybody in the theater.. I must say that my aim is still spot on.

I never talk sh*t about my friends. Thats why I delete you first.

What do you get the girl who has everything? A round of antibiotics is probably a good place to start.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

And

3.67 billion Women in the world and I just had to make my own sandwich!

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

These are based on an account with 778 friends. Just like my past post above ^^

See a status you wanna like & underneath it says "12 seconds ago" ...better wait a couple minutes. --13 likes

Scrolling down my newsfeed im thinking: "Don't care" 'Whore" "Your life sucks" "Song lyrics" "Inside joke?" "Needs a therapist.." ¦) --30 likes

Oh how I love listening to someone lie when I already know the truth.. --28 likes


The only reason I dont delete my facebook is because I dont think anyone would remember my birthday --29 likes

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Used a variation of this. Got lot of likes but more importantly guys and girls started DHVing the shit out of me in the comments. Well done!