Starting from zero.



Bit of background to let you understand who I am.

I’m a guy that really really likes videogames and computer in general. At the age of 19 I discovered the MMO’s world and I got inside it pretty bad... I’ve made a lot of friends there and for some years I was happy, that reality was enough for me, I guess… but then I noticed that a lot of those friendship was just “virtual” and there was nothing that was coming back in real life about long terms of fulfillments.

I slowly waked up from it, and I started seeing what was really happening…

So from 19 to 23 I totally lost a lot of social value and contacts with lots of people. The only thing that kept some of its alive was the college. Anyway, now I’m 24, I decided to hard-quit MMO’s world and losing time in general in computer stuff, and start working on this part of myself that was left alone in the shadows.




It has been really really hard. Changing your life habits from day to day was painful. I just couldn’t bare with it anymore, Seeing the best time of my life running away with me wasting it, seeing others people happy with relationship and me alone was making me really feel bad. So I made this decision.

As I went inside this stuff, I noticed that a lot of people and gurus consider as first step, fix inner game. I figured it out too. Because even If I read 129843 books of routines, memorize them, and then go outside in the real world, out of my “comfort” zone, with my current inner game level, I would just be a dumb guy without confidence and scared of everything… not able to talk properly and not able to talk at all sometimes…

And to be honest for me, this was really a pretty depressing revelation, I really just can’t figure out a way to completely fix it. I can change the way I relate to the world outside of myself, but changing the things inside my head, it’s just another level. And I don’t know how much time it will take.




I’ve always been a really insane shy guy, scared of talking with people that I don’t know and insecure in many ways. I’ve build inside myself shitloads of beliefs that limits myself so much, for example, a lot of times I’m about to go for a set, but 5 meters from the targets the “old myself voices” (that I tried to banish in hell) shows up and totally drag my focus away and starts destroy my plans and my “present world” with questions and doubts connected to the beliefs of before. I need really to get rid of those beliefs in some way.

As my complete error, I thought people around me could help me in some way to overcome this shyness, and I could help them too in some ways. Giving strength to each other, cheering our self, etc. etc...
Me and my friends (the few that are still in my little town) always been an isolated group. A childish group in many ways, with lots of jokes and stuff, and of course zero women around us.

Like me, some of them (2) woke up from the childish way of act and want take actions too, I tried to introduce them too to this “world”, but they just laughed at me, telling that doesn’t exist a stuff that you can study to attract women.

Believing in others, a complete error. So I felt really alone this time in my journey, since people closer to me just turn me their head. Wanted to change too themselves without accepting that their present self can’t get them anywhere.
So long story short, I’m alone in this journey.

Finish background.





Back to present.

In this mouths due to college stuff, I tried to open many set during night game when I was free, so in week end. But a lot of times, failed hard even to open, and I didn’t open at all. There is no such fail, as don’t open at all to be honest, it burns deep inside.
So long story short, in some weekend, I went out alone and tried open sets around, manage to open few sets, but many times fears just destroyed me. The few times that I managed to open has been really really hard.

Even using some opinion openers that can’t actually fail, I was really nervous and scared of them taking me as a bullshit guy, talking non sense stuff… This was one of the thoughts that scared me most from opening. Their reaction, their judge.

So many many times I didn’t open. Girl/s by Girl/s passing in front of me, under my eyes. Shit loads of times where I didn’t open, it felt like myself burning an occasion. But I just couldn’t act, couldn’t talk.
Every occasion burned just kept filling up my “personal bag of failure” since for me not opening is like failing. All cause of my freaking brain that stops me with those crap thinking and belief damn.
And now trust me, this bad it’s pretty big xD. It reduces to zero the importance of successes that I have made even…
I have to find a way to empty this bag at once and start thinking only in a positive way, without carrying behind me this stupid bag of crap. Look only at successes, so I can create them many times more.




As I wrote, the main problems about me in my opinion are:

- AA. An insane amount of fear/questions/Bad thinking bounces on me before act and opening or while talking in general. Confidence so, falls to the ground and don’t get back at all…

- When I manage to overcome fears and doubts and open a girl, I really want to impress her, and focus wayyyyy tooo much on what to say, and sometimes I lose the grip even on what she is saying…

- I’m scared of failing and others people will notice and make fun of me, this totally makes me tremble…




I’m inside this world since the start of the year seriously, studying and working on myself, but the lack of results really start to depress me, even if I keep telling myself that the previous life was a shit compared to this one.
It’s really crap to say, but while I was addicted to playing I wasn’t so sad like right now, since I had my playing, it was my reality. Now I’m against the old myself that wants drag me back inside the “virtual world” where everything it’s easy.
I’m going to fight it back, as I’m doing since the start of the year, at moment I’m burning many energy for this effort. But I’ll make it! I WANT to fix myself, I WANT become more social and secure, I WANT to get a girlfriend and know lots of girls.

STOP being shy and insecure, START being socially and friendly.




At moment, I’m working in some David D materials for inner game, but some concepts just doesn’t enter in my head, and no matter how many times I read/listen to them, I’m not convinced they will work, so I won’t make the move to change that belief. Some of you guys have even experienced this kind of problems? Do you have some ways to destroy a belief that anchors you back?

And do you have any ways to fix the 3 problems listed previously? I just want to hear some of your stories so I can tell myself I’m not the only one, and start working on myself even deeper with a stronger conviction.

Suggestions or criticism in any way are very appreciated. I even appreciate you all losing your precious time reading this barely written story (sorry for crap language use and sentences too). I hope too, that some1 will get positive thoughts from this reading, some1 that was or is like me.

THANK YOU EVERY1 in advance for all your response and reads.

_________________
Focus your total mind on the present.

Hey dude,

I can feel your pain. I am in a similar position. It took me a long time to find out what is my real problem. Finally I found out ... I suffer from loveshyness. I have the feeling you do too. Yesterday I downloaded a free book "Shyness and love" from Dr. Brian Ggilmartin. He investigated loveshyness very thoroughly using 300 loveshymen and 300 non-shy men.

Basically, loveshy men can't handle rejection because they are very emotional people. Because they are that emotional the level of emotional pain they can take is very low. That's why they don't approach women.

I didn't read the book completely, which is normal because I downloaded it yesterday and the book has around 800 pages. I read the first therapy he investigated. The therapy is called practice-dating therapy. This therapy is a form of therapy in which loveshy men and women are setup into an artificial date. The guys get the task to call one of the girls and setup a date. Then, in real life they will meet 2 times a week for a 90 minutes date. According to the Dr. this therapy works. However, I am not aware of this kind of therapy in Europe. The closest thing to this according to me is speeddating. That is why in the coming weeks I will try to attend at speeddating events. At least in such events you get exposed to lots of women in a setting in which you will not experience harsh rejections and blowouts.

Another technique that is supposed to work according to him is cognitive behavorial therapy. In the cognitive part you will change the way you think about the world. The problem loveshy men have is that they feel emotional pain when they get rejected and because their pain treshold is very low they will avoid this pain at any cost. But they learned to associate rejection with pain during life. So in order to get rid of this pain, you have to start thinking about rejection differently. This is done in the cognitive part of the therapy. In the behavorial part guys will go approach women infield. They will start with easy approaches like asking questions to hired guns, saying HI to hired guns, asking directions or the time ... each time a more difficult approach will be made until a point is reached where the men can approach with a compliment.

I think a good dating coach can help you with the behavorial part of the therapy, but please don't take a crazy bootcamp that costs 3000 dollar for a weekend. That will not help you. Try to find dating coaches that can help you over a longer period of time for a decent price. I will start a 3000 dollar coaching trajectory this weekend for a period of 3 months. Every weekend I will have a bootcamp. Besides that I will also attend a 7 days in a row daygame coaching in London somewhere in April. This is all a lot of money but considering the amount of help I will get, I think the prices are quite decent.

For loveshy people getting over AA is not a quick fix. It takes a lot of effort and dedication. But if you commit to it, you will get over it. I hope my insights will help you. I can't guarantee you with 100 % certainty that this is the magic pill you need. I read a lot about it and have some knowledge, but I still didn't start all these trainings myself. But I am convinced that the road I am taking is the correct way to go. Over a few months I will be capable to confirm whether I am cured of my loveshyness of not.

Many thanks really for both the replies guys.
Really appreciated!

Lots of great words in your replies guys!
You both get to the main points guys. I definitely have to focus on myself more and belive in myself more. And even if i'm freaking emotional (damn!) when i see a good "target/set" i should just go for it, no matter what!


Gonna try to search for some material, even if i think that instead of digg more, i should pratice more... i will try to combine both of them, moving forward in the direction of more and more pratice. The book that Lionel mentioned seems really interesting!

Anyway, thanks again!

Bye!
Aiyuris.

_________________
Focus your total mind on the present.