| My old man has always been a great inspiration to me. He's incredibly successful in his field, very social, and has built up an amazing life and social circle of interesting friends and business relationships, not to mention his relationship with my mum, which will have lasted 40 happy years this June.
When you're younger, you tend either not to listen, to discount or to disagree with pretty much everything your parents tell you, despite it usually being very sound advice. Now that I look back on some of the stuff he tried to teach me, I've realised the value of it (better late than never) and thought I'd share some of his common-sense wisdom with you guys.
Always Ask
So many people are worried about causing a fuss, making a scene, overstepping their bounds, or committing a social faux-pas, that they never actually ask for things they might want. The amazing thing is, you can ask for tons of stuff - discounts, free stuff thrown in, people to do you favours, and people will often do it for no other reason than you've been nice to them and asked politely.
I barely ever pay full price for anything, from my gym membership, to my internet and phone, to my nutritionist and personal training sessions. I don't use any special jedi mind-tricks. I just say "I don't want to cause a fuss, but I really like X service, and was wondering if I could get this for Y price?"
The thing about asking, is that you lose nothing. You only have something to gain. If they say no, all it cost you was a few words. But those few words which cost nothing, can gain you tons of things - from money off, to a job opportunity and, of course, a date!
That girl across the bar or walking down the street is not currently in your life. She doesn't know you from Adam and you'll probably never see her again. What does it cost you to say hi and ask her out? Nothing! The worst thing that can happen is for her to say no, and then you're back to square one - she'll continue to not be a part of your life. The best, is that you get a number and get a date with a beautiful girl! Why wouldn't you do it? It's like being offered the chance to roll the dice for free, and you either win £0 or £100. There is NO REASON not to take the free roll!
Aim High
When my dad first went to high school, there was a girl in his class. She was the absolute 10 of the school and everyone knew it. One day, my dad - then a scrawny kid from a Jewish ghetto in Brooklyn, plucked up the courage, went up to her, and asked her out. Her face beamed and she enthusiastically agreed! When he asked her later why she was so happy, she said that no boys ever asked her out, so she thought she was ugly or there was something wrong with her! In fact, they'd all been so intimidated, they set their sights lower and went for the less attractive girls.
Going for what you honestly believe is attractive is such an important thing. Not only does your approach come off so much more genuine, but the girl feels the attraction and that actually makes her more attracted. It is actually easier to approach the one 9/10 than it is to run long-winded game on the 7s, because you're competing against fewer guys and being so much more authentic in your interactions.
Do it When you Think of it
As applied to life, it's a great mantra for organising your time and making sure you don't forget important things. Either send the email, make the call or post the letter now, or write it in your diary or add to it your to-do list now, not later.
As applied to pickup, when you see the girl and you get that little jolt of adrenaline and your eyes widen a bit and you go "fuck she's hot," THAT'S the time to approach. Not when she's facing a different angle, or her friends leave her alone, or when she's leaving the coffee shop. Now, when she'll feel that you were simply compelled to meet her and you have no choice but to act in accordance with your desires. Now.
Introduce People
A great party or social gathering happens when multiple people are brought together, and leave feeling that they not only caught up with good friends, but made new interesting ones too. The job of the host is to facilitate introductions properly, because most people, if left to their own devices, will stay in little pockets with people they already know and not venture outside of them. My dad is one of the best at introducing people and here's how he does it:
Most people: "Hey James, this is my mate Steve. Me and Steve play on that five a side team I was telling you about."
My dad: "James, there's someone here I really want you to meet. This is my good friend Steve. Steve is the star striker in our five a side team I told you about - he's keeping us just out of the relegation zone this season with a flurry of last minutes goals."
Nothing makes someone feel more appreciated than a warm introduction like that, and it makes all the difference helping people to connect and feel comfortable and happy at your social events.
Introducing people you just met in clubs can follow the same pattern, and can be really useful to
- create instant-wing situations to give a guy you just met the cockblocking girl so you can extract
- introduce groups of girls to guys spending cash on tables
- increase your perceived value and give off the vibe that you own the place
Tell People What to Do
Not in the way you're thinking. Commanding people all the time is bad, and nobody likes to be told what to do. However, I noticed a pattern my dad always uses that is actually part of conversational hypnosis / NLP and is really useful for both building trust and compliance.
What he does is, when you're about to do something, or as you're already doing it, he'll tell you do go ahead and do that very thing. For example, as you're already just sitting down on a chair, before your bum's hit the seat, he'll say "ok so sit down over there, and let's eat" or whatever.
Psychologically, this makes an association between his words and your action, as if you're responding to his command (even though you're not). As another man, I always hated this, but using it on women is great, because it builds trust and compliance and makes her mind start to believe that she naturally and willingly follows your voice commands. This can be extended from telling her where to sit and where to go, all the way to what to do in bed and when to cum.
Another NLP pattern he naturally uses, is he's always narrating what's going on in any given situation. This is part of a common technique called "pacing and leading" which again builds trust in the speaker and makes people more likely to believe and do what they say later. For example "so we're sitting here on this beautiful day and we're all relaxed aren't we, so let's talk about this...etc"
Be Willing to Fail to Do what you Love
After becoming the youngest ever to gain his high-level position at the firm he worked at (at 26 years of age), my dad realised that he wanted to branch out and do something else. Despite the fact that he had a completely stable, high-paying job with tons of opportunities for future advancement and raises, instead he left to start a new project. He assembled a team of great people together and embarked on the project with 100% effort and passion.
The project was a gigantic, public and humiliating failure. It cost lots of people lots of money, including himself, and put him in the awkward position of having to return back to the old firm to try and get his old job back after having turned down their offers to keep him and with them knowing he would need this job back and take any money at all.
Instead, he decided to start his own company and go into an area which all his colleagues, business associates and friends said was beneath someone like him, a shoddy industry filled with con men, leeches and crooks. Not only did he not listen to them, he created one of the most successful business in the area and made himself one of the most famous names in his field, by being scrupulously honest, plain-dealing and upfront at a time when his competition was anything but. Not only did he gain great success with the business (now in its 35th year), but he helped alter the perception of the entire industry and make it more accountable, fair and trustworthy.
He did this by not listening to doubters and people who said what he was doing was too risky, but by following his passion and committing to carrying out his goals by giving 100% every day, and never compromising ethically in order to make a quick buck. It's only in risking huge failure that he was able to achieve great and lasting success.
Perception is Reality
I always used to get pissed off when he said this, as I was a very logical, scientific individual who believe in objective, hard facts. But he's never been more right about anything.
Your perception of a situation is your reality. How you believe the world to be IS how the world looks to you.
The first point, this is important because you must always try to put yourself in the other person's shoes to try to understand how they are perceiving the situation, and how that might be different from your perception of it. As NLPers say "the map is not the territory," so try to meet people in their map first.
The second is to realise that you have the power to change your beliefs, and therefore change your perception and your reality. Simply by creating a new belief and looking for confirmation of it, you'll find it everywhere. (For example, if a friend tells you that red cars cost more to insure, you'll probably notice more red cards that day because you're thinking about it.) We are constantly looking for confirmation of our preëxisting beliefs, and searching for patterns in the world that give it structure and meaning.
The decision, therefore, is to actively CHOOSE our beliefs to be positive, healthy and affirming ones, because by doing so we will seek out confirmation of those facts and will see them everywhere. The alternative is a negative self-fulfilling prophecy, whereby we assume our failure before we've even begun, then sabotaging our efforts before we've even begun.
There is only one universally provable truth - that you exist. Everything else is just perception and it doesn't exist, so why not choose your beliefs to create the happiest most fulfilling world you can? _________________ SEX Technique Material http://bit.ly/iFdky0
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