So I have been talking to this chick, she is cool and all, we were suposed to go on a motorcycle ride date (I own a motorcycle) and she cancelled (we had set up the date a couple of days ahead of time and she cancelled last minute). (this was a wednesday)

So I played it cool and after a few days of random but little texting managed to set up a date, ( 10 days later after the first cancelled), but this time she came and we had a good time, all went ok but no kiss or anything.

The next day after the dat I texted her and she called me back instead, I asked to come chill and she said yes, then she texted me last min saying she was just goint to stay home and chill. (she lives four doors away)
Then she initiated text the next day saying like "hey, wanted to say hello and wondering how is your day"

she often initiates texts but is reluctant to come chill, if she was really interested she would jump at the opportunity to chill. Specially if she lives next to me. And if she wasn't interested she would not often initiate texting and try to remain in contact.

Now it is important because she lives four doors away so when a week goes by and she has all excuses not too chill then I really know they are just that "excuses".

What should I do? (in general)
Call/text valentines?
Why is she running but yet keeping contact?

Hey man try to be a little more specific when you are posting for suggestions. Some little details would be important to help answer your questions, but ill tackle this one.

Alright first off whats her rating? Is there a chance of lse? How did she cancel the first date, a bs excuse or whatever and what did u say?

Next good persistance and good job getting the date. Next time try to get the kiss. You werent very specific on this so i can only guess what happened. Did you set yourself up for an opportunity to kiss her? This is important bc u may have had the opportunity and didnt take advantage, but could not matter in this case bc she seems still interested based on ur post.

From her calling u it makes it seem like she is really interested. U saying come chill [at ur place, im assuming] seems the problem. This sounds like asd to me. Atleast give her an excuse: "come play wii at my house, i gotta kick ur ass at bowling".

Next she texts u with an awesome how is ur day text. Imho thats money bro, shes into u. Set up another date. Make it casual and go for the kiss. I wouldnt treat valentines day like a big deal, it doesnt sound like shes earned it yet. Good luck bro, let us know how it goes.

_________________
-Supern0va1

girls want emotional stimulation, guys want sex,

if a girl can get emotional stimulation without the sex, it is a win for her,

if a guy can get the sex without effort in emotionally stimulating a girl, it is a win for him,

if they both get what they want, it is a win, win

so, girl gets the stimulation but doesn't have to put out, good deal for her, she can just friend zone you, and not worry about it, cause you will keep calling her and giving her attention, she doesn't have to be compliant to get the stimulation she wants as she knows she can have you anytime she wants, and eventually will lose sexual interest cause she knows she does not have to push through her sexual anxieties to get the attention she craves, (cat string theory)

it is pretty simple, give girls a huge burst of some really good attention, get them emotionally attracted to you, once they are, your attention becomes valuable to them like a drug (you must actually have good game/be fun to be around for this to work), once your attention is valuable you use it as your means to gain investment, continue to escalate and get to know her, while giving her attention, push and pull between adding value and stimulating her emotions, and getting her to invest (getting to know her, escalating)

if she will not invest, you simply, cut off the attention, if it was good enough attention and she is physically attracted to you, she will crave the attention and try to get it back, it is then your job to set out the compliance you want from this attention and prize yourself (this is getting her to chase), if she will not comply, withdraw attention and move onto other girls and start the cycle again and improve it, eventually the girl will either comply, or she will stop chasing, either way every now and then (not very often) just hit her up, give her a good burst of attention as best that you can, and send her an invite, eventually become a regular part of her life that she wants in her life so that if you dissapear, there is a feeling of loss, make your goal to always get her in person, and when in person, escalate, try to get her alone, try to have sex with her

the more she flakes, the more you should back off and just move onto other girls until she comes back around, don't chase, work on getting her to do that, and when she does, get her alone (it is like a back and fourth dance)

Supernova,

thanx,
A) she is a solid 7.5 (10's dont exist on my scale, 9's is the best you'll ever get)
B)She cancelled the first date by texting back this
"Hey how are you? Sorry to text back to a call but I am actually not feeling too well right now, I am going to eat something and see if I feel a little better later"
me-"naw, no pressure, we'll do it some other time, feel better"
her- "aww, thank you"
C) After a lunch date that lasted for 4 hours we came to my house (which is not a big deal since she is my neighbor) and I felt as if she was lingering around my room waiting for perhaps something to happen but I literally saw the window of opportunity come and go. Then the tension disappeared and it was too late.
D) But I feel that she texted me that "how are you today" text out of some guilt/politeness since the night b4 I had told her to come chill and she said yes, then texted me "I think I am just going to stay in today". So some mixed signals there.

I have gotten a good feel for it after reading this, the valentines day advice is valuable, she has to deserve everything I do. Doing things to girls that they don't deserve is a turn off.

Pumpington,

that is what I am trying to do, like after she cancelled the night b4 I did not text her all day then she goes,
"on my way to work, just wanted to say hi, and how are you?"
me-"cute, fine thank you! have fun, make $$$

which is kinda cold in relevance to the way I've been treating her, cuz I am not getting punked into a friend zone, that is I am not rewarding her avoiding us making physicall progress

thank you, your post was helpful, advanced and appreciated

So after flaking on sunday, texting me "how is your day" on monday, and texting me "I was thinking of you bcuz (some lame excuse for thinking of me) and happy valentines!" on tuesday I decided to call her on wednesday. We scheduled to see each other that same night. We went riding my motorcycle, she would wrap herself around me sugestfully. We went to the WESTIN DIPLOMAT had virgin drinks at the lobby's bar and then walked the huge patio with it's several vast pools. After deep convo's our lips met to the breeze of the ocean front property, the roars of the foamy waves and the reflection in our faces of the multicolor light fixtures that iluminated the pools. Once shortly with out our tongues, and then again as I looked deep into her eyes and slowly took a step forward placing my foot in between both of hers as I exploded in joy from the sound of her brief giggle. Barely pressing our lips together and pulling away b4 she got too much. When we were almos home after a passive motorcycle ride home, she suggested we went for something else, so we went to the pool hall.
I ran the "cube routine". She loved it. Started punching me in kino and grabing me almost instantly after.
Then we bought a six pack of corona and came to our apt complex and chilled jacuzzi side until 2 am. Cuddled and kissed through out. She asked what I thought of her and I said" I dont know, I just feel drawn to you for some reason".
When kissing and I tried to move my hands around she would immediately grap them...
Now what?

now f close! be more challenging and make her work for your kiss. It sounds like u may have moved a little to fast in the hot tub with your hands. Calibrate the kino accordingly. If she moves your hands then u escalately too quickly, take two steps back and one forward. Ideally in the hot tub, you move her to a seated position on top of u. This puts u in the power position and u can escalate from here. Start slow grinding, and make it a more aggressive kiss. Then slow it down, stop grinding, and look deep in her eyes, then do a passsionate kiss. Then get rough again pull her hair, bite her neck. This will turn her on. Then u can escalate a little more with touch. Just try it and calibrate accordingly.

_________________
-Supern0va1

Her mother is going to be in town from yeterday afternoon (thursday) unitll tuesday, so I am going to play it cool until then, at which point I will bring her out again and apply the techniques that you sugested. Also, I was wondering of ways to keep things heated for these 5-6 days that I am not going to see her. I should definitely not call her everyday, but at the same time I don't wanna be too distant where things go cold.

don't judge the girl for how she looks and how bad you want her based on that, pretend for a moment she is hideous ugly, and you only talked to her cause you thought she was amazingly cool, then you went on a date and tried to figure out just ''how cool'' and the more you saw how cool she was you wanted to get with her, and everytime she showed how uncool she was you wanted to tuck tail and run as far away from her as possible, totally turned you off,

now with that new mindset, if you were judging her off how cool she was instead of how she looked and you had 10 more girls lined up better looking then her, what would be your coarse of action?, would you want to ''keep this thing hot'', figure out ''how to get her to like you'', or would you just give her one more chance the day you wanted to go out, and if she blows you off again, stop talking to her unless you are seriously bored? (because that is not a very cool thing to do, saying you are going to hang out then canceling)

just pretend for a bit that you are totally non-needy and are not desperate for a girl

if she is flaking out, it is wiser to back off more, then to pursue harder imo, and building rapport over the phone is silly unless you have already closed, it will only set the frame of comfort over the phone further and make her think you are ''phone attention guy'' if she wants your attention she will just call/text you then, instead of meeting up, just let her miss you, she already knows what you are like and knows how much she enjoys your company, in the mean time meet new girls and try to get better at giving out attention (still contact this girl for the date in a week or what ever, but don't stress about it, if she wants to talk to you really bad she will text/call you), invite her out when the time comes, if she flakes again, just move onto other girls and still hit this girl up for random rapport building practise as a texting buddy, don't invite her out more then one time a month, and just use her as practise with talking in general over the phone/text, consider her a fuckup that you won't sleep with and move on, eventually if she invites you out or one of your once a month invites turns into another date, do better then you did before

generally 3 flakes in a row is a good rule for when it is time to move on, what a girl does is way more of a sign of how into you she is, then what she is saying, if you have high compliance from a girl and she is verbally showing dis-interest, that would lead me to believe that girl is into you, if you have close to no compliance, but she is verbally showing interest, that would lead me to believe the girl is low interest

a girl who is flakey is demonstrating low compliance, a girl who is really high interest will invite you out, and a girl who is really low interest won't even answer your calls or text you back

when you see dis-interest back off, when you see interest, move forward, and compliance will guage the interest for you (what she will and will not do for you/let you do, tells you everything you need to know, also compliance builds momentum, start small, and increase the amount you have until you have alot)

Dude u need to get other girls. U care too much about this one, chances are ur gonna fuck up with this one with the mind-set and this neediness i see. U got it, dont worry about it.
Good advise. What u may want to consider with this girl is an advanced tactic. U reverse things and flake on her purposely. Set up a date and cancel last minute. She may appear mad at first, but in my experience you play it off as no big deal and they double their interest in you. I tried this with an older girl I was seeing. I asked her out, for a day in the same week. She said she had time about a week later, and I said cool lets make it happen. I decided this wasnt acceptable behavior for me, that maybe she didnt wanna see me bad enough so I backed off, flaked on her and she was that much more into me. This is something no other guys do.

_________________
-Supern0va1

@pumpington

Ok what rings in my mind is sticking to Supernova's suggestion, Let her text me or call me if she wants to talk or whatever. I'll Internalize the idea of giving her another chance to chill.
When she contacts me I will throw her an invite. If she flakes, cut her off, if she comes I will definitely gauge her compliance to see where we are at (fuck what she says).

@nova

All I am doing is getting nervous and stressing over something that could go well otherwise. I will counterfit those emotions by going out more, meeting more girls and using the "to get a girl, you gotta be comfortable loosing her at any time" mindset.[/quote]

her mother showed up the next day (thursday) after we were chilling and kissing on that date (wednesday). A day or two went by of me and her texting while her mother was here. Then on saturday she called and asked "are you here? (she is my neighbor), come outside, take a picture of me and my mom". I did. I thought she wanted me to meet her motherHer mother was short, cold and very brief. Then I called her the next day and we spoke for a little while and everything was cool. After her mother left (tuesday), me and her spoke over the phone. I called her at 1:30 pm and she returned my phone call at 4:30 pm on her way to work. We spoke briefly about seeing each other b4 I left to South America for 2 weeks, and she said "definitely". Then she drifted away.
When I spoke to her over the phone last time It went bad... I got her to agree with me to go chill b4 I went to south america for two week, but her responses were like
her=definitely
her-Im working alot now that my mother is leaving cuz i didn't work much when she was here. But why don't we go for lunch soon.
(we went from a night kissing date, to her suggesting a lunch date b4 I left for two weeks only a few days later.)
So I sensed her rejection, and instead of pushing hard I decide to not text her for a couple of days and she did not text me either. So I called her around 1:30 pm after 2 day of no contact (unusual for us) and only three night b4 I leave for two weeks. and she did not respond. I left a message saying that I was just looking to say Hi. Then after all day no phone call I called her again at 10:30 pm and left another AFC message. Again no response. Now I guess It's all over?

Penis in vagina intercourse is the only thing that can lock a girl in. You missed the chances that she's given you, so now she's pulling away. The best you can hope for is re-opening her after you come back from your vacation. If she does agree to meet up again, you must have the logistics prepared to bring her somewhere and fuck.

When I was going through a big AFC phase (as in I was a player, some bad shit happened, I hit rock bottom and insecurity) I lost 3 different girls because I didn't F close them when I had the chance. And I had 3 really big chances but I was in a weak mind-state where my insecurities took over the situation and I literally didn't see the opportunity in front of me until I looked back on it.


Needless to say, if those 3 girls decide to talk to me, it's only for emotional validation (which I don't give them, therefor no more contact)

If you don't escalate relatively quickly, you'll be surprised at how quick you get friend-zoned.

- Stylite

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I'd say shes just reluctant to chill at your place because you've only met once. Tell her to join you for a walk or a cigarette rather than to spend time with her in your bedroom. She probably doesn't want to bang you yet

I completely disagree with this, women want sex just as much as men do. The reason they might try to string you a long is that they're not really that physically attracted to you, but they know you're interested and they enjoy the attention/ego boost. The best thing to do if you think a girl is string you along is to just next them. It's too much effort trying to get them in bed when all they want to do is toy with you while they go after guys they're really attracted to.

The girl in the OP doesn't sound too bad though, if I was you I would persist a little more when she said she was gonna stay at home and ask her again, or I would have invited myself around to hers.