I had a girl flake on me yesterday. We've been dating for about 2 weeks without much progress. We made plans to meet on Friday night (today) but she started texting me on Thursday so I thought what the hell I'll meet her then.

I called her up and she was with her friends, I asked "So do you feel like being spontaneous today or do you feel like being lame?" without saying what I had in mind. She replied with "Spontaneous, but I'm with friends..." so I interrupted her saying "Great, wrap it up and I'll come pick you up in an hour". Honestly I didn't think she will comply but she did. So I got all dressed up and shit and then she calls me literally after an hour (when I was supposed to be on the way) saying that she's hanging out with her friends and that she thought I just wanted to join them or whatever.

My initial response was pretty AFC because I didn't see it coming, basically I told her to tell me when she's done and I'll come then (putting her in charge, wasn't the best idea). After that call I came to my senses and texted her saying never mind and that's irrelevant now. She texted me that she's sorry about this whole misunderstanding. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a misunderstanding and that she just changed her mind in the last moment and that was pretty shitty of her since she had plenty of time to call me.

So basically I got mad as fuck (AFC) but decided to play it cool. She called me today, probably about the date we scheduled, but I didn't pick up. A few hours later she texted me with "Talk to me if you feel like doing something today". To which I replied, an hour later, with "Something came up dear maybe some other time". To which she replied almost immediately with "Maybe?".

The goal of my response was to make it clear that I'm not going to make time for her if she's wasting my time. "Something came up" was obviously a lie but it's better than just saying "Not today" because it shows I'm busy. I used "Dear" to make it seem like I'm in no way mad or affected by her flakiness, and "Maybe some other time" to show that I'm still interested but she shouldn't take anything for granted. I absolutely loved her reply because that was exactly what I was going for.

I am going to freeze her out for a few days now, let her chase me a little and wonder what's up. If she learns her lesson I'll reschedule to next week.

Would you say I handled this right?

No, I think you're being a little insecure about perceiving your responses as AFC. That didn't matter as much as you think. She wants to hang out and you're now blowing her off. You're avoiding her because you like her and and your scared of being vulnerable.

Anyway, that's what I got out of your post. Perhaps I'm wrong?

Good luck!

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You're right, but everyone is scared of being vulnerable... I'm blowing her off because she disrespected me. When I told her that we made plans and everything she replied with "But I REALLY want to hang with my friends". I honestly don't mind about that as mush as I mind the fact that she waited for the very last moment. As far as she knows I might have already been on the way when she blew me off. I do like her and I know that she likes me, but we teach people how to treat us and I don't want to be treated like that. Since we only just started dating and this is the first time I get crap from her I think she needs to be put in her place, and I don't mind losing her honestly. Do you really think I'm being too harsh here?

She's an independent woman my man. yeah, she flaked, but don't let that get to you. she texted you the next day for a reason, which cues you that she not only cares, but is chasing you like you wanted. you can take it and run with it if you want, but don't take it too far or you'll lose her...

my 2 cents

I think you are overthinking this hardcore and just shot yourself in the foot, that wasn't even a real flake, you called her,

you: blah blah blah, hang out now
her: with my friends but blah blah blah ok
you:ok cool
(time passes friends pressure her, she has no backbone so she conforms to group)
her:blah blah blah, my friends own me, can't leave them or they be mad, you can come though
you:no, I don't wanna, you have fun
(time passes you realize you are needy and must see her)
you:actually nahhhh girl, hang out now
her:but I can't has bro, friends tell me how to live
you:RABBBLE RABBLE RABBLE, YOU WILL LIVE TO REGRET THIS HO!!


she didn't waste your time or flake, this was not a pre-planned date, you just randomly cornered her with an invite when she was already doing something else, now you are all butthurt about it, should have just left it at her hanging out with her friends and stoped contacting her for a day, then invite her out again, 1 flake is no big deal don't get all apeshit, things happen and people have lives, 2 flakes in a row is suspicious and you should push her away, 3 flakes you might as well stop talking to her and let her come to you


also I want to point out that ^ this is you in charge, not her by the way, you told her what to do, you were leading,

being led would be:
''when do you want me to come pick you up?''

What pissed me off was the fact that I got ready for nothing, but yeah you are absolutely right. I think it's about her not having a backbone, I guess this is why I managed to corner her in the first place.

Thanks for the input guys. I let this get to me more than it should have, I just needed to cool off a bit. Would you suggest I contact her today/tomorrow and just act like nothing happened? I won't be able to see her until next week anyway.

if you have slept with her, call her when ever you want, if you have not slept with her, avoid building rapport over the text/phone more then once a week, you just want a little contact so you are still in contact with them, but basically only call or text for meetups, you want them contacting you, not the other way around, if that is really hard for you and you are getting really needy, convert that ''I need to keep this alive'' energy into meeting new girls, your goal should be having sex with this girl, not being her phone buddy, get her alone, get her turned on, and try to have sex with her, if you turn her off, or piss her off too much without her being heavily invested in you (sex is a higher level of investment), then it is possible she will just lose interest, it seems counter intuative, but use the phone as a means to get her out in person, don't build rapport, if it seems like it is going to shit, meet other girls to get your mind off of it, then randomly hit her up see if she is responding well, and ask her out, and try to escalate

Normally I would agree with this but this is one of those cases when the girls needs huge amounts of comfort. Naturally the best way to do this is in person but since I won't be able to meet her for a week now I think talking a little on the phone might not be a bad idea. We have good phone conversations, often with much teasing and sometimes we talk about sex too. She's usually the one initiating contact and it usually happens once in 2 days, sometimes daily. We haven't had sex yet but I guess she's more invested than it might seem because she normally doesn't talk to guys and she calls me and wants to see me all the time.

Anyway given the current situation I think it's best if I make some sort of phone contact so that she knows it's cool. If I don't do anything, then like you said she might lose interest.

I know it seems so counter intuative, but her interest will only increase if you don't contact (unless it is longer then 2 weeks no contact), seriously, don't shoot yourself in the foot, if she is contacting that is a sign she has interest, building rapport over the phone sets the frame for comfort over the phone, you will only shoot yourself in the foot, the more time you spend building any form of rapport over the phone, the more likely it is she starts flaking because she knows she can call you to get the emotional stimulation she wants and does not have to meet in person to get it, it will also increase the likely hood that you turn her off by doing or saying something that she absolutely hates, it also increases the likely hood that she starts to get bored of you and finds you needy, once you have had sex with her she will be much further invested and all of those things will matter less to her and she will be less likely to drop you because of those things, I know it seems weird, but less contact is better, the girl I am currently seeing, I basically don't initiate at all, NOT AT ALL, and I have had sex with her, the only time I ever contact her is for her to come hang out, I don't small talk on the phone, she texts me once every 1-2 days, and I usually take a while to respond and don't give her fun conversations on the phone, I just don't, I suck on the phone, and I turn her on and let her have fun in person, and I do it on purpose, before I hooked up with her she flaked on me a few times, I didn't start texting her more often, I didn't start pursuing her more hardcore, Instead I contacted her less, and let her come to me then invited her out again, I used to try to phone game girls until I realized if you don't, they flake less, and you don't end up in text forever nightmare hell that leads to no where but a waste of time, logically it seems like a good idea cause you just want to solidify yourself in her life, but realistically you are just setting the frame that you are her texting buddy

I see what you're saying, but you also said my response was too harsh. So how do I fix this? Should I just wait for her to call/text, keep the conversation short and fun like nothing happened, reschedule to next week and remain distant until then? Sounds like this might be pushing her too far.

whats done is done, just act like it never happened and treat her like normal, if she is all butthurt about it or flakes on you, just don't get butthurt or needy, just remain indifferent to her emotional outbursts and keep your cool, for a flake just say, ok, we'll do something some other time, I'd love to see you, and move onto meeting other girls for a while and let her contact you, and if she doesn't hit her up and try to invite her out again after a week or two

if she keeps flaking and flaking and flaking, then it is time to move on (keep in contact with her and don't stop trying, just do it way less frequently)

Alright, quick update. She texted me asking why I'm so aloof, to which I replied "What's wrong?". An hour later she called me. I just brushed it off like nothing happened and teased her for taking things too seriously. With the advice sir pumpington gave me I kept the conversation as short as possible. Just a short laugh and then I told her we should do something next weekend when I'm no longer busy. She was happy about it and told me how lame it was being with her friends when she blew me off. Lesson learned. Thanks guys!