Hey guys. I've always been a little insecure, but have built up my confidence in the past few years. A lot of it just kind of came from growing up and being a little more mature, but some came from actively working on it. Very few things shake my confidence these days, but there is one thing that always brings me down.

I'd like to point out that this is not me complaining about what I'm experiencing. You can't change the world. Instead, it's me trying to get advice on how to deal with it. So here's the issue. I'm an asian guy and it always brings me down when my race + being a guy is associated with being a huge negative. A number of times now on dates, girls have made comments along the lines of, "I don't usually like asian guys but you're cute" or "You're cute for an asian guy." I understand that both of those were meant as compliments, but they're pretty insulting.

Add to that the fact that the media and the internet are even worse and it makes it hard to ignore these things. I was recently quoted this by a friend: "he's so cool and popular that you forget he's asian." Apparently it's from American Dad. I don't watch the show so I don't know the context, but it's pretty clear what it means. Now you might say that I should just man up and ignore it, but when it's a daily thing that I see in the media and on the internet, and sometimes in real life, it's really hard to get over it.

Some of you might say that you'll see racism when you actively look for it. The thing is, I really don't. While I agree with that sentiment, there's no denying that our culture is very emasculating of asian guys. I challenge you to find a video on youtube with an asian guy that doesn't have a racist comment. Even when it ends up being a good video, there's always a comment saying "wow, i didn't expect that from you." Even though it's subtle, it's basically suggesting that they're surprised that an asian guy could have any sort of talent. Our culture has engrained into everyone's head that asian guys are weak and nerdy that it's really difficult to ignore.

So basically that's the only thing that can hurt my self confidence. If any of you have any things that really bring you down, what are things you do to get over them. What are some things you can suggest to help me get over this one sticking point?

Just to be clear.
Are you talking about more middle eastern asian or oriental asian?

Cliff,

Being discriminated or mocked for being Asian can't cause you to feel bad. What causes you to feel bad is the meaning you give the discrimination.

If you give it a negative meaning such as "I'm treated unfairly" or "Being Asian makes me inadequate" or "It's bad to be Asian", you're likely to feel bad. If you don't give it any meaning, or if you give it a positive meaning, such as: "They're assholes, who cares" or "All humans are equal, even if I'm ridiculed" or "Just because people believe it's funny to discriminate Asians doesn't mean I'm inadequate", then you're likely to feel fine.

People's discrimination towards Asian people doesn't have any inherent meaning, and if you can dissolve the negative meaning your mind comes up with when you hear those comments, the negative feelings will disappear. And I'm not talking about using logic and reason to try to convince yourself that the meaning is not true. I'm talking about dissolving your conviction that the meaning is reality.

The short-term solution is to learn to dissolve the meaning you give events. The long-term solution is to find what are the beliefs you currently have that cause you to give a negative meaning to people's discrimination. Google Morty Lefkoe to further explore this topic. Or send me a PM and I'll talk to you on SPAM and help you eliminate those beliefs. For free.

sent a pm