What up guys, please let me know what you think of this story, what things I should add, remove improve, Im practicing my story telling skills. This is a real story that happened to me (I only changed the names) i used it a couple times with good laughs, I also wonder if this could be used for online messaging like fb, or email (yes I still email from time to time. Here it is.

omg the funniest thing happened to me yesterday, I was at a party with my buddies having good time, near the end when we were leaving my friend Matt runs up to me super freaked out, and tells me he got jacked! he shows me there are cuts in his jacket pockets and he cant find his wallet and keys, so we go on a mission to the stolen goods, couple mins later some guy comes to us and says to Matt – dude you wearing my jacket! – Matt a bit drunk blows up starts saying that it’s bull and it’s his jacket and how the world is not a fair place etc, lol, and he keeps goinglike that for like 10min. People start gathering, im holding him to make sure he doesnt do anything stupid. And then he looks at the pile of coats in the back of the room, stops with his rant and outa nowhere says - oh, there’s my jacket!! everybody in the room just busting up laughing lol we find his "stolen" thiings and everybody leaves in a great mood.

thanks for your help

Is this just filler? Did you just write it for the sake of stacking? Sure, it's kinda funny, but what attraction switches were you planning on flipping? The only one that I think would barely flip is the "leader of men" attraction switch based on you restraining your friend, but even then it's pushing it. Then again, if your objective is just a quick story that will sort of lighten people up (it's not exactly terribly funny, but it will put them in a lighter mood I believe), then I think it'd be an effective routine. You could easily throw in some good stuff tbh though.

Every story has the potentiality of more/better dhv spikes.

Here, you could throw in a female that already has interest in you, potentially a girlfriend. An option would be, for example, her telling you just to leave it because she wanted to ditch whatever place you were at, but you told her no, because you're loyal to your friend. Even say that she leaves by herself and you stayed anyways. Shows you're not needy as well. Overall, it is a solid basis for a decent story.

There are no DHV spikes in here man..you need to put a least a pre-selection switch in each DHV story in my opinion. But no this is just a funny story it doesnt build attraction at all. I would even say you forget DHV stories you dont need stories or to lie to a girl to make her attracted to you.

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Greatness is never borned

You don't need written stories, man. You can practice telling a few stories in the mirror, but you don't need to script yourself. Just remember a few basic points.

-Don't give away the punchline right away. The really cool thing that happened will only have power if its context is set.

-Set up the context by describing the setting, even briefly, and describing each main character. Touch on details, think back to the occasion and try to remember something that will make each character pop.

-Try to have little interesting spikes on the way to the main climax. These come from observations about your surroundings. Someone's strange clothing, an impression of their voice, a short tangent like "Oh and this is the same club where I got laid in the bathroom, but that's a different story."

-You can speak a little quickly through the set up parts, but when you're getting to something funny, slow down the sentence or two beforehand. This will allow the listener to focus, and realize that something important is going to happen.

Thanks

Appreciate your replies and advice, and i see what youre saying, and i will try to improve my story as you said to make it more interesting and attractive