Hey everyone,

Was wanting some advice regarding my flat situation.

I'm 19, at university, have a girlfriend of 2.5 years. Currently I'm in a flat with 3 other guys. Two of these guys are leaving after June and it is about time that I should start looking for a new flat. This leaves me and one other guy. Let's call him Paul.

So Paul is one of my mates but I've discovered since living with him for 6 months that he has some annoying traits. His insecurities make him very clingy. He follows me around on nights out (DLV, since he has long, intimidating hair), buys the same clothes as me, etc... I've tried to help him out but he is still a chump.

So in an ideal world I would like to get a flat without Paul but without hurting his feelings. I'm a nice guy!

Now, here's the current situation: I have been offered a flat by a couple mates on my course. This new flat would be made up of 2 guys and 3 girls in total. I like the idea of girls because they will make the flat more neutral. However, I only know one girl and the guy out of this group and they are both good friends. I don't know the other 2 girls. Another positive is that these people are on my course which I kinda wanted because we can help each other out.

Now here's the more pressing dilemma. My girlfriend... I asked her what her opinion was of me moving in with 3 girls and a guy. She said it was my decision but she is a bit concerned because she doesn't know these girls. I understand her on that.

I was just wan ting a second opinion before I commit to this offer.

Thanks as always!

EDIT: UPDATE AS OF 16/02/2012

Hey again,

sorry to re-ignite an old flame here.....

BUT, my gf has just turned around and told me that if I move in to this flat (with another guy and 3 girls) that she'll break up with me. WOW........

I'm not quite what I'm to make of this. She said it over the phone. Now to be honest I want to move in to this flat. But it's not crucial to my survival. I have other options.

What should I reply to this? I'm seeing her tomorrow? Tbh I'm pretty annoyed at her for saying that. Is it a massive red flag? Should I get out?

The question is, what do you want?

You are not going to adapt yourself becuase paul doesn't want it...
You are not going to be stuck up a year, becuase your gf didn't want you to go...

Do what you want, the rest must adapt to you.

Thanks for this advice.. seems so simple but it's easier to think like that than act like that if you know what I mean. Paul is in my close group of friends.. I don't want to fall out with them over this. I I don't want to upset my girl.

I do get where you're coming from however.

thanks

bump

Is Paul a "tag-along friend"? If so then yes I would have to create some space between him and myself. With the girlfriend, you don't have to take an "either-or" approach. Invite her over to the flat before you move in so everybody can get acquainted with everybody else. It will show her an act of good faith on your part. Then, once everybody has met everybody else, tell her that you are going to make the move. However, do NOT make it seem like you are inviting her over there to please her. It's the difference between:

"I am going to invite you so that you won't be mad at me and so I can score brownie points and make you happy blah blah blah."


and

"I'm moving, but to ease the transition I would like both of us to spend time with the people that I am going to be living with."

Take the red pill or the blue pill.

Yeah you nailed it on the head by saying he is a tag along friend. It really starts to annoy you after a while. Everything I do he copies. Sooooo annoying lol. Yeah good advice with the gf situation. Instead of making it just all me, I shall include her in the move too. Thanks

You are living there so it is all about you
Don't worry about the gf as long as you don't and won't do anything wrong. Just (re)assure her you will behave.. let her meet the girls ect...
Might be best for you to move out to escape that guy... seems like an annoying situation imo.

Hey again,

sorry to re-ignite an old flame here.....

BUT, my gf has just turned around and told me that if I move in to this flat (with another guy and 3 girls) that she'll break up with me. WOW........

I'm not quite what I'm to make of this. She said it over the phone. Now to be honest I want to move in to this flat. But it's not crucial to my survival. I have other options.

What should I reply to this? I'm seeing her tomorrow? Tbh I'm pretty annoyed at her for saying that. Is it a massive red flag? Should I get out?

Regards
Hero

That's not going to work his girl's mad because he's about to move in with those girls. Whether she meets them or not she's still not going to be cool with it.
If your girl moved in with 3 guys would you be fine with it?

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Hey man. Yeah that's the issue. Its my girl who is unhappy with the situation. To be honest I wouldn't mind. I'd like to meet the guys first but as long as she had another girl in the flat I'd be cool. But I am waaaaaay more chilled out than her.

I've just come to the point where I would like to experiment as such. I'm 19, young, energetic. I desperatley want to get out of my current flat with this clingy mate. I don't want to move in with my girl. I can't keep living on her terms can I?

Did you read my update? She has told me she'll break up with me if I move in to this new flat? Surely that's a bit steep....

Thanks for your response

Hey hero,

Another ultimatum? Your girls seems to give you a lot of those lately. If you like the flat and your SPAM, you should move in and she should accept it. She can meet them. But, from your recent posts I noticed you're questioning the relationship altogether, so don't fall for the ultimatum! If you move in with her and you break up soon, you're screwed. And I know you don't wanna move in with her yet. She's pressing you really hard lately, maybe it's time to make a decision. You don't have to break up, but don't let her blackmail you into things you're not ready for. You're young, live your life and enjoy every moment!

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Hey again!

Thanks, but she isn't annoyed that I'm moving with these new people over her. She has her flat organised already and I'm not going with her. I made thy clear along time ago. She is just annoyed that I'm choosing a flat with girls in it instead of an all boy flat. I could of course go with all boys. But I like these new flat mates. They are on my course so can help me with
My studies and we have a few things in common. I've known them for 1.5 years now. Apart from the 2 girls a dont know.

Thanks

Ok, well regardless, it doesn't change the situation, there is still an ultimatum and there is still you wanting to do something. I'd say go for it and show her you won't tolerate ultimatums. Are you afraid of losing her?

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

It's not that I am afraid of losing her. I can't quite describe it. I am afraid but then there is the notion of I don't want to be with someone who gives me ultimatums/doesn't let me do what I want to do. You get me?

Yes! I completely get you and from my mistakes, I can tell you one thing, if you cave in to one ultimatum, it will never ever stop! You practically cut off your balls and hand them to her. It will be her most powerful weapon. There is one thing you can tell her, I read this in mode one or 60's I'm not sure, you tell her that the ultimatums turn you off and are not attractive at all and you're not sure if you can be with a girl who gives ultimatums like that. Don't forget she's afraid of losing you as much as you are of losing her, if not even more! Don't cave in, I'd be willing to bet money she's not going to leave you. If she does, you'll be better off than being with a control freak.

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.