Hello all,

I'm in this weird situation, which I will summarize as much as I can.
I met this girl in October whom had a boyfriend in another country: we hung out, got close to sex several times, but we always stopped for her LMR and her sense of guilt. At some point she just stopped speaking about her boyfriend and relaxed the tension; we had sex and we transitioned to a nice relationship from there.
I was dating/sleeping with other girls and never considered she was my girlfriend in any way: we were casual about it. Also, I assumed she had broke up with her boyfriend.

She would have to go back to her country at the end of January, though, so I kinda knew it was going ot end by then. Nevertheless, our relationship got much more emotionally intense by that time, to the point that I told her that I was ready to go to the next level and actually invest into this relationship, even though it would soon become a LDR (which sucks, but that's another topic).

She seemed to be very struck by my words, and also deeply into me emotionally. She accepted to bring our relationship to the next level, though she told me she would have to deal with her boyfriend situation.
Of course, I assumed she had already dealt with that by then, but she hadn't.

So she told me she would go back to her country, and she'd need some time to deal with that, because it was quite delicate: she had lived with him for 1yr and a half, and he was in an emotionally weak situation because of personal problems.

I told her to take her time, but deal with it: regardless of me, it was something she should have done.

Now it has been a week since she left. She called me once 3 days ago, and sounded scared (of my reaction, maybe?) and she told me: « Please, understand. Please, wait. »

In all honesty, guys, at this time I really don't care how much time does she take to deal with this issue: she is in another country right now and I won't be able to do anything about that for at least the next month. So, in practice, whether she deals with that or not wouldn't change my factual situation that much (I would get to hear from her now and then, but not really my dream idea of a relationship).
On the other hand, I conveyed a very dominant/not-needy mood all this time and I don't want this to ruin it by misunderstanding: she could think that I'm just playing along with her games, that I'm waiting for her and submitting to her caprices because I'm needy and that she has me nonetheless.

Of course, I care for her: a lot actually; if I hadn't I wouldn't have accepted a LDR situation. On the other hand, I certainly don't want her to feel she could trample my dignity whenever she wants: which is really an awful foundation for a LTR.

I understand I told her I would give her time, but one week seems to me enough to tell the boyfriend you have been living with that you want to break up with him. Or else what are you doing? Are you having guilt sex with him? Are you faking that everything is alright? Can it really last one week?

What do you guys think I should do in this situation?
As much as I'm thinking about it, I really don't care about judging how she's dealing with her situation: she's been dealing with it awfully all the way, but that's only marginally my problem. My problem is: what is my behavior conveying right now? Should I make her feel pressure? Or should I send some kind of ultimatum? Or should I just not contact her at all until she contacts me?

Any pointer, feedback is appreciated,

神羅

You want to have an L D R with a girl who is in another country, when there are probably hundreds of eligible women less than 25 miles away from you that could also provide great emotional relationships with you?

I would not contact her until she contacts you.

But I would also highly consider dating women closer to you.

_________________
Elliott Gordon
Owner of Authentic Online Dating Tips For Men
Visit by clicking the [link] below.
http://www.wheretofindgirl.com

I hate LDRs as much as the next guy; and actually, since I'm moving a lot, most of my relationship turn out to be LDRs eventually (which, in turn, destroys them): while it's true that there are hundreds of eligible women less than 25 miles away, it's highly probable that I will move away from my city between April and July. Hence, any relationship I start with whom is eligible right now, will turn into an LDR very soon.

The point is that we agreed to try and step to the next level and be more serious; which means exactly try to turn this into a not-LDR as soon as possible. This for me means a lot of investment, as this implies that we will take life decisions together and try to agree on a place to move and go on with our lives.

That's why it is important for me to really understand if she's as serious as I am and not commit into something one-sided. When we were together, speaking about it, it felt she was into me at least as much as I was into her. Now, though, I'm having my doubts: and I certainly don't want to take life-decisions with someone who a) isn't able to take her own responsibilities and deal with them and b) isn't serious about those decisions.

Thanks for the tip, though: as I wrote I didn't mean to have an LDR with her, and was staying pretty casual. Nonetheless, considering my actual situation, I'm pretty sure I want to invest into this.

ShinRa

Kudos on the vocabulary.

LOL.