Here's a girl I met 5 years ago and hung out with on 1 or 2 occasions way back in the day. We always flirted. Mostly online or through texts but EVERY TIME I try and make plans, she bails. I don't know what the deal is.

Now that I've been studying game a bit more I've been trying a bit of a new approach.

She always tends to find a way back in to my life when she splits with her current flings. I hadn't spoken to her in 4 years until last summer she friends me out of the blue on Facebook and we chit chat and catch up. She was single but refused to let me take her out for coffee or something to catch up in person.

I gave up trying, she met a guy at school and they started dating, I eventually deleted my old Facebook account to start a new one.

Last week, after not talking since last summer, she finds me again on Facebook and friends me. Apparently she just broke up with her boyfriend that she started dating last year.

We start flirting online again but this time I play it more cool. Most recent conversation:

Me: What's up girl?

Her: Nothing, so fucking bored. How about you?

Me: Just woke up. Looking to get into an adventure today.

Her: What do people even do at this time of day like school ruined my sleeping patterns and i'm so clueless and bored right now.

Me: Eh, lunch?

Her: I guess, I want to go work out but I'm lazy.

Me: Ditto. Well, I'm going to go shower and then I'm going to go grab a meal. You're welcome to join me.

Her: For what, the shower or the meal?

Me: Either/Or

Her: Hahaha Enjoy, I'm going to go force myself to work out.

Me: Well, enjoy the work out. If you want to do something fun later you know how to find me.

Her: Ok


*end of conversation*


Now, I'm not going to be throwing myself at her. I was trying to be cool and get her involved in my life instead of the other way around. It seems like this girl just likes to play some serious games. She clearly looks for me out of the blue on more than one occasion. Flirts with me all the time, but when it comes to meeting up, it NEVER happens.

Now, I don't chase girls. Not anymore at least. But I would like to figure out what the hell is going on with her.

- Stylite

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How about the 'got to be somewhere' test...

Next time your chatting..

YOU: Well, can't stay talking junk with you all day.. gotta meet a friend in town
HER: Some crap about junk? or, oh ok.. blah blah, whatever..
YOU: I'm only meeting up with her for an hour or so, you should come meet after?
HER: again.. blah blah.. no thanks... yeah could do.. or nah i'm doing this that..
YOU: I'll see you in XXX at 5pm (when ever) - say this even if she says no!
YOU: See you there.. bye..

Right, now, you don't actually go to wait and see if she turns up.. (don't be online though giving it away!)
If she goes, she'll mention it to you next time..
You say - Well I didn't think you'd show, so I made other plans..

Here you're showing you have other female friends willing to spend time with you..
(Status)
You don't spend your time wasting it on her... (shows you're not interested, so she'll have to prove to you she's worth your attention!)


You can then say, if you're going to turn up i'll meet you this time.. and set the time and place again...


Otherwise... dump her and move on to more worth while victims (I mean challenges)..

Twenny

Now, just a thought, here, i'd of dropped a neg at her..

I'd of said: the meal of course.. your not getting in the shower with me that easy!!

Just a thought?

Twenny

Very good suggestions!

You're so right about the shower thing. I probably would have been able to think of something like that myself had I not still been half asleep haha

Thanks for the tips! You get a vote!

- Stylite

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No worries kidder..

Thanks for the vote..

TwennyP

seems like you're the guy she knows will make her feel better or validates her when she's single again. All that flirting/asking her out makes her feel good/wanted but the rest of the way you act with her isn't what attracts her at all. She's got all the power here but is probably attracted to guys that have power over her.

A girl's friendzone is a subtle construct that is rarely defined. It's sustained by her sense of control and the power you feed her. You can usurp control of it by changing the sort of things you say. Because it's undefined you can redefine it. You can make it your friendzone by talking about fun/adventures with other people/girls and downplaying her status to you. tease/neg her more than flirt.

If it has any effect you'll soon know by the way she changes her behaviour/talks to you.

You will find with girls like this that you cant beat around the bush and imply this or that because they simply don't respond to it . Be the man ask a direct question which can only get a straight answer, skip the bullshit dude

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'Nothing is impossible to a willing mind'

Well when I used to talk to her I was, like SkyPirate said, the guy who asked her out and made her feel better after a break up. Basically heading down the AFC friend zone path. It's not that I would constantly compliment her or any of that garbage, I would just be pretty direct and say "Hey, it's been a while, let's get together for coffee and catch up!" or something and always get blown off.

It's this time I'm trying to be indirect with her to see if that works but it doesn't either.

It's not driving me too crazy because I'm by no means "head over heels" with this girl. I'm just curious as to why, after constantly leading me on and giving IOIs she keeps blowing me off.

hm

- Stylite

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By the looks of it I think you may have jumped the gun a bit with the convo you posted, a couple of things I noticed. You ask her whats up, which is fair enough, second message is good aswell, third message and it looks like you're already asking her out for lunch, fourth message you flat out are asking her out. Now for me if you're going for the indirect approach, a few more than 4 messages are needed before asking her out (even if you think she's already in to you), get into an interesting/exiting etc conversation with her so she is enjoying talking to you then say something along the lines of "i gotta shoot, what say we continue this chat at lunch this afternoon?".
Alternatively if you are gonna go more direct, personally i wouldn't even say hi, how are you etc because you don't wanna know how she is, you wanna know if she'll come out with you, so for a more direct approach as first message quite simply "i'm going for lunch at **** this afternoon, feel free to join" stating that you are going there anyway, regardless of her being there or not.
Obviously if the more direct approach hasn't worked out in the past I'd say keep plugging for indirect but maybe try not even asking her out at all the next 2 or 3 times you talk to you, no matter how many IOI's she gives you, raise her buying temperature a bit.

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"My toughest opponent is always myself"
Musterion's Journal

Yeah good points. Immediately after I sent the "eh, Lunch?" message I realized that might read like I was inviting her to lunch already. I was really just making a statement about the time of day (11am) haha

Oh well, not losing sleep over it. I'll work it better next time she hits me up when my game is a bit tighter. Usually takes about 2-3 weeks (assuming she's still single) for her to randomly message me.

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skypirate is right. she just wants to validate herself whenever she breaks up.
i have a friend that is treated just like that by a girl, but worse. she asks him to pick her up at the airport, drop her off at 6 am. that kinda stuff. i always tell him not to talk to her, and he listens, and doesn't talk to her for weeks.
then, she gets desperate and starts to get a little bit more aggressive with the messages or texts, and my friends succumbs to her charms, and talks to her again.
he's a AFC, so he gets depressed and sad sometimes over this girl.

so, in my point of view, you've got 2 choices: forget about her completely, or tell her you want to fuck (not precisely, those words, but be direct. you can even use them if you want to), whenever she contacts you after a breakup.

you dont want to be playing games with this girl, knowing you wont get anything in return, right? even my AFC friend's girl accepts going for a coffee, every now and then, although most of the time, she refuses and tells him she's busy