| Ok while I’m loathe to put my personal problems on the internet I have a few friends who had past experiences with PUA and the community who said that I could receive some non judgemental and if necessary brutally honest advice from these forums. At this point I’m willing to give anything a shot. I’m sorry if this is stupidly long but I’m a noob to this and it’s been almost a year now and I’m all out of options.
Also as a disclaimer I got dyslexia so despite constant spellcheacking there's probably going to be an obsecne amount of spelling and grammer errors.
I used to have no game. I had major social anxiety for as long as I could remember, and was at the bottom of every social hierarchy in school. While I didn’t know this till last week I have Aspergers. (Like Abed from Community or Sheldon from Bing Bang Theory, abet they’re a 10 on the Aspergers scale while I’m halfway between them and normal) But I always knew something wasn’t wired right in my head. I didn’t date in high school wasn’t welcome at any parties. To top it all off I had a loving yet old-world mentality clan-like family that saw girls, sex, parties, drugs, and alcohol as a distraction from school and my supposedly successful future and regularly insisted I avoid them until this day.
Thankfully university came along and I got better. I got a social life, amazing friends, my marks skyrocketed from C’s to the best in the class (again thanks to then undiagnosed Aspergers), and I had ample access to bars and parties. I still had major social anxiety though and was liable to throw up at a party or bar or while on a date. But I pushed myself. For years I made myself approach girls, drink, and go to parties until it became something that I enjoyed and didn’t bother me anymore. It was a hellish 3 years but it finally paid off.
In my final year of undergrad some friends of mine discovered the community and introduced it to me. While I was sceptical at first it witnessed firsthand how it transformed my friend with the biggest failures with women I ever met into the greatest womanizer I’ve ever seen. I read some of the materials and found personally that while I disagreed with some of its philosophy and principles that there was a lot of useful stuff in there. My body language was shit and I was oblivious to sings that girls were attracted to me. But I learnt how to use kino and notice IOIs. That said I never liked the reliance on canned openers, routines, since I felt that it stopped improvisation. Basically my goal was to absorb enough materiel until I could become a natural.
And suddenly it all clicked. In 6 months I mastered the number close. Again I can’t explain how I did it since I refused to rely on systems, openers, and routines, but I could do it. I had a 80% success rate when I went for the # close. Not once did I get a fake number. I was averaging 4 girls a week. My PUA friends agreed I was the best opener they knew. I’d wake up after being blackout drunk with numbers from girls I didn’t even remember meeting. I was on fucking fire. Now I still was clueless about how to kiss close and most of my dates ended badly. I still had anxiety attacks and threw up on dates 30% of the time. But even though I never got past the 3rd date and never fuckclosed any of them I wouldn’t care since I knew I’d have 4 new girls the next week. I knew like with approaching and socializing in general I’d just throw myself into that situation and force myself to become comfortable with it. I made an extreme amount of progress over the past 6 months and I knew I was only improving. I went from almost being sick while talking to girls I liked to dating twice a week and figured that in a year I’d be getting laid constantly.
But this year it all went to hell. I got into a MA program at an elite British university and moved across the Antlantic. But sadly elite universities attracted elites and elites tend to be total douches. 2 weeks in my grandfather died and while usually this isn’t a big deal, I come from a massive, ethnic, tight-knit, clan-like, family. He helped raise me as a kid, I saw him at least twice a week, and he was often more of a father to me then my own father. It was honestly as if my father died. I was away from my all my family and friends so I had no support. I was depressed as fuck and in a hostile environment where classmates wouldn’t think twice about backstabbing you for higher grades. This was coupled by the fact that the Brits are not the friendliest people and the recession was making everyone more hostile. (I apologise if any Brits feel insulted). Ironically my game peaked at this point since I still had skill from before and due to being depressed I didn’t give a fuck. While I can’t remember much since I was almost constantly drunk I had an obscene number of bar make outs, sometimes several in one night. But in retrospect I was probably just liable to try to jump on the train tracks on the way home. I figure most hook ups were not even out of game but out of pity.
I only had one friend who really gave a dam about what I was going in the UK through so naturally I fell for her. But when I told her 2 months later she decided that a great way of rejecting was to stop mid-rejection to make out with another guy and end all contact with me (but they both lived in my residence and seriously dated all year I had to see them daily, it was super awkward). It was the straw that broke the camels back and my game went to hell. I got anxiety attacks in public so my social life went to hell since no one wanted to be around me when I had meltdowns. I was at the bottom of the school’s social hierarchy again and deemed “undatable”. I finally went on meds for depression which stopped me from just lying in bed and but in return I got major anxiety attacks. Girls at bars would hit on me and I’d freeze up. I couldn’t approach anymore. I’d be sick at bars and parties again. I’d try to date girls but was either rejected out right or there was just one date. I hosted 2 female friends who I had hooked up with back home when they visited the UK, but my behaviour weirded them out so much my seduction failed and they broke off all contact with me after. My game was back to its high school level and I’m still wondering how fucked up I must have been for so many people to want to end all contact with me.
And now I’m back home but while I’ve recovered to a degree since I’m gone from that environment my game is still shit. And I hate it. I remember how epic I was before and I’m still nowhere near that. I’m anxious at parties, approaching is difficult, and I was sick on the 1 date I went on since returning. I still can’t # close. I’m not even on meds anymore but the attacks are only marginally better. I saw a shrink that I was forced to see as a kid by my parents for help but all she said was that I have Aspergers, I will always be socially awkward and suffer from social anxiety, and there is nothing meds can do. And the worst is that everyone doesn’t get why my game is shit. I got a great degree at a great university, I traveled the world and had a bunch of epic adventures, and I’m attractive enough that I get approached by girls somewhat often but I’m back at an early university level. It’s like the second a girl knows me for more then 5 minutes I go from alpha to zeta. But it kills me to know that I once was alpha and somehow I can’t get it back.
If anyone has any advice on how to fix my game it would be much appreciated. Sorry for sure an insanely long post but I have no fucking idea what to do anymore.
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CHAT