Please help me make this story perfect!

Situation: When there are drinks spilled on the table or floor or when someone treat their drink carelessly. It can also be used when talking about travelling, because it all takes place in Bali

My friend and I went on a trip to Bali. While we were sitting in the lobby in our Hotel drinking Mohjito (Another fancy drink to show wealth or something else maybe?), two Brazilian girls approached us and they wanted to join us for a drink (Pre selected by women). They ordered for themselves and when the waitress came back with their drinks she spilled them all over one of the Brazilians. The Brazilian got so shocked she jumped up from her chair and overturned the table spilling my own drink over me. The waitress got so embarrassed she passed out just in front of our table. I had to fix an ambulance and watch over her until the paramedics came. (Protector of your loved ones). She got a brain concussion, but nothing more serious. After that I took my friend and those Brazilians to a fancy nightclub and the night turned out fun after all! (I take people to places thus the leader of men)

So I think I got the three elements, pre selected by women, leader of men, and protector of loved ones.

Any comments?

Hmm, it doesn't sound too believable to me mate. But that's just my opinion.

Agree'd, seems a bit over the top and not real, she might just throw it out the back as a lie or just a story, it has to at least seem believable, sorry, but its not believable to me.

yeah, I think it's a bit too much. You might want to change the part where the waitress faints and calling an ambulance. It seems a little over the top. You could change it to where after the girl had her drink spilled on her you gave her your coat to cover it up. You could take hero route and say you had a hunch she was going to spill the drink and moved her out of the way.

I don't know. Here's some advice, think of an event that actually can happen (girls thing is perfect) but give a situation where it is believable, I mean honestly if someone told about a waitress fainting and an ambulance being called for a spilled drink would you believe it. I'm sorry if this sounds a little harsh.

Ouf...this is attrocious..not trying to be mean. But this is not a good DHV story. Your spikes are not good. I recommend you watch a video on youtube of Mystery giving an example of his DHV stories. Your leader of man spike is not good..it's not even a spike..that you went to another club it shows nothing of high value. Drinking a fancy drink is not a DHV. The waitress fainting and ambulance??? Not a good idea. The word fake is going to appear on your forehead when you'll tell this in field. Your protector of loved ones spike is not good either. The only thing good in this story is that you got approached by two brazilian girls. That's it..the rest has to change..and belive me..I'm really good at MM. I know the M3 model by heart. This has to change

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Greatness is never borned

Yeah seems fake as hell, I wouldn't do it unless it actually happened (which I doubt). Because she's going to sense that this is fake so she's gonna start asking questions you're not prepared for.

It sounded believable until the waitress fainted..imo dhv stories are lame..99% of the ones i read are either unbelievable or come across as bragging

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You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Thanx guys for all the replies and advices.

Any tips for how to make a story interessting without having any crazy events happening (like mine when the waitress pass out) ?

And should it allways be DHV spikes for all three DHV Elements in each story, or is it enough with one story for for example protector of loved ones?