Shit test, They happen. And here is my way of dealing with them

1.How old are you
At some point in the conversation a woman will ask how old you are. Whatever you do, DO NOT ANSWER THIS QUESTION! this is a shit test. Instead do the following.
-make her guess how old you are
-reply with "old enough"
- turn it around and ask her how old she is.

(if she's older then you and teases you for it, you have an oportunity to insert a neg "well that just means you're closer to being 30,40,50, than i am". I tried that and the girl got mad at first, but she was more of shocked that i said it regarding her looks, she wouldn't leave me alone after this)

2. Excuse me we're gonna go to the bathroom
This isn't really a shit test but it definately means something's up. she either
A. is going to the bathroom to escape you & not come back
B. is going to talk good about you with her girlfriend
C. is going to talk bad about you with her girlfriend

So what do you do? Call her out on her shit!
-"I find it funny that women all have to go to the bathroom at the same time"
-(garantee she comes back) "here's $5, pick me up a beer on your way back"
-"is it gossip time already?"

3. Is it ok if (insert friends name) comes along?
again shit test. reply with.
" yea sure if you want me to start dating her too"
"are you going to be inviting all your friends on our dates?"

4.you're a player arent you?
"i havent played any sports since high school"

5.hold this purse for me
DONT DO IT!
"I can't it's too heavy"
"is it ok if u try on your lipstick/mascara" -JHA91

6. do you think (insert celebs name) is prettier than me?
"No, she's just one TV and magazines cause of her personality"

I know some of these seem pretty harsh, but it's a rough game. Make sure to counter a shit test by being Cocky Funny, otherwise you'll seem serious and she'll think you're a dick

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the only one stopping you is yourself

If you run all those lines to the same girl there is absolutely no way she's not going to storm off angrily.

Some of the counters are OK but they still hit a bit too hard. It might work for some but most of those things seem like a pretty douche-y thing to say. Plus i'd totally avoid using any "pee or poo" talk in front of a girl. That's just low class.

- Stylite

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How do you avoid holding the purse without being a dick?

Nice work
I have another one that might work - say with a smile,

"Yeah, leave me in a bar by myself...nice "

Or if you are with other guys

"What you're gonna leave me with this pleb" (only if he is a good mate)

I used this in a similar situation (they were gonna leave me at the cash point) and it worked a charm.

Oh and I have a substitute for if you don't want to give them money to get you a beer (who knows, if she is a stranger, she might just pocket it). Say,

"Oh, ok then, why don't you leave your jackets with me then ladies?"
Or,

"Ok, do you want me to try on some lipstick?"

Or,

"Ok, but do you have a mirror so I can pop on your mascara?"

@ JHA91

Oh i like your responses too. I'm harsh with my negging depending on the level of shit test the woman gives me.

_________________
the only one stopping you is yourself

Oh, of course, I agree. I was just trying to give the alternative 'nice' suggestions since some folks can't carry it off too well if the response is overly negative (I'd include myself in that category, hehe).

havent got anything to add great post though

1. How old are you
- Old enough to know how and young enough to go all night long baby

4. You're a player arent you?
- That's the best compliment I've ever gotten, thanks!

5. Hold this 'object' for me.
- I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for every other guy that you have met.
(But seriously, if it's a small thing, and she really needs help holding something, you should do it - or else you will look like a douche.)

Youre overthinking some stuff. If you need to give her 5$ for a beer to get her to come back, it means you need to work on other areas to be sure she wants to come back, not come up with gimmicks to force her to.

If shes going to the bathroom, just let her go! Dont dramatize everything

I agree on giving her unusual answers for the age and player thing.

How old are you?
"X" years YOUNG, how OLD are you?

Excuse us we're going to the bathroom.
"Okay, I'll just be talking with the pretty girls over there"
(Actually be talking to them when they return).
"Okay, I'll let the bartender know that you're paying the tab"

Is it okay if my friend comes along?
(I like what the OP wrote "Yeah, sure if you want me to start dating her too")
"Is she a good kisser?"
"Is he a good kisser?"

You're a player!
"Yeah, but the real question is, what are you?"
"Takes one to know one."
"OMG you're totally playing me! Only a player would say THAT!"

Hold "X"
(I like the OP "I can't it's too heavy")
Alternatively, (if it is a small item or a drink) I like to hide whatever she asked me to hold. She'll come back and say "Where is 'X'" and you tease "Oh I forgot to tell you I'm horrible at holding things" make her guess where it is, she'll check your clothes for it. Keep moving it around. If she is short hold it up high and say you're arm is stuck. Make her work for it and she wont ask you to hold anything again. Be playful make a game of it.

Do you think SHE is prettier than me?
(Again props to the OP "No, she is just on TV and magazines for her personality")
Always give some sort of sarcastic (not too much) yes to this sort of question.
I usually give a straight "Yes" with no explanation whatsoever.

I'd also like to add the "CAN YOU GET ME "X" which is one of the most annoying especially if you are the closest to that item. For example a beer from the cooler. I had some trouble with this one the other day so if you guys have a suggestion I'd appreciate your thoughts.