LOL so im Aussie and we have some weiird sayings down here. thought I would share some.
This post isnt intended for you to "use them on girls" im simply just sharing some lingo
But it will be interesting to see what the american women think of me when I go to USA and say weird stuff that im used to
*Imagine these in a bogan aussie accent*
A good root and a fart would kill him (weak)
Mate, I wouldn't fuck her with YOUR dick! (shes ugly)
Wanna go halves in a rape charge? (when you see a hot girl)
I wish his dad had settled for a blow job. (dont like him)
Geez your brothers ugly! (about someones sister)
Jesus Christ your sister is ugly! (about someones brother)
Happy as a bastard on Father's Day.
Fits like a finger in a bum.
Tighter than a fish's arse.
Tighter than a bull's arse at fly time. (tight!)
Dig a hole and bury me, it just doesn't get better than this!
The most fun you can have with your pants on.
I'm sweating like a whore in church.
Sweating like a pregnant nun at confession. (when youre sweating)
I'm not pissing in your pocket mate! (im telling you the truth)
As useless as a soft cock in a nurses dorm.
Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
Talking to you is like pissin in the wind. (you dont listen)
Haven't laughed this much since Granny got her tits caught in the wringer!
Busier than a one legged chick on a pogo stick.
In more shit than a faggot's finger. (in trouble)
He's got more balls than Keno. (hes confident)
As sharp as a bowling ball. (dumb)
Couldn't organise a fuck in a brothel (cant organise things)
As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike/water-ski/surf-board. (useless!)
Up at a sparrows fart. (woke up early)
Man's not a camel. Get me another beer. (:P)
Shes got Yo-yo knickers. (always sleeping around)
Show us yer axe wound/clam/front pocket/pouch (her pussy)
As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp. (ugly)
Stiff as a wedding night (its stifff)
Thats about as funny as a fart in an elevator/space suit (not funny)
So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him. (the guy that never shouts beers)
I'll be off like a Jewish foreskin. (leaving)
Busier than a one armed Sydney cab driver with the crabs.
If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards.
Well Fuck me drunk! (fair dinkum! (well there ya go))
Pass the dead horse. (tomato sauce (ketchup))
A stubbie/can short of a six pack. (missing some sense)
Clear as mud (unclear)
Sticks out like dog's balls. (doesn't fit in)
He's off like a bucket of prawns in the hot sun. (hes out of here!)
Crack a Fat (what the Americans call a "hard-on")
He couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag. (weak)
You're as good as two blondes put together. (not very smart)
About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse kicking contest. (of no use)
I'm not pissing in your pocket mate! (im giving to you straight)
Not enough brains to give himself a headache! (dumb)
Drier than a nuns nasty. (its dry!)
Making Japanese flags (sex with a virgin)
Off like a bride's nightie. (very quickly)
About as useful as tits on a bull. (useless)
Another beer? Na, better hit the frog 'n toad. (road) 
CHAT