OK so I've had my gf for about 7 months now and its been a long distance thing for most of that. I see her about every two weeks. But even though I love her so much (I don't think I could love anyone more) I still really want to get with other girls. In fact I have kissed a couple of girls while I've been with her but swore I wouldnt again. Recently the arguments and the distance have been getting to me and I've been actually worried that I might cheat if I get drunk. So I ended it. I think it was the right thing to do because its not fair on her that I want to get with other people so much that I can't trust myself. But Im totally in love with her and its so hard to let her go and see her upset that I've split up with her.

I think part of the problem was that although she had a rally pretty face she needed to lose a bit of weight. I know I'm attractive and other girls look at me a lot and that makes me want to get with them. I think if my gf had a nice slim body then I would be satisfied sexually and wouldn't be tempted by other girls. I have asked her to lose weight before in a nice way and she said she would buy never did. Id ask her every few weeks how the diet is going and if shes doing any exercise but she said she kept forgetting. Then she just got upset whenever I mentioned it and said I should love her for how she is, so I couldn't really mention it again.

It sucks cos I could honestly see myself marrying her if she lost weight, but she wouldn't and so I ended things because wasnt sexually satisfied. I need a really attractive girl because I feel that I'm attractive enough to get attractive girls and so I know that I could be more sexually satisfied if I wasn't with her.

She thinks I just didn't love her as much anymore, and that is partly true but the real reason is that I want sexually satisfied enough. I really want to tell her that we could give things another go if she loses weight and if she moves to my city so its not long distance anymore, but how can I tell her about the weight thing?

While I'm really upset that its ended, I'm excited at the same time that I can get with hot girls as I really need more sexual satisfaction.

Maybe its not about her weight at all but simply that I'm young and naturally want to sleep with different girls more than guys that are older.

You did the right thing no point settling on a girl you're not attracted too. I made my mind up long ago I won't date a girl unless she has a body like a hip hop video vixen. Some of my friends think I'm too pricky about women but hell you have to be I will turn a girl down quick if they don't have the look I want.
You'll feel less tempted to want to cheat when you have fine ass girlfriend.

I know too many guys dating or married to fat chicks who have no desire to lose that weight and they are hating life.

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God, I know this sounds completely shallow coming from a woman, but I understand both of you. Attraction is so easy to lose, it really helps if she's physically hot to keep the interest going. I actually don't mind a little chubby girls, I'm into big boobs, so I don't care if she's a little chubby when we're in the bedroom. Maybe this is a complex and it is shallow, but I decided I wouldn't be taking any girl as a gf if she doesn't fit my aesthetic standards completely. It can be hard to meet women which fit the bill of intelligence, beauty, humor, fashion, good taste and all that jazz, but they're out there somewhere. The whole point of this PUA thing is not to settle! OP, you did what you had to do. If it feels off, it would become really off eventually. Kudos for breaking up and not cheating on her like some douchebag would do.

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Looks are so fleeting..


Please dump your girlfriend, gently, because you do not sound mature enough to handle a relationship right now. You sound like you are way too worried about the way a person looks than the way she acts. Let me tell you, perfection is damn hard to find these days. I am sure you are no Ryan Reynolds yourself, anyhow! If you must have perfection, search elsewhere besides an outer image, and don't inflict your shallow views on some nice girl who probably deserves better than you.

You sound real angry about his choice... The OP's doing what he wants to do. He said, "I'm not lowering my standards anymore" I can respect that a lot of guys would just sit there and suck it up because they don't want to hurt the girls feelings or they're worried they won't be able to find another girl. He's pretty bold he even asked her lose weight she didn't do it so he dropped her. It's better he did it that way than to sit around miserable for the rest of his life.
He did himself and her a favor.

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Firstly I have already split up with her. Secondly you seem to be implying that looks don't matter at all and if you think they do then you are immature. And that is an immature view in itself. I never said I must have perfection and I'm not 'worried' about the way a person looks more than the way they act in general. I said that my girlfriends body wasn't attractive enough for me to be sexually satisfied and sexual satisfaction is obviously important in a relationship. That does mean that it needs to be perfect. Im not sure if you properly read what I wrote

I read it correctly.

Your headline says it all. You gave up LOVE, for SEX.

So that might mean, in effect, that you're more willing to sleep with a total bitch who is completely hot than to put up with a little chub just because you feel you deserve better.




I completely agree that you did her a favor. She deserves better

LOL.

I disagree with you happilyforever. He may have given up LOVE for SEX but if you think only of the small picture you won't see the big one.

The bigger picture is that he has given up LOVE for SEX as a path to find a better partner who he can maybe LOVE. This is life. You only have one shot. You have to be the best you can be. I hope you're being the best you can be. You sound like a nice guy. I bet you finish last with that attitude.

Kuja, I'm female, that's probably why you can't understand how I think.

Or why, for fucks sake, I can't seem to understand how you think!

To answer a previous poster who surmised that I might be angry at the OP's choice, I'm not. Just a little dismayed at how much you guys seem to contradict yourselves.

You all want a woman who loves you, and never cheats or lies or uses you, and then when you have her, she's not good enough. And why? Because of her body size...

If you read his post through, he does say he loves her, and she loves him. So why..WHY WHY WHY.. destroy a decent relationship because she is chubby? I just don't get it!

However, I am curious to see what he posts when he starts having trouble with his his HB9

consider yourself lucky that you can go and meet and close any girl you want now, because you have no gf

I understand what you're saying completely, the thing with the OP is, I presume, that he doesn't want to settle the way many guys settle for any girl that will have them. I'm sure you're the same in your choice of bf. Love is great, but is not enough for a successful relationship. If there is no attraction, you end up living like brother and sister. It's not the chubbyness in itself, it's the lack of attraction that is the problem.
How would you feel if your bf stopped grooming himself, grew a beer belly and a beard and really let himself go? You see what I'm saying? You may well love him, but if he doesn't attract you, where's the romantic love? I know to women looks are not such a big deal, but guys are very visual, it's just the way it is. I think he did the right thing. If you find yourself attracted to other people and less and less to your partner, isn't it only fair to break up before cheating?
Cheers

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

I never got the impression that the OP was "settling" for anything. He had a relationship with someone he says he loves. Am I wrong in thinking that a successful relationship takes work on both parts? Am I wrong in presuming that there are many forms and levels of attraction, not just physical? How is it that romantic love always has to include sex? Or some form of?

Perhaps it is just me. You are correct in assuming that looks don't really bother me. I used to fall for those hot ass bad boys that used me for a doormat. Not anymore.
These days I love a man who treats me well, both in the bedroom and out. That might be too much to ask for some who frequent these forums though.

I also feel the OP did the right thing. I hope he winds up with someone just like himself, who'll point out all his flaws. Good luck to you, OP.

Thanks for ask your replies guys,

Happilyforever: I think that yes it does take work to make a relationship work but that work should not have to include trying to make yourself more attracted to someone. Like you said, there are many ways to be attracted to someone other than just physical attraction and they are all important. I am really attracted her in some ways: her face is really pretty and her personality is simply beautiful. But sexual attraction also needs someones body to be attractive enough and for me it just want attractive enough and I gave her a chance to improve it and waited a long time but I got the impression that she wouldn't. So I ended up feeling that it wouldn't ever get better and that I was settling. It feels strange for me to say that because in other ways its the opposite of settling because she has an amazing personality and I love her so much.

I think its harder for girls to understand in general just because of the ways in which girls and guys brain work differently: guys are much more visually attracted than girls are and so as a result physical appearance is more important for guys. Its not fair, but its just the way it is and tbh I wish looks didn't matter as much to me but they do.

I didn't read the rest of the thread except for the first post I just wanted to come in because even the title hit very close to home with me. I did the same exact thing to two girls I was honestly in love with. 2 perfect girls whose hearts I shattered (that's how much I built them up in my head since I let them go) if you really loved this girl get ready for some serious one itis in the future. And if she's as hurt by the break up as my exes were there is a very VERY slim chance of getting them back.

Every day I wish I wasn't such an idiot and let go the 2 10's I had in my life that were so compatible with me it's dumb. I found love too early in my life and wasn't ready for it. I figured there would always be someone better but of all the girls I dated in the last FOUR YEARS, none of them held a candle to the two relationships I gave up from being selfish. And I'm sure it's not the end. I'm only 22 and I will find someone else. But not a day goes by where I don't end up thinking about the girls I had who became the girls I compare every other girl to.

-Stylite

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Ok, so... When I read the title of the thread I was shocked like 'Happilyforever', but having read the post here's what I think.

It's been a 7 month relationship. I believe that you 'love' this girl, but most people do 'love' each other at the 7 month mark. Especially when they only see each other so seldom. From what I've read, I don't believe that you TRULY love her (love is, somewhat, blind) and I don't believe that she truly loves you (she can't commit to the diet, something that would make you happy). This part is complicated though because she probably has an issue with the fact that you have mentioned it. Subconscious or conscious, she will stay chubby because she wants to know that you're loving her regardless of weight. Its self-sabotage but its reality for so many relationships, be it weight; clothing; a beard etc.

You would need to sit down as a couple and differentiate between the fact that
1. You love HER, regardless of her weight and
2. The fact that her losing the weight would make you happy, NOT love her any more or less. THOUGH The act of her compromising her lifestyle for you and losing weight, thats love. Being thin is not.

But i think thats a bit far gone. If you're having doubts at this stage, I think you should bow out gracefully. You'd be doing both of you a favor.

It's wrong for you to break up with her solely because of her weight, but its way worse to stay in a relationship with her when you don't want the relationship for this very reason.

Just my 2 cents, good luck dude!