I have just split up with my gf and have immediately noticed a shift in my thinking and attitude when it comes to girls. Before I was not bothered about what other girls thought about me, I still found other girls attractive and wanted to get with them in my mind (this is a big reason why I thought it best to split up with gf) but I knew I couldn't and so didn't really care what other girls thought of me.

Now however, I care much more about what they think of me because I know I CAN get with them as am not in a relationship, and I highly suspect this mindset is making me less attractive. I think girls could sense before that I didn't care as much and this was attractive.. But now I think they will sense my slight desperation.

For example, before I would find it easier to approach and talk to girls and wouldn't hesitate about doing it because I didn't really care about the outcome..I couldn't do anything with them anyway so it didn't matter if I messed up? I would therefore come across as more confident.

I think I probably showed my lack of need to please them of lack of care about what they thought in other ways too.

Is it possible to get this mindset even when you don't have a gf? The only thing I can think of is to have days where you don't allow yourself to get with girls. You're free to chat to them and floor but you are not allowed to kiss them or anything more. Perhaps this knowledge that you can't will make you care less about what they think?

Any other ideas?

this is in essence pick up man.... the less you care and are confident that they are luck to have you even talking to them (not in an arrogant way though) the more success you get. go out and make it your goal to get shot down in every set, eventually you wont care if you get shot down and that will have the same effect as having a girlfriend. to make it fun why not just go SUPER direct for a night and one set may even work out and you'll get laid.

Freak

I know exactly what you mean man. Two weekends ago I was in a relationship and on a night out. Talked to loads of chicks and was turning down their advances. Last weekends I talked to a few girls and got some interesting conversations going "I don't know why I am telling you this but I have a high sex drive" but I was looking to score. It felt very different and I felt myself being more direct and aggressive. I was being very outcome oriented.

When I picked up my last girlfriend I was on a period of abstinence (think 40 days and 40 nights) and so she wasn't allowed to have sex with me. We spent time in the bedroom and I would go down on her and make her cum, she would give me head but wasn't allowed to make me cum and sex was off limits.

It wasn't necessary to continue abstaining once we were hooking up but I felt like it was a large part of why we got there and why it was so good when we did. I simply didn't care whether we went back to her place on our first date. I wasn't allowed to get any so it made no difference. What a change for the girl to be chasing instead of battling off desperate demands for sex.

For me I was looking at dating as a way to find a girl that would fit into my world, rather then to just shag said girl. For some reason masturbating lots takes me away from this mindset and incidentally leads to less action.

I'm going back onto a 30 days no orgasm (sex or masturbation) abstinence to get me back into the non-goal oriented mindset. Also I need to clear my mind and free myself from sexual urge to rationalise my break up and decide whether I want to keep the girl as a FWB, push to get her back as my girlfriend, or cut her out of my life.

Maybe we need a cooling off period after we break up - cooling-off-period-after-break-up-vt128690.html