Mack, I enjoy your directness in giving advice. So I'm posting here for some no holds barred real talk.

So a cool thing happened to me for once, and that was gaming a stripper on new years eve, giving her my number and she calling me five minutes after the place closed basically inviting me over to her place.

You can imagine the rest.

She invited me over the course of the following week, and I was begged to stay each night to which I obliged for the most part. Who knows if she was serious or not, but she is convinced she's completely smitten with me.... Those days were literally too good to be true. The pattern was thus:

Texts me to come over, greets me at the door of her apartment, lets me stare at her perfect ass in yoga pants as we ascend the stairs, I enter her door to the sweet aroma of nag champa incense and she then I'm offered a bowl of weed, tea or coffee and which disc of her totally legit movie collection to watch.

We never finish the first act of the movie before she's literally attacking my clothes.

I did have a cold, and she made soup for me to get better. By itself, it's rad- but I'm a chef so this isn't just a random act of kindness-- she's showing off some brass balls.

You might be thinking what this cost me. I have not paid a dime for a dance, for entertainment, I don't have a pimping ride and the only contribution I have made was buying lunch once. After we got coffee and she paid for it before i could get my wallet out. She's the best looking dancer in the club so she makes plenty of cash. Like I said, too good to be true.

Now, I don't know. Last we texted it was her letting me kniw how much she appreciated the help, since i brought over some herbal soup cause shes recovering from some injuries. I thank her and try to make plans to meet up... Gone completely silent and cold since then. That night i try to call and get clicked to voice mail. Its been a week (last tuesday). I delete the contact info because I'm not trying to keep texting her.

Some extra info... She has purchased gifts for my daughter she hasn't met. She swers up and down she's (was) in love with me, sex is the best she had, wants me to stay etc. etc. So in proportion to the level of affection I was receiving from her, I don't see it as supplicatting. But perhaps it still has something to do with it?


Things were literally unbelievable and this has me all disorientated now.

I know when the ride is over, and it's over for sure. But I'd like your analysis of where I could have extended the journey.

resonses coming soon...

sorry, college busy

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Hi Mack2.0! (long)

I have read most of your advice on this website and agree with most of what you write.

Perhaps you could help...

So this is the history... I have been in an MLTR with an HB8GOOD for about 2.5 years. This is a good girl, LSE, and has been one of the most compliant girl I have ever dated...

about 6 months ago, I was getting a bit fed up of her as she became a bit insecure. I was totally honest with her, and never ever gave her the status of being my GF. Which I reminded her off occassionally( very Bad) and also did take her for granted most of this time. I have soft nexted her numerous times( 5-6), whenever she portrayed bad behavior, or got too possessive.. So during that period, I went non-exclusive with her, and told her that I want an open relationship...As i felt at the point in time, It was time to move on...

So what happened was, I met this other amazing HB9FREAK, who as the name suggest is a freak by definition and slept with her. Unfortunately, HB8GOOD found out about it, the terms of the the relationship changed and I was given an ultimatum of being with HB9FReak or HB8GOOD..

I felt more intimate with HB8good, and decided to hard next HB9freak due to her dramas, and got back with HB8good, with full exclusivity and in the process of making her my permanent GF...

Everything was going well, but then something happened. HB8good, was so puzzled with my game, and my soft nexting, etc, that she started seeking advice, and went to the worst person every. HB no.3 who was a mutual friend who I had also fucked a long time ago. HB no.3 was a ONS, and has amazing game... and became the holy advisor of HB8good.

HB8good had no knowledge of me having a ONS(way before her time), with HB no.3....

So slowly, she turned from a perfect gf material to a slight freak... IOW, her behavior started slowly changing. I took note and as usual did a soft next on her, but verbalized it this time... Normally, she would come back crawling, but I got no reaction from her....

She and hb no.3 are best friends now. HB no.3 has a simple vested interest in her not getting played by me... Anyway, I told HB8good about my history with HBNo.3 as HBNo.3 is an extremely emotional manipulator, and her association with HB8good, was harmful for my relationshiop with hb8good. It had very minimal effect on her ( they didn't talk for a week then started talking again)...

Now coming back to the real problem... HB8good, and me had quite a few arguments, drama, she cried, I explained, and at this point in time, refused to come back.. SO i naturally assumed , with her behavior change over the last 2 months, either she was getting gamed by another PUA, or had been influenced by hbno.3 ...

I assumed the worst soft nexted her... Didn't communicate with her for almost a week untill she communicated with me first(another soft next)

She communicated with me, and her biggest issue is, she didn't want to go back to being a GF( big surprise as I was the heart of her life for 2.5 years), has trust issues with me,gave me the excuse of having a high emotional guard as she doesn't want to be hurt by me.... and in a nut shell her compliance momentum, has gone from being 90% down to under 25%... I have very little power in the relationship...

THe first thought that came to my mind is... she is fucking someone else...I told her, "hon at the end of the day, I cannot fuck every girl in the world, if you think its time to move on, I'm totally happy with it, and we can remain friends... I'm cool with it".. I actually was:)... Assuming it was over, I closed the chapter and moved on.....

We were hardly communicating.. Then one fine day, She initiated communication, and untill today, every single time I talk to her, she has responded within minutes... I thought, if I altered my approach a little, this might actually change things.... bingo... I became very sweet to her, and she feels the way she is treated now is different and i'm like a totally different person... We met up after a week or so of talking again, I didn't make any sexual move on her.. 2nd day, we were kissing touching etc... 3rd day I fucked her...

Now here is my problem... I have been seeing her, for the last 3-4 weeks, but I feel that I have lost total control of the relationship... Her compliance momentum has gone totally weak, and her friend HBno.3 constantly poisons her for me...

I can't even fuck her on my terms... I call this a slight 'adjustment of power' to just let her emotionally heal and I have every intention to keep her as my no.1 girl, if this works... I fully believe she is not sleeping around as I have given her the option to walk away, and she has sworn by her parents life that she has not slept with anyone since i've been in the picture.. and i believe her..

Her mentality now is that she has a high emotional guard,doesn't want to get hurt, sleeps with me, and is treating me like an fb... She told me that she feels hurt by what I have done in the past and has cut out all the emotional stability I got from her...

As i've been sleeping with for weeks now(1-2 times a week), I tried to take control, and only decided to contact her when she FIRST contacts me(another soft next)... and she didn't for 3 days... basically feels like i'm geting the taste of my own medicine...

I gave up, texted her and got an instant reply... we talked caught up for coffee, but the basic idea i got from it was,

"I am not emotionally as involved as before, but I will still fuck you... I 'might' get into a LTR with you once i confirm you won't emotionally hurt me.. hence I have my guard high..."

ONly reason I'm pursuing her is she's been excellent for 90% of the time i've known her... She is still into me, but all she's doing is taking.. not giving as much... I have a feeling things could go back and I can LEAD the relationship like I always have... but i think I have fucked up too... She has too much power in this relationship...


Marc, Shoud i do a final soft next on her for a couple of weeks and try regain my control, or should I wait till she's emotionally more involved.. or do you feel she is getting emotional security elsewhere... She actually inversely soft nexted me last time i tried to do it.. even keeps telling me what i used to tell her... ( we are not entirely together )

Any advice will be appreciated,

Regards,
...Iplayer

Hey lplayer, I hope you don't mind me stepping in. Hbgood has a pretty tight game now. It's really simple. She wants you exclusively for a LTR and maybe marriage down the line. The question is, do you want the same? It's not worth the effort to take back the lead if you're not serious about this girl. She wants partnership and trust. She wants to feel she's worthy to you enough to give up other women and some of the control. She's on to your game and has the perfect antidote, so you can't be soft nexting her for every little thing. If you want to have a relationship with her, talk to her like a grownup and set your expectations and boundaries. Let her do the same and then decide if it is cool with you. Use the soft next sparingly, just when real drama arises and relax and enjoy the relationship if this is what you're looking for. She sounds like a really good girl, a keeper. When she trusts you again, I believe she'll be back to her good behavior completely (I could be wrong). She still wants a leader and she will be compliant because she will know your boundaries and that you can walk away at any moment if they're broken, you don't need to be soft nexting her all the time for her to have a full understanding of this fact.
I really give kudos to the girl, she put a lot of effort into getting you back into her life, you must really mean a lot to her. And let's face it, if she wasn't a bit challenging now, I bet you wouldn't be this interested in taking back the lead. It's great to have a girl who can be a challenge as well, without a shit load of drama of course.

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

txacoli,

I can only talk to her like a grown up if she wants to talk.. At the moment, she is prioritizing her friends, her sleep , her rest well over me.. You can find time for a guy you have attraction for... First girl who openly soft nexts me and is gaming me EXACTLY the way I have gamed other girls, and her.... unbelievable...

Communication via phone calls and texts is excellent... calls me babe, etc, etc... but I have tried talking about 'us' and she doenst want to talk...

Can't believe how much I hated the 'us' talk and when i'm trying to do it, she avoids it....

Only thing that comes to my mind is, She has developed a very 'tight' game, or is actually is getting attention elsewhere( i asked jokingly and she got angry at the fact that i don't trust her and should know her better than that)...

But few months ago, she was the one who talked about 'us' and I hated it...


So,

Yep no dramas... Whenever you can... Cheers

Sorry, it's a little funny you're getting the taste of your own medicine What would happen if you cut contact? Would she contact you? Maybe you need to start prioritizing evereything else before her, or maybe it's a lost cause. I'm 90% sure if you start really chasing her, it will turn out badly. If she doesn't want to talk, well, that's a different thing then. Maybe she isn't fucking anybody else, but surely gets attention elsewhere, orbiters, etc. Do you actually want her so much now just because she's unavailable?
I can't figure the situation out. How often do you see each other? Do you cuddle after sex? How often are you in phone contact? Is she affectionate in person? What do you think would happen if you honestly told her, from a position of power, that you now see you should have made her your gf a long time ago, and you realize her lack of trust is your fault, but her recent behavior is putting you off and you haven't tolerated it in the past and you will not tolerate it in the future either. Better be prepared to commit if she comes around.
Honestly, all the mindfucking after 2.5 years seems a bit too much.

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

My girlfriend and I hit it up pretty fast (mistake). We have been dating for a year and I believe we are past our "honeymoon phase." I basically stayed at her place 3-4 times a week after the first couple months of dating. Lately, GF has not been herself, as if the relationship isn't sparking anymore. She has trust issues with me. As of late, she's been very moody, definitely not the girl I started dating. She dumped me via text today because I borrowed money from her ($20) without asking her which lead to an accusation that I had stolen a higher sum of money ($75) from her wallet, which I didn't. A lot has been leading up to this (convos with me and other chicks on FB (nothing sexual) to occasionally smoking marijuana, which she hates). She cut ties with me before, but not after a couple days we're back in bed together.

I am a very well off man, drive a nice car, take her out to nice restaurants 2-3x a week, giving her what I would want if I were a woman. I love this girl, but her moodiness and

What can I do to:
1)Rekindle relationship
2)Regain trust

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Hey,

I just recently got a girlfriend. Ive been seeing this girl for 3 weeks and I think she is amazing thus far. Athletic, smart, cute, funny, a virgin, christian. She isn't a whole christian christian girl, she drinks and she will have sex when she finds the right guy.

She is really a great girl, does things which I like, crack jokes. But sometimes she doesn't say much, if I say something cute she will just smile. Because sometimes she says to me like "oh will you break my heart"... she had a bad boyfriend before, I feel like I have to really have to show her I care a lot, which I feel like she then has control. I dont know why I open up to her a lot and say cute things to her a lot when before I never said feelings to a girl.

The main thing of this is... I feel like the relationship after three weeks is loosing its excitement, interest....
How do I keep the relationship interesting for her, excited, mysterious, her wanting to have more and more
Is it okay to not text for a whole day? But then I wonder what she is up to, I dont want to play games... but I mean I want to have control and have her always wanting to see me ..

I also feel like the relationship is moving to fast, we say "oh i want to trust you with my life, I care for you a lot, its been three weeks"

finally, she is a virgin. Last night she told me, "what does the bible say", and I was like sex till wedding, and she was like yes, but I mean, i just want to find the right guy then it will be okay. Basically fall in love, the other night... She was on top of me, kissing... and my hand slowly went down her back, near her ass, and she was like "heyy get your hands out of there"..... How on earth am I going to speed this up? I mean, I like sex.

I have a Questuon om available. Hos much available should You be Wen You are in relationships? Is it bad to not having contct with her within 2 days or more? Or i.e You shutting your mobilephone off?

Just asking.. I want to know what You have to do, to make her worried/misssing You?

Edit.. Damn auto-corect

Over the last 3 weeks, I see her maybe 2-3 times a week... Yes cuddling after and before sex is there....

I am in phone contact every day, although only if i initiate... if i don't she won't bother texting... once a week she possibly could initiate.

I have already told her that the reason why we are at this situation is definitely my fault... and i told her i should have made her my gf a long time ago.. yes...

I have also told her her recent behavior is putting me off too, and she keeps going back to old days and how she felt mistreated etc... but recent update is, we have had major drama, just yesterday... her attraction for me(in my opinion) is eroding away at a rapid rate.....

She is totally disrespectful.. keeps telling me we are not together yet calls me babe while she texts...
also, I did a verbal soft next and told her, if she doesnt want to work towards us getting back together, i will walk away from the entire situation and focus on other important things... to that she replied " I do, but you are on my case like we are already together... "

NOw, my biggest problem is, I have to initiate ALL the meets , all the conversation,and its come to a point It comes across as needy and me being the chaser... which has always been her... and all i feel I'm doing is giving and giving... she has very less to give and hence my original thread...

If it is salvageable, I would rather do that as this girl has a history of strong compliance...
But currently, under the influence of hbno.3 she has totally developed the tightest game i have ever dealt with.. and I consider my game pretty tight...


thoughts?

Oh my god...

Iplayer...this sounds so familiar!

I was once in this girl's shoes. I had a guy I would have done anything for. I woulda had his babies with no questions asked, but he pulled the same shit you did. Soft next for everything, making me wait, refused to make me his girl, etc. It's so damn familiar its fucking scary....

To make a long, long, long story short? I got sick of that SPAM. I got sick of expending vast amounts of energy on this person instead of myself. When we finally did decide to try to work things out, it was hard for me to feel the same way. I honestly stopped liking him as person, and I only held onto him long enough to springboard to someone else.

2.5 years is a long fucking time

Ok so theres this girl i keeped as fresh for me while i go game other chicks so i get experience, my question is very simple, what are some pointers and tips to gaming a chick who is really busy? Like she is a full time college freshman and then weekends she has work. I understand that acting like you dont care gets you the girl and when you do act like you care, the girl sees you as a lesser man if she doesnt have feelings for you. I feel like shes gonna naturally do that to me since shes busy so how would i get her using psychology, i know for a fact im everythhing she could ever want in a man but her attention is far far far far away from guys right now, so she wont notice im a fucking BOSS. Having a significant other is the least important thing to her...Btw this is my softest spot i have confidence but i cant have it with a situation where my target is completely uninterested in guys due to busyness.

Been speaking to my ex since summer and started seeing her at xmas. I have currently been speaking to her every day for a couple of hours so really are quite close. I am at uni in Liverpool and she is from Brighton though and she said she would come up and see me. She agreed to see me this weekend about 3 weeks ago but changed her mind on friday when i asked her because her dad is celebrating his birthday then but that she definitely would come up. Normally i wouldn't mind but this girl flakes a lot even more when i was in a relationship with her. How can i get her to come up or punish her in any way, is a freeze out ok? I mainly just froze her out and haven't been speaking to her that much since she told me on friday and have just said that i'm not pissed off with her or anything etc. Also this girl is really into me! She wants a relationship with me but i have been holding it off and will continue to do that until she wants to come meet me. She won't get with any one else and wants me to do the same.

Hey Mack 2.0,

We
Are
All
Waiting
For your responses haha