I suppose thats a hard question to answer. I think that her past has changed her and that she is genuine , she would never want to dance again and go back to the modelling life . Her focus is to volunteer in charities and help people. I suppose it just is what it is . Unfortuntely that puts financial strain on me but I do believe that she would do anything for me. Its defiently the toughest catch 22 ive ever been in . We are very compatiable and i would probably still want her in my life if she wasnt as beautiful physically as she is . She just wants time to be at home with her family and friends but she says that she cant live without me and would move back . I just dont want to follow her incase shes going down a lost path. Also since she was driving the car when her mom died i am unsure if she has dealt with all of her past issues( red flags) which concerns me beacsue ultimately it will effect our relationship .

she has potential.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

mack i read your thread on emotionally manipulative women and someone posted a topic on Histrionic Personalities . I read the link and I think that her personality resembles this. Do you think that if this is accurate , there is little chance that she will work her personal stuff out . Also i remember her telling me that her mother was depressed so mabye theres a genetic link. What are your thoughts? Do you feel that if i was to end it , it would be better to do so now that 5 years down the line?

razorfish,

does

she

leave

you

feeling

depleted

?

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

yeah at times i do feel depleted. I just wish my relationship was more balanced with her ie she had a job and she didnt have to rely on me for everything. It would be nice for her to do stuff for me aswell . I am just unsure if she is capable of this kind of relationship based on her personality. If I do decide that I want her to move back with me I just hope that she can start taking some responsibility and not taking me for granted .Also if she comes back , i suppose it makes things more serious because she is giving up a lot to be with me. She is working at the moment and makes better money in her home country then she would if she came back to me.Unfortunately i do miss her and do have feelings for her but im 25 and mabye i should go date other women and keep my options open. The long distance thing cant work forever.

Sorry to intrude, razor, you seem to find a lot of reasons to break up this relationship. You shouldn't feel guilty if this is how you feel. These things happen. She's not the first or the last girl you'll leave. If you feel the need to be alone, or if you feel like you're settling, despite her hotness, then you should break up. If you do decide that, it's fair to her to do it as soon as possible, so she can reorganize her life down under.

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rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

txacoli i agree with you 100 %. I am just starting to realize what is good for me. When we were living together it was very hard to understand what was right for me. At the time before she left she would break down as though her world was going to end because we were going to be apart. I also cant let myself feel guilty about her reaction if i do break up with her as I know it would crush her . The hardest reality to deal with is now she has some direction , shes working but she feels like her life is split. On one hand she has her family and friends of which all like me , we have only met once but shes giving up me, if she decides to move back shes giving up them. That is how she sees the scenario and I know that she loves me but at the same time I feel like she is living in limbo in her mind which concerns me as it is going to affect me. I think that i need some more time to think. We have been speaking daily , general conversations nothing to deep but i can hear in her voice that she is isnt 100 %.

mac - you seem as though you really know what your on about dude. I appreciate the advice you know. It's strange that I feel as though now I can get any girl I want. But what I want is more than that. And I have tried relationships with a few girls now, the one iv just been talking about is the longest. And I just want to act myself. I want to be nice, go out of my way etc... And however nice you think you are it doesn't work.

I go by the phrase that... you have to get noticed to be known. I get noticed and will shag girls. But every relationship needs push and pull etc... but can I ever just be myself?

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Law of Attraction

Also, is there anything like the game, the mystery workshop seminars etc... that work on relationships and just how to work them. I don't know.

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Law of Attraction

Before I start I'd like to state from the off that I was the selfish dick head in this entire encounter. So I've got myself into a bind with my 3 months GF. It's worth noting that we have gone through ALOT over that time period, even if it does seem short on the surface, especially given that we see each other almost every day. She loves me, and I believe that I'm not far from falling for her. Anyway, I went to see her during work for a couple of hours, and whilst being with her, she asked me what we were going to have for dinner, when I returned later in the evening. I told her that I wasn't going to have dinner because I had guests coming over, and she got a bit upset that not for the first time, I hadn't told her, and with-held the information, until she had asked. Things went back to normal pretty much soon after, and whilst we were clearing up our lunch, she asked me what she could have for her dinner. I said the cheese baguettes, to which she reacted with a strong tone, I walked out the room with the plates. She followed me to the kitchen, and said why I hadn't clean the plates, and then said how she always does it. I said no you don't always (she does almost always), and then walked out. I got my jacket, she knew I was leaving for back to work, and I took my laptop which I had left for her overnight so she could search for jobs. I kissed her goodbye, and left her place. She then ran out, and asked why I was taking the laptop, I pulled a blank face, and then belatedly said for her to take it, but by then, she had started to go back in and said forget it.

I had told her that I was going to come over after I had dinner with guests at my home, and she called me at the time I had told her I would be finished. I then said, that I was no longer coming over, as an unexpected other cousin had also come over and I had to entertain him. She was naturally upset, and after much heated exchange, she started crying(Note:she has never cried before when upset at me). We then agreed that I call her back later, which I did, and we had several normal discussions after that over the phone. I had also told her that I was with my guests going to another relatives, all the while being in the cinema with friends. I told her later on that I had no credit left when I supposedly got home, she knew that my minutes on my tariff were running out, so that was plausible, but not yet, of course. She then called me, and I then picked up after several rings. She only has a bit of credit too, and usually miscalls me.(She is dead broke right now) After a few rings I picked up in the cinema hallway. She then immediately starting having a go that I was lying, that she could hear sirens, which were prevalent, but I said that you could hear it from my room at home, which you actually can. She wasn't buying none of it, raising her temperature, then a couple of viewers came out, and she's obviously like, who the hell are those people.

Again, I was saying it was some of the guests that were going to sleep in my room. No sale, as expected, then I hung up, by stating that I didn't want to listen to her paranoia. She then sent an aggressive text to me with a few harsh words, and I then refused to pick up her calls. 62 calls to be precise, and I just kept on texting her, how I was not going to listen to her, how not to call me. After a while, she said that I should better pick up or it would probably be the last time I talk to her. I replied with how nice it was for her to threaten me. She then said she wasn't going to call me any more, and for me to not call her either. How she doesn't care any more. I said I pitied her because of what she was to me. She ended with that it's sad that I think she is something to me. I ended the night with OK.

So I know I fucked up, but I can't give up the lie, and I want to obviously fix it somehow.

What is the frame/mindset we should have when interacting with a girlfriend? For the different people in our lives friends, parents, bosses, teachers, co workers, we all have different mindsets and frames that we have for them when interacting. But what is the overall mindset you should have with your girlfriend? I have heard from some it should be just friend/best friend but I don't see this working and think it would kill sexual attraction. I agree it should be similar to friend but how should it be different? I have also heard it is a good frame to pretent she is your daughter and you are the protective father. Thoughts?? Thanks

Hello again Mack, thanks for the previous advise, definetely an eye opener.

There is an issue i went through the second time in a relationship already, and it's the weird case of the male bestfriend.

was in a relationship with a girl a year ago, everything was great, sex was great, yet she had a male bestfriend who she talked with on phone, and they were hanging out daily, i held my insecurity about this for months and months, until i brought it up on the break up, until i found out that this nice male "Best friend" Never, ever even heard of me, there were even days when she called me crying because her bestfriend is leaving to another country.



With the girl i am with now, it feels like a weird flash back, she also has a male "Best friend", who knows everything about her, hangs out with him for years, knows her parents and family, they have fights together a lot, she's the one calling him, he's a very jealous type, who gets mad over everything, she talks about him almost daily, even when we're talking, and i mentioned that i don't like hearing about what guys do, yet she did not give a fuck.

when i asked about this friend, she probably talked for 3 hours about how they met, and that he told her he liked her once, but she did not agree because he's like a brother for her (i am no fool, i know she's the one who made a move on him and he rejected her).

Anyway, i am not the super jealous type, i know my value, but when i asked her if he knows about our relationship, she said he does not, i asked why ? she brought up weird bull about him being over protective bla bla bla, i told her that she has to tell because it's weird, she said with time.

she told me nothing ever happened with them before, even previously i told her i had a same situation in a relationship, and i don't like this, so i told her to not mention him infront of me and do it behind my back instead, she insisted on telling me everything, when they go out when they talk etc. (i don't believe a girl would tell "Everything").


She definetely has her friends on prioraty obove me, and is more than ok to go out with her friends over me.

now this friend is with her a year before i even got to know her.

we are in a relationship, she said she loves me various times, and she comes back each time i " Rage quit "


Here is how i see things:

1. she is into that guy, but he's not giving her a chance.
2. she agreed to go into a relationship with me just because she failed to be with this guy, so i am semi back up.
3. she definetely does not realize who she's dealing with, i am not an idiot.


I am not being jealous over every guy she talks with, heck i even enjoy when she talks with other guys, because that way i know she will value me even more, but with this male best friend issue i get double thoughts.

Am i overly jealous or this is seriously awkward ? because i honestly find it very awkward, and direspectful to have a male this close to her when she's in a relationship.

---------------
She flaked on me 4 days ago on a call along with major disrepsect with the " hey listen i'll call you back in 5 minutes ok ? and then no calls from her for the whole day because i called out on her for a small disrespect issue.

last time i went all in with calling her out on her bullshit, this time i am silentely treating her so she can realize that i demand respect.


I have 2 options:

1. End this relationship, definetely going to stay away with girls with best male friend issues.

2. call her out on shit and tell her the door is open.


Update:

after 4 days of ignoring her we talked again, i called her out on everything i did not like, including not answering my calls, and told her to put limits even to her male bestfriends she said she already does and told me she does not contact them that often anymore, and told her that if she loves me she will have to put me as a prioraty over her friends, because i would do the same.

I am like that, if i want a happy relationship, i want the girl to call me often, at least twice a day, an occassional sms would also make me happy that my girlfriend does care about me, i told her that, and told her that if a girl treats me that way, i will be able to fully love her, and treat her the same, she tries to always make me feel guilty, and that i am the one who does bad things to her, and that i have a twisted mindset towards things.

She explained to me that she hates the boyfriend girlfriend cheesy thing, and does not even like calling me a bf or me calling her gf, says that it's childish (lol) and cheesy, and that she dislikes the love drama.

I told her if u dislike that, then let's just be aquintances in a joking manner, she was like, nooo i did not mean that.


Anyway, general things that i noticed about her:

- She's cold, does not really show any kind of neediness towards me, unless i begin to move on.
- She is totally ok with not calling me if she's slightly tired or sleepy, and she would not call if she's having fun with her friends (so basically feels like i am her last thought).
- she's afraid to show emotions out of pride, afraid that she will be the chaser. ( she can ignore but if ignored, she gets mad).

I told her that i want her to change for the better and show me that she does really love me since she's the one who said that many many times, and i won't pressure her, she can take her time, she was like "Ok", since she felt that i was going to end it when we talked.

-----------------

In a nutshell, i don't care if this is oneitis, i have been thru various relationships, i can turn my oneitis on and off towards any woman, i already have 2 other girls in my life that i have a casual relationship with, i know that this girl is the "Freak" or insecure type, but hey, 99% of women are, I know i am a great guy, and i know she will be happy with me, i can drop her any moment, but why? it'll be like i gave up on something i liked, and it feels like if i fail this i am not man enough.

Sure she can be not totally attracted to me, but i know she will, i don't believe there is such thing as (she is not that into you, move on) there has always to be a way, even with this girl, to make her want to change for me, and become the girl i would totally fall for... to find a girl that is already like that is tiresome and they are usually not that "attractive" since they are equal to a chode guy, no one is perfect.

Thoughts Mack?

A simple question to a difficult answer.

When is it time to break up with a girlfriend?

What's your take on this, Mack?

My ex and I dated for three years. Started out as lovers and fell in love and moved together. I have ben gaming her haviliy. Love her very much and this has been mutual. Quite a bit of an age difference me 36 and her 25. Last year she was very keen on taking the relationship to the next level with marriage and kids, but I had to temporarily turn her down (this hurt her very much) due to my extreme work situation running my own company. (My work situation is far better now). I have been concentrating most of my time to work and she has felt neglected. She has also felt the high volatility of this relationship, but I have felt it to be fairly stable, I’ve been in a bubble. She is a very kind and loving person and I have been a kind of challenge for her, being chased by ex girlfriends making her jealous (not my intentions). In addition I was the one criticizing her in a fight a couple of weeks back, and this hurt her very much and made her think. All of this became too much for her and two weeks ago we broke up. She was the one eventually wanting to leave. Have been in contact since as we have own an apt together and have all her stuff there. We have also had sex a couple of times after the break up, but she gets extremely sad every time we meet. She’s confirming for me that we should go through with the breakup every time we meet and I say that I agree, but all I want is to get her back, any suggestions?

Mac,

Well, I have been broken up with ex for a little over a month. Actually saw her last Thursday to get some stuff. Anyway, I've been doing my thing and starting to pull away.

Question is, I've been going out, have been picking up numbers and stuff but really still love this girl.

Other than her saying move on...or whatever...nothing's changed. But she has been receptive to a few calls where as she wasn't a few weeks back. But when I saw her Thursday, she didn't back off when I went in to kiss her and there was emotion coming from her.

I'm in limited contact mode...just text...what's the approach to or next step to guage her interest? or play this out? I guess she's sending mixed signals because if she really didn't give a damn, she would complety shut me out. Thanks!