Hey guys,

Your Opinion is Needed Badly

I met this girl a a college party. She is a bit different from the girls here which is what actually grasped my attention to her. She is an athlete, and has a few guys going after her. In the party we really hit it off and I enjoyed being with her, we played beer ping pong and I flirted with her, she wasn't drinking. In the party she told me she was a virgin, her friends even teased her about it but she shrugged it off. Got her number.

Date #1 - Walked to a macdonalds... talked on the way and found out a few things about her which i like. She says she hasn't had sex because of her religious views (not crazy catholic) but she wants to meet the right guy.

Date #2 - Pub - We came to the pub with different people, and met up there. She saw me hitting on girls all night and girls paying attention to me. She texted me in the middle of the night saying ladies like you... I decided to go up to her at the point and I told her how I think she is different and I like her and how she is honest and I would date a girl like her. Another guy who played her in the past was their who ONLY wanted her back due to the fact that he is now jealous of her with me... half way through the night she went missing as this guy (who I KNOW she has a soft spot for) told her he wants to date her and he tried to kiss her. She tells me she didnt and doenst want to be with him cuz she doesnt trust him.

Date #3 - Expensive Restaurant. Spoke a lot, at the end of the night she told me how charming I am and so on.

Basically.. I find out she hasn't done anything more than a guy than kiss. I dont even think we are dating, but I want to. She told me it took her last boyfriend (of a year who he broke her heart) 3 months to first kiss. I just saw a movie with her and nothing even happened and Im trying to play it cool

How do I first make her become my girlfriend in a short amount of time when I know she likes me already?
I am wary and insecure of this other guy (athlete) who she admitted she liked who is trying to get her back and I wonder if they talk, it throws me off my game
How do I speed up the time to allow the first kiss to take place
How do I make her think of me more than I think of her, and eliminate the competition

I appreciate the advice, tricky one

Just meet alot, and create the sexual vibe between you two, than kiss her.
Don't worry to much about the other guy, suppose they happen, you can't do anything about it but if you overthink that your game will suffer alot and you might even push her into his arms...

Look, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but this is mis-posted (read the sticky).

Also, you've already shot yourself in the foot here.. three dates and no physical escalation. Not good.

-Wolf

This is missposted? I dont get it, Its a relationship topic...

I read the sticky and thought this is fit for this topic... (Forum leaders sorry) didnt mean toseriously trying to figure it out where to post this stuff...



Also its hard to get physical contact when she doenst want to yet because she is slowww as fuck

*Shrug* The sticky and the announcement are pretty clear on what kinds of post are allowed: They both essentially say, "If you have a girlfriend and want advice, then post here. If you met a girl and want her to be your girlfriend, then post in another forum."

Moving on:

Are you familiar with the Vin Decarlo Escalation ladder? Physical escalation starts very slowly with incidental touching... here's a link: http://www.tsbmag.com/2006/10/17/a-step ... scalation/

Furthermore, if she rejects escalation then you should utilize push/pull mechanics and turn away from her / deprive her of attention / look disinterested for a small amount of time. Then try again a little while later.

Lastly, going on fancy dates with a girl who wont let you escalate is rewarding bad behavior.

-Wolf

How old are you guys? 17?

Anyway, couple of red flags here. Proceed with caution. There seem to be some issues with this girl.

You were doing great. Date 2 was great. She even txted you in the middle of the night. Can you elaborate about what went on before she disappeared, when she disappeared and after she disappeared... and how you found out what happened between she and her ex?

Date 3 = total disaster. Read below.
I don't know if I can be of much service to a 17 year old trying to date a virgin. It's been a long time since I've had to deal with that kind of shit. But please elaborate on the incidents that transpired on Date 2.

Do NOT buy her things or take her out thinking that you will speed up the process. Providing doesn't help. just my two cents.

Get this. I am 20, she is 21.

Date #2. We met up at the pub and I flirted with many girls. She was just watching. She had her phone out a lot as I saw from the distance and I am 90% sure she was texting the basketball buy it bothered me so I stepped up my game and showed her what I was made off. Finally she looked at me caught eye contact and she said she was waiting for me to come over... I came over and we spoke and that is when I told her how different she is to me to other girls and what I like about her. I read that youre never suppose to give your feelings away directly to a girl but this girl had something honest and serious about her so I didn't want any games. I told her that I like her and she said there is something different about me and she trusts me.... After talking for an hour she said she had to go bathroom, where she dissapeared and this guy who now all of a sudden likes her tried to kiss her. She told me she didnt and I dont know whats going on between them. Nevertheless it sucked because i know she has a soft spot for her, so i left. She called me and texted me as i was walking home I didnt pick up. She then told me on facebook she wants me to come over to her house watch a movie which i did but nothing happened, not even kino.

We have spoken everyday since, and I am wondering if i should completely back off. I want to move this forward. I want her to get that feeling back and want to be with me

Virgin at 21 is a red flag... Telling you she's a virgin the first day you met her is a double red flag.

I'm sensing that even though you say you don't like to play games, you'll need to play games with her. She responds well to alpha behavior: txting u when she saw u flirt with other girls, txting you when you left the party, losing interest when you invited her to an expensive meal.
How did this conversation go?

"I like you"
"There's something different about you. I trust you"

Like that?

Not sure, dude. You went to her house after you told her you liked her and didn't try to kiss her? How come? No IOI's from her?

She may be using you to make the other dude jealous.
Definitely back off. Not sure if completely, as it might seem like you're pissed at her and resent something. But you need to be the guy you were at the party (which btw, was not a date) if you want to sleep with this chick.

Keep posting updates during the week.

goodname and wolf are right.

No dinners until some physical affection. For you that may be a kiss, for me that's sex, for some that may be a threesome with her friend. I dotn care what her putative experience level is, she could kiss you passionately at the most prudish of levels.

The point is your framing your relationship as trying to buy her affection. This sets a bad pattern and I would knock it off asap or your love life is going to be mediocre at best.

So far havent replied to her text... "Oh hey, how are you?"....

I feel like something is up, normally she double texts or something. I feel like me and her are also slipping away from each other

At least she's texting. Be strong, don't reply.

Hey man, I definitely understand where you're coming from. I too have been going through a similar situation with this girl I'm really into that's also virgin. You already have an edge that I didn't at the time, and that edge is she initiates conversation.

Her initiating all the time shows that she's really into you, and she's also more invested. Use that to your advantage and start creating sexual attraction with her from the very moment you begin to talk (txt, phone calls, internet, or in person). Chief made and awesome post about sexual attraction that's very easy to follow once you understand the concept. (Would post link but I have too few posts to do so).

Using constant sexual attraction along with kino escalation and well timed freeze outs allowed me to overcome this kind of situation. Above all else keep your cool, and remain in that laid back state. If for any reason it gets to you don't be afraid to take a break from talking to her, or seeing her. Get your mind right (trust me it helps out a lot) she can wait. Remember your the man and you run the show. Good luck!

_________________
“Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things.” - Randy Pausch

i was in a similar situation in high school. i dated a girl who was a virgin for 6 months (i was dying inside) take it from me, it's NOT easy. you will quickly lose interest without sexual encounters no matter how great she is. (my girlfriend at the time was a perfect 10, even the type of girl i'd be able to call up at 2am if i was in a bad mood and she'd be right over to cuddle up and watch a movie with me. plus, she punched my best friend in the balls and called him a pussy the first day i introduced them which was AWESOME to me)

these type of girls are generally insecure about themselves since they can't hold a long relationship for the reason that they're uncomfortable with "giving themselves up". they're constantly surrounded by successful relationships and feel uneasy about all the guys that try to sleep with them so their guard is always up. you have to successfully prove to her that you genuinely like being with her and not trying to just get in her pants. don't over-compliment her either because she will get uncomfortable. hold her hand whenever you guys are together and next time you see her, no matter what, kiss her goodbye even if it's just a quick peck on the cheek/lips. once you guys are seeing each other exclusively you can get her to "fool around" a bit by playing a bit of the cat-string theory.

when you're with her, say, watching a movie in private together and you start making out, try escalating things a bit further until she stops you. then just stop everything and ignore her. she'll start to get uncomfortable and try and pull you back by playing around with you a bit. that's how i got my girl to give me her first HJ which kinda sucked but it was baby steps in the right direction. but honestly, if i were you, and if you aren't a bible thumper who only believes in sex after marriage yourself, i'd honestly stay away.

she might seem great and you love spending time with her, but after a while the sexual tension gets overwhelming if you can't get your rocks off with her once in a while. assuming you are a mature guy who believes in relationships and wouldn't cheat, this will be a massive obstacle to get over.

i'd move on.

1- I am a fan of being direct. Stop playing nice and shit, flirt, tease, (basically push pull) and kino a lot.

2- The is a horrible mindset. Basically, never worry about the other guy or guys. You are on your own, you're not competing against the others, you are competing against yourself and the girl is the prize. If you start comparing yourself to others, you'll start doubting, which will create insecurity and in turn lower attraction. I'll repeat, DON'T WORRY ABOUT OTHERS, just focus on your game.

3- Kino, kino, kino. DeAngelo said it this way, 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Basically everytime move closer to a kiss (like cheek to cheek when talking, whisper in the ears with the hand behind the neck,etc) and then pull back a bit. It'll create this anxiety in the girl's mind as she'll wonder why you are not going. At some point, just go for it.

4- This one is simple, create attraction. Creating attraction is up to you though, tons of ways to do it, just read up on it.


My take on this... You are a "good friend" to her, you'll probably have a hard time getting out of there.

I'll give you 2 pieces of advice that led me to actually getting laid more often in 2 years than in the 24 previous years of my life....

1 - If you want the girl, you gotta risk losing the girl...

You don't want her as a friend, no matter what you say, man-to-woman friendship doesn't exist (opposite does exist though). Don't worry about losing her friendship, it doesn't really matter to you, all you care about is that she's around you since you give her move value than you, if you end up losing her friendship, conclusion is that you never actually could've closed her. Move on.

2 - Just do it

Pretty self-explanatory. Stop thinking, just go for it. You'll look more confident. I'm not telling you to go straight in for a kiss when you meet her. All I'm saying is to actually go in at some point during the evening.

Hope this helps

Cheers!