Hey guys, I know this girl Chantyl from school, I got "The Game" on saturday and have been reading it non stop and kinda wanted to try this on msn tonight cause I was sick today at school so didnt get a chance in real life. Anyways I ended getting 3 girls numbers over msn that I know from school and work tonight, ones really more of a friend and another wasnt done as well but heres Chantyls. I'd love a critique

Devon: Heeeey Chantyl
Chantyl: heey
Devon: Whats up?
Chantyl: Nothing really
Devon: wow that sounds boring
Chantyl: hahaha
Chantyl: thanks...
Devon: I bet you wouldnt be bored if we were doing something
Chantyl: lol
Chantyl: probably nt
Chantyl: but I am doing something
Chantyl: its jsut not fun
Devon: oooh, and what is that lol, tell me before I go to give volunteer service
Chantyl: lmao
Chantyl: tagging photos of me on facebook
Devon: Thats boring? I love seeing pictures of me
Chantyl: lmao
Chantyl: i bet you doo!!!
Devon: I just realized. I dont have any pictures of you and me! :-O
Chantyl: lmao
Chantyl: well we have to get on that
Devon: well bring in a camera tomorrow and we will
Chantyl: haha ok!
Devon: well ive gotta go, all that library volunteering service is tough
Chantyl: hahaha
Chantyl: probably
Chantyl: kk have funn!!
Chantyl: be good
Devon: lol I'm always good in the library , its once that i get out im bad . lol you and me are rarely on msn at the same time, any other ways we can keep in contact?
Chantyl: cell?
Devon: sure :p that works lol
Chantyl: well
Chantyl: XXX-XXXX
Chantyl: XX^ (wrote wrong number)
Devon: lol you should learn to count , cya Chantyl
Chantyl: lmao
Chantyl: thanks
Chantyl: kk peace boy

and that was it. I kinda tried using a few things, to get her number used MM, the neg was out of place but at the end with the wrong number, used an FTC cause I was running out of stuff to talk about, and tried to DHV with the library volunteer service lol.

Any ideas on how to improve or comments? Gladly appreciated
Thanks in advance,
Devon

Looks like a good example. You had some cocky/funny comments in there. You stayed away from AFC comments, and demonstrated higher value. You even # closed her, so it's obvious you have the rapport built with her. The only thing I suggest is this, when you get a phone number in the field, on msn, or whatever. That you spend a few more minutes afterwards to comfort build so she doesn't feel weird. Based on what you posted it looks like you talked for 3 minutes, got her number, and bailed. If you don't comfort build afterwords she may get some Buyer's remorse.

Overall good job,

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