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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 12:00 am 
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Hey Mack. I think you have missed my post few pages back.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 2:21 am 
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Quote:
Nice! You are RSA ( relationship artist ) :D
Sometimes when I ask my gf what she is thinking or what made her so serious, I get zero answers from her.
She goes behind excuse that we are no friends, as I got some answers from Lodewijkp. That means she wants to bigger emotsional connection with me, aight.
So today when talking in fb I thought how to fix that and started to shoot some openers to her.
I got some nice answers and it was happy conversation, we got into talk mood.
I'd like to know if I am on the right way to achive better emotsional connection when I am useing openers etc for that or is there better ways.
Also yesterday I wanted to see knight and day again and so we watched it together. There was part when Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz are talking about their dreams and what they wanna do on Someday. After movie I asked her what are her Somedays, but that conversation didn't end very well. I have also asked what are her life most defining moments, but I fucked up that conversation too with
giving too silly answers, because I don't know how to express myself very well. So are there any good anwers to these topics or do I need something outside of the box when I want to get better emotsional connection.
sorry i missed this post.

i am glad that you reposted so i could find it.

you are not going to like what i have to say...

tough shit, lol, you want honesty!

here goes...

forget this girl. she is a bitch. i can tell you are young. that's ok.

BUT you have already cut off your balls and gave them to this girl.

this girl has no right to criticize and analyze and critique everything that you do.

PUA ASIDE, you are a person, you are your own person, and this girl is playing jedi mind tricks on you so that you come to conclusions like:

- i fucked up that conversation

- i said too silly of responses

- she tells me what we should talk about

forget her. i know you won't. because you think you know better.

well, i'm in my thirties, and i'm here to tell you, that girl has ZERO respect for you...if she is behaving that way.

in her eyes, likely because she is a bitch and highly immature, you have already failed and she is just stringing you along.

think back.

think back to the beginning.

was this girl critiquing you then?

"too silly of answers"

"well, we are not friends"

etc

OF COURSE, SHE WASN'T.

she has shifted the control in your relationship to her entirely.

you can smell it, i know you can.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 7:11 am 
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Mack, You have given me advice before and I have spent a few weeks away from the Forum to absorb and intake all you said. It took a couple of reads and it finally sunk it. It also led me to meet quite a gem of a girl, a really sweet girl who is pure. I want to play it right.

Here it is:
I met this girl a a college party. She is a bit different from the girls here which is what actually grasped my attention to her. She is an athlete, and has a few guys going after her. In the party we really hit it off and I enjoyed being with her, we played beer ping pong and I flirted with her, she wasn't drinking. In the party she told me she was a virgin, her friends even teased her about it but she shrugged it off. Got her number.

Date #1 - Walked to a macdonalds... talked on the way and found out a few things about her which i like. She says she hasn't had sex because of her religious views (not crazy catholic) but she wants to meet the right guy.

Date #2 - Pub - We came to the pub with different people, and met up there. She saw me hitting on girls all night and girls paying attention to me. She texted me in the middle of the night saying ladies like you... I decided to go up to her at the point and I told her how I think she is different and I like her and how she is honest and I would date a girl like her. Another guy who played her in the past was their who ONLY wanted her back due to the fact that he is now jealous of her with me... half way through the night she went missing as this guy (who I KNOW she has a soft spot for) told her he wants to date her and he tried to kiss her. She tells me she didnt and doenst want to be with him cuz she doesnt trusts him. He is a buff dude, bigger than me, probably even has more game.... that night I left early in a frustrated mood where she texted me saying she likes me and hopes am I not mad at the situation, and says she doenst want him.

Date #3 - Expensive Restaurant. Spoke a lot, at the end of the night she told me how charming I am and so on.

Basically.. I find out she hasn't done anything more than a guy than kiss. I dont even think we are dating, but I want to. She told me it took her last boyfriend (of a year who he broke her heart) 3 months to first kiss. I just saw a movie with her and nothing even happened and Im trying to play it cool

- How do I first make her become my girlfriend in a short amount of time when I know she likes me already?
- I am wary and insecure of this other guy (athlete) who she admitted she liked who is trying to get her back and I wonder if they talk, it throws me off my game
- How do I speed up the time to allow the first kiss to take place
- How do I make her think of me more than I think of her, and eliminate the competition


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 8:16 am 
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Hehehe :D you know me good, 21 by the way, im not going to quit like that either, because I am here to learn how to use force :D and this post was few weeks old. After night we went out and she got moody ( omg girls :D ), I told her to shut up when she was giving me some bs and she promised that she wont give me any crappy answers like: I don't wanna talk about it, anymore. That was hell of a good night.
Also I figured, when she is all moody and emotsional, I always think now that I should care less about it and don't get all involved. I guess thats better for both of us ;)


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:21 am 
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Quote:
Also I figured, when she is all moody and emotsional, I always think now that I should care less about it and don't get all involved. I guess thats better for both of us ;)
huge red flag.

i know her type.

immature.

"moody and emotional" and you two aren't really even going out yet.

imagine how it will be as time goes on...

it's okay, do what you do, and good luck with it.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:27 am 
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what you are asking me are not relationship questions, they are technique questions. as i've told you several times in this thread and via pm, i am not a pua, but as you are relentless, i will do my best to answer.
Quote:
- How do I first make her become my girlfriend in a short amount of time when I know she likes me already?

use the pua tactics that you learn on this forum...cat string...push/pull...c and f...build an emotional connection...dhv...etc

- I am wary and insecure of this other guy (athlete) who she admitted she liked who is trying to get her back and I wonder if they talk, it throws me off my game

not sure what to say to this point. could try therapy, lol.


- How do I speed up the time to allow the first kiss to take place

again, use the pua tactics that you learn on this forum...see above


- How do I make her think of me more than I think of her, and eliminate the competition

and yet again, use pua tactics...

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:44 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
Also I figured, when she is all moody and emotsional, I always think now that I should care less about it and don't get all involved. I guess thats better for both of us ;)
huge red flag.

i know her type.

immature.

"moody and emotional" and you two aren't really even going out yet.

imagine how it will be as time goes on...

it's okay, do what you do, and good luck with it.

What you mean by and you two aren't really even going out yet??? We have been in relationship for 6 months.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 11:52 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Also I figured, when she is all moody and emotsional, I always think now that I should care less about it and don't get all involved. I guess thats better for both of us ;)
huge red flag.

i know her type.

immature.

"moody and emotional" and you two aren't really even going out yet.

imagine how it will be as time goes on...

it's okay, do what you do, and good luck with it.

What you mean by and you two aren't really even going out yet??? We have been in relationship for 6 months.
sorry for the confusion. i accidentally combined two posts. read your pm, i just sent you one.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 2:30 pm 
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Hey Mack, thanks for your efforts in this thread, you help people here.


Here is my situation,

the first 3 months

Met this girl, became too emotionally attached to her, pushed into a relationship too soon (was afraid to lose her), she acted like a total bitch - doing all the things that will make me break up - and i did 3 times, each time i took her back with mad drama ( were both are venting what we did not like ) like her accusing me of playing around with girls (i did hook up with 2 girls in the same day infront of her in our 3 day break up, immature i know) and me venting on how she acts like a bitch which gives me reasons to leave)

now we're back together, calmly explained to each other what we like and what not, now that i have really became less pushy towards a relationship things are going normal, we have no fights, and talk almost daily on phone for hours.

I do like this girl, and i can see she's a flower inside, but she has those walls around her that i assume she made because of her past relationships of boyfriends hurting her.

where she is very stubborm, if i don't call, she won't call, even though she wants to, very hard to get any kind of compliance, like if we're sitting together with our common friends, i tell her to come and sit with me somewhere else, she does not do it, until i have to go there on my own and leave her, if i give her a compliment, she laughs and almost never takes it seriously, sweet talking with her is almost impossible.

Getting dates is also tiresome, she does not seem to be so eager to go out, felt that maybe she's not interested, and as soon as i start to move on she tells me how much she loves me.

so basically, at first 3 months i called out on her bitchiness she called me clingy, and now when i just ignore it she plays cold.

it feels like she's taking all this as a fun game, where i look at it as a relationship that might evolve into something more serious one day, she might be the mother of my children.

by the way, i am 23, she is 18


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 4:11 am 
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Quote:
Hey Mack, thanks for your efforts in this thread, you help people here.


Here is my situation,

the first 3 months

Met this girl, became too emotionally attached to her, pushed into a relationship too soon (was afraid to lose her), she acted like a total bitch - doing all the things that will make me break up - and i did 3 times, each time i took her back with mad drama ( were both are venting what we did not like ) like her accusing me of playing around with girls (i did hook up with 2 girls in the same day infront of her in our 3 day break up, immature i know) and me venting on how she acts like a bitch which gives me reasons to leave)

now we're back together, calmly explained to each other what we like and what not, now that i have really became less pushy towards a relationship things are going normal, we have no fights, and talk almost daily on phone for hours.

I do like this girl, and i can see she's a flower inside, but she has those walls around her that i assume she made because of her past relationships of boyfriends hurting her.

where she is very stubborm, if i don't call, she won't call, even though she wants to, very hard to get any kind of compliance, like if we're sitting together with our common friends, i tell her to come and sit with me somewhere else, she does not do it, until i have to go there on my own and leave her, if i give her a compliment, she laughs and almost never takes it seriously, sweet talking with her is almost impossible.

Getting dates is also tiresome, she does not seem to be so eager to go out, felt that maybe she's not interested, and as soon as i start to move on she tells me how much she loves me.

so basically, at first 3 months i called out on her bitchiness she called me clingy, and now when i just ignore it she plays cold.

it feels like she's taking all this as a fun game, where i look at it as a relationship that might evolve into something more serious one day, she might be the mother of my children.

by the way, i am 23, she is 18
this girl is a waste of your time.

for a couple of reasons.

first, she is 18. DUDE, SHE WILL NEVER BE SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL AT THAT AGE.

second, she is a pain-in-the-ass. A GAMEPLAYER.

third, you two already have a speckled past. all those breakups and bullshit. it never goes away. not at that age. trust me, that girl does NOT have the emotional maturity to actually learn and move on. she is roleplaying "grownup" while being a "kid".

i am sorry to tell you. this is just the TRUTH.

at 23, there is potential that even you are too young for something serious or long-term. but i KNOW (just as i know the sun will rise tomorrow) that girl is NOT THE ONE for you. lol

and forget all that "inner flower" bullshit.

come on, man, you've got a massive one-itis brewing.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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 Post subject: mack advice needed
PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 8:28 am 
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Mack, advice needed:
Met this girl, HB10 who is a model 15 months ago . At the time she was modelling in UK and was meant to go back to Australia 3 months later. We ended up moving in together and lived together for a year. She has issues , her mom died tragically a few years back that she has guilt issues about , she openly told me she used to work in nightclubs dancing and would use rich guys for their money, dated celebrities and she was in an abusive relationship and got her nose broken by her ex but didnt tell anyone. She gets attention whereever she goes and often attracts weird guys .She got homesick and is now living back in Aus and put pressure on me to move back there with her.In the beginning it was cool , she was hot and said that she is very much in love with me however she relied on me financially, struggled to get a job as modelling season was tough and i was there for her 100%. It put unwanted pressure on me to carry her and at the time i was unsure if i had genuine feelings for her, or if it was more oneitis. We are going to be apart for about 4 months and then decide if she wants to move back with me .
In the time spent with her , she was an emotional rollercoaster and i wasnt sure what i was getting myself into . She has changed since i met her, she is very involved with charities and helping people and i believe she has a good heart but at the same time I am not sure i want the pressure and drama that comes with it. Obviously i have feelings for her . I feel like she is still in limbo , shes 24 , im 25 , she often tells me that she wants to marry me and have kids .
I am unsure if we both go our separate ways or try make it work . When we speak she is often very emotional and says that she cant live without me.
What are your thoughts?


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 Post subject: Re: mack advice needed
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 4:39 am 
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Quote:
Mack, advice needed:
Met this girl, HB10 who is a model 15 months ago.

"model" as in "i am a model"?

or

"model" as in "i am a model and actually make decent and steady money at it"?


At the time she was modelling in UK and was meant to go back to Australia 3 months later. We ended up moving in together and lived together for a year.

you moved in together after only knowing each other for a few months. what was the guise of that arrangement? friends? roommates? bf/gf? fuckbuddies? SOULMATES IN ETERNAL LOVE? please clarify...how did it go down?

She has issues, her mom died tragically a few years back that she has guilt issues about

red flag.

what does she have guilt issues about? what does she say? how is her mom dying her fault?


she openly told me she used to work in nightclubs dancing and would use rich guys for their money


red flag.

ok, so she was a stripper. that doesn't condemn her. however, it does mean that she is more prone to drama and gold-digging or attention-seeking. plus, girls that tend to do that usually have underlying issues. this i know, strip clubs are the family business on BOTH sides of my family.


dated celebrities

red flag.

oh yah, who?


and she was in an abusive relationship and got her nose broken by her ex but didnt tell anyone.

red flag.

why didn't she tell anyone? did she seek medical SPAM? is she close with any of her family members still?


She gets attention whereever she goes

red flag.

"gets" or "seeks"?


and often attracts weird guys.

hmm, a former stripper that often attracts weird guys... sounds like she has a hard time putting those jedi-stripper-mind-tricks away. listen up, those girls learn how to seduce. they are master seducers. and they learn to use it everywhere. often, unconsciously...

She got homesick and is now living back in Aus and put pressure on me to move back there with her.

i'm confused, did you move there? is she there now? are you there now? what's the sitch?

also "homesick", so she was madly in love with you but just not enough to stay?


In the beginning it was cool , she was hot and said that she is very much in love with me

red flag.

how long did it take for her to say "i am in love with you"?


however she relied on me financially

red flag.

struggled to get a job

red flag.

as modelling season was tough and i was there for her 100%

red flag.

parasitic relationship.


It put unwanted pressure on me to carry her and at the time i was unsure if i had genuine feelings for her, or if it was more oneitis.

if you even have to ask that question...it is oneitis.

We are going to be apart for about 4 months and then decide if she wants to move back with me.

red flag.

the tone of this statement is troubling:

"we are going to be apart" then "we are going to decide if SHE wants to move back in"

what the fuck is that?

*i know i didn't quote you directly, but i paraphrased what you said accurately. do you hear how beta/orbitter/chode that sounds?


In the time spent with her, she was an emotional rollercoaster

red flag.

people don't change. do you want more of that?


and i wasnt sure what i was getting myself into.

then you aren't ready for something so fast and so serious.

She has changed since i met her

how so? for the better? for the worse?

she often tells me that she wants to marry me and have kids.

maybe this is true. i can't condemn this woman. because as of yet, according to your story, she has done nothing wrong. it sounds like she is crazy about you. however, there are more red flags here than at a vladimir putin rally.

I am unsure if we both go our separate ways or try make it work . When we speak she is often very emotional and says that she cant live without me.

let me summarize:

drama, stress, attention-seeking, attention-drawing, issues, guilt, unemployed-model-type, chaotic past, former stripper...that loves you and can't live without you. you are likely dealing with a borderline.


What are your thoughts?

my thoughts are this:

- she has done nothing "wrong", so i am not going to condemn her
- she may be madly in love with you
- so i can't offer advice, all i can offer is "clarity"
- the red flags...look at them...there are many and they are waving...however...that doesn't mean she is evil.
- proceed with caution.

BUT I WILL WARN YOU...if this girl keeps you in a constant state of distress, always worrying, wondering, anticipating, trying to figure her out, attention-seeking, hot and cold, disorganized...then you are dealing with a borderline. it IS NOT FUN.

look up my thread "emotionally manipulative women"

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:47 am 
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To clarify:
First off , I apoloigize for giving you such a vague scenario to figure out. Although you gave me extremely vaild advice.
She was a professsional model who worked as a gogo dancer in nightclubs. She has guilt issues becasue a few years ago she was driving with her mother when they had an accident and unfortunetly her mother passed away. She didnt tell anyone that she was hospitalized when she was in her abusive relationship for her own personal reasons which happened about two years ago. I met her in the UK while she was modeling , she was meant to be there for 3 months but she ended up moving in with me and we were exlusive . It was very quick and very unlike my character but I cant change my decisions . We lived together for a year and in December , she was homesick and wanted to go back to Australlia to see her family and friends which is understandable. We have been apart for about 2 weeks and our communication has been going well . I feel better becuase I have more time to focus on myself and have some space. It took her about 3 months to tell me that she loves me and since we first met she has changed for the better in my opinion. She wants to hep people and I believe that she has a good soul . When we first met, she told me that she was a virgin which doesnt bother me but I wouldnt be suprised either way and she is very insecure of me meeting other women etc .I also feel like she is stuck in limbo , she is constantly moving and I am unsure if she wants to settle down in 1 place
I just feel like I am unsure of where things go from here. In some cases I feel like I have bitten of more than I can chew .


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 7:16 am 
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Just wanted to add a few more points:
I feel like she was the number 1 proirity in my life and this gave me less time to focus on myself, ,my career and my soical life.She is definelty my first love which makes it harder becasue emotionally I am attatched to her . So now that we are apart I feel better because my priorities are now my career, my inner self and working out, my social life and family and then my relationship with her which works. I also think that its not fair of her to rely on me 100% financially and emotionally. I do believe she loves me but at the same time she is possesive over me and think she is also obsessive. so if she does come back into my life i need to have a more balanced relationship . Also she wanted me to move with her back to her home country which I am obviously not going to give up everything I have to follow her.She always told me that nobody was ever that nice to her which also concerns me because mabye I was too good to her.
Thanks again


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:31 am 
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Quote:
Just wanted to add a few more points:
I feel like she was the number 1 proirity in my life and this gave me less time to focus on myself, ,my career and my soical life.She is definelty my first love which makes it harder becasue emotionally I am attatched to her . So now that we are apart I feel better because my priorities are now my career, my inner self and working out, my social life and family and then my relationship with her which works. I also think that its not fair of her to rely on me 100% financially and emotionally. I do believe she loves me but at the same time she is possesive over me and think she is also obsessive. so if she does come back into my life i need to have a more balanced relationship . Also she wanted me to move with her back to her home country which I am obviously not going to give up everything I have to follow her.She always told me that nobody was ever that nice to her which also concerns me because mabye I was too good to her.
Thanks again
be open to the notion that she is a genuine and good person. a "catch" if you will. but be careful. and you cleared up many of the red flags.

i want you to ask yourself one question, this will help determine how you truly feel about her:

"if she was ugly, would i still want to be with her, considering the way she and this relationship make me feel?"

be honest.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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