Hi guys,

Sorry to post another one of these posts but I'm dead frustrated with myself and want to get my feelings out!

I'm a fairly attractive guy and I take pride in my appearence. I am pretty content with myself, have a good job and have a good group of friends however why the hell can't I approach girls?!

Today I finished work early so decided to do some day gaming.. nothing happened! I couldnt bring myself to approach girls I didn't know what to say or what to do I even walked into a shop and a HB9 smiled at me and watched me walk up the stairs and I didn't know what to do! I am getting really frustrated now because if I have had a few drinks I can night game alright (not brilliant but i'm getting better) and I know that I would be fantastic bf to the right girl!

I need to overcome this otherwise it will really hinder me and I know it but its putting it into practice..

I read these tips but still find it difficult..

I too am an Average frustrated chump.

What I find is...

girls want an emotional connection before they want sex.

But men want sex before an emotional connection.

operating from a state of complete and pure logic will get you nowhere in the game.

Thats how women are im afraid, you have to talk about meaningless irrelevant bullshit.

Im in EXACTLY the same position, literally. I think exactly the same, I'm cool guy, I would make a great boyfriend. But just like you I cant bring myself to approach. It seems to ridiculous, "go up and say this line to make a completely stupid conversation, to trigger 'attraction'". All the same in the moment I panic and walk away, so I couldn't say those line anyhow!

This reminds me of Morrissey, of The Smiths, in the song 'How Soon is now?'. He sings about lonliness, "going to a club, and standing on your own". Then he also, shows anger at his friends advice: "How can you say, I'm doing it the wrong way?"

The point Im trying to make I guess, that I've just realised writing this, is- I cant approach women, but at the same time I don't take advice. And so, I may make that change and see what happens.

And so I propose a challenge to you and to me, in a weeks time, we both will have approached five women firstly with, "Hiya, could I ask you for the time. . .", and then seperately also compliment five women on something about their appearance. Wat dyu think?

ASKING FOR THE TIME???

you cant get more AFC than that.

asking for the time is saying you dont have your mobile phone on you. meaning your not a popular or social person.

or even worse you dont have one.

Dude the point isn't asking for the time, the point is getting used to approaching women. Learn to walk before you can run, or if you cant even walk, learn to crawl! On AFC Adams first day he found it very difficult to even say "hi" to three women! You gotta move in small steps.

I'm in the same situation as you are. My problem is that I am typically a quiet and shy person so it is very difficult for me to take the risk and put myself out there. I bought the game and I have yet to bring myself to start the first field mission. This frustrates me incredibly especially since I really want to fix this part of my life as I am square as a box. It would seem the journey to becoming good with women is going to be a long, harrowing road...

I'm in the same boat and I've been there.. being so frustrated with yourself for not being able to overcome anxiety and make the approach. I'm doing it all the time.

I've had literally so many opportunities and afterwards I always hate myself. Obviously I'm also better when drunk but I don't want that.

Right now there is a girl who I've got on really well with at 2 parties, we talked for ages, and I could tell that she likes me. Then I've met her in other environments and I've said nothing at all to her. I get this thing where I just can't make the first move, and I feel like everyone's watching me. If she approaches me then it's fine, but if she doesn't approach me then we won't talk. It's so stupid because we've talked loads before and I still can't approach her. How bad is that? And it's not the first time.. it happened with this other girl too.

They are both hot though, and I always have these thoughts in the back of my head that they're out of my league, why would they even like me etc. Add to that the fact that I'm not a natural conversationalist (I struggle with small talk with my close friends lol) and it's a recipe for disaster

I really hate this too guys,

I'm a pretty good looking guy and usually get girls giving me strong IOIs anywhere I go. I know they are interested but I cannot find the balls to go up to them and start a conversation.

Half of the game is already done by already having them interested. If I know this, why can I still not go up to them?

Hey guys, from personal experience I know how scared and frustrated it can get when you are approaching a girl. I still feel anxious as I go up and talk to a girl for the first time. One thing that helped me overcome this is the three second rule, for those of you who don't know, it is making sure you make your approach within three seconds after you see them or are in close proximity. This helps because it keeps you out of your head, and you simply don't have time for feeling nervous.
Another thing that helps is doing warm-up sets, which help you get more comfortable with talking with people. If you are too anxious to even do that (I know I was when I first started) try giving random people high-fives or some sort of similar activity. This loosens you up and makes you feel more confident in yourself, which is extremely important.
Even though you probably aren't a very confident guy now, remember: fake it till you make it.

Separate the outcome from the approach. Approach simply to 'put a tick in the box and say I did it'. Don't approach thinking I hope she likes me and has sex with me.

Don't think, even if you have some lame approach like. eeeeerr hi. Anything is good man. You need to get this out of the way so forget the material and all that shit if need be, just walk up and say hi.
Or if you can and you're confident enough, memorize a pretty basic canned opener and go for it. Even if it dies from there just walk off, WHO CARES!!! You will never see them again!!

I find the best way I get over this (I still have massive problems myself) is to go out with a wing. and we will pick a girl and just say to each other go and approach her, then be hard on your wing. 'shut up, go away, go and approach' DON'T let them off, find a lair near you or someone to sarge with!

You also have the simple compliment and you don't even have to open, just build your confidence. ie. the chick is hot and she has some hot black shoes. Just walk up and say 'you're shoes are hot, then walk straight past! She might stop you and/or engage you or probably just say thanks and giggle. 'You're hair looks crazy, I love it' etc...

Finally you can approach for a 'genuine' reason. If the night is young and you're in some crap bar as you leave just approach ANY girl even if she is a HB3 with her gran and say 'Hey do you know where any other bars are? somewhere kind of upbeat' then just say 'cool, thanks' and walk off.

You don't need to F-Close everything you look at! JUST APPROACH!

_________________
Tony T

Well, you probably didn't read the other topics. Anyway, it is possible to defeat AA but in order to do so, you need a few ingredients:

1. First of all, no matter how good looking you are, you are going to get rejected tons of time. So if you think you will get all girls with some good game ... YOU ARE WRONG !!! This might seem negative, but actually it isn't. Because if you approach and you get rejected, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Every guy that does cold approaches gets rejected a lot. But on the other hand, the more you get rejected, the more you get laid too.

2. The most important part is APPROACHING !!! If you don't approach, you will never get rid of AA. You can cry in your bed; you can read ebooks; you can try NLP or visualizations; ... it will not work. The only thing that works is going in field and actually approach.

3. Start small. Don't try to go up to the hottest girl in town and tell her she looks smoking hot and you want to fuck her brains out. This is too much at once. You will never succeed in doing that. You have to start small and get out of your comfort zone in small steps.

As you have a lot of fear of approaching women ... try to approach women with the simple opener: "Excuse me, do you know the time ?". That's it. If you feel nervous to do this in a very crowded shopping mall, well then go do this in a less crowded environment. If you feel too nervous to approach a woman, start approaching men. At some moment you will open women too.

4. This one is VERY IMPORTANT. CONSISTENCY IS KEY !!! You have to approach EVERY DAY. You have to try to approach 10 women a day, if you can. Take this as a guideline. Don't feel bad if you only manage to approach 1 or 2 girls. Don't even feel bad if you only managed to open a few guys. If you are only capable of opening a few guys, you probably have social anxiety. But the cure is the same. If you have social anxiety just keep opening guys, untill you are capable of opening 10 guys a day asking them the time. If you manage this, the next day you start approaching women.

5. Once you feel comfortable asking the time to 10 women a day, slightly increase the difficulty of the opener. For example, ask for shop where you can buy jewels for women, thank her for her reply and leave. If you are comfortable doing this, ask for a shop for jewels and then start asking her an opinion like for example "Well, next week me and my girl friend are together for 1 year and I want to buy her a ring. Do you think it is OK to buy her an expensive ring after 1 year of dating or is it to soon ?" ... any random bullshit will be just fine. You just need to practice have longer conversations with girls. Just be creative with it.

This is the only way to get past AA. Approaching consistently and always expand your comfort zone a little bit. Never get frustrated if you don't reach a goal. Always be happy with your achievements. But be sure you are always trying to push you a little bit out of your comfort zone.

Wow why re open this post which is like 2 years old...question is how did you find it?? lol

Just looking at my above post from then, i can see how much I've changed, its great!

[quote="GoldDust"]Wow why re open this post which is like 2 years old...question is how did you find it?? lol

Just looking at my above post from then, i can see how much I've changed, its great! [/quote]
Well, great that you changed ... Could you tell us which steps you took to make these changes ?

There really isn't a step by step process that you follow, it'll be different for everyone but it all takes time. From what I can remember, i started to change myself with the things I had complete control over, such as my body language.

I used to walk with my hands in my pocket and head down all the time. So this was my first step was changing how I walk. You can really tell people see you differently when you walk with a cool, slow swagger. This took a few months to get used to however. First I would try and keep my head up while I walked and soon I became comfortable enough to make eye contact with people I walk past. Next was getting the hands out of the pocket and have them swing naturally by my side.

When I got all this down, I really did feel a lot more confident and you do get girls looking at you longer than usual, just shoot them a smile when they do.

As for the social part, that takes practice. You can read all the books you want but you will not improve by just reading. You just have to practice. I improved gradually by using my friends. I would try to keep conversations going for longer. You have to listen most importantly. The person you are speaking to you is feeding you conversation topics to pay attention.

There is a lot more to it though and I don't have the time to go through it all as it would take years...as have the improvements. I'm not finished though, there are always new things to learn, always.

Anyway if you need info on anything specific I'll be glad to help. Just shoot me a message or reply to this thread.

OK, thanks a lot. You are right. I am focusing for the past 2 weeks on my body language and I do get much better reactions from people. People respect me more and girls do keep looking longer than if I don't focus on my body language. And indeed, it does give you a confidence boost.

But what I wonder about is how you managed to start talking to women. Your confidence may raise thanks to body language but that doesn't mean it gives me enough confidence to go up to a girl and tell her she is fucking hot. What steps did you take to get to that point ? I am not really interested in how you became socially bette, but more in how you got over your fear of initiating a conversation with a woman.

I have an idea of the things that gave me more confidence to talk to women (see one of my previous posts in this thread), but I want to see if you used these same steps or you used some complete different way to achieve this confidence.