Cool week. I spent most last week at my ltr´s house.

I teach English and there were Christmas holidays last week and what have you. So, I asked the blond who has been currently on my hit list for a coffee in the morning.

She said OK and we went for a coffee near to where she works and where she lives...cool

I said, hey we will have to do this tomorrow again. So on Thursday we go for a coffee again. As we are leaving the coffee shop she says, look I need to talk to you but not here. Let´s go to my place. I am thinking, sure, whatever. She supposedly was on a coffee break from work but she told me that her boss was away.

We go up to her flat and she says, “look, about what you were saying, if you can only see me a bit here and there is just because of work then that is OK for the time being but if it is cos you have someone else then that isn´t fair to me or you.”

I said, “look, I have lots of classes right now so that is the reason”
She smiles and says good and come here and we end up in her bedroom while supposedly she should have been working. It was awesome.

Last night we met up again and went to her place again. She is easy to talk to and pretty. Not a HB10 but she is just fine for me. She said why can´t we meet up at the weekend. I told her it was cos I had kids and had to look after them. She said, but every weekend. I said well many yes but we will sort it out.

So, the new year really has come in with a bang. Also while doing my run along the seafront I spot a girl I was hot for some time ago who used to work where I do now. Walked straight up and we hadn´t seen each other in two or three years. She was looking good.

I get her phone details and say we must go for a coffee. Could be good. One thing now is that thanks to confidence and better inner game you get more options.
The more confidence it seems the more options you got.

I am happy to see that you improved your inner game a lot. But I have to say I can't agree with the way you are lying to the blonde one. You will get in some serious troubles. Sooner or later, she will know the truth.

Thanks Lionel for the feedback.

Yes, this is one of the things that I am worried about. I know it is terrible and sucks.

I want to make a break with my ltr or just say to her for us to chill for a little and take some time out to think about what we really want.

I understand that what I am doing is probably going to land me in some deep water and both of the girls are really nice too so neither of them deserve it.

My little bit of fun is going to hurt both of them and me included and I must sort it out one way or antoher and soon.
Have you been in a similiar situation? how did you handle it?

Well, I have not been in a similar situation because if I don't want to be with a girl anymore I am honest to both myself and her and break the relationship. Just sticking around with your LTR because of the fear of being alone, is a very bad thing to do. I prefer to be honest and alone over being a liar and trick people.

Ask yourself what you want. It is OK to be selfish, as long as you are honest. In this case, you are dishonest to everybody and once they find out, you will break both girls hearts and you will lose both of them.

It is possible to date multiple women and have an open relationship. But in order for that to happen in a healthy way you have to be completely open about it. The girl might refuse, but she has every right to do so. Some will refuse, others not. At this moment you are cheating your LTR; and the blonde one is getting feelings for you and if later on she finds out the truth she will be left devastated. Do you really want that to happen ?

The blonde one asked you if you are in a LTR. If you are, she doesn't want to be second choice. She has the right to have the correct answer to that question.

Think about it ... It is a decision you have to make. And most important, be honest to both yourself and the girls. Unless you are a cold player with no feelings and only wants to use women for sexual pleasure of course. But I hope you are a bit more humane than that.

You are absolutely right.
Honesty is the best policy.

Last night, I tried to speak to my ltr but she is having so many problems right now with her lack of work and money etc. that I just didn´t have the heart to tell her. God it is so difficult!!!

But somehow I must before the shit hits the fan and I hurt them both badly.

Thanks very much for your reply.

In local supermarket and had the hots for this chick for a while now who works there and it just happens that I bump into another chick who works at the same school as me. So we are talking and sudddenly the girl I like appears and of course, my value is higher cos I already have this girl with me anyways,

So, I just say hi and make a little joke and she goes on her way, while I continue talking to this chick from my school(who aint too bad either)

She leaves and I pay and then go back to the chick who I like. We talk for a bit and she gives me some kino and we were talking about how stressful life is and she gets onto the topic of some jacuzzi spa that she goes to with her girlfriends and so we finally wind up talking and she suggests going to the jacuzzi spa sometime and to call her. I already have her number.

It is true what they sad, the hungry never get fed. When you got one number on that phone and even she makes some lame excuse or doesn´t even answer the phone it sucks but over time things change...

Now I am generating some success more success just seems to come without practically the slightest bit of effort.

Also had another kinda of epiphany. Using self-help material is OK but it should never be considered as the real turn around in a situation.

The turn around comes in this case with pick up when you actually get out and take action and get some reference points and get your ass kicked and get up again and get your ass kicked again and still get up.

Or at least this is my experience. I am nowhere near where I would like to be but God knows my days of wandering around on my own alone like a headless chicken doing approach after approach and feeling more and more alone are over at last....

So I haven´t been writing much over the last few weeks.
I broke up with the girl I had been seeing for about 2 and a half years on and off. When I say "seeing her" I mean about once or twice a week at weekends.

When I asked her for the key to my place she just went to pieces. It was fucking horrible.

Anyways I am now with a new girl and things are going really well. We seem to have hit it off and so I am happy with the relationship.

Funny thing was after I broke up with the other girl I was like going back to see her every week and trying to smooth things out.
Shit hit the fan 2 weeks ago when she got quite nasty with me and said that if she had had any sense she would have ditched me after the first year.

It felt definite that and it seemed like there was no turning back. Either way, the relationship was going nowhere at all, in spite of her being a lovely girl.

Couple of things I have learnt...

In a relationship- don´t expect the girl to know what you want.
I found myself getting upset about stuff the girl did and never thought about saying what I really wanted from her. Girls aren´t mindreaders- so next time with this new girl I will state more often what I want and if something isn´t as I like, I will say what I want and not expect the girl to automatically "know".

Second, it takes about a month to change a habit and after a break up for me at least it seems to be following that pattern. It has taken me about a month to start feeling OK again about myself and get back on track. I was having guily thoughts every few seconds, obsessive thoughts about the girl and some idyllic life we would have lived at her place if I hadn´t have broken up. So after a break up, I won´t be searching for some magic formula to "feel better" but give myself time and things will get better.

Also, another couple of things that have helped me out over the last couple of weeks. The feelings of anxiety and panic were quite intense as I dwelled on the girl I had "lost" -

Eckhart Toll- the power of now- this gave me some serious leverage over the problem- to enter the moment here and now and feel significantly better, accepting reality as I had chosen it...

Second was meditation. I did a couple of hours of meditation and the void that had been created by the break up just didn´t feel so bad. Either way, this was no magic bullet fix and I am still "on the mend" but all of this stuff REALLY helped.