Quote:
you have to learn to set the frame, only stay in frames that are productive to what you want
the frame was,
chatting about schoolwork
she continuously fine tunes the frame and alters/controls it, and you stay within it
here are some frames that were present
(frame starts with chatting about schoolwork)
her: you did well on school work today? (seeks you to qualify to the frame, that it is congruent for you to be smart or not)
you: yes i did an exam (qualify to frame, alter frame, it was specifically an exam)
her: re-frame (asserts her frame)
you:re-frame(assert your frame)
her:qualify you to preference of you not re-framing anymore (assert your frame)
you:you don't qualify, you set qualifier that she has to accept your re-framing (assert your frame)
her:she reacts negatively and doesn't qualify for you, shoots qualifier to you, finding a preference of if you did well or did bad, trying to find what is congruent for you (asserts her frame)
you:didn't qualify(assert your frame)
her:reacts negatively, sets qualifier of preference to you qualifying for her (asserts her frame) this is bad behavior from her, this is a point that you should break rapport in some way, so she doesn't get comfortable with doing this
you:you don't qualify for her, set qualifier of preference that you dis-like these qualifiers (assert your frame)
her:falls into your frame, and qualifies for you
now that you got this, reward girls emotionally for qualifying for you, and break rapport when they misbehave
a response to ok, sorry
would be, don't worry, I know you are a good person, just a bit of a brat sometimes
and with negative and positive validation, just practice pushing and pulling, take away from compliments, and negative validation, before you insult a girl, pre-frame it with im sorry but..., or after a you are amazing, the follow up should be breaking rapport, don't lean to far to one end or the other, unless that is the vibe and frame of the interaction, always set the frame and stay congruent to it, and if the frame is not productive to what you want, cut the thread you are on, take frame control, and set a new frame
but when she is calling you an asshole, you should nip that in the bud before it becomes comfortable for her, bad behavior = break rapport and make things uncomfortable, good behavior = reward
Thanks you always reply with detailed helpful frame control and shit test tips. I appreciate.
So by ignoring her "ok, sorry" i just broke rapport when she qualified to me! I thought it was a shit test to suck me into her frame again and be her little attention giver puppy...
And for her very first question, she wanted to know what exam i passed, she knew i'm passing exams this period i didn't fall to her frame by not giving her the answer she wants...
I didn't fall to her frame thanks to your post about qualifying and frame control ect, but i have some progress to make...
The only thing i'm confused about is that in this convo i was jokingly setting that frame, and she replied seriously to it, she always use smileys, but she didn't this, time, she knows I'm joking, but she falls into my frame and react seriously about it... i really thought it was a shit test...
This all happened in facebook she was connected from a mobile, so she can't see if i'm online or not, just 5min ignoring her "ok,sorry" she connected on her pc (yea you guessed it), and we're both online but we didn't re initiate contact... i'll freeze her out 3-4 days and see if she re initiate contact or else i will,
Thanks for the pointers
