From AFC to PUA: a Learning Journal (AFC Daniel)



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Ptown
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2012 1:05 pm 
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@JACKAL REBORN J000

I was merely stating that recent experiences if bad can affect the way you think. I've only read some of page 54 so maybe I misinterpreted Daniels post.

Keep it up Daniel you have come along way since I read your first post along time ago.

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gabi4play
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 12:20 am 
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@Insert.

Hi Insert, always good to have you here. I don't have any resolution for now, but truth is I've been taking actions to improve myself all along the year so... doesn't really matter.

I'll start to read Dag Bang quickly.

I like your perspective. I think David Wygant's material (which I would consider natural) suits me very well. He basically states that all we have to do is walk to a woman and connect with her, give her that Hugh Grant moment. This is close to the notion of "charm" you're bringing to the table and requires social skills.



Being in the "game" allowed me to understand some key concepts. I know notice the "little games" some girls play, and to be honest, I don't like these "little games". The Brazilian chick I've met in Paris lately likes to play around: "I have a boyfriend... no I'm joking", she likes to speak about other guys with her friend in front of me and all... I used to be saddened by that when I was AFC, now that I see clear, I understand she probably likes me... but those games are pathetic and seeing this basically makes her even more unattractive to me. That's not me. I don't play those games.

I guess I wouldn't have to deal with this in day game, but to be honest I'm not that good at it. I can usually open without any problem, but I'm weak afterwards... I see that it's awkward and feel bad about it. My mind goes "damn I'm bothering her". Thing is I'm too nice. I shouldn't feel bad about putting some pressure on them. Maybe focusing on why I'm approaching (to get laid) can help me with that. I'm not saying I should come to a girl and make her feel my boner, but maybe being more perverted in my mind would guarantee more success.

I like your idea of "charm". It's basically making your personality shine. When I think about it, the best relations I had with girls (can be friends) were the one where I let my personality shine through. I wasn't playing those "games" I don't like.

That's why I also like Sasha . I know a lot of people don't like his style, but to be honest, he has the balls to walk to a girl and show her who he is (that is to say, a damn crazy clown). That's something I can't do for now. But I had an amazing time with every woman I've done that with, but doing it with someone I barely know is hard to me.



Guess you're right, I'll keep on doing what I like to do: meeting people in a friendly way. I know how to do that. And that might be the way I want to approach. Yet, that's not gonna fix my issue about "escalating". I need to get better at flirting, and again, maybe the solution would be to focus on why I want to approach girls: to fuck them. I tend to forget that and end up approaching to validate myself. That's not the point. The point is to fuck her, not to validate myself.

Thanks for posting.
This! Think about approaching to strangers and be entirely direct.Do you think it suits you?Because of what I see it doesn't.I think that you shouldn't force yourself too much about daygame,because if this type of picking up girls doesn't suit you,the girls will notice this,and you may as well never get used to it.About escalation,if you want to learn how to escalate and be comfortable touching a women,you need to have lots and lots of parties where you dance with women.I really mean it because , even me who was scared to touch a girl before,after a few parties where I was dancing somewhat intensely with the girls , I feel more comfortable touching them,and when things go fun and the girls are around,usually I go flirt and escalating would seem easy.

The thing is stop , trying to be like the PUAs who pick up on the street.The real thing that you'd want to know from them,is how to talk to a girl,you met(not which you have found on the street)and seem to like.You don't need to look for the girls on the streets,and I bet you will meet pretty girls in the near future which will be introduced to you,and the matterial that PUAs are teaching us , will come in handy.

You have to be yourself,and act like yourself!
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Insert
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 7:13 am 
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Ill delve more into this later, but, some inspiration for the weekend.

yes, exactly, you want to get laid. This is the "theme" of your interactions. The friendly banter, the laughs and harmless gestures of affection are all leading up to sex. It is why both of you are partaking in the dance in the first place. Understand this, work with it. Conciously cueing you body language to reflect this, examining her thorough a microscope can help. BUT, guess what, if you aren't aware that you are conveying interest, you still are doing it.

Don't beg for it, don't bend over backwards for it, just be you. let her like you. She wants it too. Does it ever occur to you that she is partaking in the process as much as you are? Her actions are not soely reactions to your "game". she is dancing as well. Feel her interest out. If it is genuine, she WANTS to get to know you, but it is your job to facilitate. You will know when you should ask for her number given enough time (5- 10 inutes). You know when it is time to ask her out because her text messages reflect her wanting more conversation with you. Some girls are nice, too nice. Too set on your attention, whatever. You can tell it is a dead end when you do all the work and she is giving you polite responses. Yes, she is a nice girl, but, alas, she is not interested.

Happy hunting.
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AFC Daniel
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 9:10 am 
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@gabi4play.

Hey Gabi, thanks for posting.
Quote:
It worked.I see that girls usually laugh to my behaviour,some of my jokes and I'm happy.It actually learnt me to be myself.But you know what?I still don't have a girlfriend.And I have questioned myself why?Why can't i get a pretty girlfriend??Where was the problem?

Well I found out the answer.It was that I was looking for a "pretty" girl that was the problem.You may not take this seriously but I should ask everyone who is aiming for a beautiful girl,and wants her for life...Stop!!

Back to pretty girl for life.The problem with having a pretty girl as your girlfriend,is just a matter of luck , just like gambling. While you may be not believing of what I say,the fact is that pretty girls usually have a boyfriend which in many cases is long term,and you can't budge,or that she doesn't and she is a total bitch.I mean , if you think clearly about it , aiming for a pretty girl will get nowhere , even picking up with the aim of a pretty girl will get you nowhere really.
I can relate to that in many ways. I am indeed really picky when it comes to girl I want to date. When I go out and focus on approaching (day game), I usually don't find a lot of opportunities to approach: I always manage to find something I don't like in the girls. It's not even an excuse, it's just like that. In an afternoon of Day Game in Paris, I usually come across 4 or 5 women that I like, among which 1 or 2 are approachable (when I don't miss the window of opportunity of chode out). To be honest, even for my longest relationship, I didn't want to be with her at the beginning.
Quote:
My fatal mistake was that I had so many chances to get a girlfriend,and there were a lot of girls that liked me before,but I didn't return the favor , because they were not pretty.
I've been in this situation for a long time. I knew some girls liked me but I never returned the favor (as you said) because they were not "pretty" or good enough. I could have dated a lot of girls but I always found a reason not too.
Quote:
So in conclusion : Don't aim for a good looking girl.Aim for a girl that has the personality.Also , aiming for a pretty girl with personality too would be even harder,close to impossible,as there aren't so many girls to fit our personalities,and most of the time she has a boyfriend,so sad luck.

In reality all we have to learn from pua is : Be yourself,be social,and find the girl that fits our personality not that fits our standards.
Well... I don't really like to read that I confess, even though my "standards" are not really playing in my favor for now... On a final note, that Swiss Girl seemed to really suit me in personality and standards...
Quote:
if you want to learn how to escalate and be comfortable touching a women,you need to have lots and lots of parties where you dance with women.I really mean it because , even me who was scared to touch a girl before,after a few parties where I was dancing somewhat intensely with the girls , I feel more comfortable touching them,and when things go fun and the girls are around,usually I go flirt and escalating would seem easy.
I've been looking for psychological reason for the hard time I had/have to escalate with women, but you might be right. I'm just lacking experience.

So, in a nutshell, I have too high standards that prevent me from gaining experience... and that prevents me from getting women that meet my standards...

Thanks for the insights.

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gabi4play
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 11:52 am 
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Quote:
@gabi4play.

Hey Gabi, thanks for posting.
Quote:
It worked.I see that girls usually laugh to my behaviour,some of my jokes and I'm happy.It actually learnt me to be myself.But you know what?I still don't have a girlfriend.And I have questioned myself why?Why can't i get a pretty girlfriend??Where was the problem?

Well I found out the answer.It was that I was looking for a "pretty" girl that was the problem.You may not take this seriously but I should ask everyone who is aiming for a beautiful girl,and wants her for life...Stop!!

Back to pretty girl for life.The problem with having a pretty girl as your girlfriend,is just a matter of luck , just like gambling. While you may be not believing of what I say,the fact is that pretty girls usually have a boyfriend which in many cases is long term,and you can't budge,or that she doesn't and she is a total bitch.I mean , if you think clearly about it , aiming for a pretty girl will get nowhere , even picking up with the aim of a pretty girl will get you nowhere really.
I can relate to that in many ways. I am indeed really picky when it comes to girl I want to date. When I go out and focus on approaching (day game), I usually don't find a lot of opportunities to approach: I always manage to find something I don't like in the girls. It's not even an excuse, it's just like that. In an afternoon of Day Game in Paris, I usually come across 4 or 5 women that I like, among which 1 or 2 are approachable (when I don't miss the window of opportunity of chode out). To be honest, even for my longest relationship, I didn't want to be with her at the beginning.
Quote:
My fatal mistake was that I had so many chances to get a girlfriend,and there were a lot of girls that liked me before,but I didn't return the favor , because they were not pretty.
I've been in this situation for a long time. I knew some girls liked me but I never returned the favor (as you said) because they were not "pretty" or good enough. I could have dated a lot of girls but I always found a reason not too.
Quote:
So in conclusion : Don't aim for a good looking girl.Aim for a girl that has the personality.Also , aiming for a pretty girl with personality too would be even harder,close to impossible,as there aren't so many girls to fit our personalities,and most of the time she has a boyfriend,so sad luck.

In reality all we have to learn from pua is : Be yourself,be social,and find the girl that fits our personality not that fits our standards.
Well... I don't really like to read that I confess, even though my "standards" are not really playing in my favor for now... On a final note, that Swiss Girl seemed to really suit me in personality and standards...
Quote:
if you want to learn how to escalate and be comfortable touching a women,you need to have lots and lots of parties where you dance with women.I really mean it because , even me who was scared to touch a girl before,after a few parties where I was dancing somewhat intensely with the girls , I feel more comfortable touching them,and when things go fun and the girls are around,usually I go flirt and escalating would seem easy.
I've been looking for psychological reason for the hard time I had/have to escalate with women, but you might be right. I'm just lacking experience.

So, in a nutshell, I have too high standards that prevent me from gaining experience... and that prevents me from getting women that meet my standards...

Thanks for the insights.
Exactly.Honestly look even at the PUAs themselves,not all the girls they are picking are 9s and 10s,there are also 7s and 8s,and that is for the best because a girl that looks like a girl should be all you need.Long hair,normal face,and a weight that doesn't harm the nature of the body.It would be what I call at least a 5 or 6.
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AFC Daniel
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:28 pm 
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@gabi4play.
Quote:
Quote:
So, in a nutshell, I have too high standards that prevent me from gaining experience... and that prevents me from getting women that meet my standards...
Exactly.Honestly look even at the PUAs themselves,not all the girls they are picking are 9s and 10s,there are also 7s and 8s,and that is for the best because a girl that looks like a girl should be all you need.Long hair,normal face,and a weight that doesn't harm the nature of the body.It would be what I call at least a 5 or 6.
If I understand well, I should date several "average" women to have that abundance mindset and everything that comes with it. The special one will come later... That's the only way I see to get rid of these beliefs. I'll start a new chapter soon.

Daniel..

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AFC Daniel
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 3:40 pm 
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Quick Update.

I'm a bit sick right now unfortunately. Hope I'll get better quickly.

I have 2 job interviews next week: one for a consultancy firm, the other one for a small startup. We'll see how it goes. The first job offer is well paid, while the second is more related to what I like.

Concerning Swiss Girl, I don't have any news since the 3rd. I remember she told me she would be back some time after the 3rd since it was the day of my job interview, but I don't remember the date unfortunately. She told me she would let me know when she's back. We'll be the 9th tomorrow and I don't have any news. I don't know if she's back in Paris or not. I'll wait until Tuesday (I prefer focusing on my job interview) to take action: text her to know if she's back, or directly call her.


As soon as I get better, I'll start a new chapter with new goals.

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AFC Daniel
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 11:34 am 
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Quick Update.

I'm getting better, no longer sick, so here's a quick update.

Being social.
The job interview went really well. I was actually even surprised by myself. I was incredibly friendly and manage to make the interviewer laugh several time. I think I'm in a good way to get the job. The thing is, I'm not sure it's really what I want to do... but it's amazingly well paid and would allow me to get the lifestyle I want (except the job part... lol). If I get it, I'll have to make a choice. I have another interview today for a job that suits me better.

I went out yesterday to buy some clothes (sales in France right now). I'm starting to know the guys working in a store in the local mall. I went there, bought what I wanted and focused on making the transaction an interaction. The guy gave me a coupon since I come here often. Later the same day, I went to Paris to have a walk. At some point I was sitting on a chair in a park and heard a guys speaking on the phone about celebrities he called. I opened him about an actor he was talking about: "Excuse me, I heard you talking about X, do you know if he's still playing at that theater?". We started a conversation about his job, mine and all.

Swiss Girl.
I called her Tuesday. I wanted to get some news and ask her out. Since she didn't answer I left a message. I'll text her something random or even call her tomorrow to "ping" her again. It's sad how I ended up in a situation where I'm the one waiting for some news. I'm the one who put myself in this situation.

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tweeby
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2012 12:59 pm 
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Don't beat yourself up over swiss girl daniel. It's probably you didn't connect strongly enough when you met her. Dont be chasing her either. I think sending a msg should be the last thing you do otherwise she'll think you're badgering her. Great stuff as always though. I like how your professional life is getting along too!

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AFC Daniel
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2012 2:00 pm 
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Don't beat yourself up over swiss girl daniel. It's probably you didn't connect strongly enough when you met her. Dont be chasing her either. I think sending a msg should be the last thing you do otherwise she'll think you're badgering her. Great stuff as always though. I like how your professional life is getting along too!
Nothing is over with her. I have a tendency to wait for things to happen. I don't want to fall for this again. It will be over when she rejects me. Period. I'll call her back next week.

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Louis JF
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:04 pm 
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Hey Daniel! I have finally read through your whole Journal. It took me a whole weak and several hours because I am an extremely slow reader :P.

I liked how you performed in Brazil, you grew some serious balls there but when you came back to France, I felt like you are slowly getting back to your pre-Brazil habits. And I understand this. I am an AFC from Europe who went to the United States earlier this year, it was one of my dreams. Once in the states I transformed to a semi-PUA :D. I kiss closed a ton of girls while I had never done it in Europe. I fclosed etc etc. Then I came back to Europe and fell right back into my AFC hole.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about how and why this happened and I compare it to your Brazil/Paris situation. I think that when we travel to new place that is new and exciting to us, we have an easier time being attractive to girls. We are happier in general because we are in a place we wanted to be in. We have higher value without having to do anything to achieve it... We have our European accents that girls absolutely love. (I got tons of compliments on my accent in the States). We are in a country that isn't our own so we automatically have the status of someone who is adventurous and is travelling, exploring the world, taking risks by studying abroad and so on. Also, being far from home you got this feeling that 'if this will fail... who cares? I'm far from home and no one knows me here'.

Now you are back in Paris and you are having a harder time then in Brazil but I can see that you still got what it takes. I am not at all a pro like some people helping you in this thread but I'm pretty sure the main thing you got to do right now is, as stated a couple of times, leave your god damn comfort zone! I don't think you've tried kissing a girl before you were entirely sure she wouldn't back off and reject you. I don't think you've tried a direct approach in a club and instantly stated your intensions to a girl.

You have definetly improved significantly but I think you made this newly discovered situation where you are better at socializing and handling girls, your new comfort zone. You need to break out of it again!
Quote:
Nothing is over with her. I have a tendency to wait for things to happen. I don't want to fall for this again. It will be over when she rejects me. Period. I'll call her back next week.
^I love it!

Keep evolving man, I'm a big fan!
Louis.
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AFC Daniel
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:13 am 
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@Louis JF.

Indeed Louis. I think we can even find a simpler explanation for all this. I'm back to an environment that comforts my bad habits. I'm trying to improve all this currently by working on myself.

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AFC Daniel
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 11:06 am 
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Quick Update.

Here's a quick update about this weekend.

Starting a new chapter?
I've been willing to start a new chapter but when I just have no idea what to set as a goal. Should I keep "dating at least X beautiful girl before the Xth" or should I take more distance and set "get X rejection before the Xth"? Maybe "get a girlfriend before the Xth"? I just don't really know what I want to be honest so I'm going with the flow. I have so many other things in my mind: getting a job, getting a life...

Swiss Girl.
Called her last week, left a message. I've texted her yesterday in a "hope eveything's good with you". I'm still waiting for an answer. I don't know anything now... is she back in Paris? Is she still in Switzerland? I've no idea. I didn't do anything wrong though so I just don't know. I'll wait and see.

Pondichery Girl.
I was invited to a party Saturday night by the Brazilian girl I've met recently. Not a lot of potential target to be honest. At some point a cute Indian (born in France) girl came at the party. I didn't game her at all but we had a good time, I was in a friendly fun vibe. It's only later that I thought it could be cool to fuck her. Since I didn't # close, I've added her on Facebook. As soon as she accepted, she sent me a message:
Quote:
hey you, how are you?
was really nice to meet you :)
but I boycott these profiles though ^^ [I've set up the new timeline profile on Facebook]
kiss
My answer:
Quote:
hey Pondichery Girl, so you boycott my wonderful time line huh? I thought you were cool...
It was a real pleasure to meet you too miss. How was the party after I left?
We'll take a coffee/drink together.
I'll set a date and take some actions. My main and only focus will be to have sex with her.

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AFC Daniel
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 2:23 pm 
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Quick Update.

Some news in this quick update.

A pattern.
I've received a call yesterday from the consultancy firm I was applying to. After the two first interviews, they asked me to do a little document to sum up our interactions. I did it quickly and send it to them some days later. The call was to announce me that I won't get the job. He insisted saying that my interviews were good, I was socially and professionally really good but my document was not enough. I could have gotten the job easily if I've cared more about that document. It's okay though since it's not what I really wanted... but again, the closer I get to achieving something, the higher the chances are I mess it up. Same pattern here:

- passing the hard part of a recruitment process and failing at the easy task.
- opening the set, get a conversation going, leaving without the number.
- getting a number, not taking actions afterwards.
- getting a date with an amazing woman, failing at escalating.
- ...

This time I'm not getting a job but I won't let myself get frustrated by that. I have another job interview on Thursday which leads to a serious opportunity.

I need to push it more, push my limits, break this bad habit preventing me from achieving what I want.

Pondichery Girl.
As an example of this, I'll focus on only one goal with that cute Indian girl: have sex with her. We've exchange a couple of messages through Facebook, told me she would get a drink with me "with pleasure". Sounds good, got her number. I'll ask her out and do my job. I'd love to have sex with an Indian woman. That will give me a much needed experience in dates also.

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Last edited by AFC Daniel on Wed Jan 18, 2012 4:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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tweeby
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 4:02 pm 
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Great stuff Daniel,

I like how you are more assertive with what you want and how you will get it.

There is no uncertainty in the replies you write. No doubt. Just, 'I will have sex with her.'

It's more of a 'I am' mentality rather than 'I will try be.'

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