Getting together for the 2nd time and her "friend"



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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 11:24 pm 
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I broke up with this one 6 months ago because she lied to me (no cheating on me though). I can say she really loved me, she was destroyed for months after the breakup. I was unhappy with seeing her so sad.

We met a couple of times last month to see if we can be friends. Things got sexual again pretty quickly and now we're probably going to give it another try in a relationship. But there are some things that seems weird to me.

First, there's a guy, our mutual friend she knows for about a year. Before me and her were an official couple, he was hitting on her at one party. He stopped (at least in front of me) when I dragged her away and later told him she was with me (turns out he asked her how are things going with me beforehand). Then they became a sort of friends.

This guy surely knows about pickup and although he's an ass and everyone who knows about pickup gotta see how incredibly fake he is, the girls fall for it. And to give him some credit, that's what counts. A lot of girls are good friends with him, but I expect not many of them to be more than that. Although his game is decent, I guess he failed to move things to the next level with most of them.

But he and my ex might be a different story. She talked to him about our breakup a lot (which might be a LJBF sign). She posts songs and internal jokes on his facebook wall from time to time. When they are together, there's usually some hugging involved.

Turns out they (with another 8 or 10 friends) were on a trip last month. There are some pictures of him hugging her, him touching her butt, and so on. The picture comments from the photographer jokingly assume the two have something going on.

She knows I don't like him much but she always said he was just a friend. A bunch of people (including me, her and him) were together for the last 5 days and me and her had some conversation. Turns out she would like to be back in the relationship and so do I. In the 5 days, we always slept together, held hands, hugged each other, caressed, had sex every day, just the stuff people like to do. :) Now back to the part that concerns me:

For example when I told her to go out to so we could do some snowfighting, she turned me down stating it's too cold. Half an hour later he proposed to go out have some fun in the snow to which she agreed. It is fair to mention there was like 8 of us going while my "proposition" included just me and her. I also see she often looks at him. They keep hugging, she is often in his proximity, they share internal jokes, etc.

I confronted her with that saying that I see this as an obstacle, given my experience and I know that friends do behave a bit differently (I did not argue, did not give her any examples, just pointed out their relationship in general). She really looked unhappy and tried to get me to say what EXACTLY worries me so she can improve that. I did not tell her as I feel that would help nothing. She again stated they were nothing more than friends and that if he liked her that way, he would have tried something already (her exact words). She even said she talked to him about this and they laughed it off. She says I live in paranoia about him hitting on her (I know he at least WAS hitting on her plus I guess she can sense it).

On the other hand, she stayed in my company for most of the time, we had the new year french kiss, some bonding, she kept saying I am really good to her, etc.

I know the guy hates my guts. I hate his. I guess he respected my request back in the days when I told him I am getting on well with her and that's some fair play, but he's got agenda anyway....just so I cannot see it. Or maybe I am really paranoid. I don't know what the hell is going on.

Is he really just a friend? That worries me the most. She sometimes used to try to make me jealous.....an she failed. Now I really am jealous because for the first time I feel I might have a reason. You guys might save me a lot of bad nights. :) The girl and i click together very well, but I am not going to invest myself unless I know she prefers me.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 4:10 am 
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This must be a young girl? Yes you might be in trouble, or it might be BS and you can call her out on it laughing later on.

Just don't let her see it bothering you. Seriously, man don't lose it.. women like fun guys who are comfortably, confident etc..... doing anything else will bomb the relationship FAST!

Also You need to figure out whether this girl is worth your time. I say this because I know what it is like and sometimes it really isn't what it seems like. but I was in a relationship with a girl who would never have sex with anyone else but she couldn't seem to quick taking pictures of herself for others.

IF THIS IS YOUR CASE RUN NOW TRUST ME !!!!!

Her refusing you and accepting his "proposal" is a red flag though. I would keep my cool and mention it and then stop texting her and calling like i did before. Force some space in there it goes further than arguing. It will also make her wonder if she cares and she will try not to "screw up"

Good Luck bro hope things work out for you two.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 4:51 am 
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Me personally I'd dump this girl today.
My girlfriend wouldn't be hanging around with guy friends like the one you discribed period.
She would not be cancelling on me to go hang out with some guy friend ever that would be disrespectful to the relationship.

this post may help you "how to get rid of the guy friends"
how-to-get-rid-of-the-guy-friends--vt117544.html
but you're coming from a bad position you allow this behavior to go on for too long.

*edited for error the guy in question was not an ex bf advice is pretty much the same though.

_________________
Friendzone 1-vt51424.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0


Last edited by Reo on Mon Jan 02, 2012 4:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 5:42 am 
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girls are always "devastated" after you break up with them.

not necessarily because they love you, but because they don't do "alone" well and it hurts their ego and destroys their self-image of "angel/princess".

also, once a liar always a liar.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 9:14 am 
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Quote:
Me personally I'd dump this girl today.
My girlfriend wouldn't be hanging out with any ex boyfriends period.
Then she better not ever cancel on me to go hang out with the ex for any reason i don't care if the ex had a major emergency and he needed her my stuff comes first always. She disrespecting you.

You said she even lets the ex puts his hands on her ass an everything.
Why do you let this slide? Are you that afraid of losing her?
He's not ex, he's never had a relationship with her.

His hands on her ass are from time when we two were not together. I wasn't present at that time, too.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 9:19 am 
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Quote:
girls are always "devastated" after you break up with them.

not necessarily because they love you, but because they don't do "alone" well and it hurts their ego and destroys their self-image of "angel/princess".

also, once a liar always a liar.
Well, she lost quite a lot of weight under the healthy level. Aso ,she started crying every time she seen me. I can say she really loved me, she also spent all her money on me, seeing me, etc. She used everything she had to be with me. But times may have changed...

I can agree with the liar, though. And that's why I am worried. Still, over all the girls I had in past year or two, she was the best. And I lied to her too.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 9:22 am 
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Quote:
This must be a young girl? Yes you might be in trouble, or it might be BS and you can call her out on it laughing later on.

Just don't let her see it bothering you. Seriously, man don't lose it.. women like fun guys who are comfortably, confident etc..... doing anything else will bomb the relationship FAST!

Also You need to figure out whether this girl is worth your time. I say this because I know what it is like and sometimes it really isn't what it seems like. but I was in a relationship with a girl who would never have sex with anyone else but she couldn't seem to quick taking pictures of herself for others.

IF THIS IS YOUR CASE RUN NOW TRUST ME !!!!!

Her refusing you and accepting his "proposal" is a red flag though. I would keep my cool and mention it and then stop texting her and calling like i did before. Force some space in there it goes further than arguing. It will also make her wonder if she cares and she will try not to "screw up"

Good Luck bro hope things work out for you two.
She's 20.

Pictures are not a problem.

Yeah, the "proposal" thing worries me a lot. I'll slow down my activity a bit.

Thanks guys!


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 4:34 pm 
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Thanks, Reo.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 5:47 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2012 3:12 am
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Quote:
Quote:
girls are always "devastated" after you break up with them.

not necessarily because they love you, but because they don't do "alone" well and it hurts their ego and destroys their self-image of "angel/princess".

also, once a liar always a liar.
Well, she lost quite a lot of weight under the healthy level. Aso ,she started crying every time she seen me. I can say she really loved me, she also spent all her money on me, seeing me, etc. She used everything she had to be with me. But times may have changed...

I can agree with the liar, though. And that's why I am worried. Still, over all the girls I had in past year or two, she was the best. And I lied to her too.




RUN RUN RUN :lol:


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 5:58 pm 
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Joined: Fri Nov 04, 2011 1:31 pm
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
girls are always "devastated" after you break up with them.

not necessarily because they love you, but because they don't do "alone" well and it hurts their ego and destroys their self-image of "angel/princess".

also, once a liar always a liar.
Well, she lost quite a lot of weight under the healthy level. Aso ,she started crying every time she seen me. I can say she really loved me, she also spent all her money on me, seeing me, etc. She used everything she had to be with me. But times may have changed...

I can agree with the liar, though. And that's why I am worried. Still, over all the girls I had in past year or two, she was the best. And I lied to her too.




RUN RUN RUN :lol:
To put this straight, she lied to me in means of spying on me more than I would find acceptable. I mean, she was checking my phone, email and facebook and I had no idea. No lies regarding other males as far as I know.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 9:26 pm 
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So should I confront her about it and request she stops seeing him or something like that?


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 06, 2012 4:35 pm 
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Just a quick update

that "rival" i was talking about is friendzoned SOOOO hard. No threat.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 4:16 am 
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umm i would be cautious. if she told him that you asked about their relationship with eachother he will know that you see him as a threat. if he knows his tactics he can play on this and slowly pull her away from you if those are his intentions. try not to fuel the fire by asking questions or assuming or seeming uneasy about it.


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