YO MACK

I have been reading through and found you asking these questions:

"- has she changed the way her hair looks recently?
- has she changed the way her clothes look / her wardrobe?
- any new perfume?
- new schedule?
- has she been less available in recent history? timewise? emotionally?
- new phone? keeping her phone off? hidden? tucked away?
- any new activities? tae bo class? painting?"


...from a previous guys question.


My question is, because I'm really interested to know, what would any of the above mean or indicate?

Cheating

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Holy shizz. How did I not see that HAHA blonde moment.

I seeeee. Cheers for the heads up!

Quick question.

Next week me and my GF will be having our 1 year anniversary. I'm gonna buy a nice ring for her somewhere this week (still need to figure out her ringsize, but I'm working on that). I have a pretty good sense of the jewelry that she likes, so I hope I'll find something.

But here's the thing: I don't know if she will buy something for me. I don't know if she suspects me buying something for her. I'm going to spend something like a 100 euro's on my thing + I'm treating her on dinner and shit.

She's the kind of girl that would feel bad if she then would not have something for me. Feeling guilt.

Same thing happened last valentines day. I was the only one that bought her something, she freaked out form happiness, but she said she felt bad she did not get anything for me.

So I guess my question is, would it ruin the suprise of me getting something for her for our 1 year together if I would tell her in advance that I'm getting her something? Personally I'd rather suprise her like I did last time (she did not expect it at all) - I like that reaction. But perhaps that's unfair for her?

Perhaps I should let her pay dinner then, if she does not have something for me.

ring = commitment

that the message you are going for?

i'm a fan of nice ear rings.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Yes most definitely.

i'm not sure that there is a definite right answer or wrong answer here.

i believe, instead, that the important thing is that whichever way you choose to go...that you handle it correctly.

you could "discuss" gift giving with her... but that is lame. it's ok. but it's a bit beta.

or you could just give freely without any expectation and surprise her...

she will be amazed, surprised, turned on, thankful, and...

maybe a little guilty for not getting you something (this is the dangerous part)

^ how you handle that "guilt" could make or break the whole thing ^

you can't acknowledge her guilt or try to assuage her guilt, because that is afc

you simply blast through it with your selfless adoration for her while escalating, lol.

none of this "it's okay, baby, you didn't need to get me something, i know you love me" (that is gay)

shoot down her guilt as though it never even crossed your mind, shoot it down as though it is preposterous and you are too busy adoring her to be bothered with it...

IN BED:

her: "i feel guilty for not getting you something"
you: "that is ridiculous! who cares? come over here and let me put this ring on you. i really like the way it looks on your skin. baby, why are your hands so beautiful. i love your fingers. hold my hand."

escalate...

with any luck, she can assuage her own guilt later by either giving you the best blowjob of your life or by buying you something the next week.

to which your response is "you shouldn't have!"

remember (anniversary or NOT) we give gifts because we want to give. not because it's agreed upon. not because it's reciprocated. we give ... to give.

so give freely.

receive with excitement and genuine surprise.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Mack,

Always a pleasure, my friend. So this girl and I broke up. It was over distance, so nothing big, but when we were together, her ex was calling and texting. Frequently. I told her what it meant, what he wanted deep down, and she said he was just a friend. We'll see.

Anyways, we went our separate ways and now we're starting to see each other again. I got her to admit that after we'd broken up, they kissed. They didn't do anything else (I'm sure of that), but I froze her out for a few days. Did my thing, collected my thoughts. She left me a few voicemails, and I called back when I was ready. She said she was sorry. It wasn't half-assed, but an actual apology.

So if this guy wants to hang out with her and she goes, what do I do? There is a female friend of mine who she HATES that I could meet up with. This other girl wants to fuck me, but I'd never allow it. Do I play the "Okay, have fun, I'm just gonna go hang out with second female" jealousy card, or do I just refuse to hang out with her until her priorities are straight?

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

Mack remember the girl I recently open a thread. And sorry for the long post. I know this is not a relantioship question, but to be fair you and lode are the only ones I trust in here

So I can figure it out today why she wouldn’t go pass a certain point, was remorse.

So this girl, who is childhood friend for years, lied to me for this past couple months.

She broke up with her boyfriend, so in that time I game her, and we hooked up, she went back to her city, I simply couldn’t care less how many guys she would have been, is normal step, we are human being after all and to be honest I’m not waiting for her and to be fair, I would like that she found a nice boyfriend… So in that time we were apart, she manipulated and, told me she misses me, when she was lonely, she called me once a week we flirt as fuck, told me repetly times not to have anything serious with anybody on, because she wanted all by herself for that two weeks.

So every time we talk I encourage her to go out and find a man but she told me she didn’t want to hook up with anyone because what we had on summer were special, bla bla bla bla. Would do a lot of jealousy episodes with other girls

Ask her numerous time if her ex still bothered by stalking, she told me NO(same girl who said she was afraid of him because he was a stalker period)

So this girl I don’t know why led me to believe that she was falling in love.

What this girl forgot to mention is that she got back to her ex. currently cheating on her ex. So tonight we got together, and I didn’t game her or even jump on her, because I wanted to froze her out by going as non sexual creature, so we talk, about past relationships and we got to her ex, and she didn’t say it seriously at first she was trying to see my reaction, so I got anger, we talked and it was a point, she again LIED , told me she was just kidding to see my reaction. Pressured again and she went back to her main story , that she got back with her. This plain immaturity on her part.

So I feel dumb and played out by a childhood friend of mine who for months made me like a fool. Wtf? We are friends, I would have supporter her choice of going back to her ex. No need to lie, I would understand if I were a regular guy she met on a bar but Ive know that girl for almos 15 years.

Why the fuck so manipulation, why so much lies?

Her explanation is that her currently boyfriend is just to keep her company, that when she is with me she completely forgets, she becomes irrational, that she has feelings for me since she was 16, and that she lied in order to keep me, because she knew how I am, and if I knew she was dating, I would never have anything with her. She also told me she was feeling bad and she would eventually tell me (SHE HAD 3 MONTHS TO TELL ME THIS), but was in fear of my reaction that I would stop hooking up with her so she lied in order to keep this. She told me she felt bad and remorse for me not from the other guy. And that she never done that, she never cheated and that her conditions, have that type of boyfriend and the attraction she felt, was too much lol.

So im pissed…. If this was a regular girl, and she would lie and manipulated me, I would play this girl and would seek revenge. But this is bit different, she is a friend , but in the back of my head, something tell me that she manipulate and had fun doing this to her friend, think this all drama of secretive shit she wets her pants.

So thoughts advice, on how to handle , this. Since this thing happen a few hours maybe im blowing this out proportions dont think so tho .

Should I let her lick my asshole has punish lolol

_________________
Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

she has issues.

and i don't say that to be funny or make light of the situation.

we here that phrase all the time nowadays,

and it's always good for a laugh.

but seriously...from what you just described...she definitely has issues.

what precisely they are and where they come from, i can't be sure.

i can tell you that they are severe enough that you will suffer for them.

why can i tell you that?

because it's already happened.

and that means it will happen again.

look at the situation that she has completely manifested out of thin air...

"her issues" are the only cause/precursor of the situation that you are in now.

think about that.

and think about what that means for the future.

to be honest, if you are as innocent as you claim, and she is as nuts as you've described... i would tell her to get help.

you are describing a person who destroys relationships preemptively.

work relationships, friendships, and now romantic relationships (now you).

if you sign on for this, at least be aware of what you are signing on for.

girls "with issues" can be attractive in their own weird and damaged little ways.

to us, as guys, it can almost seem comedic (at first) and cute (to an extent)...

it doesn't end up working that way...

if anything you end up being dragged through the ninth ring of hell and left bloodied and depleted by her insanity.

good luck. you are going to need it with this one.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

doc,

this is an easy one.

and i'll tell you why.

the precedent has already been set.

you know how everyone claims that if you act jealous or controlling, that it isn't alpha and it isn't attractive?

of course, that is true.

however, she has already perpetrated on you with this guy once.

i think two things:

1. personally, you would be a fool to go back with her so soon (as you really need to be gaming other women)

and

2. also, you would be a fool to allow her to go with her ex anywhere after what has already happened (it's not as though it's based on your paranoia, it's based on her actions, she's already kissed this guy)

sometimes, it's not about right and wrong in life. and it's also not always about permission or no permission.

sometimes, it's about "judgment".

this girl shows poor judgment by going around a recent ex in the first place, and refusing to acknowledge that the guy is trying to get back with her even though it is obvious.

i'm not saying condemn her. it's not as though a kiss is the end of the world. it's not a capital offense.

but the point is, look at what you are doing and why...

one-itis can be tricky and it can be a bitch.

you are planning your next moves around getting back with a girl that:

- you two have already broke up once (compatibility issues)
- she hangs around her exes (drama)
- she kissed her ex (judgment)
- recent future (fresh wounds, no time for personal growth)

i'm an algebra guy...let's see...

(compatibility issues + drama x lack of judgment)^fresh wounds = success?

idk

maybe

maybe not

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

snake,

sorry to hear about this.

this is why i have said before "a woman will never be your friend".

women are emotional/relationship creatures,

and as soon as their own self-interest (thanks, Lode) enters the situation,

they simply can not be trusted.

hell, they can't even trust themselves.

honor is the domain of men.

born on the battlefield throughout history.

ingrained in us, a code, forged in blood.

women have no such code.

only self-interest.

you considered her a friend.

that is what hurts, as you have stated.

she was a friend, UNTIL you showed interest,

at that point, you must realized she redefined you as a new creature:

emotional/relationship territory...

again, that is where women are mostly untrustworthy.

people may knock me for saying this, but look...

you just got lied to and manipulated by a childhood friend of 15 years.

so....the critics can bite me .... lol

it sounds like she may have genuinely come clean at the end,

and been honest with you.

question: how did you find out the truth about her being with her boyfriend.

also, what do you need to do? i'll tell you.

you need to tell her the truth: that she has damaged your perception of her so badly, as you trusted her deeply, and she did this to you, and then you need to walk away.

unfortunately, she's a liar.

now, you can be with a liar if you want to.

most women are.

again, that's why i'm not much of a relationship guy myself.

because all of mine end like your story.

lies and betrayal.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

snake,

you may also tell her that you just want to go back to being friends again.

that way you can save the potential for future relationship or gaming.

again, the choice is yours in how to handle it.

if you call her out and get really critical,

you won't hit that shit in the future.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Another question then :p

So, months ago I told my GF that I was going to spend christmas with my family, because of our tradition and shit and that on the second christmas day I would come by to her and her parents at their house.

This happened yesterday.

We told each other that we would not buy a present for each other 2 weeks beforehand due to her not being able to come up with something and that she wasn't able to find the present she was looking for for me. So we both agreed that we would not buy each other something this year, but would use that money we would normally spend on each other, and use it to do something together (like going out to dinner or something).

I'm absolutely fine with this.

--

Now, when I went over to her yesterday. One of the first things she said that how much she has missed me and that her grandma found it very strange for me not be there for 1st christmas day when her family went out to visit the rest of the familiy.

That is clue number one.

Then, her parents suprised me by giving me all sorts of gifts and presents that were absolutely awesome. Even the grandmother of my GF had left something behind to give to me. And the fact that her parents apparently waited for ME to let the "opening of presents" moment to commence, well.. It was a bit overwhelming, I did not expect anything like it. As if they put a lot of worth into my company.

But my GF was sitting next to me, she looked pretty unhappy. When her mother went out by giving the first gift to her father, my GF said "No, are we gonna do presents now? I don't feel like doing presents now." - I was a bit confused by that remark.
Allthroughout the opening of presents, she gave gifts and received gifts but still had that mild look of unhappiness on her pretty little face.

Later we went upstairs, we talked, I said that she looked like she was on the verge of crying and if something was wrong. She said that nothing was wrong (duh). Then she said some time later out of the blue "I'm sad that we aren't doing anything fun lately, we plan stuff but it never comes to fruitition".

Then we talked some more and I then insisted upon doing something fun next week when we are both free from work and school, to go to an amusement park and go to Amsterdam on different days. We are also going to spend the NYE at her place. So I would have that count as fun things to do. She did not seem too enthusiastic (I think due to her sad feelings overall), but she agreed.

She then sat up straight, told me to come sit close to her and basically asked for a hug. We started kissing, making out, I made jokes, she started to laugh and we just were the happy couple again for a full hour. It felt good to be able to have her smile and laugh so much after the small depression she was in 1 hour ago.

That made me realise something, and I think I need your help with this one: It was if all the talking I did beforehand did not make her sadness go away. No, her sadness went away when we started making out, when we got physical. She could not stop smiling and laughing, telling me how much she loved me. But it was SHE who iniatiated this physical contact.

Now I'm guessing that this is what she wanted out of me all along when we were up there on her room. She wanted me to make her feel better on a physical level, instead of talking so goddamn much (about her sadness).

Why did I not see it? I just wish I had more insight in this. I mean, I actually wanted to make out with her, but I just did not see the possibility in my mind. I saw myself initiating, but being rejected by her. + her sad look and withdrawn body language somehow told me enough.

Now that I think about it, I probably should stand up and say in a stern dominant voice "Allright, that's enough sadness for one hour" then I push her on the bed and start making out.

Something like that :p

When I got back home later, she said she loved me but told me that she really really missed me on those christmas days and that she wasn't feeling well at all about it during.

I think what happened, is that all her nephews and nieces did bring their BF\GF to the dinner and she got left out, probably feeling lonely. I also think her grandmother did not approve of me not being there and her mother did a bit of the same. I think that a lot of social pressure was placed upon her like this and that that is the reason she felt so bad and depressed when I actually was there on the second day of christmas.

So two things I'm curious about:

What do you think, was I indeed "bad" for not attending to her christmas dinner while I had family stuff of my own to attend to too?

How do I make sure I can make her happy when she is feeling down. Would the solution I mentioned above be something?

I just feel like i'm missing out on something, like something she's trying to tell me but I'm not receiving the message. If I can get that handled, it would be easier to know what the fuck she's actually feeling.

Any other suggestions?

Thanks!

Ty mack!

I discover because when we were talking about past relationships we eventually got talking about her ex, I mean her boyfriend. And I’m really good at reading body language, so I saw she was hidden something, ask if she was still dating the ex. And she confirmed this. She told me she was waiting for the right time to tell.
But again afraid of losing me.

Mack already told her that, that she lied to me , and that something I cant forgive that easy, that the girl I knew, is no more. And I call her out, now seriously who the fuck does that. Told her that her behavior was irrational because she gambled her relantioship with her b/f, my friendship , and even or “attraction”. How stupid can she be, my only guess is that she loves all this drama.

I really don’t care or even see a future or whatever we want to call it, she showed me her true face, that’s isn’t something I can forget . She lied to me. She should be happy if I still be her friend, which, I seriously believe now, that she never been my friend , she only had and hidden agenda, that was winning the challenge, meaning me.

And I was worried if should lie to her in order to get in her pants. How ironic.

This little episode showed me something, that again im going to take as a learning experience.

But I seriously I want revenge on this girl. Think Im going screw her best friend, to see if she likes it, or now manipulate on my own little terms, like I would with any other girl, Because in truth she is not my friend I can see that..

Bah womens I met this girl when I was 8years we spent all vacations together. And still girls do this shit.

_________________
Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!