Alright, so there's a chance I might be able to get my most recent ex back. Started talking again this week after an argument, she thinks she shouldn't be talking to me for how upset I got her over something so stupid... Yes, it was stupid and I over reacted,, I had 3 weeks to step back and evaluate everything, and yes it was my doing that made her break up with me.
I was talking to one of her friends that she tells pretty much everything, luckily this girl is my best friends girlfriend, so I got the whole scoop.
I was told the reason she was so quick to break it off after a simple disagreement was because, I was getting to comfortable in the relationship with her, and became boring. If I'm going to be getting this woman back, how would I not become too comfortable and not be boring?

Hey Lode, I PMed one for you but I dont know if you get it or not, here is my story:

So I met this girl 6 months ago in my class, and we began seeing each other. She is a smart, giving and talented girl, I really really liked her. Till 2 months later into our relationship, she told me she just got out of an abusive relationship with this guy. But she has been struggling to deal with him bothering her and at the same time, she can not get over him. She told me that she still has her heart for him, and want to go back to help him change. She told me that she was about to marry this guy but one day the abuses started. He choked her, he beat her, and she lost her good paying job, she was miserable at that time. During the time I was seeing her, she had kept a contact with him. One night, he tried to stab her with a knife! and the other night, she was called up to help him because he was strayed, and as soon as he got into her car, he started to call her names! She ended up calling me at 3 in the morning and spent the night at my place. For me, I knew I could not expect much from her at that time, so I was patient and tried my best to help her when she needed me, being supportive and showing her good time. She actually tried to move on with her life that she changed her phone number and her address. But he always has a way to find her. She became soft one time when she started to talk to him again, and gave her new number to him. one weeks ago, she told me she still wanted to give him another chance because he told her he wants to get help. So I told her that I could not change her mind unless she wants to change herself, and whatever choice she makes, I would respect that even though it would be so hard to me. But I would not want to see her get hurt again. Two days ago, she texted me saying she was having dinner with the ex, and called me up asking for the direction they could go and get something. Then I broke up with her on the phone because she showed me her choice.

I feel bad after for letting her go back, cuz I care about her so much. But I know there was nothing I could do to change her mind. The relationship is never gonna work for us unless she is totally free from the past and then her heart would have a room for my love.

It is my first time dealing with this situation, so I am still in doubt whether I did it right or not.

Any input would be appreciated.

put yourself number one.. do not accept ridicilious behaviour and do not get emotional about her.. simply walk away when she becomes emotional, create some frustration.

do not be available all the times and do not put her above yourself, do not try to solve every argue , just walk away... boring means easy and no challenge, boring means easy to achieve or predicatble results..break down boring into different categories.. because it's about the context and woman communicate in a different way than men.

so where did you became easy ? .. where did you allow to much ? where did you gave up structure - not giving her any ? and where did you ove-reacted ? again : do not take it personal , she talks about how you treat this relationship...she is not saying you are boring.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

My problem is this:

You see, I like damaged girls apparently.
For my experience, Im attracted to girls with some kind of issue, vulnerable.
I play a shrink roll and I like it, but now that Im aware of it, I dont anymore.
Think this is fucked up, issues means trouble at the end of the day, couse shes always gonna be insecure about something.

Also the daddy issues play a big part on this scene, my last ltr showed to me that her dad and I had a lot in common. Like character and such.

My question is: by knowing this is not healthy; how do I begin to search for girls that are not vulnerable, or at least not in the issues way?
In order to manage a best relationship focusing on us and enjoying the whole time, rather than fighting old ghosts I dont know nothing about.

Thanks.

game in a different enviroment , game girls of differernt age with different motives...

you are exactly like me , the above is one way to improve your results...

look .. this whole community is against nice guys , and they tell you how it's your fault to allow such people in your lif.. this whole community has fucked up beliefs and paradimes about love and being kind.

most of the times you do not know someone is damaged and you do not know they are unhealthy , in most cases you find out later when you have opened yourself to someone else. But now you are attached , you have opened up... look .. you love yourself... you just care about yourself and you give that to other people , and you give it to people who need it them most because you are a good guy and you get a shitload of singnificance out of it.

there is nothing wrong with you .. the world is just fucked up and they take your love for granted.. you are not a nice guy because nice guys don't even get woman and they don't get relationships, you are a goodguy..you are a natural leader .. you have the tendancy to lead people and to improve things.. how sensitive and socially skilled are you ? i think you are ...

the best thing you can do is changing the game enviroment and have different preselection criteria - game a different age group...the type woman are the problem.. not you.. i have boundaries and i have walked away from woman , still almost everyone on this forum tells me to have boundaries lol .. do i have to be like north korea ?

there is nothing wrong with you.. do not change yourself

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

I follow you, but what if we are talking about an addiction here?

I mean, I do love myself and that is what I bring to the table (maybe I love me too much); but what we are talking is that maybe every good thing I did is a sellfish act.

My mind is addicted to solving things, listening and trying to solve things that could bring me down.

Dont know if Im a natural leader, Im not interested on being a control freak or be with a girl that is.

All Im saying is that if I had a list of characteristics a women should have in order to be with her, probably the most important part is that she knows the real me inside and still loves me for it. She get to know me better and still stays with me.

If she has some trouble with herself thats ok, as long as she can work it out and not stay in the same problems at the same stage.

Im a good guy alright, all I want is to face the real challenge, be with one woman for the next 70 years of my life, and be OK with it.

it's not a addiction otherwise you wouldn't be thinking like that..you are not selfish because you are thinking if it's selfish or not... if you were selfish you wouldn't give a fuck as long you get what you want.

you are the least manipulative person.. i would easily put you above friends , family or all the woman i have been with... i would trust you blindly. because you are the only one one this whole forum who is asking himself if he's selfish or obsessed .. you are the only one really questioning your ego.. that's the reason why.. it looks to me like i have written that myself...

now i cannot answer your question about woman... finding someone that really like the real you or that really appreciates you... that is your journey and you have different expecations.. it's about finding or completing your objective, i don't think you need to change yourself... it's just about finding that rare jewel among the regular ones and that takes time. the real challenge is finding that one that is compatible and keeping them... pickup doesn't mean anything.. getting a girl is easy.. getting the right girl and keeping her is the hardest part.

what happened to you , what did some woman do to you ?

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

[quote="Lodewijkp" what happened to you , what did some woman do to you ?[/quote]

Thats the one question I cant find an answer to.

Last lays are meaningless to me, cant stop feeling empty. This is not what I look for in life, Im not the guy who bangs a lot with different women; Im sure now that I NEED some real love.

All this thoughts are leading me to convince that maybe its time to be alone, Ive been alone for over a year, but now all Im getting are empty lays.

My ex must have fucked me up in a way I cant figure it out completly at the moment, but this is the first step in order to be happy.

if you can't find the answer then it's not you ...
it's probably them... don't hookup with empty people...

lately i have again got burned 2 times by woman again... i did nothing wrong and i meant no harm , they just fucked me up like all previous woman i've been with.

it's just better to detach yourself from others and feel no emotions... be selfish... at least you run into someone who fits the bill.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Posted this one somewhere else too.

Well i got a good question. I have this 14 months relationship with a wonderful women ( who is 21 ). she is straight forward, intelligent, sex is good,...

Now 4 months ago she restarted her studies and apparently she told me she will lack 1000 euros that shell have to pay at the end of the year for her inscription fee. She kinda has no family who can borrow her, now asked me if i can borrow it and she will pay me back... she has a job in summer that will earn her about 2-3k.

Now, its not the sum of money that concerns me, its just the gesture of borrowing. Wise man once told me that love and money dont go together...

So what would you advice me? Am quite sure that if i dont borrow her shell have a pain in the ass for half a year trying to save that sum, so this leaves me with some pressure as my gut says NO.

Any advice here ?

Can u lend it to her with the notion u may never see the money again? In other words think of it as GIVING money. If you see her as a long term investment then I say definitely go for it. But life happens, so if u two end up apart or whatever, u may never see the $ again depending on the kind of person she is. More importantly, if you can free yourself of the notion that she needs to pay you back then it's all good because you've got no expectations of her. What you could do is set up a payment plan of sorts, where she gives you a bit each month but in all seriousness what if she tells you things got rough one month and cant make the payment, r u gonna cut off one of her fingers? I'm curious, can she not get a loan or line of credit if she's working? U can suggest and help her look into it as an alternative.

I think with lending money there has to be some sort of timeline agreed upon in advance, otherwise most people will take their bloodyass time to pay you back and this can adversely affect the relationship. If you let go of your expectations that you'll see the money again, then by all means help her out. But if you lend her the money and she's dragging her feet on paying you back, rest assured you'll be questioning her integrity.

i know how you feel .. you want to borrow her.. but

business and love do not go hand in hand.. again like papichulo says, it depends on what type of person she is.. she could easily refuse paying back the $. if you ever break up with her for some reason .. or she dumps you.. you still have to contact eachother for paying back $ ( if she wants to do such thing of course ).

to be honest .. i know it's hard .. but i would say no.. too much hassle
is the wise man is really wise i would trust him... god gave you guts for a reason

another way is to make up a legitimate contract which she can sign.. im not talking about a shitty piece of paper.. im talking about a real deal contract. ( maybe the bank can provide such services if you have enough $ )

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

What you're suggesting is an impossibility, unless of course you're a sociopath/psychopath.

We are social being by nature, it's in our hardwiring so to deny that by making a conscious effort to "detach" will only lead to mental instability. Its quite common and well documented that in extreme cases where people intentionally alienate themselves from others have developed severe psychopathology.

maybe i use the wrong words from my sociopath perspective... just do not get attached like falling love or putting too much value on someone.. keep your dick in your pants untill you know she fullfills your needs in a proper way. well i could have write something like that myself, i have to say the results are quitte terrible.. even when you go all logical about it you still will feel like shit. Cortisol is a bitch hormone

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Well from what i saw she has a morality code, she's the final product after years of going out, dating meeting women... and it caught me offguard, didnt expect this from her.