Every since I started university I have been in this depressing cycle, I sleep alot, go to university three days a week, get awesome marks then come home. I have made a few new friends at university, but not nearly as many as I want too and none of them girls. I don't know what to do to start being more social, I would love to join some type of sports team, but were in mid season of the leagues. I would like to go to some parties but can't because they are a 45 minutes ride away and when they end I don't have a way home since buses stop running.

I guess my revelation came last night when I was in class, the hottest girl in the class sat next to me. I being my depressing self did not do anything about it I just went about doing my work. Half way through the class she asked to look at my assignment, probably because she saw me reviewing my test which I did well on. She looked at it gave it back, and said thanks. Me being the idiot I am offered her a copy of the assignment since I was already making copies for my friends since we each take turns doing the assignments. She said that would be great and gave me her email, and then went on for 5 minutes about how she normally doesn't cheat. I know this was a bad move, but at least she showed me she is a bit insecure by trying to explain herself, whereas a normal HB would just give me her email and never talk to me again. She then talked to me in between breaks and stuff, but I know I have really ruined my chances here. This just made me realize how great it feels to be back in the game. The adrenaline and boost of confidence you get no matter what the outcomes.

So my question is where do I go from here, what do I do to get back on track?

Recast, the first thing you should do, is to stop bashing yourself like you are doing. It is this constant bashing of yourself that is causing you to have a low self esteem. And this low self esteem is hindering you into having the life you want and deserve.

You made a mistake with that girl ... so what ? Do you know any person that never has made a mistake ? Everyone makes mistakes. And usually on a constant basis. Why do you think you are not allowed to make mistakes ? Why are you blaming yourself for making mistakes ? Do you want to be perfect ? Is it necessary to be perfect to meet women ? Clearly not, because nobody is.

Also, do not think that your chances with this girl are over because you helped her. If you can't manage to date her, this supposed mistake is not going to be the reason for that. Good luck.

I don't normally bash myself, but looking back it I just can't help but see where I can improve. My self esteem is pretty low right now, but I plan improve it. I need to get my own car so I can go to parties, and social events. Right now that is the only thing that is holding me back, because when i hear about a party the first thing I think is I can't go because I have no way home. I also might move into residence next year just because I know it would help me put myself out there, the only downside right now is the price. If I keep my grades up however I should be able to get that money back. I have to stop living for the future, and actually spend some money to be happy.

Well, in your first message you were clearly bashing yourself. And you do say you self esteem is low. If you read a bit about psychology you will find out that a low self esteem is the consequence of your own negative way of thinking. Stop that now ! You are doing great. You are awesome. Why ? You detected you have a problem, you moved to another area to be capable of improving, you really plan to take this area of your life handled. That is how great you are !!! Most people that are in your situation don't even get that far. I know many people that are in your position and they have all settled for a life that is not what they wanted because they do not have the gust too look at themselves in the mirror and tell themselves the truth. You did this. GREAT. You are AWESOME !!!

You are also putting to much emphasize on parties. You don't need to go to parties to get confident. If you feel nervous in a crowdy area you can try to fix this issue by going to a busy shopping mall instead of going to a busy party. If you want to speak to women, you can start talking to women that are shopping, or to hired guns working in the shops. So you don't need to go to parties to increase your self esteem.

You just don't know how lucky you are. I mean, I found out about this self improvement when I left university and was already working. You are still a student !!! You can do all these newbie missions every fucking day of the week !!! I envy you. I wish I could do this every day !!! I hope you realize how lucky you are. Tomorrow, go to a shopping centre and start saying "Hi" to women or ask a hired gun where you can find product X. Go out there and improve !!!

ps: If you get stuck don't hesitate to PM me. I am always willing to give you some advise.

So plan right now is to start working out at home just doing situps, pushups and such to loose some weight. I am average weight right now, but would like to tone my muscles to loose weight off my face. This in my opinion is what is going to really boost my self esteem. If anyone has suggestions for what type of routine I can do to tone my muscles that would be greatly appreciated? I have 1-2 hours a day I can put towards this goal and have no idea what I am getting into.

I am also listening to hypnosis confidence tapes that are really helping in the short run at least. After listening to them I feel really empowered to go out and do something.

I plan to read more about how to improve my confidence by getting a kindle since alot of good ebooks are pdfs only. My friends tell me these books have really helped them.

As for approaching girls I plan to work on this last as my inner game needs to be totally revised before I even plan to go into the field. If a girl starts talking to me I will not blow her off I will have a conversation with her, but my primary goal is working on my inner game at least until Christmas, then the real fun can begin.

Thanks so much for your help Lionel. So what do you think of my plan? Anything I should change?

Doing situps and pushups is great. But you will not loose weight by doing that. If you want to lose weight, you need to do cardio training. Do some jogging (30 minutes to 1 hour) 4 to 5 times a week. Also watch your food. Start drinking water, avoid alcohol and soda's even when you go out, and stop eating candy and fast food.

I have no experience with this hypnosis confidence. But I would suggest you to start some CBT (cognitive behavorial therapy) program.

I dont know the books your friend advised and wether they will work for you or not. But I will PM you some program that worked out for me.

You don't need to completely avoid being in field in order to make progress. Do you feel comfortable being in the shopping centre by yourself ? If not, hang out 1 hour a day in the shopping centre completely by yourself until you feel comfortable being there by yourself. You can also just go up to a hired gun ans ask where you can find product X. They will usually be very friendly. Just don't try to chat up random women because at this moment a bad reaction will destroy your confidence. You first need to change your beliefs before trying this. I will explain it in more detail in the PM I will send you with the CBT program.

Great work! I appreciated your effort and I'm so glad that you shared this to us. I will definitely look forward for your next post to learn more things from you.

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luggie

Your awesome, but you trick yourself into believing your not. You say your not good enough to approach and that you need to work on your inner game. You find countless reasons that justify why you can't do this or that. You say you don't have enough money, you don't have a car, you don't have enough friends, or you talked to a girl in class. Well sorry to break it to you, but you don't NEED any of those things before your good enough to talk to girls. You can do that now. And while you might not believe or get good results at first, you ARE good enough.

Every time you make an excuse you are just giving yourself reasons to not accept yourself. Which is exactly what you did when you talked to that college girl in class. You told yourself thousands of reasons why you weren't good enough; you were being too depressing, you gave her a copy of the assignment, and that you ruined your chances. See how your attitude bleeds into your interactions?

Practical advice: Approach girl. Try to catch yourself making excuses. Repeat.

Wow, I saw this thread and was like "when did I post this?". I'm in this exact situation except I'm living on campus and have put myself into this situation because I had no idea what I was doing even during frosh when everyone was hammered (more than a year ago) and have not found out about The Game recently. Thanks, now I can use these replies as they are for me.

Good luck to the both of us.
(If you don't mind me asking what university are you at?)

I got myself out of the rut by basically just reading books about inner game, and The Power of Now. My advice is do not use the game as a the solution, only as a glimpse of what might come years from now. It is going to take me another 3 months before I feel confident with my level of self esteem and confidence. I would say what helped the most was just being myself in front of my friends and not caring what they thought of me. University feels like its suppose to have this social norm, but only if you let it. Next semester should be awesome, pm with if you want to talk about University game sometime. What university do you go too?

Hello everyone, Group therapy often works particularly well for social anxiety disorder, since people with SAD are usually uncomfortable in groups and being exposed to other people. "They see that other people are like them, and they're doing better now, so there's some hope for them too. And as they start to feel more comfortable in a therapeutic group setting, they can transfer that to other social situations." It's a long process. Don't expect social anxiety disorder to disappear after eight weeks of SPAM, says Saeed -- closer to eight months or a year may be more realistic. "One of the difficulties with SAD is that since people have had it for so long, they've had to start avoiding things," he says. "Even when the symptoms are under control, unless you go out and engage in the activities you've been fearing, you won't know what your response is. So ultimately you have to face your fears."

Most experts advocate a combined approach, using both approved medications and what's called cognitive behavioral therapy, to treat SAD. "Medication does decrease the general anxiety and also the depression that is frequently present in people who don't function so well socially," says Hoehn-Saric. "It can combat the surge of anxiety when you go into a social situation, and if you can diminish the initial responses -- chin quivering, hands shaking and sweating, face flushing -- if you take away those triggers, the person doesn't get into a vicious cycle of embarrassment. But that's usually not enough. Cognitive behavioral therapy for social anxiety disorder usually involves "exposure" -- confronting the patient's fears. "First, people imagine the situation, and look at it as an outsider. How realistic are their fears? They're taught to reorganize their thinking, and then they expose themselves to social situations to decrease their anxiety," says Hoehn-Saric.

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One can also acquire benefits by using Überwachungskamera that is a German term used for monitoring technique.

When it is diagnosed and treated, though, people with social anxiety disorder can look forward to major improvements in their lives.

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One can also acquire benefits by using Überwachungskamera that is a German term used for monitoring technique.

Shyness is a common sort of mild fear – if it's mild, it doesn't really spoil life. Many of us get a bit worried before meeting new people but find that, once we are with them, we can cope and even enjoy the situation. A phobia is also a fear. We all have fears about things such as heights and spiders but, for most of us, they don't really stop us from doing what we want to do. A fear becomes a phobia when it stops us from enjoying things or doing them easily.

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One can also acquire benefits by using Überwachungskamera that is a German term used for monitoring technique.

This affects people who have to be the centre of attention as part of their way of life such as salesmen, actors, musicians, teachers, or union representatives may all feel like this. If you have a specific social phobia, you may find that you can mix and socialise with other people without any problems. However, when you have to get up and talk or perform in front of others, you become very anxious, stammer or 'dry up' completely. One can also acquire benefits by using Überwachungskamera that is a German term used for monitoring technique. It can affect even people who are experienced at speaking in public and do it regularly. At its worst, it can make it impossible for to speak in public at all, even to ask a question.

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One can also acquire benefits by using Überwachungskamera that is a German term used for monitoring technique.