The first two girls I got with had bfs, the best thing to do is to continue as if they were single, i.e. pretend that don't have a bf. Wouldn't advise getting emotionally invested in skanks though. That would be silly.

Mack,

-F-closed her within the first week, now been seeing each other exclusively for 2 months.
-No problem picking up girls, but struggle with relationships. 2-3 months in I start breaking golden rules i.e. putting more effort in than I am getting out.. I believe this is because I start to question if this girl really likes ME for the person I am or is only staying with me because I am alpha/popular - do you understand what I'm saying?
-This caused me to blurt out AFC rambling on the phone in order to "test" whether this is the case - I told her exactly what I'm telling you.
-I know what I need to do, say and how to act in order to have her all over me, but instead I find myself throwing comments I KNOW make me seem AFC, I guess to see if she'd still like me even when I'm acting like a loser.. I don't understand why I get like this which is why I need help, I am a really confident person who feels totally comfortable chatting to strangers.
-Now she's more resistant to kino and definitely less interested; this just makes me act MORE AFC because I feel like I shouldn't "have to be alpha" if she really likes me for who I am.

P.S. Told her this morning that if we are to be in a committed relationship I needed her to be considerate and respectful i.e. texting that she's busy instead of ignoring calls, thinking of my feelings. She agreed.

Maybe this is my psyche compensating for a poor relationship with my parents, they have never really cared about my interests/me as a person, only what I achieve; I have always felt that I am nothing more than a trophy to them.

This is ruining my relationships advice would be appreciated.

inner game.

you are pretending to be pua (and good at it)

while still feeling like an afc

can you see that?

look at how you start to "show your true side" after awhile

this is clearly an inner game issue

you need to work on yourself,

become the alpha asshole

quit impersonating him brilliant accuracy

be him

be selfish

don't care

for real

lol

you have internal conflict

between who you behave as

and who you feel as in your heart

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

I thought you might say that.. I am working on it. However I do truly believe that I am alpha and a highly valuable member of society and not just pretending.. I have an offer from Cambridge to start studying Medicine in September 2012.
I just feel that she SHOULD like me even if I started acting like a loser for whatever reason. There are LOADS of alpha males out there, I feel that there should be a reason she picked ME instead of another alpha - does that make sense?! Probably hard to understand, you and me both bro.
I realise this kind of mentality will drag me down in relationships so do you have any practical suggestions as to how I might overcome it?

you aren't alpha as long as you give a fuck what she thinks while trying to find ways to make it seem like you don't give a fuck what she thinks.

it's a paradox.

again, success does not equal "alpha".

alpha is a state of mind and being.

now, don't get me wrong. i'm not player-hating on you. and btw, congratulations on cambridge!

you are looking for an answer beyond the answer.

it doesn't exist.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Gold

Hey Mack,

Basic info: I'm 23 and she is 24. We are together for 1 year now and sex had been a long struggle for us both, but we are getting much better at it as time goes by. She is my first girlfriend, I'm her second boyfriend.

I have a question for you that I think fits really well into your field of expertise: Hot rough steamy sex. I shall start with a text I received about a week ago from my GF when I mentioned to her that I had a sexual dream about me and her the other night. She texted me back with this:

"I had a dream like that the other night too. It was very intense. We were at outside at night, you had me "pressed" against the wall while we made love. It was very rough, but very hot! Then you were in shock as you realised that someone was watching us, that's when we pulled our pants up and ran away together into a car."

The above tells me she that I would have been in total control of her, that she had let go of all her boundaries and just decided upon enjoying the sexual experience.

I don't know much about dream interpetation or something similar, but this made me wonder how much she would like to have this kind of sex. Where I'm very dominant and she accepts this dominance from me. Where what I do is what I want to do, being rough, throwing her against walls, pulling her hair. You know where I am going.

That which I mentioned in the text above is not something we ever did. And I am not really sure if she would want it. I'm thinking it might be a secret fantasy of her, and as I read more and more about all this, I could perhaps confidently say that all woman would want this.

But here is the thing: She is very controlling during life in general (not so much during sex, she is too unconfident with sex, allthough its getting much better as time goes by (as for myself aswell)). When I try to do certain things to her during sex, she resists a lot. For example, I am not allowed to lick her pussy. She says it is a nice feeling if I would lick her, but she claims that it would allow me to have too much control if I would do that. And that it then would give her a feeling that makes her very uncomfortable.

At one point during sex I was fingering her, she was very wet, pulled my hand out of her vag and went for my hand, covered with her juices, toward my mouth. She saw this and immediatly tried to stop me in some sort of panic frenzy while crying "No!". But it was too late for her.

This made me wonder. Why does she do this? Why resist so much regarding this? In my opinion, as I hinted at before, it is about control. She has problems giving up on this control of her and it is somehow tied in with sex for her. I bet it is something very personal and psychological deeply grained within her.

When I try to initiate sex with her, she resists from time to time. I unbutton her blouse, she allows me to do it, but then later she buttons up again, leaving me a bit confused.

She is my first girlfriend and my first ever sexual partner. Having to learn "the ropes" from her is a bit hard like this. The female viewpoint towards sexuality is one big mystery to me. I read a lot, but I know that won't be enough. Experience is much more usefull. But it's hard to "learn" what to do with her, because of her controlling and unreveling nature.

I'm just curious what would happen if I would bound her to her bed and do what the fuck I want.

I wonder what would happen if I would stand above her controlling nature as a dominate male and made her accept what I'm about to do to her, for her to let go COMPLETELY.

Something tells me that if this would happen, that she would, for the first time in YEARS, truly let go and that it would make her mind shift, being blown away by some sort of mental paradigm shift. That it would somehow let her learn about letting go, aswell during sexual encounters as in her normal everyday life (where she also has a lot of control issues)

I was just wondering what your thoughts on this would be. I think this whole issue with her is more about psychology than anything else.

I guess what I'm asking is: What is your insight into my story and how do you think I could approach her and try to improve our sexlife in the way mentioned above?

If anyone else would like to reply to this, feel free, especially LodewijkP if he may stumble upon this post.

Thanks!

she's lying ... did you really believed she had this dream... don't get sucked in my friend...

she just wants to have sex in public.. you can try that if you want

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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I would not mind.

But I'm not sure if she's lying. I would not see the reasoning behind it.

woman are .. emotional...

that i just how they are ... they are not going to tell you '' i want sex in public '' or i want this or that ..they always go indirect.

people do not dream at will and their ability to memorize dreams are pretty bad.. look it's not like it's good or bad.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Yo Mack dawg!

I took your advice and had a pretty good conversation with the GF. She bitched at me a little but I could tell she felt better about the whole thing!

That's such an extreme generalization. I've had women be very direct like that; it's most often the exception but it definitely DOES happen. To stigmatize all women as reacting/responding on a purely emotional level is wrongheaded and misleading. Some girls will be downright freaky when they want the guy to take them hard but he's simply not getting the subtle hints she's dropping.

Well i got a good question. I have this 14 months relationship with a wonderful women ( who is 21 ). she is straight forward, intelligent, sex is good,...

Now 4 months ago she restarted her studies and apparently she told me she will lack 1000 euros that shell have to pay at the end of the year for her inscription fee. She kinda has no family who can borrow her, now asked me if i can borrow it and she will pay me back... she has a job in summer that will earn her about 2-3k.

Now, its not the sum of money that concerns me, its just the gesture of borrowing. Wise man once told me that love and money dont go together...

So what would you advice me? Am quite sure that if i dont borrow her shell have a pain in the ass for half a year trying to save that sum, so this leaves me with some pressure as my gut says NO.

Any advice here ?

Simple solution, you need to judge her intentions. Tell her that you've thought about it carefully and you're sorry but you have a rule about lending money and that you would not be comfortable doing it.
Now, what you want to do is watch her reaction very carefully over the following 2 weeks! Does she press the issue or try to manipulate you e.g. with sex, does she become very upset/angry? If so, then this is a sign she doesn't respect you and this is therefore a very dangerous situation; if a girl doesn't respect you, how can you expect her to honour her word? On the other hand, if she's a bit disappointed but assures you that it isn't a problem and is still doing a good job maintaining the relationship then this is a strong sign of respect! If I were in your shoes I would now seriously consider lending her the money.. good luck bro, tell me if this helped.

P.S. Mack, thanks for the advice. I explored underlying beliefs I had carried forward from childhood and became very social again; I let myself forget that I was the prize and I have been working hard to sort it out. Today I was 100% alpha about meeting, honestly didn't give a shit if I saw her or not, teased her loads and she was all over me, we fucked for about 2 hours! She's just a girl, a nice one, but one of many! I'm getting there slowly.

sorry for the delay.

been very busy.

your story/situation is an interesting one.

i could go into extreme detail on this,

as i have experience with a few girls who had sexual hangups.

here is the deal...

two things.

first, she has sexual hangups.

what they are? no one knows.

how do i know this?

because her actions prove it.

no one starts associated unrelated feelings/actions/situations with sex at random.

no, those ideas/notions come from somewhere.

your girl has sexual secrets.

they could range anywhere from some odd fetish, to being bi-curious, to having been abused.

i know this doesn't reassure you.

but relax, it's not always the worst case scenario that happens.

second, she is kinky.

my guess is waaaaaay kinkier than you know or can imagine.

she's kind of young to be getting so kinky so soon.

usually that happen in late thirties/early forties.

she may or may not have had that dream.

actually, that is irrelevant.

the point is, that she "told" you she had that dream.

my guess is that she is testing the waters and wants some seriously freaky action.

be careful with this one.

my "first love" (back when i was just a youngun) was in my opinion at the time...a perfect girlfriend...in every way.

except,

she was an ULTRA-SEX FREAK.

she had sexual hangups too.

didn't like to be touched in certain ways, in certain places, at certain times.

never made sense to me.

she also felt very repressed being with me.

even though i was VERY SEXUAL!

just not as sexual as she was.

chick turned out to be a crazy, swinger, bisexual, bdsm, blood-drinking vampire wannabe shortly after we broke up.

so, this has been a long and rambling post.

(i'm in a stream-of-consciousness mood tonight)

what i want you to take away from this is:

- your girl may have one or more sexual hangups (extreme kinkiness, bi-curious, or history of abuse...do some gentle digging...look for the truth)

- she also is likely to be waaaay more sexual than you realize (you can determine this, by lightheartedly taking the conversation into crazy kinky areas "under the guise" of you just joking/playing...and see how excited/engaged she gets in talking about things like possible threesomes, orgies, lesbo shit) she might not be able to resist the temptation to reveal her true desires/motives (IF they are there) don't assume

test the waters

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!