I know now my inner game must pretty much on the mark because I was exhausted this weekend and yet was able to get numbers and vibe.

Last couple of days have been whacky fucking weird. I have been feeling awful because I see that my LTR is being OK with me and yet I am acting like a fucking idiot.
As far as inner game is concerned I have been feeling pretty much like a lowlife- going behind my LTR´s back to set up meets and just gaming women in general.
Bit of background, we were seeing each other off and on for around a year and then we called it quits and she reinitiated contact after a month or two- I have been to her place every other week since, pretty much like fuck buddies but I see she is a decent person and so, although she isn´t the ideal woman physically I want, she is a great person.
Last night, we went out to a local Halloween party and I was looking over my shoulder all the time, just in case, the other girl was going to turn up.
I couldn´t relax. Now I have this sticking point. I thought the brunette today had flaked on me but she called me to go to the cinema.
I feel guilty in a nutshell- I have read it is best to just be open and honest and that way nobody gets hurt but I don´t think that the majority of women would accept and see a guy who is seeing another four or five girls. Guess it is the way you put it over.

Anyway, this afternoon I have a date with a girl I gamed on Saturday night.
See how it goes. I just don´t know how to do it. I don´t want to tell my LTR this because I have a gut feeling that it would just go to shit. I have feelings for her but I want to have other women in my life. Guess I should just grow some balls and deal with it- like I have done with all the other areas of my life, game.etc.

Funny day after I sarged- I dreamt I was looking for the cd to the soundtrack of the film "braveheart"- and I found it. guess this is validation from my unconscious that I really have finally grown some balls... it was a major turning point in my development/game in general- massive shift

Went to cinema with brunette. This babe is so confident and cool- socially she is fucking awesome- self assured and cool nothing throws her she is just fucking sound.
I rang her up--- no answer- sent message and two hours later no answer- so I decide to send another message saying “look, if you could let me know either way about tonight. So I can make other plans. Thanks.
Within two or three minutes she called me back. I was surprised and thrown back a little.
Anyways- went in my car to pick her up and we went to see the Abduction movie(which is OK if you have 2 hours to waste)
I kept making occasional comments and touched her arm each time and on one occasion left my hand on her arm. She lifted up her arm and mine fell to the side. Leaving the cinema I put my arm around her and she tried to remove it. Holy shit. I just don´t get it.
You open the girl. You run some solid shit. You dance with her. You get her number. You introduce yourself to her social circle. You DHV yourself to timbuktu and back and get a date and then she rejects escalation. WTF???
After the cinema we went for coffee and doughnuts.
We were talking for around 2 hours and she seemed cool with it and laid back.
Anyways- bottom line- I had a date, went for a coffee after- didn´t escalate because each time I tried it was kicked back.
I know many guys would just say- wtf- it is OK to be a man- grab the bull by the horns. I don´t know I think that you can sense when there is an opening or not.
I dropped her off at her house 4 and half hours after picking her up, saying we must do this again bla bla bla and she suggested other movies to see. Let´s see but I aint holding much hopes out on this one guys. And holy shit- she has quite a nice frame- big boobs, and has that Spanish black long hair that drives me nuts. Seriously considering SMSing her and seeing if she is really going to get with this program or just in it for the freebies.
Sticking point- I paid for cinema and then when she asked if I wanted her to pay for the drink after I said don´t worry about it. I choded big style. Must work this shit out because I paid for the drinks too the other night with the other girl with big boobs on Saturday night too.

MUST STOP FEELING GUILTY OR SHITTY AND PETTY ABOUT NOT ALWAYS BEING THE ONE TO PAY.- BECAUSE THE BABES SURE AS HELL DON´T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IT.

Yesterday---

sent text message with silly message saying- Mystery style to girl I took to cinema for and wasted 20 bucks on.

"you have hijacked my brain. what have you done to me?"

bla bla bla.

no reply. I rang in the evening--- no reply.--

this is an excellent learning lesson for me--- I have seen here how I have wasted my time, money and "hopes" on some chick that was just looking to spend a few idle hours with someone- paying for everything like a true AFC.

I think that in reality, now I will perhaps think twice about my feelings of embarrassment about going halves...

i mean why should I pay for everything?? is her money worth more than mine or something-- screw it.-

it could have cured me of paying for the girls----

on the other hand, I want to text her again and yet I know that she probably won´t even read it-- but i guess now I know that she isn´t down for the program so I can take what I have learned and move on...

I am beginning to see a pattern--

1. I open- get number.. connect whatever...
2. I get to a day 2..... the buzz just fizzles out- the chick rejects me.
3. I get depressed for a day or so and then bounce back.

FOCUS ON THE AMOUNT OF INTERACTIONS ALONE I HAVE HAD IN THE PAST FEW WEEKS, AN ODD LAY HERE AND THERE AND TRUST IN THE PROCESS--- I AM EXPERIENCING MUCH MORE SUCCESS THAN THE AVERAGE GUY.

I have to feel confident that in a few days, I will have yet another opportunity to make it happen--- as long as i trust in the process and focus on my progress.

The other day, when I had the dream of looking for the braveheart CD, I also spent about 20 minutes crying my eyes out--- that is why I think something inside has changed-- I didn´t even know why I was crying...

keep on sloggingggg

Quick update

after sending message and telephong on Wednesday and getting zero from the brunete, I sent a message kind of saying-- hey I thought you felt the same for me...as I felt for you but I guess I was a bit confused on that one.

anyway, thinking that I would never hear from her again.. she calls me...

I am driving and so she says to call later.
I call at 10.30 and she says she doesn´t understand my last message.
I explain saying that I thought that I had done somethign that she hadn´t liked or something--- she says, hey, look we just met two days ago- first I like to take it slow so ..
She was in her usual way, totally confident and cool omg- she is so coooool.

anyways- cut a long story short--- it seems like it still is on- i mean she wouldn´t have called otherwise I guess.


she said that she loved how I "opened" in the club--- felt fucking awesome--- and she liked the message I sent her the previous day but had been busy and that I had obviously jumped to the wrong conclusion.

guess I gotta assume success from word go- this could avoid this type of problems in the future.

Going strong. Keep going.

This weekend,

went for a drink on Saturday night with another brunette- she was OK but not so amazing either- didn´t do much- was pretty AFC.

My main issue at the moment is how to deal with my LTR- I really am having a bad time and feel awful and scared shitlless about leaving her- it seems so final...

I like having her around and the unprotected sex is great- the thing is that I don´t want to be that guy who is deceiving or putting things off-

I have realised that i was trying to force her to call off the relationship-- by ignoring her, not calling or whatever and doing that... getting her to get angry with me but this isn´t fair on her either.

I have to bite the bullet, pull the trigger--- call it what you will and just say look, it is not you- it is me -- but I want to leave things as they are.

It feels like a shitty thing to do but in reality it is the noble thing to do. I think that she at least deserves the truth rather than me playing games to get her to push me away. That sucks and is just downright fucking cowardly.

So- i am afraid of losing her because I fear I may never get someone else in a ltr but neither can I live my life like that either because I know deep down that we are not going anywhere so in reality, I am just wasting her time too. She could find someone else who really loved her for who she is. So, it is the right thing to say how I feel and have the balls to end a relationship.

On the other hand, I called the brunette who i went to the cinema the other day with and she seemed to be OK- i said we should meet through the week and she said cool.

On an inner game level- i was remembering something i had read the other day....

"No matter what problem you are facing--- somebody sometime someplace has been in exactly the same place and has found a way to go up, get over or solve the problem... the way up exists... " so I have to believe that there is a way to sort this out.

This week has been OK. I have done an odd approach here and there.
I got a number from a girl who works at the supermarket- she is cute as fuck.
A while back, I would have had a major crush but now I just take it as another possible lead that might work out.

Went out on Wednesday for a coffee with the brunette. She was saying hi to all these people she knows and generally being the social bee that she is and yet I think that I held my own and kept the conversation going for a while. She had asked me to meet her at the main doors of a church so I was pulling her leg all a lot about that.

I was feeling pretty shit on Thursday. I had had zero response from the brunette the next day and finally she got round to calling me on Friday- clearly I am not a major high priority for her but to be honest, although I would like things to work out, I feel now, if she told me that it just wasn´t going to happen- I wouldn´t feel like I did about the blond a few weeks back.
I had my good days and bad days week. I think that on the whole, I am working out my shit in a proactive way and sense that my approach anxiety has gone down so much.

Anyways I am calling the brunette this afternoon and have my plan b- going out tonight to sarge.

As far as my LTR is concerned, she told me she couldn´t meet up last Sunday so I feel either way, that I don´t have to go giving major explanations about what I am doing. For all I know, although I doubt it, she could be doing the same.
I am now going to go and do five approaches. I won´t come back to here until I have done them.

And Jizza thanks for the encouragement bro.

at the weekend approached a few times and got 3 numbes.
2 of which have been in touch with...

stayed at my lTR house on Saturday night.

Then unexpectedly she turned up at my place on Sunday out of the blue. Imagine that I had been with someone-- holy shit!! I have to tell her never to do that... I would have been so screwed!

Anyways, last night went out with the brunette who is currently on the hit list.

She was wearing a pair of jeans and her ass isn´t a 10 it is a 100!

But the lady is tooling me all over. I called- she said she was at a friends shop and said I should come over to check out the interesting paintings and shit.

I was thinking holy fuck, this girl is trying to get me to buy some shit--- I went and didn´t buy anything but we were there too long, I thought I was never going to get out of there and she was talking to one person after another. I honestly think that she is used to having a guy fluttering aruond her like to amp up her own attraction and value to other people.,

But this isn´t the worst part- after 2 and a half hours of mindless bullshit in the shop- I could have been running, approaching three hundred other women or whatever,,,,,

we went for a drink... got to some place and we ate and the chatting was hard going.-- i tried to run kino but each and every time she set me back.-

got to the bill-- she asked for it.. i lookoed and took out half of the amount- and said ain´t you got the other half??? She said, i mentioned to you before that I haven´t brought any money.... I said what???? She said, yes, but I will pay next time....I felt pretty angry and like it was unbelievable.

I really felt screwed and couldn´t beleive that she could suggest a bar and order food and whatever knowing full well that she didn´t have a fucking cent on her.. incredible.. On the surface this woman seems like she has it all but now I see the reality, she is a girl who strings guys along trying to get out of them what she can and of course keeping the carrot dangling in front of my nose.

After this, with hindsight, I should have taken her back to her car and said see you later alligator but I tried to kiss close and again got set back. She said, you are going to have to be patient with me. I ain´t that kinda girl. She left and I was still in shock over her going to a place without money just assuming I would pay just for the fucking honour of being with this superstar. Screw that shit.

Now I feel so afc but on the other hand- I feel good cos I got responses from some of my approaches at the weekend so it hasn´t all been a waste of time

Sticking points---

I couldn´t say what I thought to the woman or get a little bit angry with her shit.

I couldn´t see that she was tooling me and have enought self respect to just forget the promise of a hot chick and see it was all bullshit.

Things I did really well. Focus on my progress

I was sociable with practically a bunch of strangers.
I got responses from my approaches at the weekend.
I haven´t "lost my sense of balance over this woman". I still feel relatively like, she is hot but if i lose her no big deal. I mean nothing has happened.

I have tons of respect for the way you are making progress. But I don't understand why you paid her half of the bill. I would have called the waiter, told him "this is my half of the bill and she will do the dishes", and I would have walked off. It is obvious that you are scared to lose her and that is why you behave a little bit AFC everytime it comes down to paying the bills. It is clear to me that you don't want to pay bills of girls you are not in a serious relationship with; so you shouldn't do it.

Something funny happened yesterday- I decided to send out a few texts to chicks I haven´t been in touch with- I have been working on the idea that
“women are replaceable”- I loved the idea that you don´t chase buses or women, cos another one is always just due!

So, I had the feeling to send texts to several girls who I liked but had gone off the radar including one who I previously had not even considered because she was extremely radioactively hot.

All of them answered- and I was barely expecting one reply! Yeah, I know them answering and my getting a real lay out of one of these is slim but you gotta be in it to win it!

So, I am seeing that to get to the next level, I must realise that the less you care of losing a chic, the hotter your value.

Also, no hard feelings- I hadn´t phoned or texted the girls who had seemingly gone off the radar because, like a child, I had felt bad the girl had lost interest so to punish I was ignoring but to go to the next level- I get over it and if it has to just be a friend zone thing- so be it but nobody stops talking cos of such bullshit.

Went on a date last night with a chic- I had just finished work and was a little tired but went anyway. Finally find her house and so I say fancy getting something to drink? She says well we could go down to the beach. I am thinking wooooooww---- that beach is really isolated and nobody would be going down there just to talk so I am thinking holy fuck!

Get down there and I do the “let me smell your lovely perfume up real close”- she lets me. I take her hand and she complies. It seems like it is getting hot and then she freaks and says “no...” and we keep talking but then she asks me to take her home. I do so immediately but slow down my car half way there and say hey you look like you have bigger hands than me. We touch hands again and I hold her hand and it is cool- then as she is leaving I get a kiss so all was not lost. I had the balls to go for the close and fuck the consequences.

She told me when she finishes work on Saturday so.. could be good to go.
And I won´t be back around here until I have done another five approaches.
While doing my approaches, I am thinking.

1. A harsh shutdown kicks in master game in the following approaches.
2. My criteria for success is the approach and nothing else.
3. It is OK to transition even if you risk losing the set or looking weird- better to get a no than never know!!!!!

ps thanks lionel and yes I should have done that but these "ideas" usually occur to me after the fact.

I have been working on my shit and have done some approaches but they just don´t seem to go anywhere or spark off real attraction but I am seeing some results.

I did a couple of approaches and asked out a girl in the supermarket but it just wasn going nowhere but the key is to keep going.

You might be slogging getting nowhere and just about to throw in the towel and then the next thing you know something has happened- gotta keep on going.

My expectations are focused largely on failure and I am highly attached to outcome so this in itself screws up any chances I might have of getting anywhere- easy fix- review positively my day in terms of game.

Being in the moment- focusing on the here and now and being present- Tolle is probably a better idea.

Anyway--- I went on a date-on Wednesday I was laid back from the start and this has been one of the dates I have been on where the girl has been more clumsy socially than me. I felt like the socially more adept- being socially adept is attractive and she tried to kino me- so if I can manage to be more socially keyed in- then this is going to spark massive attraction in any girl.

My weekend approaches were scarce and lame- part of me is still thinking that success is going to materialise as if by magic. I just don´t seem to realise that the clock is ticking and that whether I fail or succeed, am happy or sad, whatever is all fucking down to me and the action I take today, now. My success is all down to what I do right now.

OK- so I mentioned the other week how I was surprised how girls who I had done a cold approach on but had gone off the radar were willing to get in touch again- so, I got one asking me out next Wednesday!
My self-esteem has gone up so I feel pretty proud of myself and what I have done and proud of my progress because I can see where I was 2 months ago with nothing but a major OBLITERATION night and now where I have options.
Now, my next objective is to turn these options into lays- and also to handle my issues with kino escalation. I feel like it is something pervy and weird so I have to shift the attitude to “Kino is something everybody likes if done in a slow and gradual way- humans need kino, need affection so it is cool and OK to kino someone”
This weekend, not going to have much chance to approach but will take advantage of every opportunity- like last night- walking to my car see a HB walking towards me with white jacket and these sexy black stocking- OMG- do my direct approach and she was like, wtf!! Got a weird response but didn´t give a fuck- that is just about where I am at these days....

Objective for the next few days- write up new lay report.

Receive message from a girl who is about the hottest girl I have had any texts from I get all excited thinking maybe I have made a breakthrough and this time it says the following

“hey, how are you? Here I am working away- listen, thanks for the coffee invites but I am going out with someone at the moment so days off I am spending time with him- take care after Christmas- well meet up for a coffee.”

I foolishly really believed this chick was for real- so I sent her back,

“Hey, I am doing fine thanks, got three days off till Wednesday- so you going out with someone? I am going to get jealous, you know, lol, take care xx”

I felt really disappointed but anyways had sent a text to my ltr and she has been blowing me off usually these last few Sundays but today was spectacular.

I send her a message – “hey lets have a hot night- got the wine, food and movie.”
She doesn´t answer so I send another text, “can you answer cos other wise I will make other plans”

She sends me text “make other plans- enjoy…” with nothing more.

I don´t answer but after the previous message from the other hottie I was feeling fucking screwed and alone.

At 5.30 get a call from a chick who I was supposed to be meeting this Wednesday. To cut a long story short- we go on a date and end up making out and she went for the kiss close with me! She has massive boobs!
so Screw the first hottie and my ltr!!!!

so this weekend has a happy ending

Quick update.
This past week I spent some time with my LTR. She was acting up. I had dates planned with two other girls the following two days. Anyways, on my way back home after seeing LTR, I ring her up and say what is the matter? Why are you acting so strange?

She spits out complaints from 2 to 3 months back and really gives me a hammering- I was like M. Tyson on the floor after that left hook left him totally fucked. My whole pick up artist persona collapsed and I realized that she was leaving or giving me a damned good impression that that was what she was doing. I called her up and cancelled my date the following evening with another girl- saw her thinking that I was back in. I completely went to shit. I felt so scared of finding myeslf alone even though I had 2 dates with other girls the following days. However I know that having a date and having a LTR is not exactly the same and part of myself just couldn´t handle it.

It wasn´t hooking. I wasn´t convincing her of shit. I rang her up the following morning and she was in a better mood and we saw each other and ended up cancelling my date with the other girl. So, lost two dates but “saved” the relationship. She had said to give it some time but I felt shit scared of my only “dependable” person leaving my life. I live on my own and found myself shit scared of losing her.

I haven´t completely screwed it up with the other two girls and have since been in touch with them and last night went for a drink with one of them- no lay.
Anyways, tonight I am doing to see her and yet I was left completely confused as to how I could be so terrified of losing my LTR.

Maybe I should focus on her and enjoy the relationship while it lasts and then after focus on getting more chics.

Either way, I feel like I have definitely made some positive changes and although I am not completely where I would like to be, nevertheless, I feel sure that I have come a damned long way since 2 months back and feel much more comfortable around women- to kino and generally be confident around them.
It has all in all been a cool last few weeks.

My goal at the moment is to try to be OK with my LTR and stabilize and even try to play house a little with her see if it works. Maybe as one friend said to me the other day, I am in love with her.

Sticking points- deal with my dependency issues and fear of being alone. You gotta be OK and happy with your own company.

Great week-

I had a date on Tuesday with a blond- she is nice and pretty cute.
I took her to our usual spot for a drink and some of the most significant detail were...

I made out with her and she said, "one day you gotta come over to my place, with a bottle of wine and whatever happens, happens"

The important thing that I have learned-

Just as I truly am is enough for her- I don´t have to try to be anyone else-

I am enough and that she will like me for me- it is totally true.

Next day, she had sent me an email with a link to Maria Carey´s video- "all I want for Christmas is you."

She is a nice lady and certainly isn´t going to handle me being with someone at the same time well. I like them both and enjoy being with them both. I really don´t want to decide but I guess I should before we get hot and sweaty together.

Now, I have a week away from home and have to decide what to do.

As far as approaching women is concerned, I feel like I have just about got to where I want to be.

Approaching women and learning to interact well with women is just about the best thing I have done in my life for myself. I feel 100% more confident in myself and in my professional life everyone is amazed how cool and collected and OK I am.

So, I was in the dilemna of what to do about the two girls. I was planning on trying to make a go of the relationship that I was in and then had a weeks holiday to see my parents.

I was thinking about it just about every day. How to handle the blond and try to let her know that I didn´t have much time.

So last night made my excuses to my LTR and went to have a date with the blond. She is pretty hot and has a pretty decent body- definitely sexier than my current LTR.

We go for a bite to eat and a drink and end up in a tea room with a Morrocan, Arabic theme going and we are sitting on these low comfy couches and in a little kinda of cubicle- cool as fuck to take a babe to make out in.

She doesn´t want to make out much saying she has just had a bad cold and doesn´t want to pass it on so I think cool. We give hugs after hugs. She tells me her birthday is at the end of Jan and that the present she wants is to spend the night together…. I am thinking holy fuck!!!

We press on- her house is just around the corner- she invites me up to “have a look around” but told me not to get any ideas.

We go up and end up on the couch with her sitting on me- coooool. We are groping and what have you and then she gets last minute resistance and so I am so cool with it and say whatever, thinking that my coolness would overcome it. I try to make out again and she says, wooooow.

I say, listen lets leave this for now, I am going to be a good boy tonight. I ssee it was a waste of time and didn´t want to dig myself in any further. We kiss good night and plan on having a coffee this morning which we did and was cool.
No lay but I think with a little bit of lady luck I will before the end of Jan….

As far as my inner game is coming on I was having a hard time with guilt issues having kinda put myself in a relationship with my ltr and so I said to the blond- look I have to be honest beforewe go any further- at the moment with my job commitments, all I can offer now is what we have. She says it is cool and asks me if I am in a relationship. I say no and lie but she says all she wants at the moment is dating too.

I was reading David Dangelos double your dating and it helped me out. Especially the chapter “it is OK to be a man” where he says guys usually have one girl they are devoted to then take advantage of opportunities as they arise and SHOULDN¨T feel bad about it.
Either way with my LTR I get the distinct feeling that it isn´t going to be until death do us part anyways so….
All in all, I feel like I have sorted it out.

I was thinking as I left the blond this morning that just a couple of months ago I was running around like a paranoid asshole worried with a massive scarcity mentality and now feeling much more relaxed and confident with options. It makes a big difference. It sure as hell is important to have patience with this and not expect results in seconds but be patient and see in a couple of months how things can change and turn around.