By writing this post i'm also trying to clear my mind. You have to know that i have some paranoia disorder. Really paranoia, and it fuck me and fuck my relationship. I learned to diminish the intensity of those crisis but sometimes it didn't work like tonight. But i'm also not sure of what to think. Nothing really critical i think but there is some issue in my relationship that i need to work on but i'm not sure if it's really problem. What i really think is there is the begining of something that can become a big problem, but don't really know how to handle it, usually i don't care about my relationship and let them die. Not this one. Even if it's not "the one", i don't want this to end for stupid mistake
We are together since 7 months. Everything seem fine, she is always the one asking me to see me (twice a week) (she never complain that i never ask). Never refuse sex. Communication is good but not enough for me (i think we lack of some kind of "existantial communication", and it bother me, we are still at a superficial level. I spoke to her about this, two month ago, she was begining to be anxious and saying something like " well it take time for me for having this kind of conversation, but usually it was with people were it take time that i get the best friendship/relationship) The thing is that i'm getting bored, and if i'm getting bored is not only because this lack of existential communication but i'm boring. Because of my paranoia i don't really engage myself in this relationship, i mean i'm not trying to be creative when we see each other. Or change your pattern, even in sex (oh fuck this i don't understand why i'm so following the same pattern even that i want to do new thing... i can't get rid of this) . I can't do extravagantia things, no job i'm a college student. But it's been a month that i'm feeling she is losing attraction. But i'm not sure, because of my paranoia.
What let me think about this :
-She complain about her work and exam (but it's the period, and she lack confidence, a lot), not a lot, but it's more frequent. Last night she did this, and don't know why but she took some space in the bed from me. So i was thinking about this post, in a topic call big-problem-with-my-girlfriend which is the cause of my paranoia of tonight (i was just looking for a way to spice up the relationship) :
Quote:
Here is what I've learned from experience. When you're in a relationship and a girl starts acting like or saying she is depressed, and she says it's not about you... It is almost always about you.
She isn't depressed, but she is feeling confused and upset, because she doesn't feel for you the way she used to and she doesn't understand why. You're probably a great guy who treats her better than anyone else ever has and she has every reason to want to be with you, but for some reason she isn't feeling the attraction anymore.
(You have to know that she has always been an anxious girl, really anxious girl, but she don't bother me with this often)
-And i'm wondering if she is losing attraction.
Second little red flag, when i said something nice to her (and also it's not frequent, and i just say it when it's true) she usually respond by "It doesn't count, you are my boyfriend, its totally subjective". At the begining, she was flushing... And sometimes it pass... Don't know how to handle compliment with a low self esteem girl.
-The little third one, i think she is trying to see me less, but don't know, could be my paranoia. Since one month, at the end of the week she said to me "we will certainly not see this week, i have work to do" (which is true) "ok good i have work to do too" and usually she always find a night in the week for seeing me. And this week-end "i go back to my parents this week end". She never say this, one week in advance, so this let me think that she is trying to have some space, but not sure if it's because she is anxious or if this is about me.. This idea grip me, and i can't get rid of it, this post is certainly useless, but this is for clearing my mind...
-A big mistake I did : Last night she spoke to me about something she was affraid of, which is : "If i'm under a paranoia crisis, i cheat on her" and i respond with honesty which was "yes it can be possible" (i'm really in a mode "she will fuck me so i have to fuck her before she fuck me" under paranoia) so i certainly make her feel lost a sense of security in the relationship. How can i reverse it? She know that i'm going to see a psychanalyst for this but i'm not sure it will be enough.
On the good side :
-She try to reassure myself when i'm under paranoia (i don't lack confidence, and not am i a jealous guy when i'm not under paranoia, but when it is, i have no control on my action and thought, and usually i have to speak to her of my issue'cause it will so fuck me up that i will not work on the things that are important to me. I really don't feel like myself)
-Sex is still here and frequent, but boring. It shouldn't be too hard to spice this up... but i have to get out of my confort zone on this point...
-She still trying to dress nicely for me, and being interesting.
-Never fight. I know usually you consider this as a problem, but the two of us are not conflicting people (really she is incapable of being angry, when someone is angry against here she's got some kind of tetanisation).
-She is not distancing herself when we are together, unless last night...
-On my paranoia, i try to not speak about it. But sometimes i just can't. But we always speak about it in a camly way. I think in some way she understand, but i cannot stop thinking that she thing i see her as a whore (which she is not). And it bother me, and i feel guilty for this.
I think this is it. But if there is one question from this post it would be :
-How do you spice up the relationship when the girl seems to lost attraction? (i was thinking about something fun, and new for her, but don't really know what to do...)
I'm also wondering if i'm not projecting my own decrease in her on her.
What should i do :
-Add more fun during our date
-Space up sex which mean getting out of my comfort zone in this, but it has been two month i try, cannot do it. Don't know where the issue come from.
-More deep conversation, but not boring (shit i'm bad at this, but i need and want it, it's one of the most important thing for me to stay in a relationship/friendship...)
-Refuse some date... not because of the game but because i have things to do (and it's true) (but paranoia blabla...)
Any more advice?
It's pathetic, sorry...[/quote]
CHAT
