Hey Hydro, Greg007, Cingular!

This is something you will need to address sooner rather than later. You don't want to put it in your profile but address it in person if you can, over the phone or text if it comes up. Basically, I would recommend saying, "I am out there looking for the girl who could potentially be the one. I'm seeing a few people right now and seeing where things go. If it starts getting serious then I'll break it off with the others." Then simply when you find a girl you really like and want to be with tell the others you think you found "the one" and believe me they'll understand and back off.

This is probably the best way to put it, and honestly something I got from AFC Adam so credit to him. I think this works well because honestly if the right girl came in our life we'd drop it to be with her. So you aren't being dishonest at all.

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey JSmooth;

I've had decent success getting responses from women, but It's been a bit of a sticking point in getting them to a comfort level to see me in person. (Though I've had a couple of dates)

Is there a good way to reach that comfort level consistently? Is there something that flips that switch in their brain that says "I want to meet, I'm tired of chat"

I generally discuss activities that we could do together, first date ideas, but a couple of times its just went cold. I even reopened one that went cold, we chatted for a bit, got to know each other better then she stopped responding again.

Is it generally an emotional comfort zone that needs to be reached? Should I be talking about how she feels about something?

Hey Jon,

Thanks for the advice. Your line was right on the money and I was able to start the conversation again . Unfortunately, I got too lengthy in one of my responses--I'm starting to realize that brevity is much needed in this whole text thing, less emoticons, and asking more questions than providing answers. Anyway, hope you had a good Thanksgiving man.

I wanted to ask if you have any ideas about how to improve the general texting (or messaging) process?

For example below with a HB9-9.5 I did not know how to proceed with the convo. I read it is better for the guy to give bonus points and not the other way around. Any ideas on this one? Thanks


From: heartlessLOVE88
Sent Date:11/25/2011 12:57:48 AM Subject: RE:um sorriso lindo
Lol um ok, that's an approach I've never seen before... Lol 5 points for creativity
lol:)

From: zmansman87
lol I hope you can take a joke, I thought you were
adorable, I just had to say hi

From: heartlessLOVE88
Sent Date:11/25/2011 12:57:48 AM Subject: RE:um sorriso lindo
What pic?

From: zmansman87
Sent Date:11/25/2011 12:50:49 AM Subject: um sorriso lindo
You should remove that picture.

General comfort and rapport is what she needs. She wants to know things about you that is going to give her a better idea about who you are. Who your friends are. Where you went to school. What your family life is like. Where you work. What you do for fun. Where you grew up. A little more than just casual chat is needed.

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey man,

This isn't a big deal just keep going with the interaction. You just need to shift away from the opener and start trying to get to know her to gain rapport. Ideally, I'd do this by asking a fairly open ended question to get her talking. Generally yes its good for you to give the bonus points and control the frame, but you can regain control by just asking questions.

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey there J, total noob and would apprecaite a few general and specific tips for craigslist

CL women seeking men (not cas)

HB7: "One man in a million"
I am looking for the man i mean one man who is ready for the real love someone i can confide in with all my trust in love and care mature man

me: I reply with no info or pic about myself. Tell her I'm one in a million and ask her what's so special about to deserve me, and a make a joke about her footware.

she replies with pretty simple "tell me about yourself"

OK normally I would jump in too soon with lots of personal info, a pic etc. but thinking I should play it a little more coolly. She's given zero new info about herself, but then neither have I. My reading of her is she's looking for something serious and she thinks she's pretty special.

for CL in general: any suggestions on when to give out personal details, like exchanging pics or who goes first with names etc? CL is pretty sketchy so I see it usually takes a few emails before names and sometimes pics, but want to get it down right. I'd say a confident guy goes first but can see it would be cool to get her to make the first move.

thanks in advance!

I see your point in not giving much info out too quickly. I might in this case give her a little bit so that she has something to go on and talk about. I'd be sure in the next message to ask her some kind of open ended rapport building question to get the dialog going.

In general I will give a little info to get a little. Sometimes she'll provide her info first and that's cool. It's a give and take.

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

JS,
I posted this in the open forum, but didnt get any feedback. I have been very successful using POF about 75 msg sent, about 25 replies, 6-8 dates and 3 F Close one of which I dated for a few months.

I sent a random msg to HB 8.5+ on POF. In one of her pictures she is sitting in a nightie in a Camaro and on the dash in the background is a small LSU decal. I decided to comment on this picture because I could bust on her for being naughty, and since I recently moved from New Orleans I thought the LSU thing would give me an angle of common conversation.

Her headline is:
"No jealousy"

I opened with:
Girls say they are not jealous all the time, you must be the exception?!

Hmmmm, are you the LSU fan?

Her reply:
"I am a LSU fan. Why do u ask?"

Here is where I am stuck. My gut tells me to go with something along the lines of:
I thought so, I remember seeing you in the Girls of the SEC edition, or maybe it was that decal on your dash! Other than fast cars, what do you have going for you?

Or

So Tiger Girl, other than driving around in your nightie, what else do you have going for you?


Update: I went with this:
Hmmm, a lil'Tiger girl! I was at the LSU/ALA game a few weeks ago, awesome!

Other than driving around in nighties, what other good qualities do you posess?

Mark

She replied:
I do not drive around in nighties. LOL That was a photo shoot.

I got a reply and made her laugh both of which are a good sign, but she didnt give me anything to work with. I could bust on her again about the "photo shoot" but not sure after two failed attempts, what to ask as an open ended question so that I can get her to open up a little. I have pulled two HB 7-8+ from POF but this girl is in a different league, she is a 9.9+ in looks alone and she knows it! Im not even sure this girl is not a "PRO" if you know what I am saying.

Any advice would be awesome!

_________________
Crypto...
______________________________________
All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

Okay well let's throw a small disqualifier at her and just move on to something else. The opener has run it's course and like you said you need to get her really engaged and talking. I'd say something along the following lines.

I was about to say...if you are driving around in nighties that's definitely a deal breaker. Tell me what are you really passionate about in life? For me its.....

Good to know you aren't driving around in sleep wear, I think that'd be a deal breaker. LOL. If you could do anything in the world without having to worry about education or anything what would it be?

Hopefully this gives you something to work with. I don't want a hard neg here because we don't want to further the conversation on the nightie thing. I just want to dovetail off that piece that she gave us, let her see that we are "qualifying" her to a degree which is a DHV, and then asking something open ended to futher the convo.

Best of luck!

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey Jon

Curious about re-opening after email went cold. this is from CL again.

#1. Some light email back and forth, she sends me a pic and it looks decent. I thank her for "the very nice photo" and send my own, say "let me knwo what you think". No reply. Looking back I should have ot her to qualify and instead I validated her. So maybe reply with something funny about her being shallow, or really a 12 year old boy trying to hook up his mom or something (she was a decent looking cougar), or ask if it's a 10 year old pic?

#2. A bit deeper, longer and much too intelligent convo with a young med student. I bring up drinks/etc and she's "Yes, I might be interested. I will tell you for sure once I figure out the type of person you might be " so guess she's still wary. I reply with some more intelligent stuff but then talk a little about music and what styles feel very intimate for me. I ask her for a picture to encourage me with, maybe a little too needy or shallow sounding? Wanted to move things along. No reply. I follow up a couple weeks later, bring up something she said about wine and asked her a little more about it, also no response. Was I DHV by discussing intelligent stuff, qualifying to her, steering away from attraction, all of the above?

no picture=she could still be wary or just ugly. stuck thinking of something jarring to say, not sure if the thanks for settling a bet will work, maybe something more tailored to stereotypes about doctors: arrogant, everyone thinks she's great etc?

and thanks for the advice on the last one.

Hey brother! I probably would have said more than nice photo. I generally go ahead and telegraph some added interest in saying she is gorgeous, cute, attractive, or something like that...not "Sexy" though. Just a pet peeve.

I agree having her qualify is a good thing. Qualification happens a LOT in game and generally breaking rapport is good to initiate chase. I wouldn't reply telling her she's shallow or any of the above. Online its going to get taken the wrong way and she's going to get upset. I'd probably say to her, "Am I not cute enough for you? You can be honest, its okay I can take it."

This is something I gained from Bravo PUA that I do on POF to girls that view my profile but don't send anything. Sometimes it can reintiate the chat. Generally girls are nice and don't want to be rude. This plays into that making her come by saying how you are really a cute guy or whatever... That or there is no response at all and it's just lost. Either way its worth the effort.
Like you said she was still wary of you. It sounds like you needed to get a little deeper into comfort. Generally speaking here are some good ideas of things to cover before going for a date.

1. What your relationship like with your family
2. What do you do for work
3. Where you live
4. Who your friends are
5. Where did you go to college or high school if you are still younger
6. What you like doing for fun

These are just general things girls like to know about guys typically before sex. So if these are covered ahead of time of you asking for a DATE it should be fairly easy to get.

Now to the next part of what you said.... You followed up a COUPLE OF WEEKS later? DUDE, you should NEVER EVER wait that long to follow up. You shouldn't go more than 24 hours without messaging a girl online unless otherwise agreed upon. Your goal online is to get the conversation flowing quickly and get her #. Then from her # you get a date with her. Very simple comfort process.

Giving a # is a small commitment...after some basic rapport is there. A date is a larger commitment but after you've been talking on the phone or through text a while it's not that hard. Your only goal with only dating is go from online to in person as fast as you can escalate her comfort level with you.

IF she doesn't respond to something you said then within 24 hours you need to be doing some kind of follow up email asking if you said the wrong thing, if so you are sorry OR that kind of thing. After 48 hours with no response to a message online, unless otherwise agreed on, you are pretty much dead in the water.

Just to be clear what is this photo of you that you are sending? Are with a girl in it, your shirt off, your dick what?

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Hey, I have a question about a small problem. I met this HB8.5 (she has pics of her in pageants and stuff so its gonna be a little difficult) I sent a msg, she sent one back, and then the last one I sent to her she didnt reply. Usually i'd be like whatever haha. But I think its not to late to get her on a date. What do you think. The last msg contained stuff that just responded to her stuff. and I ended it off asking what super power would you choose if you could choose one (feels like i went wrong there haha). im using POF and yeah i know she read it.

Msging twice in a row is a bad idea i think. What can I do?

Hey,

You know if you could actually show me the two messages you have sent then that would be very helpful. Let's go with what you have written for a moment.

2 Messages sent on a dating site like POF. No I don't think you can get a date off two messages typically. You are going to need to build more rapport with her first. Unless these are some really really really long messages, which isn't typical on POF.

The fact that she has pageant pictures and stuff on her profile is not big deal. Get past it. I could enter into a female pageant wearing a bikini and take pictures of me doing it. Doesn't mean I won or have the frame of a super hot girl. Don't let that stuff creep into your head too much, it'll cause you to over analyze.

If you sent her a message and she didn't reply back. Absolutely I'd send her another message to try to reintiate the conversation. Your ONLY GOAL WITH ONLINE GAME is to get her from online to in person as quick as you can while building enough rapport/comfort to make it a easy process for her. You won't get her off the internet by not talking to her.

Anyways, going back to showing us the actual 2 messages you all have exchanged would give us a better look at how to help you.

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

ME:
So every profile I read I look for the 3 most commonly used phrases, "not your
typical girl"....Check!, "I am drama free"....check!, but you missed, "I am down to
earth" lol. What does that even mean?! Well I guess its nice to know if I ever upset
you you'll let me know right away, I value honesty above everything else (even if
its painfully honest).
Whats your favorite sport? Mine used to be soccer, but then it became disorganized
and everyone stopped playing. It was organized by a bunch of brown guys so I guess
that's where it went wrong lol. I'm not a gym junkie but I wouldn't miss a day even
if the place caught on fire, no excuses haha. I didn't believe you when you said
your not a typical girl until i read you said you like dubstep. The song posted on
my profile has a dubstep version of it by skrillex. Have you heard it?
Alright tell me something random about you? Anything. If vegetables pops into your
head then there's your random question. (my favorite vegetables is carrots, just thought i'd mention it to be fair haha).

Her: Haha yeah I bet a lot of girls might say that.. I'm actually Fijian.. We are very out going people. When I say typical I mean that I'm not one of those stuck up girls I'm very out going and like to have fun.. I don't care what people think of me, I am me and I love it... Of course I know skrillex, did you go to their concert?! I missed it cause I couldn't get out of work. Shitty cause I heard it was awesome!! Are you a fan of mord fustang? Can't describe why I'm different, I just am... I hate drama and fights... I avoid them as much as I can, it's such a waste of time! But random um let see I have over 50 disco balls hanging from my ceiling :p lol but I like carrots too they are just awesome :p

Me:You seem pretty fun, I can tell by your profile, its very
descriptive. Despite the fact i'm here on this site haha,
im actually really outgoing. I don't mind going up to
random people and just having a conversation with them
lol. I love making friends, cant get enough. Most people
have 3 or 4 sentences with no picture, kind of a boring
profile. Wonder how that works for them haha. No i'm not
that into him, I'll just listen to anything that sounds
good. Send me some youtube links of your most favorite
ones. Honestly the dubstep songs I listen to have to have
some lyrics in it if i'm going to listen it. I', not a
fan of mord fustang, I just heard his stuff right now
haha, no lyrics at all . wow, 50 disco balls, definitely not the place to be during a earthquake .
Alright one more question, if you could have any super
power what would it be? I day dream a lot... so i've
spent a lot of time thinking about this, more than I
should have haha. Here's a few, mind reader, speed, time,
flying, strength, stuff like that.

My msgs are actually quite lnog haha.

Great tips Jon. Much to learn.

My pic was just a plain non-pro headshot of myself, nothing weird but then nothing special either.