The last few days my approach anxiety's been really messing with me. I've done many many approaches. ( I'm overcoming a VERY EXTREME social phobia btw, esp w/ women) I will go out to approach and I will be nervous, I'll find it difficult to even open an older fat lady. Then I keep approaching, and eventually I can open with ease. Then later on I might get stuck again, and I find it very hard to open anyone, then I'll hit a stride and I can approach and open proper 10's, and sets of multiple hot girls with ease, and get them interested..... THEN, the very next day, I wake up think about approaching and start getting a nervouse feelinging the pit of my stomach, I go out to sarge, and same shit! Off the bat it is difficult to open ANYONE let alone a hot chick, and I have to go through the same rollercoaster ride all over again.

It's very disheartening. I've put a lot of work into this. At one point I goy my approach anxiety to where I would go out, and it just felt like I had homework to do that I didn't want to get to right away. That was the best I got it to. then some stuff happened and I couldn't go sarge for a couple of months. I got kicked out of a mall for approaching women, but still went out nearly every day after that.

One day I got fed up with having to prime myself by approaching a few old lady sets, so I opened an 8 off the bat first approach of the day. I opened almost all hot chicks that day. I would approach like 20 girls a day.

So the last 4 days or so, my approaches have been pretty shit, more chicks are ignoring me, i'm getting poorer responses, since the every day rollercoaster ride of nerves is getting to me. Should I take a break and analyze, or what?

trying to hard..

time to ask a good question ..

what is causing this fear ?

maybe it isn't fear ? maybe it's just a adrenline rush

tell something about your perspective.. how do you look at life ?

who are you really ? tell me something about you

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AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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I think I'm looking at a person I'm about to approach as an OBSTACLE to the next approach, and as an obstacle to overcomming approach anxiety or an obstacle to whatever skill or thing I want to achieve in the future. The real obstacle is my own negative thought patterns and limitations I put on myself.

At certain points when I'm doing approaches, especially the begining and after a lousy interaction or after a bit of a lull or break, I begin to doubt my MATERIAL or ability to DELIEVR it cleanly, naturally and believably. I think that she's gonna think my opener is a horseshit excuse I made to talk to her. And when I start thinking that, that usually winds up being the case, and she DOES think my story was a load of bull.

I already know that a large part of my anxiety is not being in the moment. It's being disiplened enough to handle that, that is the issue. Anxiety always sets in when I start thinking about approaching in the future or past approaches, or how this approach will turn out in the near future. The best and most effective mindset for approaching is VERY in the moment, not caring about the past or future. This is where everything flows freely, stories, routines, personality, emotion and general conversation.

But sometimes I get to a point where I CRAVE a good interaction, like I NEED that fix to get me through to the next approach. Because If I get two or three decent approaches in a row then my confidence booms and I can approach anyone well. However, if one approach goes badly, I'm like oh well, but if a few approaches go sucky in a row it really screws with me. Especially if the different approaches have a similar negative response. I get kinda freaked out and nervous again.

well maybe you are using a excuse to talk to her .. maybe this whole scripted game thing isn;t your thing at all...maybe you just don't want to horseshit excuses...

just neg a girl in a playfull manner when opening.. you goal should be having fun because when you are having fun you can share it with other people , especially woman. issue number one for most people .. if you are in the moment you can throw all the psychology and puzzle solving out of the window - being in the moment is gold.

let me ask you this... what if the person in front of you is projecting their feelings on you and you pick it up.. to me you sound like a hypersensitive guy like me who can feel emotions and read subconcious thoughts from other people, can be your blessing but also a burden.

do you have alot of dreams ?
did alot of unexplainable things happened to you ?
do you have a large perspective on things .. like you see things that most people do not see ?

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aside from my own opinion...you do have negative perspective about things.. but that's ok that means you can program yourself to think positive. you need a internal frame of reference, because right now you look too much to external things just to see if you are doing well .. you are attached to certain results and a cetain ideal which could be too high.

you should meditate before approaching .. listen music or thinking about other things when you do approaches.. What really helped me is giving up game in a whole and having different goals in life. I just see interacting with woman as a normal part in life - i don't feel the need to game.. my goal is having fun.

you sound like the guy who creates his own glass walls , you are talking to the woman and at the same time you are dealing with your glass walls which you need to breach..multitasking lol - you are shooting yourself in the foot.

specific points ..

your type of psychology
your type of biology
introvert extrovert
type of game , does it fit you ?
frame of reference .. external or internal

did you had any relationshps in the past and how were they ?

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AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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Well,.I am listening to a tape of a guy.with a PHD in psychology. According to him it is normal that anxiety comes back. You have had it all your life. You cant expect it to go away easily. You fear is hardwired as a neural network. By pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, you create a new neural network with no fear. But the old neural network is still there. Some memories or situation can trigger this network and so you feel fear again. The thing is that you should realize this and dont doubt your progress. You made progress. Just kerp working and going. With time the old neural network will go away. But it.will take time.

I think lode and lionel have both made some good points highlighting reasons for your anxiety. I think your putting far too much pressure on yourself to get a good outcome that you become all uptight and probably appear uneasy.

The best way I deal with approach anxiety starts in the morning as soon as I wake up. As soon as you wake up you should have a smile on your face, even before you open your eyes. Trust me, it will make you feel so much more excited and raise your energy levels immensely. Just think to yourself " I'm going to have a bit of fun today, and no-one can stop me!". Throughout the day, you can remember this feeling of high energy and how you want to share it with everyone else. There's no need to pause, you dont even need to wait three seconds, you can share your energy right there and then, with anyone!

Ben

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"Our fears always outnumber our dangers"

it took me 10 years on how to learn to get approval when growing up , retarded social conditioning...

took me 6 years to lose most of it .. and im still seeking approval in subtle manners sometimes..

the time it takes to learn something , the same amount of time it takes to unllearn something... depends on how much you invest and how aware you aware of course.

9 out of 10 times fear has to do with social conditioning and a negative self image.. there will also be a part of fear with is natural when approaching woman... fear becomes unhealthy when it paralyzes you and makes you depressed...

so my question is .. are you paralyzed by it , like you cannot take action.. does it make you very depressed ?

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AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

HAHAHA! Do a lot fo strange unexplainable things happen to me? You can't even imagine! My life has been extremely bizarre! Both unexplainably horrible things and unexplainably magical things. I'm absoloutly serious about that btw!

Anyway, my type of game... I am doing "Rules of the Game" by Neil Strauss. I am on Day 13, I got stalled though. I was progressing really well through the book, then got sick and couldn't do it for a couple weeks, then I started again, some other bad stuff happened and I had to stop again. So I've progressed one or two days in the book since I got sick months ago. But I continue to APPROACH almost daily now to keep up what skills I have gained.

My game style I would say has been indirect up til now, (as that's what the book calls for to the point I am at) I am an introvert forsure, very stuck in my head a lot of the time. I was extremely shy, still am, but getting better. Girls liked me, but I never had a girlfriend til I was 30 years old! I'm almost 32 now and it took A LOT of work to get to that point. I use to be so nervos about girls that when I was even 25, if I was walking and saw a girl I would literally have to change my path so I didn't have to pass her. because the anxiety of being in proximity to a mildly attractive girl was so uncomfortable (No, I'm not gay, lol had extreme phobia) I have a girlfriend now for just over a month, but I have to keep sarging because I can see the bigger picture of self improvment, and I also need the relationship to continue for experience points. Since I have almost no relationship experience in my life. My one other gf lasted about a month, but I have more knowledge and skill this time around. I still struggle to trust people early on, and get out of my shell. The new one says I'm very mysterious, which is good I guess, I'm not even really trying to be.

Now days, sometimes my anxiety is paralyzing SOMETIMES, not to the extreme that it once was, as I CAN approach beautiful women now, but I chicken out a lot. and sometimes it takes some work to get out of that temporary state of paralyzation. It frustrates me more than depresses me. I'm extremely proud of how far I've come in five years. From someone who cowered and hid from women and never had a gf, to someone who has approched true 10's and managed to get a couple of relationships. So no I'm not depressed, but SOMETIMES the anxiety makes it so I cannot take action.

Also, this is part of my ultimate goal with the anxiety issue btw, to get to the point where you are... So I can just go out without the INTENT to meet women, and just do it at a completely random time. If I see someone I want to talk to, totally cold approach and free flowing, easy and ongoing conversation. For now there needs to be that INTENT and scripted material to meet women, otherwise it is unlikely to happen.

You feel anxiety because..... you're a human being.
check out this video, where mystery is talking about himself and his wings having AA, and decriebed it as jumping in a pool, it sucks at first you can jump again and again, but the next day, you'll have that pool-jump-anxiety again.
But i want you to remmeber the last time you jumped in a pool. what where you thinking about before-when-after jumping?
the first thought is "it must bee really freezing!" and you may touch the water and feel it freezing again, but after then "fuck it! i'm jumping in anyway, i know i only freeze in the first 30sec".
Do exactly the same when talking to women, it's freezing at first but you'll get used to it, but the next day it's gonna be freezing again.
Good job overcoming social phobia! i had it too, and still do but much better then before.
mystery-has-aa-so-many-other-puas-vt100475.html

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Golden Rules i learned:
1- If you complement do it a serious way.
2- If a conversation starts with a low vibe and seems not getting anywhere, be direct but not on an emotional level.

Thanks for the Mystery video link SeductMe.... I related to that video big time. He said this was his "alone time" then at the end of the vid, said "fuck it I'm going out" I was taking a few days off to reboot, but after I heard him say that, I went out to do some approaches, despite my resurfaced anxiety... They went total shit at first, but I persisted through and managed a few alright approaches.

But that's a scary thought, that approach anxiety continues even for Mystery, Style and these guys. I've heard that before, that AA dosn't go away, but I've heard from others that it does all but compleatly disapear, and some say the anxiety turns into excitment after a while.

I don't think anxiety stays for ever. I have approach anxiety but sometimes I approach with no fear at all. It doesnt happen often, but sometimes it does. Also, the level of fear you experience is important. To give an example, when I was younger I couldn't go out. When I was in a bar surrounded by strangers I felt like people were making fun of me. I felt extremely nervous and wanted to leave. Now, I don't have this feeling anymore. Sometimes I feel a little bit nervous but I can perfectly manage the amount of nervousness I feel. Why wouldn't it be the same for approach anxiety ?