Grieving guy here, need some advice!

Here's the story: me and my girl go to college in the same town, but we don't see each other every day, because the campus is so big. At weekends, we sometimes go to our hometown (she is from my hometown too).

Last weekend, she did something I did not like: we both went out saturday night. When I called her to ask where she was, she told me she wanted to be with her girlfriends first. But then, when she was supposed to come meet me, she just sent a text saying "I'm tired, going home." I was obviously pissed and did not answer back.

What did I decided to do? Freeze out on her.

Fast forward to Monday. She sends me a text saying "Are you mad at me?" and I replied "no, I've just been busy."

And now yesterday night we we're again supposed to meet, but it was like 3:00 am and when I asked her where she was, I got no response.

Here's the last texts we've traded this morning:

Me: What happened yesterday for us not to be together?
Her: Just didn't happen, I dunno.
Me: Are you going to (hometown) this weekend?
Her: No, you?
Me: Honestly, I've had a crappy week and I wanted to go. But with all this stuff, we haven't been together in like a week or so and I wanted to spend some quality time with you
Her: But it's best for you to go.
Me: You're already dismissing me.
Her: Think what you want.
Me: Either way, I'm staying. And I think we should do something during the weekend.
Her: But I don't feel like doing nothing.
Me: I don't know why you're upset... If I didn't reach to you this week, it was because I had a lot of stuff to do.
Her: Are you dumb? I'm not upset with anything. If I don't feel like doing anything, I don't do it.
Me: Ok, your call. Have a good weekend
Her: You too

So, what do you make of this? I really want to keep this going but the way things are, it's looking bad indeed. I'm staying here this weekend all alone, my friends are also gone for the weekend, and I don't have shit to do...

What should I do when I'm sitting right at the edge?

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"What we're doing is so wrong, and what you're wearing is so right (it's so tight!). But I've never felt better, so I'm going out to get her and I don't care what set of wheels I steal to get there."

Well, oh well, what disaster have we got here..

First, you got flaked on. No biggie.

So, what do you do? You freeze her out. Well, I normally would just ignore it and build comfort and then ask her out again, but hey a freeze out isn't an unthinkable prospect.

Anyway, by the looks of it, you did get her attention when she sent the "Are you mad at me?" text, and kudos to you, you even held your frame with the short reply.

So far. So good.

Now, things just go more and more downhill..
Well, no shit Sherlock. You've been freezing her out and giving curt replies. What do you expect her to be nervously awaiting your arrival at the meeting destination?

This isn't a romance movie. You kept her at arm's length with the freeze out, and now she's confused about where she stands. So, there's no "supposed to" here.
Wow. That's just bad.

Did you even look at this log from a third person's view?

If you did, you'll find that you come off almost stalker-ish in your persistent attempts to getting her to hang out with you. I'd not be surprised if she started thinking that you might even rape her or something.

"But with all this stuff, we haven't been together in like a week or so and I wanted to spend some quality time with you"

Well, she doesn't owe you anything. Maybe you didn't spend a minute together, there's no reason for her to spend it with you. Isn't it clear by her reply how disinterested she is?

"Either way, I'm staying. And I think we should do something during the weekend. "

Cheers, man! You even started making the decisions for "we" here. If there's one thing women dislike it's guys over-extending their reach on them even before there's something concrete between them,(attraction is concrete) and you just did that.

So, turn offs after turn offs.

You tried justifying, you got called "dumb".

Basically, here's the moral of this little tale :

If you choose a frame, stick to it.

If you froze her out, you stick to that until she and much, much more importantly you have got enough perspective to deal with the situation between you both.

Right now, I just don't see this going anywhere but down.

- Don

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

two things:

first, you internalized her bullshit. she is the one who blew you off and acted rudely, then you say "i don't know why you are upset, if i didn't reach out to you this week, it's because i was busy" - so, you jump directly to justifying YOUR actions in spite of the fact that she is the one who: blew you off, was short with her responses, and called you dumb.

second, the fact alone that she used the word dumb and then told you to go off and do something without her, not good.

third, a comment like "if i don't feel like doing something, i don't do it" is not a good sign. that is a "fight-starter". that's when a girl starts shit, so you will get mad, so you both can fight, and she can JUSTIFY an action. and that action is usually "fucking" someone else, my friend.

something has gone real wrong with this girl. i don't know what it is. it could be a million different things. but she is definitely pursuing other options or she would not talk to you the way she is.

i can't tell you what to do, and others may offer their advice, but i can say what i would do...

in light of these facts: if some girl blew me off, was short with me, then acted like she didn't want to spend time with me, was rude, called me dumb, and then actively attempted to start a fight with me.............

i would say "if the girl that i used to know shows back up, look me up some time, if not, well whatever" and basically dump her ass without even saying it, then perma-freeze her, and MOST IMPORTANTLY WOULD BE FORGET HER.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

I agree...

I dont see this turning out good.

Its like shes trying to emotionally dis-attach herself from you first completely before she has the balls to break up with you.

To do this she is shit testing you after shit test after being rude after blowing you off completely when you have plans, then asking if youre mad?

The way you have been responding is making you more unattractive so its only helping her cause.

This is something I wish you had 'nipped in the bud' so to speak, when she started pulling this crap, to let her know where you stand in the relationship from the beginning. That you can decide for yourself too because youre a man that doesnt get walked over. And that you can walk away at any minute if she keeps this crap up.

She told you she doesnt feel like doing anything with you so I think thats kinda her way of saying its over.. So I think the advice above by mack is your best bet..

As to what shes been doing the last week, maybe she was cheating or maybe she has just gotten over the relationship. These two things unfortunately are a reality everyone will face sometime.

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I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly, and all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony, no if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he

I'm confused. You posted this in the relationships forum, but you and this girl are treating each other like you just met. Which is it?

Your boy,
870

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"Do not blame, call out, alpha male, superman, or water sprinkle any hoes. And what will be, will be." -Hobbit

http://tinyurl.com/c6lbje<-Member Journal (PMZ Only)

I agree with everyone else.

I also think she was either fucking someone else, or contemplating fucking someone else. Either way, she's gonna be fucking someone else pretty soon.

Unfortunately, I don't think you have any chance at getting her back. But if you did, your only bet is to never call/txt her again. If she doesn't call or txt, read between the lines.

"Are you dumb?" This alone is enough for me to dump her ass AND let her know that it's because she's an imature little bitch.

For me things like this show pure disrespect and can't handle them at all.

LOLOLOLOLOL! your assumption is priceless.

Or perhaps is just immaturity.

But she wasnt very nice. I wouldnt contact her wait for her to do it.

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Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

I think when people cheat they tend to act the opposite, does anyone agree?

I have cheated before and the next few days I acted overly loving, to try and compensate for the guilt I felt and hide it.

if this girl was actually cheating and acting like this then you got one devil woman on your hands.

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I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly, and all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony, no if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he

Listen to yourself. WHo cares if she was cheating on you or not? She called you dumb. Snap out of it.

How long were you with this immature disrespectful bitch? How was the sex? Did you fuck her good? Did she suck your dick? Did you lick her asshole? Do you tell her she's a whore when you fuck her? Did you come all over her face? When was the last time you guys fucked?

wrong person?

Snap out of it =)

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I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly, and all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony, no if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he

Why the hell are you talking about cheating like its somethings has already happened come on.

@Breaking Bad... every people is diferent so they behave diferent so dont make assumptions like that.

@RichardPryor you scary me a little

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Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

Woops

UPDATE:

Monday morning, 12:00 AM.

She just texted me "How was your weekend"?

What should be a good reply? Should I tell her I've gone to my hometown ( instead of staying, like I told her I would?)

Cheers

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"What we're doing is so wrong, and what you're wearing is so right (it's so tight!). But I've never felt better, so I'm going out to get her and I don't care what set of wheels I steal to get there."

best reply would be no reply

for a week or two

in my opinion

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!