Alright so I started talking to this HB9 on facebook, went great got her number, she told me I was adorable, all that good stuff.
I told her i'd text her in a bit, waited til the next day (today) when she said something like "that adorable man never texted me last night. sad "
She lives a state away, but comes to my hometown to visit her friend, who wants my dick, so i figured i'd talk to her a bit then fuck her when she came down.

So heres the text conversation that I want all y'all experts to critique.
I know I didnt do great, thats why i'm posting this, tell me what i did wrong and what you guys would've done instead.

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ME: Hey, I ended up doing homework after I got out of the shower last night. You have my number now though .

HB9: Oh is this the adorable man that was supposed to text me? ha:)

ME: Haha yea it is . I'm going to my g-parents CRAZY thanksgiving party, they always throw down haha. So i'll text you in a bit.

HB9: BLAH BLAH BLAH. I want your dick. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

(several hours later)

ME: Hows your thanksgiving going? Adventurous?

HB9: Oh yes, totally adventurous.

ME: Wow, really? mine wasnt adventurous at all. Did you go to war with some indians? Like an old fashioned thanksgiving.

HB9: Shit yeah, i dressed up like a pilgrim and went to the res. Thats what i do every thanksgiving

ME: Oh damn, its good your that adventurous. Did you guys kick the shit out of em, then take they're land?

HB9: I live in the black hills, we kinda already stole their land like 200 years ago...lol

ME: You and your ancestors sure do hate indians. I dont think me and you would EVER work out, cause...I'm indian. (I'm white as fuck)

HB9: I can make exceptions:) lol

ME: Good, your open minded too, that'll come in handy . So Keli, tell me something interesting about yourself, besides your looks.

HB9: Well. I love sports. I'm kinda a guy in a chicks body lol i like sporty things

ME: Oh well I'm gonna join that guy in your body hahahaha . you like sporty things? Haha does that mean you like football shaped slippers or do you actually play sports?

HB9: Lol I actually play sports. Including football haha.

ME: Lol right on, well i'm in the nfl sooooo I'll beat you. Do you do any sports that are actually cool, like snowboarding or something?

ME: Hey sorry to cut this convo short, I'm going to write with my guitarist. So text me whenever . bye.
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if it was me, id turn the conversation sexual

maybe im wrong but its too much friendly talk, turn it sexual and let her know you want to fuck her

I said "i'm gonna join that guy in your body".

that was my attempt to turn it sexual, no hook though.
What would you say?

She also said in a previous conversation that I would get her as a christmas gift.

Girl: kind of like a guy in a girls body I like sporty things.
What you COULD of said if u wanted it to go sexual: well being a guy, sex to me is kind of sporty, how do u feel about that since your....like a guy?

Could of opened the doors for u tremendously. Keep us updated!

HAHA thats way good. I wish I said that.

She texted me a couple hours ago, saying "hey ".
I didn't reply until about 30 minutes ago saying "Wut up, fool?"
but i'm pretty sure she fell asleep.

I found out that this chick used to live here and wasnt very attractive, she moved and got way hotter, but she flirts with guys fairly often.
I'll go more sexual tomorrow night and maybe get her to send me pics of her bathroom parts or boobies hahaha.

Going sexual early worked like a charm, thanks for the advice!

TOTE-

you definitely have the right idea and you're on the right track. i liked the first half of the conversation and i thought the stuff you asked her about the indians was very amusing.

towards the end though i think you tried a little too hard to be the cocky/funny guy. this is clearly your personality type which is a good thing, but you have to understand that you dont always need to have the wiseass comeback. mix it up a little. when she said "i can make exceptions lol" you should have been more inviting and less dickhead. this was a pretty big IOI she gave you. shes essentially telling you she likes you.

also when you asked her what she has going for her besides her looks (god, are people still using this???) she responded and then you belittled her response. that was bad. shes opening up to you after complimenting you and your next two messages are making fun of her answer. you definitely should have been more fun and playful here. you also should have 'rewarded' her in some way for opening up to you. even something simple like "cool, i love it when girls are into football" would have been ok.

so my advice, as it almost always is, is to be more fun and playful (like you were in the beginning of the conversation) and less sarcastic guy. you wanna use that stuff sparingly, especially when the girl is clearly already attracted to you like this one is.

also, lol @ "Fucking Shitty Wyoming"