my Ex and i broke up about 5 months ago, and i kept extreme no contact with her ever since; blocked her off of FB, changed Phone numbers, didn't go any where near where her and i use to go.

the break-up: in my opinion, i became a bit boring, began to lose my "alpha-ness" because of some financial issues at the time which led me to being more needy/clingy. consequently, she began to distance herself from me, and the more she did that, the more i called/texted her which eventually led her to saying "i need some time/space" the rest of the story is simple, about 3 weeks after she breaks it off and i chose to go my separate way.

a few days ago, out of the blue, she contacted me for the first time since the break-up. i played it nicely for the first few hours of the convo (4-5 hours on and off) but then she brought of the break-up and i got my chance to speak my mind. long story short, she said she still felt the same towards me, and i of course feel the same way about her. we ended the night by saying we love each other. however, this morning she began to get cold feet, and i didn't force anything.

how should i approach this?

freeze out again?
try to take it slow and see where things end up?
alternatives?


thanks for any advice in advance

EDIT: LTR was over 5 years

- What are you trying to achieve?
- Are you trying to get her to back? Are you sure you want her back?
- Have you not managed to find anything better in the last 5 months?
- Do you just want a quick shag? Would that sex be worth it? Wouldn't it be easier to f-- close a new girl?

You've also got to ask yourself why she would contact you out the blue. In my experience girls do this when they have just broken up with someone or they are feeling down / lonely. She's seeking a place of comfort - YOU! Read there is baggage. Tread carefully.

First question is do you want her back? If you've moved on then it's better to let her know that. However, if you want her back then you have to think it over first. Has your situation changed since the breakup? She might just be lonely and if you get back together, with your situation still being the same, you will end up breaking up again.

i should have mentioned the LTR was more than 5 years long...

@intrigued101:

i want her bac , it's more like we want each other back, but she's got her pride in the way at them moment (from what i feel). and yes, i'm sure i want her back, i love her too much.

and in the past 5 months i had the chance and options to get with other girls, but i always backed off when the things we're near sexual because i felt like i was betraying her, weird i know. i just wanted her, nobody else.

it's not about sex with her, i want her in my life for who she is, not for the sex.


@GinaB:

my situation has changed for the better, i've got my job back, doing well in school again, and i've been keeping fit


freeze out on her?

Ask yourself this....if you were with someone hotter and a better personality...would you still want her back? Have a mind of abundance...how would u react if so?

If shes getting cold feet the morning right after the convo...i say forget about it. Is she worth the negatives she brings you?

Women r weird, she could have called you for a million reasons...she didnt get enough validation at a club, she watched the titanic, or wanted to make sure u werent over her so she could have an ego boost.

If you want her back

-dont talk about your past relationship
-be a improved person not boring
-you have to not care about getting her back, to get her back
-when she contacts u, u should be neutral and say that ur busy to call u back in a week or so
-be cocky funny/neutral when u see her. keep it light and short.
-never even mention getting back together - if u start seeing each other let her bring it up
-if she asks if ur back together u ask her if she communicates with other guys she's been attracted to or is attracted to - if u sense this you tell her "let's give it a couple more weeks", then u wait for her to ask u again.

An episode of How I Met Your Mother rings a bell here.
Best bit of advice, try to recall the exact feelings you had for her at the time of your separation. What irritated you most about her and likewise. Is this enough to stop you from seeing her again? If not, go for it.
Secondly, if she is getting cold feet, it would be safe to assume that she may be having doubts about it. The likelihood of you two pairing up again is quite small, but if you do, it will probably last for a very long time.

Dude you really need to get past this and see other girls. 5 months is a long time to go. Over that time you've not connected with anyone else. Of course you have built this girl up in your mind. You are seeing her through rose tinted glasses.

You broke up for a reason right? Always remember that. Get a sense of perspective and go gaming tonight. Don't tell this girl that you have been obsessed over her for the last 5 months. You need to come across as having had a great time without her. And you need that to be the truth!

I have a very similar situation, and I know you guys have been saying move on, but hypothetically what would be the best approach for an ex that contacts you, who you are looking to get back with.

How to defuse other guys in the picture.
Bring down her walls.
Make her realize why she feels and contacts you the way she is.

Best way is be neutral. Keep convos short, dont reply to texts, tell her your busy.

i tried to remember the feelings right after we broke up (i was doing it so i don't contact her) but this time it's not working so well. i'm still not going out of my way to contact her, after she got cold feet i left her alone and recently she contacted me again; this time however we had a better and longer conversation. at this point i'm not asking nor making it seem like i want to get back with her, i'm holing my emotions back and so is she. but at time emotions do rise to the surface from both sides.

been working so far