So I called my girlfriend and we chatted about some ground rules and boundaries I wanted to set. We are 3 months in.

I know some of you might say I am wrong and being AFC or controlling, but its different when your in a relationship versus pickup, and not setting rules is like setting your relationship up for failure.

So I told her a few things.

1) I'm not crazy, I never have and never will want/need to check your texts/Facebook messages. Its your business, they are private convo's.

2) I think that talking to ex-es on a regular business is not that healthy.

3) Going out with friends is fine, in groups. 1 on 1 situations is just opening the door for the guy to make a move, its more intimate too.

4) You should probably mention to every guy your talking to, that you have a boyfriend now. Gotta respect our relationship.

5) If some guy doesn't want to be friends with you or hang out any more because you have a boyfriend, then cut contact. Its obvious he was just trying to get in your pants. Pushing for conversation is pretty much like saying "yes i got a bf now, but it doesn't matter, go ahead do what you do".

6) I have good self respect, im not going to put up with anything that's not "right".

7) I am not going to waste time with someone that thinks they can pursue other relationships during ours. If your making a "reserve list" of guys you wanna date, in case something goes wrong, then see ya.

Ultimately, it has to be fair. If I am being a loyal boyfriend, you gotta be as well, or this isn't going to work out.

SO....

She agreed with everything, and said she doesn't want me hanging around girls 1 on 1 either, even if they have boyfriends. She didn't really talk much, just agreed with everything...But she also was like "you can see my texts, how I ignore the guys when they try to flirt" I was like "Nah, I trust you". Is it weird she randomly said that? Oh, and a guy was posting on her wall and she was responding, she sent me a random text saying "dont worry about those comments..." is she trying to cover up something, try to prove to me shes clean?

BUT...

-So I just turned 19, she is turning 21 next month. She said "I don't want you getting mad if I go out drinking with my older guy friends". (sort of a dangerous situation dont you guys think???).
-I was like, "no, I dont care, I want you to go out and have fun, to a point tho, draw the boundaries like a smart sober person would".
-I also said "If your question if you should do something, think about if you would want ME doing it! For example, would you like it if I went out with a group of young single girls to party at the bars, without you there?"
-Then she was like "I dont even know if I will want to go out to bars, i dont kow..."

Then she was like "oh, I gotta go, unscrew the lid off this can and make dinner, see ya"...

So, what do you guys think about what I said in terms of ground rules, about her attitude, and what should I say about her going to drink with single guys!?!!?! I mean wtf, she says they are harmless, thats bullshit,plus they will all be drunk, and probably bring her home.....ahh geez. sex is hella good tho, she has that going for her, and shes fun to be around, and she buys me dinner and clothes :p shes like a pornstar sugar momma hehe

THANKS.

I WILL REPLY TO FEEDBACK.

My last ex used to go out to clubs all the time with other guy friends and I know for a fact nothing happened with them. You just have to know how to control the relationship, if you do everything right, not only will she not want other guys but she'll be comparing them to you whenever she hangs out with them, and they wont compare at all.

The ground rules are a good idea I guess, I do something similar, but instead of flat out saying them I subtly imply them over the first week or so that we're dating, and once they're there, they're there. If they're broken, then shit is over.
Be comfortable in your relationship, if anything ends up happening and she fucks up, then she wasn't worth it anyways. There's always someone else just as interesting, fun and attractive waiting out there for you.

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Thank you for the fast response!

About clubs. Yes I guess that could actually be quite true, I just must have some insecurity about them, my friends gf was cheating on him with a guy from the club. I should also stop comparing our relationship to others. Ours is going so well, we have so much chemistry, I think we are the best couple right now. She told me she's never met anyone like me and I make her so happy about life, and that she wouldn't want to jeopardize the amazing relationship we have.

I guess I bring alot onto her all at once, I should've worded it better, or said less. But I'm going over to her house right now so yeah she took it pretty good.

I guess the best thing for me to do would remain being my alpha male self, and care less, take a chill pill, and not start more problems it proves to bring better results

Thanks again man!

Sounds good. People really underestimate how much women can care about a guy if he stays in control and keeps her happy. For example, I have an ex that after about 7 months of us being broke up, says she still compares guys to me and that's why she's still single. So stay confidant, stay in control, and you should be all good.

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Great list - I have a very similar.

I do not mind my girl going somewhere with her friends be it girls or boys.
My rules are strict - do wrong and all is over. So the situation where she is with other guys, in the club or so doesn't concern me. I can spot a lie or insincerity.

I believe the best thing in a relationship to do is - give all the freedom and she will choose what to do as you can't deny another person to stop doing something he likes to do. That sounds wrong to me. Be it a boy or a girl

You are coming from a place of insecurity, jealousy, and possession. You rules and boundaries are a form of control, protecting your asset. For me that's an awful approach to a relationship. A healthy relationship relies on trust, respect, and honesty.

No 1 on 1 with another man? Seriously dude. You don't own this girl. Who she goes out with is up to her. She is her own person who is free to do as she pleases and live her own life. If I was a girl and had any level of self respect or independence (qualities that are highly attractive for me) I would of told you to piss off an ended the relationship on the spot.

Remember a relationship is two people with their own unique individual lives who meet in the middle.

Here's a thought experiment for you. Your girlfriend meets up with an ex for a drink. They hang out and have a kiss but it doesn't go further. She can't tell you because it breaks two of your rules and admitting will mean the end of your relationship. So she keeps it to herself and always feels she is holding something back. She can't be truly honest. She can't be truly intimate. Your rules push her away and could well make her do something she wouldn't (f-close) if she felt truly connected and intimate with you.

Now compare this to a relationship where honesty is at the core. She comes back and tells you all about the experience. How meeting him felt. How they had a kiss but actually she didn't feel compelled to take it any further. That would bring you two closer. She's put herself into a position of vulnerability. It shows she trusts you. That will bring you two closer.

Now picture if her interaction had led to sex with her ex. With your rules again she can't tell you as it is cheating. She continues having sex behind your back until eventually you find out. That will hurt. Your relationship was a failure. You will leave the relationship thinking she is a bitch and that will create a negative image of woman in your mind. It's likely you will bring this baggage into your next relationship.

Now with the honesty approach she would tell you and you would talk about why she felt compelled to do that. You may work out she has unresolved feelings for her ex and decide that you two should take break so she can work things out. You would leave on good terms, respecting her for being honest. You relationship could well be referred to as a success. Or perhaps she felt it was a one off, a slip which she regrets. So you go on and it either doesn't happen again (great) or she sleeps with him again. She's then honest again and tells you. You both conclude her head isn't in your relationship so you break it off. Again I would have respect for her. In this scenario I wouldn't be left thinking she is a cheating bitch.

My previous relationship taught me the importance of honesty. I've put it at the core of my new one and it has changed everything. It's genuinely refreshing to be able to remove worry, doubt, and jealousy. My girlfriend knows whatever she tells me I won't get angry and that we will discuss and explore it in a rational way together. This means there is not reason for her to hold anything back. We've both talked about 'incidents' and it's only brought us closer. In fact knowing that we each have options but are choosing to be together only heightens the attraction.

My last point rolls into your thoughts on monogamous relationship and view of sex. Humans aren't perfect. We're animals and slips may happen. Can you divorce love and sex? Would you throw away a great relationship for an drunken animal desire? Does one shag make a difference? I would recommend looking into open relationships, not as a suggestion, but to see another non-social programming approach.

I really just wanted to touch on 'open relationships' as it isn't entirely related to the OP. However I will go into my person situation briefly. In my current relationship 'cheating' doesn't exist as we are not monogamous. We put the emphasis of our relationship on honesty and openness. That doesn't mean we are sleeping with everyone we can get our hands on. In fact right now just the opposite. What it does mean is that neither of us holds a monopoly on the other's sex life. That keeps attraction levels very high. We are both here because we want to be every time, rather than 'signing' a contract in the past which we can only get out of by breaking up. It's my first time in this style of relationship; I've never felt so connected and intimate. I can and do share everything.

When honesty and communication are the norm typical relationship doubts and worries disappear. I accept her for her, flaws and all, and want to be with her as her natural self, rather than a contract controlled version.
I couldn't disagree more. It's perfectly possible to have sex with someone else and love your partner; the polyamorous are capable of having sex with and loving multiple partners.

Assuming though that she is a one person girl, and banging someone else is a statement of not being into the first partner all that much, then my point about honesty being the most respectful and pragmatic approach still stands.
Yes I agree there are obviously monogamous relationships out there where no one fools around on the other. However there are infinitely more where indiscretions occur. The majority of all relationships fail, with one of the most common reasons being infidelity. Out of my social circle I know of lots of incidents (male and female) which one partner can't tell the other and the other partner doesn't know. Relationships ranging from 6 months to 8 years. To me that is a really sad thing as the lie is a bigger betrayal than the act itself.
In the context I used it it was a throw away example. I stand by my point though that I would really question throwing away a relationship based on a single out of character act. The details and motive say more than the act itself, something that can only be explored if both partners are honest.

I found it better to let my GF set her own rules and then we discuss them until we're happy with the end result. This way you can see what she thinks is acceptable and gauge it to what you think is acceptable. This also makes you out to be less of a control freak and she feels more comfortable with the rules because instead of being handed down to her because she has had input in creating them

Also, why would you not go out drinking with her friends as well?

i'm with intrigued on this one

except for me ... no rules, no relationship

once you define it...you destroy it

remember that, guys

just live in the moment, if she wants to be with you she will

if she doesn't, forget her and move on

don't chase, never chase

the funny thing is, i recently had a very long exchange on this very subject in this very forum, and the other person assumed that i was bashing open relationships.

quite the contrary. i could see where it could work. too many see regular relationships as a "contract". and then they freak out, feel trapped like an animal in a zoo, and "lash out" (or cheat).

i think all this "girlfriend/boyfriend" stuff is for the birds...as is marriage, to be honest.

once you give a woman a title, whether that be girlfriend, significant other, fiancee, wife, etc...she WILL lose her fucking mind.

no titles for me.

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First I must say your girl has some Luscious Titties!

Now to the point I can't believe you said all that to her all in one setting. It's good to have establish some rules, but a lot of what you said didn't really need to be said to her. All that stuff about not checking her texts(rediculous).
My gut hurts from laughing so much at that one. Oh i'm sure she's going to tell every guy that talks to her she has such a wonderful sweet loving boyfriend and she would never do anything to hurt him.......

While I'm not too big on the so called guy friends either. I didn't bring it up in a manner like you did. I brought it up when there was a need to actually address it . You're bringing up before anything happened it's like your saying "please don't cheat on me"

I think you're fearing the worst once she's turns 21. She's going to want to go to the club it's pretty much going to be out of your hands what she does when she out.

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my bad, im used to drinking age being 18