So I'm from the UK and I'm at college studying towards earning a BTEC Level 3 Diploma for IT Practitioners. College isn't all it's cut out to be. It feels as if the rest of the college is social and outgoing and then you have the IT nerds up on the top floor that keep themselves to themselves. The catering department regularly has open nights at the college where they will cook meals for people. The music department guys are constantly doing gigs. The sports department are always competing against other colleges in like events and such. Everyone else has an outgoing, much more social learning experience than I. It's really starting to hack me off.

My girlfriend left me just one week ago (basically to fuck around with other guys). She said I wasn't good enough for her and while I don't want to believe that. I don't believe that she would have left me if I was more outgoing and I had more going for me. I don't drive. I don't have a job. I don't really have any short to mid term ambitions. My lifestyle is terrible. A Friday night for me is usually out with 2-3 AFC LOW value friends at the snooker hall or perhaps the local pub. I LOVE parties and I'd like to be outgoing and social. I just don't have a clue how to go about it.

I've booked my first few lessons and I've also been studying for my theory test which is on the 27th. I also got a CV written out properly so that I can sometime later on this year look for a part time job. I'm trying to be more outgoing and I'm trying with everything I have to get my shit together but I feel frustrated because I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.

I have my own game that I've used for over a year and it works brilliantly but after what has happened to me this week (the breakup with my now ex-girlfriend) I just don't feel like playing my game. My question to you is how can I:

- Be more social and outgoing.
- Meet new and interesting people.
- Get more people in my already existing SHITTY social circle.
- Get my game back.
- Gain more confidence in myself.

Sorry for the TL;DR post but you know how it is when you have a lot on your mind. It feels good to just get it off your mind...Even if it is over text to other people I'll never meet on a forum.

Sounds like you want to find some parties on the weekend. Then do it. I usually walk around my apartment building and I can find a party 2/3rds of the time. There are a lot of people there, and it's always a mixed bag of people types. My method for getting into the party is simple, there is usually someone outside, so you just start talking to them. They generally know someone inside and then you are in. I just make my intent clear from the beginning("what r you up to? I am trying to find a party to hang out at.") and have a normal conversation. 5 minutes later they invite me to the party. I sarge alone when doing this, so if you want to keep your friends and find good parties I suggest taking nights out of the week to go out alone, it is way easier to get into a party as one guy than a group of 3-4 dudes (especially with no girls). Eventually you will find a group that you connect with and are fun to hang out with. Then just invite your other group to join them.

Getting your game back takes practice. Forget the ex and move on. (Shes a bitch for breaking up with you like that, fuck her.) Perhaps you don't feel like that, thats okay. Just realize your motives are based on her, and that you will not have the strength to complete your goals like that. Instead move towards your goals because you want them.

I am still working on this stuff too, I am an engineering student and I lost most of my friends in this area over stupid drama that I should have never gotten involved in. Thats worse feeling than breaking up with your ex, trust me. And still if I go out with a positive mentality and have fun I can figure out a place to do that. That is my focus when going out, "I am going to find a place to have fun and hang out for the night." When you forget whats-her-name then this will be a lot easier, theres a lot of girls out there.

If you have any questions feel free to ask me. I can't guarantee the best answer but I'll tell you whats up and give you a little advice. Hope this helps.

That has helped me in a way that words can not describe. Thank you for putting things in a different light for me.

Some good advice you got there. Sarge alone instead of doing it with your buddies, it's going to leave you with more confidence. Your friends are probably cool and all but when it comes to partying it's better to leave them behind for a night if their intention is to be human wallpaper. If they're not interested in pick-up it's gonna be hard for you to get into your game with them around.

When it comes to studies and work, especially at the stage where you're at, you'll get less time on your hands and your game is gonna slowly drop. It's inevitable.

Instead try to look at it this way.. You're working your butt off at school right now and it's gonna pay off, if not in the nearest future, maybe in a year or so. When you're up and running with your work routines set straight, cash in hand and free evenings you're gonna feel all that work was worth it, even if it threw you off your game for a while.

Get over your ex and find some nice parties for now, you're gonna be all good in no time.

Just my two cents on your situation right now. Have fun!

well, how about throwing your own parties?

throwing a party is less of a hassle than what you think
you need music (pick some guy with a decent taste in music and make him be the "DJ"), get booze, snacks and then invite people over (personally or with an add, 2 or 3 weeks before the party date).
charge like 10$ at the entrance to cover the expanses and voila.
if you get a few more parties going you can slowly increase the price at the entrance in order to make some proffit/ get more qualty booze&snacks.
throwing your own party will make you socially accepted adn can be lots of fun

Not going to add much to the stuff about changing your lifestyle, because you've got some pretty sound advice on that above.

What I will say though is that just because you haven't got a car, job, you go to a snooker hall with mates on a friday night - they aren't necessarily bad things. In your case AT THE MOMENT, they are bad things, because you THINK they are bad things. But if you get to a place where you're perfectly comfortable with yourself, then those things are fine. Everyone's different. Not everyone likes to go out clubbing, partying etc., so don't necessarily think that if you start going out to clubs on a Friday night instead of playing snooker with your mates, you're going to get your ex back and live happily ever after. Probably not going to happen.

I guess what I'm trying to say is - don't create a lifestyle that you think will make you "cooler." If you want to go to the snooker club and play snooker with your mates, do that! I love having a game of pool and a quiet pint with my mates. Doesn't mean I'm a useless human being who is never going to even chat to a lady! Likewise, not having a car etc. means nothing UNLESS it means something TO YOU.

Create a lifestyle YOU'RE happy with.

7000 that was a really insightful message. thank you.