Hello everyone,
I am a PUA status poster, but because of the content of my question I think the moderators would feel more comfortable for me to post in here. So here goes:

Im on a study abroad program in Prague.

I liked/like this girl, Sarah.

I got drunk and hit on her in an inappropriate manner.

She is now uncomfortable around me.

Luckily, she still talks to me. I'd like to try to repair my damaged relationship with her. She is very beautiful, smart, funny, and unique. Those are the reasons why I liked her.

I can only see myself being successful with her if I back off completely. Which is what I am forced to do based on her attitude towards me. But mentally I hang on to a thread. I know this thought comes from my insecurities, but I can't feel confident around her anymore. I am terribly nervous.

The only way I can feel confident is if I knew that she didn't like me AT ALL. If she is giving me a chance, then I feel a pressure to succeed with her and if I fail then I'm not worthy. And the rejection in front of my other friends terrifies me.

One on one i'm very expressive, confident and unique. I think she is easy to talk to and a very nice girl. But around other people I'm just plain nervous to the point where I can't communicate.

This happens to me around the Alpha males as well. I get nervous in group situations and I can't talk. But alone I'm very talkative and friendly with the Alpha Males. But say we are on a bus and one of them is there. His mere presence makes me turn into a chump. It's like I know he doesn't really understand me or respect me. So I'm just terrified of him correcting me or slamming me in front of the others.

Why do I get so quite in these group situations?

I have a friend named Annie that is the same way around groups. She is really dumb. In group situations, in the college SPAM, she is quite or she will say some retarded shit and everyone looks at her and thinks damn - I don't want to be like her. But alone she is confident and talkative, she is still dumb, but in a cute way. In a group she doesn't understand the other people and her reactions are judgmental and negative towards herself and others. It's like she has low self-esteem and is trying to make up for her stupidity by being frustrated with other people's comments. But really she is just frustrated with herself for being so stupid.

What's the break down between being confident one on one, but silent and nervous in group situations?

What kind of inner game techniques can help me build up my confidence in group situations?

Example: I was at an apartment today with 5 girls, one of them Sarah. All of them I consider friends. I was talking with my friend Justine about how my dating advice that I gave my good guy friend is working. And then we started talking about my attitude towards dating, which is: I don't want to date, it's too much work and I think it's bullshit.

But before I could start to define my opinions, I noticed Sarah started listening to our conversation, and I just stopped talking without defining my views on dating. Sarah was on her way out and said "okay, time for me to go home now".

It's like I don't want to be forced to talk in order to keep her attention because I know that doesn't work. But I also need to be confident enough to express myself even if my opinions might not be valued by the other people in the group. I'm afraid she won't like me based on my radical opinions.

I must learn to speak more respectfully in group situations. And I will slowly have to build my confidence up. I've had some bad experiences when I was a negative person. I was at a dinner table for a lunch meeting with some important people. I used to work for a large corporation. At the table a man told me, "Why do you have to do that? All the time you say the same things?" Luckily my supervisor stepped in and told him to shut up. He was basically snapping because I was always negative about some aspect of my life and he hated it or didn't understand it.

I was also bullied a ton as a child, and I learned to deal with school by retreating into a silent oppression, masked self-hatred, and projecting judgement out towards everyone that didn't accept me.

I have since learned to be more respectful and less negative about the world, but I deeply fear being attacked verbally by others. I think it is a public statement about my self worth if I am publicly demeaned.

I don't think it's healthy to lie to myself and say I don't give a fuck, when in reality I know the reason why I am nervous is because I care too much. It's also important to remember that it won't be the end of the world if I do say something stupid in front of other people. If I could learn to be politically correct then I would have more things to talk about in large diverse groups. I also lack a lot of funny jokes and topics in group situations, and I'd like to be more funny.

Does anyone have any advice?

-Magnum45

_________________
Walk Hard

Man, I have exactly the same problem. One on one with a girl I find it goes really well, but in a group I just can't gain their attention and just end up being a complete and utter AFC.

Being politically correct (or rather, wanting to be) is desperately AFC. If you have views that aren't politically correct then you stick with them. Only if they are really really racist or fascist etc then you may want to keep them to yourself in particular situations.

I think your desire to be politically correct is the perfect symptom of your problem: you are afraid to be judged, obviously.

Now my question to you is, do you think that creating a thread on this forum and possibly having the responses that your subconscious (or conscious) hopes for is going to make you less afraid to be judged? If not, maybe you should find another way.

So my personal situation: I don't care about what groups think of me because I value my ideas and I also think most people are muppets (that doesn't mean I tell them or act like I think that btw, I'm a big fan of Dale Carnegie...). I start careing about what people think when they've proven themselves to be capable of original and useful thought. This is about 1% if not less of all people I meet. Thus if I don't know someone well there is a 99% chance I don't give a sh*t about their opinion on anything whatsoever. In practice 99% works exactly the same as 100%.

Unfortunately this is all rational and sometimes my subconscious still gets the best of me. I don't think it's possible to get around that fully, unless you're a sociopath. In the end all we really are is glorified monkeys.

Thanks. I guess I see your point. I still think there is some work that can be done here. I used to use spout off whatever came to my mind, and that helped for a little while, but it repulsed a lot of people, especially women. I'm learning to stop judging people just because they don't agree with me because i'm hanging around people that are very different than me.

I'm on this study abroad trip, and it's like I'm in high school all over again. Although I'm 27, so it's a radical change. There are different clicks and different types of people. I'm struggling to have something positive to say, in the past I have generally been negative and people that have a positive outlook on life run from me. It is difficult to stay positive if I consider people all glorified monkeys.

_________________
Walk Hard

Only if you have the delusion that you're different from the rest.