For reasons not worth getting into, I'm not drinking alcohol; however, most of my social time, iroincally, is spent in bars/restuarants. I have no problem going to bars, solo, and not drinking, I just feel really weird and uncomfortable. I think it probably works better with a wingman, but I really don't have any good ones. So, my question (actually there will be more), I know there are probably a ton of you players that work the room and aren't drinkers. How do you operate?

In the past, I'd simply go to a place, there's one where they know me well (upscale British place) and order a beer, glass of wine, they actually usually already have it ready for me - the bartenders/wait staff are awesome at making you like the MAN if they know you. I've closed quite a few deals in that place getting the "SPAM" from the guys.

However, it became apparent to me that this was a problem last night. I went out for walk, by myself, strolled into a few places, nothing really going on to work. At first I was like, this is great! I'm not spending any money and moving on to better pastures (or simply calling it a night and getting some good rest). Then I walk by the place I mentioned before, girls tend to flock to this place - a lot of two, three person groups, etc. The place is a little more upscale than your typical UES bar (actually maybe a lot). Most of the guys that come in are more or less guys like me - white collar professionals in their 30s, late 20s; def. some 40+. I mean damn, I was their with my ex-wife a month or two back and a girl was blatantly checking me out! Actually, when I first got separated, the first girl I went out with was a girl that picked ME up at the bar.

I think this could still be a good spot, but I don't know how to walk in there and operate a non-drinker - I think the bar staff would probably faint! I can't go order a seltzer and take up their bar space. I also don't think they serve non-alchoholic beer. I can always order food (which I would probably do from time to time), but its a little pricey for pub food, but good, however that English fare isn't the healthiest and don't want to put that in my normal routine. Also, would I get a different SPAM from the staff since I won't be dropping the coin I usually do?

I walked by before I went home last night and not to my surprise, there was an ample amount of females there - groups of 2, groups of 3 and I could see some dudes, none of them talking to the females. I almost did walk-in to order something, but most of the beer/ales are imports or good micro and strong! The stuff they usually put in front of me before I even order is Palm, and it was the last thing I wanted - it is potent, it would've been a bad idea. The lightest thing you can get is a Stella; but I am actually enjoying not drinking, ironically.

I just don't know how to operate like this and how does it appear? Solo guy in a bar not drinking? Does it look stalkerish?

Sorry for all the background, but I did think it was necessary for you all to see where I'm coming from.

J.

You don't really need to order a drink when you go to a bar to pick up women. You don't need a drink to do pua. for one thing drinking affects your judgement, you don't think clearly and appearing to be drunk looks bad on your part.

it looks more stalkerish if you're in the bar, just looking around and not doing anything. if you dont want to appear to be a stalker, do something, go up to people, work the room and talk to some girls.

but the place you went into before you said that the guys werent talking to any of the girls, so stand out from them and actually talk to some girls.

yeah, due to exercice i decided to give up drinking a while ago too. At first people dont really accept it, but when you are picking up women it's a plus. You can always order a drink on the rocks and there wont be a lot of questions.

When going on a date its more difficult, but just explain your reasons and they should accept it.

I never drink at bars. Usually they are so busy, no one notices that you are not drinking. People will only get weirded out by you if you act weird. But, if you go in, walk around, smile, and be approachable, you're going to be fine.

Sometimes I get a glass of water just to have something in my hand as I lean against the bar and check out the scene before making approaches. It helps me relax, and keeps my throat from feeling dry.

if a girl ask why im not drinking i usualy tell them i just had a shot of (w/e) and it usuasly always works.. if you want to be cocky/funny can say are you trying to take advantage of me? , and if your that uncomftable..

can always put some food coloring in your sock.. grab a empty cup/glass off a table, and fill it up at the bathroom with water.. tough that is a bit extreme

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roughhouseboxing www.roughhouseboxing.com the boxing authority in blogging

These are all great suggestions. Oh, I totally agree about alcohol crowding your judgement, before I was "taken" I got to a point where my alcohol intake was monitored and paced very well ( was also in my mid to late 20s). It was actually the most confident I have ever felt in my life before marriage, hell, I even met my wife this way.

I have gone out not drinking and I'm starting to see how to make it work, it's kind of like baby steps though. I live in NYC in the white collar professional world, it is actually very hard not to drink, there are people, and I'm talking seasoned professionals that will look at you funny some times, especially if its more of a social situation. I had success at my private club last night. There was an event going on, I ordered club soda with lime and happened to see one of the kids I work with gf (26,27). She is hot and was with a bunch of hotties the same age. We just started talking, for awhile, and I got introduced to a bunch of her friends (I'm 36) for reference. Nothing happened, it was just good to feel comfortable in a place that I know well and able to act without a drink in my hand - in retrospect, maybe I should've ordered a beer.

Oh, I'm also starting to re-learn that people do notice you whether you realize it or not when you hit a room, especially when you're talking to hot chicks. I know you players say it all the time, wasn't sure I believed it, but I definitely got to experience it last night. Before I left, I went to say hi/bye to a female friend of mine about my age; typical I'm leaving now, but wanted to say before I leave, bla bla bla, she even said, "yes, I saw you were here, and was making note I had to make it over to you." Club was crowded that night...

Also spoke to my dr. and having a drink or two will not hurt, but I actually like not drinking (for now). My go to place, they'll just have to get used to me not drinking that much, I'll have to retrain them not to send a goblet of Palm down the minute I walk in.

I need to work on my openers. My opener in the past, I'd simply find a place at the bar, usually still in my suit, looking all like a banker (I'm not in finance), order a drink and chat with people as they went by, many times I even got approached first. I'm re-inventing myself to extent, I think. Thanks guys, you all have been very helpful.

J.