Hello LodewijkP. Thanks so much for the crazy long reply you gave me a few weeks ago. I look through it from time to time again and learn a lot. You really were spot on.

I have another question for you. And this one is about sex. Well, perhaps it's core is not about sex, it's perhaps more about our own individual barriers we face.

I'm not really sure where to begin, so I will just start somewhere, but be prepared. This will be another long one.

My girlfriend (the one I met through group therapy, remember?) and I are still together, on our 9 month streak soon. Mentally we still have a great relationship. But physically, not so great. Last month we have had no real sex. We tried to have it, but she stops me and decides to do something else.

This is how it's been for most of the time the past months. There are times where she is horny as fuck, and other times it's very hard to get her into a relaxed state for some great physical time. Now, this is due to a lot of things. I shall start with myself:

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My problem is, I cannot let go. I have emotional blockage issues. I have been making improvements in the past few weeks (for example, this last week I was able to finally become incredibly angry at my father and showed him who's boss. This is a first for me). I see it as an emotional wall. Eventhough I am the one who is almost horny all the time when I'm with her, and when I can get my GF to the point where she wants to have sex with me, I still hold back tremendously. I just don't really do what I want to do. I even think that I don't really know what I want to do when I get to that certain point.

I find this a bit odd. In my mind I am a very sexual person, but I don't think I really know how to express this sexual energy inside of me. It also does not help that, because we don't have much sex in our relationship (I think we have had sex about 9 times in our 9 month relationship), and that she was the one who made the virgin inside of me go away, that I in general don't have a lot of experience. Which is true. I read books about it, but ofcourse know that that does not have as much effect as experience would've.

And then, because of the small amount of sex we have, I become frustrated. Whenever I try to initiate, and fail, I afterwards withdraw within myself and feel rejected and terrbily sad and confused. She then asks me "Are you OK?" - whenever she does that, I just don't know how to answer so I just say that I'm tired, eventhough we both know why it is I am feeling very sad after what just happened. Does not do wonders to my self esteme.

Yes, I do not have much self-confidence in bed. This is probably one the main reasons why it's so hard to have sex for me and my GF. She picks up on my signals and decides to shut down.

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Now about my girlfriend. As I said, we talked about our sexlife the past couple of days, and this is a summary of about what she came up with (with some additional notes from me):

A few days ago, we were both in the kitchen making an incredibly difficult pie. But during the process we have as much fun as possible. Making jokes, feeding each other scraps of pie ingredients, kissing, hugging, making sexual gestures towards each other. I see this as foreplay. But _she_ does _not_. She just sees it as having fun and she told me that at no point during our pie making session, she was horny or thinking in a sexual way. This is a problem that mostly resides within herself. With her previous boyfriend, when she was still 16-18, they had sex a lot, but that's not because my GF was horny all the time, it's because she wanted to please her ex, being afraid he would leave her (which he did eventually). So she did not enjoy sex that much, she saw it more as a chore. That relationship with her Ex was more about sex. They did not have an emotional connection (I'm suprised it even lasted for 2 years). Now she does get this emotional connection with me (and I must say, a very good one at that). But now for her (and for me) the physical part is missing. I am everything her previous ex was not and vice versa, which I think is an intresting fact.

So, she hasn't been really horny, even with her previous ex. She also does not mastrubate a lot. Perhaps 2x a month (I'm guessing, but she indicated something like this).

Right now we talked about her sexual activeness. Now I would like to talk about how it goes down when we actually do it and what is going through her head (she also explained this to me):

Whenever we lay in bed, there is this sense that one of us has to start, but we are both a bit scared to initiate, afraid to act on our feelings. We both sense this from each other. This is a turn off because she wants things to be spontaneous (I guess I do too).

But when we do cross that barrier (perhaps allthough forcefully), she get's wet, I get hard, we have intercourse. When this happends, she usually feels like this is a chore already, but not always. While we are doing it, she get's distracted easily. If for example, an police car with sirens on would ride by our house, she would allow herself to get distracted and think about what might is happening outside.
Or when she looks me in the eye, she searches for meaning, for approval. She want's to know if I am having a good time or not. She needs this approval from me before she can truly let go. But because of her sense of negativity around herself, it does not really matter what I think, because she would turn that message that she sees in my eyes into something negative about her, regardless what I am truly thinking. So this is also a turn off for her.
And another thing that blocks her, is her self image about her body. She thinks she is ugly and fat, while she is in fact very beautifull and has a perfect body. This is something she went to therapy for.

Her relationship with her father isn't great. He never paid her much attention in the day's she was depressed. He could not cope because he did not understand. Her family also does not really hug with each other, not much physical contact (non-sexual I mean ofcourse). I read in a study that that would hinder her sexuality aswell. In my family, I hug with my brother and mother a lot (it actually releases tension somehow). But when I hug my girlfriend, it feels somehow awkward and unfullfilled. She does not put much meaning into it. The same things for kisses, whenever we kiss for a long time, it almost looks like she is bored, she opens her eyes and rolls around with it, looking at things in the room that could possibly distract her, not putting effort into her kiss. I have no idea what it means, but I usually feel very bad whever she does that (allthough I'm getting used to it). It's as if she's not taking my kisses seriously, not taking my attempts at intimacy seriously. Getting kind of sick of that tbh.

One mor thing I would like to add, when I asked her if she was sexually attracted to me, she said: no. But that it differs somehow from time to time. She explained that she sees it as the following: That she is attracted to me in general (aka, she thinks I'm good looking). She has a great emotional connection with me, but she is not really sexually attracted to me. Aka, she is in love with me but not really in a sexual way.

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Now I want to adress some conclusions we both got out of this conversation we had in the past days:

She wants me to be confident. She wants me to act like a man, not an insecure wimp. She misses that part inside of me. She cannot really be horny when I am not there to lead her in this way.

The problem is, is that since she is my first sexual partner ever, and because we both really can't hit it off, I cannot gain much experience this way. In fact, I become more insecure about myself as time goes by it seems (this is because of her rejections and my faulty self-esteme, my holes in my ego).

Me and my girlfriend need to talk more about sex. She is pretty much a closed book regarding sex. She does not feel comfortable when talking about the things that she would like to do or receive. And I simply don't really know what I want from her. I don't communicate enough when she actually does things I like, and vice versa. We just have no sexual communication, we don't know how to press each other's buttons. But we promised that we will work on this, to try to open up to each other and tell what we like, allthough I'm still not really sure how we should go on about this exactly.

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If it was up to me, we would have sex 3x a day. But I know that's unrealistic and I am now starting to slowly accept the situation we are now in (so that I don't get mad from the inside whenever sex does not happen). I love her and she loves me. The fact that we are still together and are still going strong, even without decent sex, tells me that we have a good relationship that can survive a lot of problems. We can both talk about what really goes on in our heads and we both accept those thoughts from each other and do so in a mature manner. This really is the strength of our relationship. We are both troubled and in trouble and we both support each other. So I only think it only can go stronger from here on out. If we only could get our sexual life in order, I think it would work that much more in our favor. I would feel so much more fullfilled and happy, more focused, less distracted. This is what I want to achieve.

So my question to you:

This whole story is not simply about "How can I have more sex with my GF?", it's about, how can I, her, we, transcend from our problems (that I described above), rise above it, conquer it and be better as a person\couple because of it.

In short: I want to hear your wisdom. I would love to know all the tidbits you can see that I cannot (yet).

Thanks in advance!

Quick background: Been dating a HB 8 for a couple weeks. Had the opportunity to F close on day 3 (she was all over me in bed) but I declined b/c we were drunk and I thought that was the respectable thing to do. She has involved me with her son (18month boy) and had me over for dinner with her parents. Seems like i've already got it locked up doesn't it? but she is a horrible communicator. Texts aren't replied always ( i get she's busy with work and the kid) and phone calls seem to be the only way to get communicate with her. which sucks cuz i hate talking on the phone.

What i'm asking is how do I get her excited... how do I build a connection? DHV more? pump the buying temp? Its not about the F close, i've been with hundreds of women and at the age of 27 it doesn't seem that important to me anymore. Appreciate the tips!

_________________
Balls Deep

Pop

TheArtArtist

it's very hard because it's not only you .. in this case it are 2 persons.. i need to look through the lies you are creating for yourself , i need to look at your inner game and i need inside your girlfriends head - just by reading your detailed reply in this thread.

of course i am going to read it carefully and reply but i need to take alot of time to do so, because it looks simple but it is complex.

however i can give you some starting tips to work on

you are not responsible for her growth and her own feelings
start focussing on yourself and not on her

you cannot deal with your issues and at the same time try to solve her issues... this is being a psychologist... it consumes all your energy and it kills your relationship. Don't judge her just be her boyfriend...She does like you and the best gift you can give her is to improve yourself and fix your issues - become who you want to be a full 100 %.

stop feeling responsible.. her problem is due the mess she has created over the last few years. You would be responsible if you punch her of abuse her... but you don't. stop projecting your ideals on her.. she is who she is and it's her problem .. when you have fixed you issues you can of course help her a little bit without judging her.

about the sex .. when there are 2 people having psychological issues it's hard to have a good sex life but it's not impossible...you have to read GOOD books about sex and apply them...use your tongue as well .. woman love that. The relationship feels unhealthy BUT YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE .....

You have to stop pushing her away .. that is just your way to take revenge.. you have to notice that it's immature behaviour which you developed in childhood - probably your parents. You are not responsible because somebody taught you this behaviour probably your parents , but you have to realize that now you are aware you can change it.

if you have a girlfriend with issues IT TAKES SUPERHUMAN AMOUNTS of PATIENCE

aside from that

you are responsible for your own experience... everything you think about your girlfriend could be your projections... everytime you are blaming someone else you are not taking responsiblity for your issues.

Notice when you are taking responsibility for your own perpsective and try to notice when you are give that power to someone else.. when you are really blaming someone else it's probably your issue but you cannot see it. Of course having this little sex is different- you have your own needs and you want a healthy relationship...don't feel responsible , because it's normal to expect a healthy sexual relationship... yes.. but you have a unhealthy sex life and you want to change that, you can only change something by taking responsility for it. But you cannot take responsilbity for the way she sees the world and the way she lived her life last few years. See where the web of external responsility is trying to entangle you and get rid of that burden. you have to accept the fact that a unbalanced woman cannot fullfill your needs the way you want it to be. you have to be more self-reliant .. im not saying you should ignore her or put a wall in front of you... focus more on yourself.

if you have 2 crabs in a bucket and one climb up the other one always pulls him down... you 2 are just both 2 crabs in a bucket. Im not saying you should break up but i am saying you must stop playing the games of pulling eachother down in the bucket.

stop playing your own stupid immature games
and stop her stupid games by setting clear boundaries... it's a yes or a no.

if there is a disagreement just tell her how you feel without lying to yourself , don't judge her and talk your way out of it. IF it doesn't work out just accept it, if it isn't solved right now it could be over a few days or weeks.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

First of all .. lol do not decline woman because you think they are drunk.. i want you to think about why you really declinded. Most woman even when they are drunk know what they are doing, but because they are drunk they are more honest and sincere ( less boundaries ). Aside from that it also sounds like a mature thing to do .. it work both ways it seems.

i think you are lying .. you let yourself get attached .. i mean you meet her parents and so forth. she involved you with her son... but you also allowed her to do it. And now you are talking about the connection, how to get her excited..

and you talk it's not about the F close .. well if it wasn't you didnt had to write it to me so i assume you are lying..you are just in conflict .. getting attached and trying to create space at the same time.. you could have fucked her way earlier when she was in the mood.

do you want a romantic connection AKA fucking her..?
or do you want a real connection...?

stop talking about DHV and game .. because she decided to fuck you a long time ago and she was already attracted a long time ago.. Do not decline F closes even when drunk ok .. lol ... because that is your issue trying not to getting attached to someone.

if you want a connection .. meet her and talk about her son.. she wants the best for her son... if you want the same thing you have a commonality right there. Just talk about if it's the right thing for you to hook up with her and be in her sons life that quick... She wants man who she can trusts ..she doesn't want a guy who doesn't know if he wants to get attached.

It can come across like you want a serious relationship too quick...but that is not the case - your objective is to RELATE... you are not there to protect your ego, sexlife or your bankaccount.. your obejctive IS RELATING TO HER.

if you relate you don't have to DHV or DLV.. she want romantic connection .. that means that you are going to relate without being a pushover. You forget the whole deal about being attached or not... just be in the moment and enjoy.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

This is absolutely true. My energy has been very low ever since I started a relationship with her. It has effected my overal schoolwork to some degree. I just cannot concentrate, cannot focus anymore. I am struggling everyday with this discipline problem. I'm not saying it's all her fault, I have some holes in my ego that prevent me from doing a proper job, but I'm sure she plays some part in it. Whenever she has problems, my emotional state freaks out, making me unable to do anything. I would then just like to lie down in bed for the rest of the day, because it's just all too much.

I shall try to keep myself focused on myself more, for I believe what you said regarding "the best gift you can give her is rising towards your true potential" and then aftewards try to help her with her own shit. But this is hard for me to do, because one of the foundations of our relationship is helping each other out. She helps me just as much as I help her. If I would remove that part... then I would not really now what would happen. It's not something we can just *poof* make it dissapear. It's such a big part of our lives. If she's depressed, I can't just ignore her like that. When she breaks down in tears, I can't just say to her "it's your problem, deal with it." Can I?

But on the other hand I know where that will lead to, to the situation where I am in now, no energy, pretty unhappy, frustrated out of my mind, wanting to hurt people, feeling so fucking restless it makes me go insane. I'm amazed I am able to contain myself the way I do. I have so much negative energy inside of me... I just want to cry and scream and kill people, yet I can't.

It's not only because of her I am feeling like this. It's my parents, school and myself.

Sometimes I think it's better to not have one of those things that bother me at all. That's why a good first step for me is going to leave the nest of my parents and start living by myself. That would allow for some breathing space. Perhaps then I can see through the fog again, together with my GF.
Do you have any recommendations? I've read a few, but those are mostly just technique related and about the state of woman and how they differ from men regarding sexuality. I'm not allowed to use my tongue :p She explained that to me. She likes the feeling it generates, but it makes her feel uncomfortable at the same time. I think this is due to her body image. As if she finds her vagina disgusting or something, she thinks about how it would taste for me and in her mind would make it taste awfull, thus now allowing me to do that.
But she can suck my dick. She's not very good at it, but I make her practice. She says she feels powerfull when she sucks my dick, like if she's in control. And I think that "control" is related to her me not being allowed to lick her pussy. Because then I would be in control in her mind. She does not like to be outside of control. That's why she never drinks that much or wants to use drugs.
But I'm gonna try to make it an adventure for us together, to smoke some weed within a few weeks. Try to be more out of control, because I think this control is constricting us. Why not be a little crazy? I've read you have had a lot of experience with drugs. What do you think? I myself also seldom drink and have only smoked weed once (That's unheard of from someone who lives in the Netherlands, right? )
I don't see where I do that. Can you elaborate? Perhaps I'm not as aware as you think I am.
Yes, this acceptance I slowly starting to come to me. For example, whenever I was spending the night with her, I was always thinking in my head how I would transition it to sex. What to do, what not to do. Playing games. But now I see how destructive that is. I just need to accept whatever is going to happen. Just have fun with her and not live with this goal in my head that I want to attain within that night with her (sex). Because when it does not happen... I will have some more angry energy added to my angry bucket, which is not good.

Yea for sure i let myself get attached. thats why i'm in this pickle haha

I didn't mean i don't want to fuck her, i meant a relationship with her is more important to me then sex.

I definitely want the real connection. My guess is too much happened too soon, meeting her kid/parents, her throwing her self at me. I'm rattled and she's probably rattled too. Thanks for your post, it helped for sure!

_________________
Balls Deep

Pop

another additional quick post for you to consider some things, im not going very deep here do you want a love relationship or a provider relationship ? do you want to be her dad or her lover... you have grown into a certain role and you need to snap out of it...you are a man and you are into a relationship.

i want to change from being the helper to being a man... that means you help someone without sacrificing your own needs or well being ... you only go after clear win-win situations even if you are lying to yourself. Woman do no change structures in relationships .. if you decide to be a provider they just let you be one , if you want to ber her dad she will let you be her dad. You have to leading role over what you are in this relationship, do not forget this. this is very hard to deal with .. but yes you can... sometimes people are in such negative mindset they think they are being depressed - they are magnifying their own problem. Im not telling you to tell her to shut the fuck up ( i do this occasionally, but in a proper way) but just LEAD... just cut it off... people don't want to get stuck in a negative mindset. Go watch a movie with her or just ask her some question which got nothing to do with the situation. You don't support people who want to suicide you tell them to shut the fuck up to get their shit together...they just need to accept reality.

you have the right to ignore her, or tell her whatever you like
and it could be in her best interest to stop talking about negative state..

just think about it
i agree .. but also cut your GF out of the picture when you need to - just to spend some time with yourself and to get your mind straight.

regarding sex .. i read your post but reading stuff won't make a huge difference.. mainly it's her psychology and that is out of your control. very bad bad idea lol ... not if you have alot of inner game issues... i actually grow, use and make my own psychotropic plants and drugs.. and i have to say that weed is one of the worst things you can use if you're depressed ..lol... It's better if you do not use anything without a proper experienced guide.

It's ok to relax and it's ok to be out of control once in a while .. but you must have clear motives, i only use and work with psychotropic plants for treating psychological problems... and from all drugs weed helps the least and it does have most adverse effects on your mental health in general. Dutch weed also containst much more psychoactive compounds than most cannabis.

im not promoting you to use anything .. but if you do use anything i recommend you LSA ( availalbe on internet ) . I've seen this substances have the most therapeutical effects without having many adverse effects for depressed people. im not encouraging you to take any drugs...it's just healthier to practice inner game and live a healthy lifestyle - there is no substance which can repair anything without proper science and guidance.

you are pushing her away by becoming affected , withdrawn , confused angry or sad.. especially when she rejects sex or when she pushes you away. You should just state your thoughts and feelings on the spot - tell her how you are in that moment... you jsut getting some unknown behavioural pay off by feeling dissapointed.... what if you just stand up for yourself and take control of your own emotion by taking action and expressing them in the right balanced way ( not going emo out of control, someone needs to have the option to understand you ).

like i said before it's ok to have needs...it's ok to be pissed when someone withdraws sex when you are almost there. i would be pissed as well... im sorry but to me it sounds like she is totally manipulating you by withdrawing sex - it doesn't mean she's concious of it. Im telling to stand up for yourself and your own needs, you don't have to accept rejection from anyone. To be real .. in a normal relationship it's normal to have sex at least once every week... you have to be real with what is out there , what you have and what you can get.

it's ok to be selfish once a while and it's ok to be assertive like you were when you were interacting with your dad ... how did that feel ? how would it feel if you express your emotions in a calm and assertive way in other parts of your life.

your girlfriend needs to know that
1. you have your needs as well
2. you are a special person as well
3. that besided being your girlfriend she is just a woman....and one with issues and there are a hell alot of woman that don't have this many issues.

when your girlfriend is cutting you off when she isn't fullfilling your needs she is just being selfish.. and to me it sounds she is selfish almost all the time. you just are accepting that shit.. it's time for you to be selfish and tell her what you want... she's your girlfriend and not only your friend ok....you don't have to dump her, you don't have to call names.. just point out your intentions and be calm assertive.

just freaking think about all missed opportunities in your life due to your issues... how your parents gave you not enough attention or the wrong attention... just think about the shit that you took from people... just think about your relationship and what i should have be... im telling you not to settle for less than you can be.. because right now you should be angry as fuck... you probably feel like '' im going to do whatever it takes to figure it out'' and i know you will. Because nobody really cares about your succes or how you feel... your parents don't otherwise you wouldn't be in this kind of situation. Your girlfriend doesn't care as much as well or she's just having blindfolds on... when you withdraw sex it's very painfull and frustrated .. especially when it's escalating to sex.

Enough is enough... period.. don't fucking accept second rate behviour from yourself or anyone else anymore. that shit you have collected for years .. all that energy and frustration - you should let it out... it's time to claim your place on this planet. God made you with a reason and he created you with a purpose - don't give a fuck what other people say - you do have value otherwise you wouldn't be here.

it's very hard to tell people what you want if you do not have many people around you and you might be very well afraid of losing them... but you cannot feel like shit all the time .. it's ok to feel like shit a few times or once every week...but there comes a point where you have to tell people that make you feel like shit what the reality is. does you girlfriend goes to forums asking around for tips in order to get a better sex life or relationship ? she probably does 0%... you should fucking congratulate yourself that you have put up with this shit for a long time. She is in no position to make claims what you should do or who you want to be - because you are clearly unhappy in a certain way. it's time to put yourself in the position to claim what is yours and she should know about it.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Okay so im 18 and have never been great with girls although i have many girl-friends.

Theres this one girl I've known for around 4 years as friends. About a 5 months ago we hooked up; she stayed at mine and we fooled around but didn't go all the way. This happened a couple of times in the weeks/months after until she decided that she didn't want to do anything :S disappointed as i was, i left it at that.

For as long as I've known her it was always been through our mutual friends and although we very much considered each other friends with one an other we would never meet up alone or anything.

Around a month ago all of our friends went to university and we started meeting up just me and her, doing gf and bf type things with a little bit of fooling around here and there. Last friday i stayed at hers. we fooled around more that usual but she still didn't want to go all the way, none the less i asked her out then and there and she said yes. The next evening i went out to meet her and some mutual friends and our friends house...when i got there we didn't have a hello kiss or anything but at the end of the night on the bus home when everyone had got off and it was just me and her we had a goodbye kiss.

so at this stage i'm thinking 'all good, were going out...but maybe she just doesn't want to make it public yet.'

Now, heres the bit that baffles me. On wednesday our friend had a get together with around 12 people. i came later than everyone because i had work, when i arrived there was no hello kiss, just wimpish hug and barely said a word to me all night. So... stupidly i thought 'if i stay later things might change'...they didn't. when it came for the time to leave she was invited to stay at one of our friends house. i then asked her where she was staying, our friend heard me ask and immediatley invited me to stay too.

Im pissed off at myself for staying there now because i know how clingy it looks and she was just as dismissive with me as she was earlier in the night...when i asked her something she just answered it and carried on talking to our friend. i don't believe she engaged me in conversation once in the whole night.

where did i go wrong!?! help!

It is now thursday and i will inevitably see her tomorrow night as some of our friends are back for a bit.

what do i do now!?!

_________________
"The aim in life is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways shouting "Holy Shit, what a ride!"

I have girlfriend whos constantly affected by the same type of problem and gets really negative and drags herself down, but everytime i offer her constructive advice such as staying strong and working with the situation because negative thoughts will only make things worse, she says i suck at cheering her up, she has bad memory and very narrow minded so the times i did cheer her up she forgets and only remembers the time i offer her these type of critical advices and she says her friends make her feel better but they say the same exact shit that i tell her but never shows appreciation for me advice.... im just dont want her to keep being affect by the same type of problem, what do i do

It sounds like she has a bit of depression. i know because my mum has exactly the same thing and my dad also tries to give her critical advice..which NEVER works. when someone has these sort of negative thoughts all they want is reassurance. are you sure her friends they say the same thing?

when someone has these sort of negative thoughts all they want is reassurance.

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"The aim in life is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways shouting "Holy Shit, what a ride!"

It sounds like she has a bit of depression. i know because my mum has exactly the same thing and my dad also tries to give her critical advice..which NEVER works. when someone has these sort of negative thoughts all they want is reassurance. are you sure her friends they say the same thing?

when someone has these sort of negative thoughts all they want is reassurance.

_________________
"The aim in life is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways shouting "Holy Shit, what a ride!"

How do you give some one reaasurance lol, examples please

dude, i know this is Lode's thread, but i'm gonna jump in.

i know EXACTLY what you are experiencing.

i'm gonna offer my advice, Lode may have something else to offer.

women do not want you to be the "fixer", they want you to be the "comforter".

i know it's hard.

because sometimes they do outright stupid shit.

i have a policy and i tell women right up front:

there is a difference between listening/comforting and expecting me to be retarded/enabling.

i tell my women, "look, if something genuinely unfortunate happens to you, i am here for you, to listen, to cheer you up, to take your mind off it. and i promise i won't try to be THE FIXER"

however, i also tell my women, "however, if you insist on doing the same stupid shit over and over, and then bitching/crying when you get the same fucking result from life, DO NOT expect me to be some sort of retarded enabler, listening to you bitch, hugging you, expelling my emotional energy to make you feel good about something that you clearly brought on yourself, when you should have clearly known better. FRANKLY, that sort of lameass behavior is below me. if it's not below your friends, good for them. i'm not them. now...suck my dick"

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

yeah buy a fleshlight lol ...

woman are just emotional .. you cannot solve emotions with logic... unless you are a psychologist or you are visiting one. lol do not fix the problem...it only makes things worse..just cut off the topic , tell her to shut the fuck up - do whatever to avoid it in a whole. if your girlfriend got abused by her previous boyfriend... don't talk about it just pretend it doesn't exist, don't make her get stuck in the past. IF she got married and divorced just tell her to shut the fuck up and tell her she made the right descision.

you are not her freaking psychologist or therapist.. if you try to be one she will treat you like dirt because now she will form new neuro-associations..
problems ---- > you----- > problems
if you meet a friend .. and you only talk to him about problems .. what habits are you creating ? what image of you will he create in his head ?

here is a question .. just answer it .. what do you want to be :

1. her dad
2. her boyfriend
3. her psychologist
4. her friend

friends don't fuck their friendzoned friends , parents do not fuck their children ,and psychologists only talk..... only boyfriends fuck their girlfriends... now why in earth do you want to be her psychologist or dad ? are you a psychologist ? or are you her dad ... ? probably not.

i give guys in my life including on this forum advice and so forth .. I NEVER NEVER NEVER give advice to my girlfriend or woman whatsoever...woman are just doing their emotional chanting - you cannot help them with logic in this phase... just hang up the phone and contact her 3 hours later/ or maybe next day. if she's affected by something .. and you are affected by her being affected - then what kind of man are you ? you will activate her instincts and immediatly she will be repelled by you - it's the same when you are dating - she will loose attraction.

am i affected by a womans problems ? no i am not .. i really do not care at all you know why ? because 99 % of the time it's just a woman emotional perspective of the truth, if i trip over my shoelace and i fall on my knee ; that doesn't mean i have broken my leg.... you see where im going ?

another reason why i do not care is because i've had exactly the same problems... and it was easy to fix .. just take responsilbity and take ACTION... woman cannot do that kind of thing , they cannot take responsibility when they are all emotional. If you don't take responsiblity for your problems you cannot change them... why even bother to change woman....

aside from all of this .. you guys are very likely to project your ideals on your GF as well... you want a GF who always kiss and fucks you... you want a GF who is virgin or who is very loyal. Stop projecting those fucking ideals on her .. she is who she is.. if she is emotionally unhealthy she's emotional unhealty , if she had multiple dick she isn't a virgin anymore and if she's a 'talking about other guys in a sexual way she is very likely to be a whore. ( i like sluts... nothing wrong with being sexual)

you date a girl .. you don't know anything about her .. you find out a few weeks later who she really is. She is just who she is , stop trying to change her... if she was manipulative whore for years you cannot change her in a few weeks or months. You are just clearly unhappy with your girlfriend or date... instead of wasting useless energy you should :

1. accept who she is and decide it's enough for you, not tryin to change her
2. Stick with her untill you find a new GF
3. Dump her and find a new GF
4. pick something from the ground and hit yourself on the head with it... and say '' welcome back to reality''

Most guys on this forum think i hate woman.. read some of my posts .. they think im a woman hater who like to talk crap about woman.... actually i don't.... i just have very low ideals regarding woman and high ideals regarding myself ... when i meet a woman and she turned out to be a huge manipulative whore - i don't care and i don't care about losing her...

I will be affected 0 %... why? i didn't think of woman highly anyway ( i have proof for it by the way ). i just accept who they are .. i accept the possiblity that all woman will cheat and i accept the possiblity that she will be a emotional rollercoaster like all other woman... don't focus on external shit even if you have high preselection criteria. All woman are the same .. they all have retarded emotional ranting... it's just a fact .. try stop changing facts.

people only change if they want to change and if they themselfs initiate the change... otherwise it's just useless...

aside from all of this .. there could be a moment where someone sincerely needs support... sickness , family members who are passing away. Only be there when you really need to

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Update. Right i ended up ringing her on Monday and she had tonsillitis so she went home for a bit i saw her yesterday on the way from uni she was across the road waving frantically i said hi she said "ill call you later but i'm late for uni now" i said "ok" Then i saw her about two hours later when i was with my mate and she was on the phone i said hi she said "i'm on the phone to my mum ill ring you in 3 mins." 2 hours later she rings me saying "so sorry i haven't rung for ages etc" (i never asked her to ring me lol) any way i said "come up mine we are going out tonight" she was like no i can't etc i said i would be down hers in an hour to chill for a bit. She rings me 40mins later saying her rooms messy etc and asking me if i needed to go to the shop and that she would come with me etc i asked her if she needed anything from the shop and she said no just that she would come with me if i wanted to go lol. I said don't need any thing from the shop and that she should come out. She was being very indecisive again so i just said i would ring her in an hour because i was busy. She rings me again like 40mins later and i just told her to come to mine because we where pre drinking she said she wouldn't come out but would come to mine for a bit. Any way she comes up mine i was like sit next to me etc she wouldn't lol any way she started saying i can't go out etc even though i wasn't asking her (just trying to get attention) so i ignored her knowing 5mins later she would just say i'm coming out. Any way she goes down to get her drink and comes back up to mine. She started asking for hugs and actually touching me (she wasn't before and she wasn't drunk yet) Any way i was being the dominante leader of the group etc and said it's time for all of us to go out etc and we all did. We went to the club and i left my ID at home and the bouncers wouldn't let me in (i never normally take my ID out) She had just gone in and came out. I said stay in there or come back with me and ill get my ID or we can go somewhere else without any one else. She basically just started an argument again and started shouting at me i said i'm not having this and just walked off she then rung me and shouted at me (I didn't realise but then shouted back when i did) she then just walked off and txt me this and i replied etc (she rung me again after the first txt message but i missed the call again)

Her - I'm so pissed with you, I've come for a drink with you when am not well and you disrespect me like that. Please don't ever bother even tryna speak to me ever again. Take care x


Me - I didn't disrespect you I told you before you decided to come out that if you start to get into an argument with me if you come out I'm leaving you. I don't deserve it and don't need it. I was trying to sort stuff out but I'm not just going to stand there and have you shout at me. I told you this before you came out, it was your choice to come out not mine, don't try and ruin my night because of it. It's out of order

Her - You forgot your I'd, then failed to apologise. Well, atleast we've established that you think it's respectful to leave a young girl surrounded by drunken idiots on her own. Please dan, show me a little bit of respect and delete my number.


Me - I did apologies TWICE! but as I said Im not having you shout at me in the street (club,halls, etc) and that's it as I said before I don't deserve it and don't need it. I told you before if you want to get in an argument you can but I ain't arguing with you. I said I'll walk you back to halls etc but you just shouted at me. So why should I bother?
And I said I would walk you back... Again you just shouted at me.... Seriously do you think I would take that and walk you back at the same time?

Her - I never shouted at you (until I called your name when you walked off,but you blanked me anyway!) so don't lie. I asked for my last bit of backie and you wouldn't give it me, it shouldn't have been a surprise when I said give it to me and let me walk home. So, you casually walked off, ignored my shouts and then my calls. What a situation, think of it as a test to show me how little you care what may have happened to me walkin round late at night on my own.

Me - I'll speke to you tomorrow if you are ok? X x

Then after i had come back for my ID and gone out again i txt her this.

I never blanked you until you where rude to me, when I heard you, you where behind me I shouted back and gave you your tobaco can you really blame me for not wanting to have an argument with you? Every week you have a go at me for some reason or another! i warned you well in advance I'm not having it! I don't need it or deserve it and that's it! but you always start! I told you I can't be arsed and if you are going to come out with me then respect that but you didn't! If you think I am just going to want you to come out so you can have a go at me then you don't know me I have already had enough! I ain't having any more shit I don't need it and that's it! I ain't some fucking lap dog if you really think I am going to care when you act a cunt then you are crazy find someone else to treat like shit! I didn't have to invite you up mine but I was nice enough to so the least I deserve is a bit of respect! I don't know what you are trying to do but you are just showing your self up as someone crazy at the moment and someone I really don't need to be around! X


Any way, opinions? Don't really care about her any more but the sex is AMAZING this chick really knows how to rock a bedroom lol and she has some hot friends i wouldn't mind meeting lol plus she has one of my favorite glasses from last night and i need to get that back from her!