Here we go!

Quick Update.

Here's a small update about what's going on in my life right now.

Working.
I've no time to post as much as I would like in my journal since I'm working all day. Even if I manage to work out every two days when I get home, I'm not serious enough when it comes to my planning. I'm not using it anymore. Concerning my job, everything is going well.

Being social.
I've not been gaming actually but I'm still really confident. As I was in a store chosing something to drink, I had the balls to ask the woman right next to me "what was the best flavour?". She got confused as I started to maintain eye contact. I soon realized that 2 other women were now looking at us. She answered quickly: vanilla... no wait... strawberry. "Okay I'll take this one, I'm trusting you". I left the scene. The very next day, I helped a woman trying to find some candies. I was so friendly that the cashier thought I was with them.

Coming next.
I'm trying to organize something with some of my friends on Friday night. It would be good to have some fun finally... On another note, I have to take more action now... this is not serious... I feel great, I have to hit on girls but I don't have so much free time now and logistics still suck.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Quick Update.

2 months ago, I wrote the goal I wanted to achieve in this new chapter of my learning journal. I set up a plan of actions and applied it. The deadline is coming is two days... I won't make it. It's time to revise my goal and learn from my failure.
MISSION FAILED.

NEW CHAPTER.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

DAY 79: Revising my goal.
Time for some actions.

I failed in achieving my goal for several reasons. The main one is pretty obvious: I focused too much in building the foundations of my game without taking actions aside. That was my initial plan actually. If it didn't allow me to achieve my goal, it did make me more confident and consistent.

I thought that feeling confident about approaching would have been enough to urge myself to take action, but it was not the case. Yes I feel great, I feel confident... but I need that last push to take actions. It is now clear to me that the key to success is to simply take more actions. Let's do this.

What I want.
I'm keeping the same goal.
My goal: I want to have had at least one date with a HB8+.
Deadline: November 30th.

What I'm missing.
My "foundations" are good enough to start to work on Outer Game. I'm writing again my global plan:

I) Attractive Lifestyle: this is the support of attraction in general, it gives depth and value.
- Personal Lifestyle: my hobbies, interests, culture, job, ...
- Social Circle: my friends and interactions with them.

II) Passive Attraction: this is the support of what I would call an Active Attraction.
- Inner Game: ability to quiet negative thinking, confidence, sexual desire...
- Physical Appearance: style, shape, ...

III) Active Attraction: this is what I need when I take actions.
- Outer Game: day game, night game, opening, closing, asking out...

Focusing on Outer Game.
Now that I feel that my "foundations" are enough, I will obviously focus on the "Active Attraction" part, that's to say, on Outer Game. I need to make hitting on women a habit in my daily life. My plan is simple: do at least one approach per day (or 7 per week). The approaches has to have the following characteristics:
1) let her know I find her attractive (going direct)
2) try a number close

Let's do this.


Time to act like a boss.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Daniel this journal is really good, you've got so much focus and drive, and a good balance of reflection and action

thanks for keeping this journal, its a good way for others like me to look at and improve our own journey.

if your ever in/around london/surrey let me know

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

Quick Update.

Hi guys! I'm a bit ashamed about starting this new chapter saying "it's time to act like a boss" while not posting a single post in a week... Here's some news.

Meeting actresses.
The first reason I did not post anything in while is simple... I've been working a lot Good news is, my job is going well for now but I just don't know what I want. A part of me wants to find a job, get an apartment and start a life, another part wants to leave France, try to find a job abroad (Singapore?) and enjoy.

Anyways, the good thing with my job is that I'm meeting people... and by people I mean hot chicks. I've recently met two French actresses working on a project with. I was used to see them in ads on TV... yet here I was in front of this two hot girls speaking with them and all... I realized even actresses were not unreachable... They were actually shorter than me and kind of silly.

Taking actions.
I've been overwhelmed by work lately. I'm not keeping up my productivity planner... I'm basically only work oriented right now. I don't like that. I don't even have time anymore to work out or do my approaches (even though I have 2 hours of transport per day). Yet I feel damn confident. I'd like to be able to manage everything... but I have not figured out a way to do so yet.

I will probably postpone the deadline again unfortunately.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

you will postpone again probably? Daniel, you talk about your new confidence and your strong foundations, but I can recall you making COLD approaches to complete strangers on the street in Brazil. You have had confidence all along. Remember what I said about carrying your momentum in life? It is fleeting, you can't ALWAYS be on ALL the time. It comes in spurts, you need to focus on getting the most out of each spurt.

If your focused on work right now, all the better, it will take time to settle your schedule. BUT, this has no weight on the immediate frame of the interactions you come across with others. Your stories about talking to girls at the coffee shop or mingling with short actresses doesn't at all reflect the mindset of someone who is intentionally trying to flirt. They may be PASSIVELY attracted to you and your confident demeanor and your attractive lifestyle. The zero risk oucome may boost your self esteem. But, you need to actively PURSUE that attraction. Friendly convo, comfortable small talk is where you want to start. You should always be trying to push the interaction toward the direction of TENSION. create situations where you can "neg" or "bust her balls", show her subconcious that your intent is not to be just "friendly", your intent is to create tension. you want her emotions to flux in your presence. Attraction, Tension, Comfort, Seduction. In that order.

I will tell you this, I am newly single from a long standing open relationship and have been "sarging" half heartdly (need more time) for about a month. One decent lay(resulting from some well executed game), some flakey/on going phone numbers (not so good game) and a WHOLE LOT OF REJECTION(GREAT FUCKING GAME). Where are your stories about rejection? Why are you not swinging for the fences? Two hours of transit, that is 120 minutes of opportunity to MAKE SOME GIRLS FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. Every glance, Every moment of eye contact, Every coffee shop girl is YOUR chance to get rejected. Attractive lifestyle be damned, Time managment be damned, you may not have the time to look, but the chances will still find you on occassion. Confidence opens the doors, but you have to play the game. You HAVE to be clear of intent. You will get NOTHING if you do NOTHING.

So, consider this strategy:

re design your goal of getting a date to " getting 100 rejections". If you can actually manage to be SO bad at creating tension, flirting or charming some girls to the point where you get rejected 100 times without a date, I will lose ALL faith in Women and jump the fence down by the bathhouse.

On a side note, I DIDN'T RECALL HOW MUCH WORK BEING GENUINELY SINGLE IS. I have spent the better part of 6 years in an open relationship with very little effort put in to find other women. "Foolsmate" was pretty much it. It probably averaged out to one "other woman" per year. NOw I am doing RIDICULOUS things, like txting girls on a ongoing basis that I HAVEN'T EVEN SLEPT WITH YET. Stupid small talk txts all day long in the hopes of getting laid. Is it fun? Yes, it is. Relative to being in a dedicated relationship(with a steady source of great sex)? Not at all.

Work, Gym, night School, and now THIS?! You have a very good question Daniel, Where does one find the time to balance all the parts of a healthy, productive lifestyle?

Anyone with insight into either managing time effectivley or speeding up the process of getting laid, Daniel and I would love to read it!

Best of luck!

@Insert.

Thanks for commenting.

Yes I have to postpone, I've not been been serious enough with my plan lately. I just couldn't do it, I let myself drowning into work. I was unable to manage my time effectively.

You're absolutely right, I made a lot of cold approaches while in Brazil, as my confidence came and went. Yet, I realize the success I had in Brazil was linked to the lifestyle I had there. Since I'm rebuilding everything from scratch in Paris, I wanted to focus in building these foundations. I made a mistake though, I should have taken actions while I was focusing in getting a life.

I understand I can't be amazingly confident all the time, and I said this very same thing to myself a lot: I need to get the most of each spurt.
Indeed Insert, you couldn't be more right. Being overwhelmed at work is not an excuse to game the girls I met at the office, in the transports... That's something I've already learned from my journal... I'm not aggressive enough, I should take more risks, care less about expressing what I want. I should be able to claim the girls I want. I've been doing some progress lately though, I've been maintaining eye-contact to a tipping point with some girls in the subway... I catch some of them checking me and when I ask direction or whatever to some girls (I still approach) they start to be shy.
Yes yes and yes. The underlined sentence is something I've been thinking on.
Indeed.
From now on, I'll start counting my rejection and do a report about them.

Thanks for sharing your experience Insert, I value this a lot.

Concerning the issue of balancing an awesome lifestyle with work, a radical solution is obviously earning enough money to truly do the things you love (and not having to do have a job you don't want to live). Money is just a means to have time for yourself. Yet, it's pretty hard to come to the point where you don't need to work anymore. (I've read The 4 hour work week from Tim Ferris, you might find some insights in that book).

I remember when I used to be in the 9 to 5 schedule, with two hours of transport per day. I woke up, go to work, went back home, go to sleep. I just didn't have time to do the stuff that make me satisfied with myself. I ended up with a shitty self-image, in a needy relationship... I don't want that to happen again, but I'm afraid of being called back to reality.

I'll take actions.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Daniel, you have more "foundation" than the Eiffel Tower.

At this point, confidence has little to do with it. You're looking for 'feelings' of confidence but you're mature enough to know that these feelings are dynamic and fluid; sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not. What did you tell them at your job interviews? "I'll do my job very well but if you don't see me at work, I probably didn't feel confident on that day . . . "

You don't refrain from ordering your morning coffee because you feel this way or that way. You just do it because you want coffee and you know how to order it.

You want.
You know how.

Quick Update.

Here's a quick update to write about where I am right now in terms social interactions.

On an elevator.
I'm working in the 28th floor... I'm now taking the elevator on a daily basis. Every time I get in, I try to be social. I always start with a "bonjour" obviously and then try to push the conversation further. Once, I managed to get a small conversation flowing. As I got inside the elevator, two people were next to each other... silent. I started a conversation with them. I owned the place.

I got even luckier another time... A sexy 30yo woman was waiting for me. I greeted her and got inside the elevator... confident... As I had my phone in my hand, I opened her "we don't get a lot of coverage in that tower"... she was a bit surprised... after a few seconds looking at me she said "you mean we don't have any coverage!" we laughed together as the elevator arrived at his destination. "have a good one".

Waiting for the train.
I went out Saturday afternoon to sarge a little. Since the results were not good, I'm not even writing a report about it. Strangely enough, I had good interactions when I was not trying to wear the PUA hat. As I was waiting for the subway to go back home, I noticed a football supporter from the Parisian team. I started to speak with him about football and how good the team was this year. We spoke for 5 to 7 minutes.

Getting a Doctor Pepper.
Finding Doctor Pepper in France is not an easy task. I know a bookstore where I can buy it in Paris. As I was in the line to pay for my can, I noticed the cashier was a bit pissed off by the rudeness of the previous customer. I told her I'll be more pleasant. She laughed. We started to speak about my little habit: going to the store just to buy a Doctor Pepper can... I told her about the Cola Redbull they used to sell and how much I miss it... She replied it was now illegal in France. I laughed... "so it might be better for me anyways... have a good one!" As I walk away, I noticed everyone was looking at me... I warmed my part of the pool and I was now getting the attention of a lot of people. Right at this moment a really cute girl crossed my way while I was going down the stairs. I was not spontaneous enough unfortunately.

I'll update my goal soon and finally try to go direct.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Moving in the right direction, keep up the momentum!

Quick Update.

It's been a while since I've posted and update.

This week.
My job is now over. I'm back at square one: staying at home and looking for a job. It's actually kind of a good news since it allows me to have more time for myself. Yet, everything is not going as I wanted. I've blacked out this week. I've basically done nothing except playing video games. My self-esteem was down but I've managed to get back from hell thanks to some will-power. I don't really know what happened but I'm stopping that shit right now.

It sounds kind of obvious, but doubting of myself allowed me to understand something about confidence. It's all about being proud of yourself. It's all about self-esteem. I took my road map back and I'm now getting myself back on my feet. Showing some will-power is a good way to start building self-esteem and confidence.

Anyways, the good news is... I'll have more time for myself now. Let's get these rejections.

Daniel..

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Even Napoleon had his Watergate.

DAY 80: my situation.
Why so worried?

It's been a really long time since I've published something in here... Almost two weeks. This is unacceptable. Here's a small post on my self-development journey. By the way, don't read it with a "I'm so depressed tone"! This post is just a cold analysis of my situation.

The plan.
After almost one year in this forum, I came to the conclusion that seduction was all about a particular lifestyle and having value. When I was in Brazil, I had an amazing social circle, I was going out a lot, having fun and meeting new people in a daily basis. I'm pretty happy how I did there... but with a bit more confidence, I could have done so much better. Everywhere I went, I had instant value just by being French and going out with fun friends. I wanted (and needed) to re-build this lifestyle now that I was back in Paris.

Everything was clear and coming together. I knew what I needed. Getting a job would be a first step. I would get interactions flowing in my social circle and try to meet new people as much as I can in order to go out and have fun.

How it's going.
I had a job opportunity which is a good thing to gain experience, but since it was a one-month contract, I could not move out for my parents' house. It was just a temporary job. But obviously, while working, I didn't have anytime to game or to organize events with my friends.

Now that my mission is over, I had more time obviously. Yet, paradoxically, I've never felt so lonely. I didn't study in Paris, and a lot of my friends are now living too far away. My very good friends are either working abroad or very busy with their job. Others are just not into going to clubs or bars and meeting people. Some of them, who were closer to my ex, are not really into seeing me, guess they're afraid of awkward situations.

Something that freezes me.
I think the key here is to "get a life"... again getting a job would be a first step obviously. The thing is, the incredible amount of choices I have freezes me. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying getting a job is easy to me. It's not. I'm just saying I had the chance to have a good diploma, that can give me everything I want... but I'm scared of taking a wrong decision. It freezes me, it's like I don't really know what I want. And guess who I would be the only one to blame in that case? Me. Yet, to be honest, being stuck in this negative circle, makes me beat myself up too...

Everybody's getting a job around me... the kind of job that put you in front of a computer all day long. The kind that would alienate me. But I don't think I have a choice for my first real experience. Let's accept it: my first job won't be the job of my dream. I need to understand that my first job will be a support for my lifestyle, nothing more, nothing less. Identifying myself too much with a job is silly. I have to relax about all this.

I thought about finding a job abroad though. If I succeed, I would instantly move out form my parents house, renew my social circle, have fun and instant value for being a foreigner.

What's next.
- I've been applying for jobs lately (not enough though I confess). I also have another short-term contract (until end of December) for a huge IT company.
- I've been speaking with friends in Singapore to see if they can help me finding a job there. One of my best friends is currently working there. Who knows? That would be awesome.
- I've been working out, I'm trying to build some muscle mass right now. I'm focusing on eating a lot, sleeping well... I might buy a weight gainer to help me out. I woud like to gain some volume when it comes to my arms, but the results are weak for now.
- I've been reading some books I had to finish lately, one of them is about taking action and not surrendering (Seth Godin's Linchpin).

Summary (for lazy people): I feel stuck and a bit lonely. I've not moved forward since I came back from Brazil.
____________________________________________________________________

What' I've learned.
- I'm too anxious, I need to calm down. Stopping beating myself up is a key to better achieve my objectives.
- Momentum... take actions while you feel like a boss, it won't last!
- Stop complaining. Everything is great.


Silly me. I'm dying to move forward but I like to spend an afternoon on a couch trying to understand what I really want.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Daniel,

You're a business guy. You probably studied this in operations or management:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toyota_Production_System

similar idea

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agile_software_development

Back in the heyday of the US auto industry, manufacturers followed a strict linear approach. Design - engineer - manufacture - market - sell. You would think that following an orderly schedule would increase quality and efficiency. You probably learned in business school that this simply isn't true.

You're also following a rigid linear schedule. You're trying to get a job, get your muscles, get your life intact, get your confidence, then go approach girls, test the water, then perhaps choose one as your girlfriend. The belief is that you will yield better results this way but that's simply not the way things work. Life is far more dynamic. In Brazil, you didn't schedule one 'social' thing at a time. . . it was an explosion. You went out when there was a party. You went out when your classmates went out. When you saw girls, you conversed with them. From this, you received positive reinforcement . . . so you just continue the pattern.

Allow some time each day to go out and socialize. You DO NOT need existing friends, wings, or whatever. If they're available and willing to have fun, fine. If not, go talk to some shop keeper. Go to the mall. Go to a bar, enjoy a drink. Get out there . . . Go to random businesses and tell them you were walking by and are intrigued and want to learn more.

You have nothing to prove to anybody. Go get yourself a girlfriend.