Hi guys. Just wrote a new language pattern it has not yet been field tested. It basically is trying to anchor a feeling of love to you and a feeling of pain and loss away from you. The (sp) means a gesture to yourself and the (Ap) means a gesture away from yourself. Anyway just tell me what you guys think I should change and how it can be improved. Thanks guys. K here's the pattern

Have you ever had someone you love (sp) just disappear? My sister met this guy (sp) and when she first met him she really began to FEEL A BOND with him (sp) she loved him so much. When she was with him (sp) she began to FEEL THIS LOVE with him (sp), like they have known eachother for years. it was like nothing could ever pull them (gesture from you to her) apart. And when she looked at him (sp) she could FEEL THE BOND just by looking at him. She couldn't take her eyes off him (sp) And the love was so strong that she just wanted to be with him (sp) forever. And when   she was down. He (sp) would do something funny and she just began to feel this WARMTH in her heart. And that WARMTH started GROWING and it would make her smile. But then one day she went to his house and he was gone (Ap) she began to FEEL very SAD. It felt like this part of her just broke, and there aint nothin anyone can do to fix it. She just wanted to CRY there was so much PAIN, he was gone (Ap) she felt so upset and loved him so much that she went out into the night looking for him (sp) she said that if she can't find him (sp) then she doesn't even wanna live at all. She looked long and hard but he was no where to be found (Ap) she later found out that he died (Ap) the love of her life died (Ap) he was always so sweet to her. He would tell her how much he loved her. And he even said that he'd always be there for her no matter what. But he's not there now (Ap) she always tells me to be there for my loved ones. Cuz they may be taken from me sooner than I think. Well. I'm gonna go talk to my mates. Later (Ap) 

Just tell me if there's anything I could improve on it or if there's anything that just plain needs fixed. Thanks guys.

Speaking from my experience, living in multiple countries, meeting multiple people on a daily basis, this would give somebody a creepy vibe.
What would make somebody listen to all of that and give a serious response? What way have you set up the interaction so that that would seem like a normal way to speak?
I think it's this kind of stuff that takes credibility away from conversational hypnosis.

I'm sorry to be so harsh but I felt that, because you didn't think it was worth trying out for yourself, it didn't mean much to you so you wouldn't take it personally.

sorry i forgot to put that in there. the girl im going to use this on is one of my best friends and my sister is going to play along with this too but the frame work is that i go up to my target and we get to talking about my sister then ill be like. ya my sister has been really depressed latlely. can you help me talk to her? then shell ask whats going on then i go into the pattern. keep in mind my target is one of my best friends.

like pinochio said above, this is really creepy man, "and one day he was gone" it sounds just like you've made it up...

if i knew how to do this, only way id use it is by saying something like "lets tell a made up story" and then using one of these

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

Well, I am not a master.

But, I see a lot of gesturing and pauses in your pattern.

Make no mistakes, while NLP does give you an extended hook time, the engaged target can easily divert it's attention to another stimulus nearby.

Like, in a bar, when you're running a pattern, another guy approaches your target, or a bar fight, or the start of a new, loud song.

NLP patterns should be designed with a short-to-medium length, minimizing the content while planting the thought and giving the target enough time to build on that, in her own head.

It should be small, but potent. Cut down all the comparatively drab details out of the story, keeping one line for the opening line, three for content and one for the closing line. Pause sufficiently after all the three stages, so that she may digest the information properly, before moving to the next stage.

Good luck.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Where to begin?

As the members above pointed out, your pattern comes across as creepy and weird. It's too contrived. All of it happens too quickly. There's no.... I don't know how to explain it; have you ever just felt.... like something was not quite right? As if there was a feeling inside of you, at first it started as a small nudge, and the more you thought about this feeling you begin to realize your pattern is subpar.

First off, careful with the self point and away point. Some people will pick up on this and it will come across as weird, manipulative, creepy, what have you. Judging from your writing, you're a beginning in NLP. That's entirely alright, and you must be aware that as a beginner you will make mistakes. The pointing is one of those things which has a high chance of going wrong until you learn to calibrate it. Are you sure it's wise to do this on one of your friends? You'll realize it's not as you think about it.

Second, 'him'? Why not 'this person' for positive, and 'that person' for negative?

Third, you talk like a guy. When trying to seduce a woman, you have to talk like a woman. Emotion. Explanation. Detail. Don't just say 'feel love', describe it. If possible, overlap the senses as well.

Fourth, it's more powerful if you use her own descriptions of the emotions rather than yours.

Finally, I'm not going to help you link pain to anything, and I'd advise all other members to do the same. One of the presuppositions of being a pua: leave her better off than you found her. If you're unable to follow that simple rule, you are wasting your time with pu and will only build more bitterness toward women.



Example of how I'd do it? Well, since you asked so nicely....

( This assumes you've already hooked her, have built some initial comfort, and you're in a relatively quiet location where you can chat. )

"You know, I keep trying not to... think about this.... and there's just something that keeps floating around my mind and.... well, it's not important. Never mind. Don't... think about this.... and yet, even as I try not to.... imagine this, I keep thinking....

well, have you ever been in love? This feels really good, doesn't it? It just feel so.... mmm.... and, well, what's it like for you? You can remember now a time you felt entirely in love with this person here... me, it always started off feeling like... like.... I don't know, how does this feeling of love start for you now? Right, it's like.... you have a slight warmth right.... here (touch her heart) and it just starts as a.... you feel a light at the tip of a finger, gently touching you.... and as time goes by, even as you listen to this person you care so much about talk.... more and more this feeling intensifies (begin to gently push harder, touching other fingers etc) and..... it's like the light gets stronger, as if there's a bright light penetrating deep inside of you.... warming you inside.... and this feeling now begins to.... it can even begin to move now, do you understand what I mean? With this person you care about, you can begin to feel this warming light....

I don't know, I keep trying not to... think about this. You don't have to... think about this. It's just that... one of my friends, you know Sarah, right? Oh, you don't.... cool girl, but anyway, Sarah told me how she suddenly fell in love without expecting to. Normally I find it difficult to understand deep emotions, and she started describing this feeling of love you feel as if it were.... warmth, light, something you can relate to this feeling now.... something you can understand this feeling. I don't know, I just keep... think about this.

Anyway, you were telling me about...?"

( I just wrote this up quickly, so it's far from perfect. Should give you a couple of ideas. )

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The future exists first in the mind, then in the will, then in reality.

k. thanks for all your help guys.

Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. Thesis gave some well intentioned advice but I think we need to back up a bit further.

If you're not already able to flirt with and pick up a woman while being yourself, then I wouldn't try and use possibly the most complex ideas for speaking to women.

Learn how to express yourself, and develop a life that you think makes you worth dating and then you'll be ready to use these advanced ways of directing conversation.

When I speak to a woman I am NEVER thinking about any sort of technique or language pattern. If I wanted to use some hypnotic language and that, it would only hinder me, because the interaction itself is what I want to be so magnetic/hypnotic, not the specifics of what I'm doing.

In SS it's common for them to say build curiosity, and the give a million ways to make them curious. What I do is shortcut all of that by walking over to a girl and telling her she's pretty (I don't think I've actually ever said "pretty").

Instead of using patterns to build connections I just chat to her - I'm naturally curious - and obviously we're going to connect on something. And whatever we don't connect on I can tease her or whatever (look, even a bit of MM in here).

My point is that your goal should be about simplifying, not in learning more. I don't know where I heard it first but I love this philosophy: Don't say something you can say in a sentence if you can say it with your eyes.
I think this applies in lots of ways. In general, just simplify. Don't run a pattern to get her curious, just tell her she's stunning. It achieves the same goal, only one of them is more honest.

There's a lot to be said for this direct shit, but only when it's honest. I'm not the kinda person to tell girls how I wanna fuck them after only just knowing them 5 minutes (unless I'm drunk on a good night) because that's not me being honest. The 2 are not synonymous.

And listen, my goal is not to say these methods don't have value. As you can see, the theory's behind SS and that are grand, for the most part. It's just how it's misapplied. I don't have the time, patience, or a weird enough group of friends to get away with that stuff. What I do is just more normalized.